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Show ALL Forums  > California  > Why don't women approach guys much?      Home login  
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 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 1
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Why don't women approach guys much?Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Call me crazy (waiting for the jokes on that one. LOL), but I'd really like to know why is it that women don't tend to make the first move/approach? I mean, I understand there's the typical answer of fear of rejection, etc. But it's just the same for men as it is women. Maybe it's just me, but I like to see confidence in a woman as well. Not to mention it's just as 'flattering' (and I don't really care for that word) to have a woman come up to a guy.

I typically don't like to generalize, because I know there's always exceptions and reasons for situations, but I'd really like to hear some comments on this topic. IDK, this is just my experience.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 2
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/2/2012 11:15:58 PM
I am the queen of useless conversation starting... I can start a convo about anything with anyone.... if my girl is want to meet someone when we are out... I get a convo started... the key is to make it look and be random.....

the last two cruises me and my girls went on.... the random convo ended up with us getting free drinks most of the cruise.... and two girls dated guys that were met on the cruises......

I think most don't do it because of a fear of rejection.... but.... if it is kept simple and basic.... there is rarely rejection...
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 3
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/3/2012 10:26:17 AM
I HAVE sent e-mails to men on here ... but it's my opinion that most old men my age are set in their ways and their ways include THEM being the aggressor ... so I'm guessing they look at my note, probably think something like, "cheap floozie" ... and don't even bother to answer ... because they're not here to actually meet a potential companion ... they're here to blither in the forums about politics they won't man up and DO anything about ... except complain ...

so, for the most part ... I don't waste my time any more ...

as for meeting men in person ... same thing ... they expect this demure smile then shyness ... ehhhh ... who has time for their ego-trip games ???

when I was younger, I played their stupid tango of flirting ... it was fun for a very long time ...

but that's just not who I'm am now ... I'm looking for an intelligent man who's examined his life and has come to his own conclusions about his philosophies rather than just tagging along, riding on the coat tails of what our ancestors believed ... someone who's secure enough in himself that he's not offended when a woman contacts him ...
 meksikali
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 4
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/3/2012 4:02:10 PM
Because it's the women's world we are living in.
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 5
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/3/2012 5:27:05 PM
Thanks for the replies.

ANd I agree with Steve. I have no problem showing interest, but I'm no puppy dog following it's master begging to go for a walk, to be pet, or to be fed. Like I said, many men I know like a woman with confidence just as much as women like men with confidence. It's a two way street. Not to mention showing interest, mutual interest at that, is very important; IMO.
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 6
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/4/2012 10:20:33 PM

this is why guys should get really good at yoga....if your flexable enough ,you wont need to be the whipping post for all the pretty pretty princesses
I'm more flexible than I look.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 7
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/5/2012 10:04:14 AM
No need. I'm confident at least one of many men will approach. And they do.

To quote the inimitable Dr. Phil, "so how's that been workin' for 'ya" (and for all the other gals who complain about what they've been "picking")?

Agreed with Rich that it's just the way of things, and let's face it, it's "easy" and allows those more "traditional" women to offload the risk of rejection. Of course the problem is, by just waiting for "offers", they're basically limiting their choices to whatever they always tend to "attract"!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 8
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/5/2012 12:42:43 PM
^^^^^In return for all that, we were supposed to enjoy some privileges. Once upon a time, at least. But they've changed the rules of the game. We're still supposed to do all the hard stuff, but the privileges are gone. Still trying to figure out just what's in all this for us men . . .
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 9
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/5/2012 4:11:03 PM
Geez, where did you guys ever get the idea that this was supposed to be an "equitable" system (starting with the "mechanical requirements" of "biology")?!! ;-p
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 10
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/6/2012 6:22:29 PM


[Why don't women approach guys much?]
No need. I'm confident at least one of many men will approach. And they do.

Well, I suppose that given the name of the site being so fish-related we can't be surprised that even in 2012 there are still women who perceive themselves as bait.
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 11
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:41:28 PM

I feel your pain mom2liv... I have contacted a few women here on the site.. close to my age of course.. and only the ones I felt there was some common ground.. no reply at all and thats ok, because Im not going to cry over it.
I just realize there are many people here with strange expectations for a dating site, Im 45, Im pretty sure the 20 to 35 yo bracket is out of my reach.. but my last gf was 26yo and that was lots of fun believe me, but we had nothing in common except for one thing and I dont think thats too hard to figure out.
I dont try to saturate the site by trying to contact every girl I see, I stay within my league so to speak.. and Ill just wait and see what happens:)
Same here. I've contacted several. ALthough I will say the majority were honestly just giving compliments without any alternative meaning. I've received more responses from those types of emails than those that I'd actually be interested in. And regarding the age thing; I'd be hard pressed to be interested in someone my own age. I prefer increasing my chances of not having game playing and immature crap, so with that I'll go with an older more mature woman that has some sense of independence. But, i'm sure they have some assumption that I'm only here to 'hook up' with a 'cougar' then be on my way. But if they want to assume, that's on them.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 12
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/8/2012 8:52:29 AM
OMG!... sorry but frankly, that sounds kinda depressing! Which makes me wonder how many other women here are actually like that, all just hanging around hoping and waiting for somebody else to make a move (and BTW, presumably it's gotta be just the "right" guy besides)?!!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 13
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/8/2012 10:46:55 AM
Plus he always has to make the first move... but too much, and he's a "player"!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 14
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/8/2012 5:13:30 PM

and if so these people are just immensely hard to please and really dont deserve anyone flawless or imperfect.


There's no law against being unrealistic. If a woman thinks she's amazing enough to land a guy like that, good luck. Wanting and getting are two different things.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 15
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/8/2012 8:50:57 PM
And even if guys expectations are ever "unrealistic", at least we're willing to put some effort into seeking it, instead of just waiting around for it to magically "happen"!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 16
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/10/2012 11:34:37 AM

Its tough to know what women are thinking and what they expect and most of the time it seems like its exactly the opposite of what men do or want.


Sometimes it does seem like that phrase from the poem, "ours not to reason why, ours but to do, and die." I'd like to believe that what we men do is appreciated, and that we eventually get something in return. I'd also like to think most women have a sense of fair play, but too often, I haven't seen that. I'm not jaded, but my eyes are open.

It would be nice to think there are women who would care about me for more than just fun. I don't want to feel like a praying mantis, thinking that after my partner's gotten what she wanted from me, I'm expendable. It gets harder to see women as kind, sweet, and loving, after you've had some of them show you the cold, cruel, calculating side they 'd have sworn they didn't have.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 17
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/10/2012 7:49:09 PM
Not to be rude, but frankly, do you expect a medal just for taking some initiative once in awhile.... or worse, you want some sort of "guarantee"? Or haven't you noticed just from reading here, that guys experience this kinda stuff all the time...?!

BTW, I used to believe in giving a polite "no thanks" note... but several very unkind "parting shots" cured me of that (and apparently there's a reason for the bit about "a woman scorned...")!
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 18
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:13:53 PM

Nope. Not saying I'm special. :) Just saying that if guys actually responded, that maybe it would encourage women to then speak up to the next man that catches her eye. I never said that men are the only ones guilty of this.

My point is, I have so far (to my memory) never gotten a reply back from a guy that I messaged. I don't send paragraphs, and neither do I say a boring old "hi" or the lackluster and pointless, "what's up." It just makes you sit back and not try anymore after a while!
I'm right there with you. I don't think it's so much guys v. girls as much as common courtesy isn't so common any more. Not too mention 'codependency' is on the rise. They don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Well, that's all I can think of anyway.
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 19
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/10/2012 9:33:39 PM

Even if it's to say "thanks for your email, but I'm not interested"? I don't like games or stringing people along, either. I belong to the grown-up world, personally. :) Interesting to see the perspectives.

If at first you don't succeed (or for the hundredth time, either)... lol


I agree. I prefer common decency. But that's how I view. Some would just prefer not to waste time as Steve mentioned. And that's ok too. The one's that I find annoying are the one's whose profiles say they are nice, or ok with meeting new friends, or just want to hang out and not have a relationship. Really?..then why not a reply? even one to say they aren't interested or cool with just being friends?

But, it's not like i lose sleep over it or anything.
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 20
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/10/2012 9:36:31 PM
ANd BTW, I would never consider a woman 'easy' or anything like that just because she took the time and showed some confidence in approaching me. If anything it's worth brownie points with me.

ALthough, I did have a drunk girl get all over me and ask me to take her home after coming up to me only 5-10 minutes prior. Um, no thanks, I'M not that easy.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 21
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/10/2012 9:51:03 PM

ALthough, I did have a drunk girl get all over me and ask me to take her home after coming up to me only 5-10 minutes prior. Um, no thanks, I'M not that easy.


Then you have to decide just HOW drunk the girl is. Where is the line between "She's feeling good and wants my company" and "She's absolutely gassed, and I'd feel like a weasel in the morning"? Maybe it depends on how pretty she is. I've missed out on a few sure things that way, but there are limits.
 Truly_Me
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 22
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 1/11/2012 7:58:11 PM
JS, I feel your pain. I also think ponygt hit the nail on the head when he said, "I don't think it's so much guys v. girls as much as common courtesy isn't so common any more."

I almost always reply to any mail I get. I try hard to practice what I preach...but that, unfortunately, doesn't seem to be universal--or even very common--among men or women. Just remember that respectful, honest men are out there. And I, for one, love being approached by women!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 23
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/5/2012 3:08:52 PM
Women approach men all the time. I was walking along the sidewalk the other day, with lots of people out, and every few seconds I was approached by at least one woman. Each time, she was walking the other direction.
 gunner4570
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 24
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:05:50 AM


Yep, they have their long detailed lists for their unicorn man:

He must simultaneously be a tough guy and a softy.....


OMG the man has it nailed square! Bravo!

Id love to be contacted by an attractive lady. The (2) times Ive been contacted, were by ladies that were ah...well over my age..well over..and had not been terribly concerned about their body weight in several decades. And I didnt ignore them..but simply told them I appreciated their interest, but were well out of my range of travel and thanked them very much. All true. No lies. Shy women ..Im not attracted to. Brassy fatties..nother story..but if a "normal" lady would contact me..Id be tickeled to death and would move heaven and earth to at least meet them.

Mark
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 25
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:22:59 PM
So can a woman have too much confidence? Can they be too secure in who they are? Seems to be the case most the time.
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