Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > California  > The problem with older people and long distance dating      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 2
The problem with older people and long distance datingPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Cam - You and I share many things in common.
Where we differ is in our concept of "dating."
When MY perfect match comes to see me, my guest room will be LOCKED.
Actually, that's being silly, there's no need to lock it. She has no business to ever be in that room, unless she needs a spare tube for one of my guitar amps.
My own room has a small bed, I bought that small bed for just this kind of visit.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 4
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/9/2012 5:05:10 PM
it's my opinion that your impression or concept of dating is NOT outdated ... I like to get to know the person I'm dating and what kind of person he is before we share a bed! or the carpet in front of the fireplace ... back seat of a car ... under a pine tree in the forest ... etc.

but everyone just has his/her own goals ...

I have a friend whose idea of courtship is, if she's not completely gag-worthy, if she's tall, has money and if she says yes, it's a go ... amazingly enough, this works for him! I've been single and picky all these years while he's been happily going along in a succession of romances ... he's ALWAYS in a relationship ... he seems happy that way!



I can't say he's wrong ... his way wouldn't work for ME ... but my way wouldn't work for him either!

as for long-distance romances, they wouldn't be for me either ... once I get to know someone well enough to be in a relationship, I love to be spontaneous ... and spend a lot of time together ... not just on the odd weekend ...
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 5
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/9/2012 9:48:36 PM
the long distance thing is hard. i was in one at one time. dated for a year, then lived together for 2 years. for some reason we clicked right away, mostly in retospect because he was driven to hop into a relationship from a bad marriage. now that i've been divorced for over 5 years, i feel no need to travel to be with some guy. it takes time, money and its tiring....lol. not doing it again.
 mountain1951
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 6
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/15/2012 6:44:47 PM
Uh...you say that NOW...but you never can tell from what direction or distance that Cupids arrow will come from...

In theory, we have more time in retirement to do the traveling...

But, roots, cost, time are factors when in that preliminary stage...

Yes, IF taken to the "live together" stage who lives where does need to be sorted out...but that's hardly a reason avoid (true) love even if it's not close...

Let your heart be your guide and listen to your inner voice...and please pass the popcorn while you're at it...!!!
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 7
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/15/2012 11:01:12 PM
The relocation part can be a deterrence for many so they never give something that might be right a chance for fear later it will turn into a permanent long distance relationship - neither wanting to move. Many fear the "waste" of time put into a long distance and it not working.

At our age many are grounded owning their homes, stable careers, and grown roots where they are. But many others are planning to uproot and can transfer the jobs.

I know it's not for everyone. mountain1951 gave something to think about.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/16/2012 11:39:35 AM
Agreed, the practical side of "long-distance" is a serious issue, but like Mountain mentioned, you never know where Cupid's arrow will come from. And seriously, especially if retired, would "distance" really deter you from finding a way to be with someone you thought was your "soulmate"?!

So just my own bias, but I tend to view the folks who are "particular" about "distance" as also probably being kinda "set in their ways" and "fixed" about a lot of other things too... which is always problematic for forming any relationship, near or far.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 9
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/16/2012 12:41:20 PM
I agree. Some are very set in their ways and it possibly would cause other issues down the road.

I own my home but selling and moving near my job for now (commute) and not buying again so I can be mobile. I'm one of the luckier not retired ones that can transfer her job when an opening comes. I may move somewhere else in or leave California - I don't know. Life changes and something or someone may change where and when I go. I do know I will make sure it's the right thing so pretty sure I'll still be where I am a year or two longer.

If someone is interesting to you and the only thing stopping you from seeing where it can go is distance I guess you are really set in your ways and that person may not be for you after all - if she or he isn't worth the time to find out.
 mountain1951
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 10
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 1:50:50 AM
Perhaps another way to look at it...if YOU consider distance a limiting factor, then perhaps YOU are NOT READY (or open to the possibilities)...

Before you can eat an apple you must reach for it...

The reality of relationships is that it takes TWO to make it, but only ONE to break it...

Boogie onward...(you can't boogie backwards)
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 11
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 9:54:28 AM
It has nothing to do with being set in your ways

Not everyone is in a financial position to do the long distance thing there are also time restraints. If one is retired or has a job which allows them to easily relocate then that's one thing but not everyone is in that position. One needs to be realistic and practical.

Years ago when I was young and idealistic I did the long distance thing once is enough for me
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 12
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 1:04:10 PM
Kal - Did anyone define what long distance IS ? OP said 200 miles, is that our standard? OK, 200 miles = 3 or 4 hours of driving. Is that too much?
What if I consider the hundreds of hours I spent typing out messages that got me nowhere? That same time expense could have put me together with my lover a hundred times, not a bad trade-off , wouldn't you say? Of course it's less costly, less damaging to sit on my butt and argue with my cat, who needs to get involved with humans anyway?
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 13
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 2:08:26 PM
With the cost of gas at almost $4/gal yep 200 miles too expensive and when I only have two days off a week don't want to spend it driving. Besides I live in the LA area 10 million people there has to be some good fishing here
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 14
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 2:21:16 PM
Lately I hear from men long distance and I have no problem except the ones that expect me to do all the traveling and come stay with them. I won't. I will meet half way unless I am going near them for another reason. Nor do I expect them to come all the way to meet me.

I won't stay in his house nor will bring a stranger to my home and put him up. 200 miles is not too far for a day trip. Half way only 100 miles to and from.

The economy puts off some and that is understandable. If you meet someone long distance it doesn't mean you have to immediately stop all other meets.

Even if it doesn't go anywhere you got out and saw a movie, had dinner, went to a museum etc with someone and had a nice time. You got to visit an area you may not have been to before. Even just emails you may learned something, had nice visits and maybe even make a good new friend.

I am not retired and won't be for many years but I can transfer and have plans to leave the area in a year or two.

I know I'm different then others. I am not defining my life by having a man and making plans no matter what but I'm not against a relationship either long distance or not.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 3:34:22 PM
...some good fishing here

Really?! Not to put too fine a point on it, but do you experience that a lot, even despite posting no picture or description of yourself (speaking of "set in one's ways")...?
 lar2564
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 16
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:28:50 PM
I did make a long distance work...I was married to her for 9 years. We meet in College in California, started dating, she left to Ohio and we kept together. It lasted 2 years and once we were married, she came home.

How tough was it? Extremely!!! You have to find ways to feel the void and you have to be a person that is very disciplined. My life I have been dedicated to several things...when I was playing high school football, I worked out 2 times a day, waking up around 430AM to workout. To become an eye doctor, I used to sleep sometimes 4 hours a night over and over and before big tests, sometimes just 2 years of sleep.

Point is I have a history of being disciplined and dedicated to many things. So I think that is why I could survive a long distance relationship. So I advise any person who would think about doing this if you have a history of the kind of discipline that it requires. And the answer is no, think it over twice to make sure you aren't wasting your time.
 lar2564
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 17
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:30:03 PM
also understand my situation was optimal...I was in my 20s so nothing was set and I knew her staying in Ohio was temporary...California was her home.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 18
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:30:09 AM
I've done the long distance and it wasn't the distance that killed it.

A problem is one party may communicate less then the other. No matter how much you have in common it doesn't allow it to go further - one may move on after a time.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:05:56 PM
unlike the past two men in my life who lived within 15 minutes away, i now am seeing a man who is an hour away. plus, there are very windy mountain roads between us which he can navigate with some concentration, but i cannot do well, due to my lymes. during the bad weather, it can get rough with the mudslides. somehow we have managed to make it work. he comes here weekends and i hop a bus across the mountains, where he can pick me up if needs be. this of course, requires a pet sitter on my end, and he'd rather hang out here if a choice. if during busy season, his hi tech job has him working all hours, i can then hop a train right to his hometown to eliminate his driving time.

this is difficult enough. i love where i live on a creek within walking distance to the ocean. so does he. so, thus far, we have to keep it a weekend relationship which works fine for now as my youngest has moved back home to go to local college.

on the one hand, i'd like it to be 24/7. on the other hand i can get my sh__ together during the week and look like a slob if i feel like it :). i also need time to simplify my life for any future, with him or w/o him.

when i met my husband in my 40's back east, we too had a commuter relationship for a year which crossed three states, but he also came home on weekends (3 nites) and rented a room for the week. it was much worse when we married and he'd travel for two weeks at a time. once a week is much better than on again off again, every few weeks.

NONETHeLESS as you get older, it is very hard to find "the one" and if you really are into each other, you figure out a way. now if it were west coast to east coast, then i'd need to be much younger to handle that one. but i probably would have, knowing me and eventually i would move or vice versa. it depends upon how important a relationship is to you. i've done my thing professionally. right now the relationship, plus my kid and my pets are my top priority. if needed, i could alternate as long as the pets can move back and forth with me. my kid would love it, if i were to leave her with the house all to herself now and then.

several couples on pof managed to surpass continents.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 21
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/20/2012 8:57:21 PM
I have had a successful long distance relationship. It ended 8 yrs ago and we are still close freinds.
we were about 5 hrs apart.
he worked 3 days a week and so did I.
he drove over and stayed with me..
or i took the bus part way and he picked me up.

in the beginning he drove here and stayed in a hotel.
the first time I went to his house I had the guest room.
we both had young children and teenagers around the same age .

Now...I dont own a home. so I can relocate,...and my kids are mostly grown.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 22
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/20/2012 9:02:54 PM
I know some are afraid of even trying. If you like someone and are doing well then hopefully you can meet up. If they meet someone before you get together then you wish them well. If they aren't seeing someone and you are in the area or mutually would like to meet up and see how you fit together then go for it.

Worse case is you become friends. And I don't see how that is bad either.

I'm not a serial dater. My profile is hidden and you can only see me if in the forum and go look. But life is about living and taking chances. Don't ever look back saying you should have.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 23
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/22/2012 11:01:49 AM
I was in a long-distance relationship from age 40 to age 44 (125 miles away). It was fun, fresh, and exciting for me, then, coming out of a long, unhappy marriage. Of course, things were less expensive, HE had the financial wherewithal to make it work....I did not.

I would find it tiring today, and wouldn't even consider it. I work too many hours at multiple jobs to support myself, and my eyesight and energy levels (for all that driving day and night), are not what they used to be.

And would I give up a career with two years to go before I could retire with a pension....on a "love goosechase?" HELL NO!
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 24
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/22/2012 2:00:26 PM
I don't know if my views are the norm, but I feel if the connection is there, distance can be overcome.

I was looking at a few profiles today and couldn't see one of the pictures (it was dark), so I clicked on it and it stated she was located in San Jose. "Okay, so she's really cute, I'll go back later and read the profile without interruption." (I like to read profile from start to finish, as I actually do enjoy reading them.)

About 20 minutes go by and I get a one line message from her saying, "Please don't message me, you're way too far, try in your own area."

I was stumped, confused and left wondering...
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 25
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/22/2012 2:12:38 PM
no harm in trying, seems looking for problems before they exist is a good indication of the type of person. Some folks like a bit more adventure than others, or have higher tolerance for stepping outside the box, some don't. No harm no foul. :) Just one more thing to either have in common or not.
 RoadThunder
Joined: 6/1/2011
Msg: 26
view profile
History
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/23/2012 7:58:13 PM
I was in a long distance realationship for 5 years about 1 hour and 2o minutes away. She had her own home and a nice job . I also had a nice home and a on and off construction job but it was hard to make a commitement to her cause she was attached to her home and I had established a home and had Family health care probems to be taken care of in my area. After 5 years the distance got to be too much for her.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 27
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/25/2012 12:31:32 PM
Sorry to hear that... :(
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 29
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 3/13/2012 11:09:20 AM
^ I agree 100%

If I found someone that I was really into and we've been communicating for a long while, I'd like to visit them. If the chemistry is right, I'd have no problem moving. My field of work can be done anywhere I have an internet connection.

(I'm a PC/Mac/Network Tech). I can pretty much set up shop anywhere. =)
Show ALL Forums  > California  > The problem with older people and long distance dating