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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 2
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It's only ugly if you don't know going in.
If you do.....
it's free sex with a hottie.

I suggest better recon
for better results.
:-P
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 3
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 1/9/2012 4:31:57 PM

It's only ugly if you don't know going in.
If you do.....
it's free sex with a hottie.


I agree. Only took one relationship for me to learn to go in with my eyes wide open and not dismiss what I see and know. Not that I make a habit of going out with somebody on the rebound,,,especially at my age. I have very little time for the fake crap anymore. When I was younger???? A different story.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 5
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 1/9/2012 5:57:23 PM
I can see it.

You explained it very well.

This is why it is suggested to LEAVE someone alone so that they can find themselves FIRST before looking to fill that void.

But then ... sadly ... some can't.

And this procedure has to take place.

It's nice that you know about it, and can accept it for what it's worth.

There really should be a special crew of men who can handle a situation like this.

 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 9
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 1/9/2012 7:51:30 PM
i've been on the giving & getting end. as long as both parties are honest, so what?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:19:17 PM
When you are over the intensity to fill the void.

when you are that way,
you try harder
and take chances(on someone) you normally wouldn't.

 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 17
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 3/2/2012 4:29:40 PM
"U Make It Entertaining"...........................you said "...first one to fill a void"....

.......was that pun intended?................
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 28
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History
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 3/5/2012 10:13:39 PM

Oh yes they do. They pine away for years and years, regretting how they lost me.
They try to recreate what we shared with another, lesser women but never recapture the sheer and total bliss that was uniquely me.
They'll try to creep back into my life, telling me how good it was with me, and how they wish to have it back. The memories are forever seared into their brains.

Sounds like you relish the idea that some guys in your past miss you more than you miss them.
Hopefully, you'll soon meet a battle hardened chap who takes your sorry ass for a ride if you know I mean.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 31
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 3/6/2012 7:32:24 AM
i always find out early on..about her recent past..it gives a good indication on how her present state of mind is..and if a quality relationship is in her near future.I would never knowingly get involved with anyone say 6 months from a breakup or less. I never want to be the rebound guy..because 99% of the time...it happens just like you said.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 36
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Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/2/2013 10:01:45 AM
(Msg 38) You are such a nitpicky twat. It was a good post..for men. Not some uptight nosey broad trying to but in area in which she has zero expertise.

What a bizarre post! I'm not sure which poster is being called a "nitpicky twat," but she must have posted more than a year ago and might have deleted her account.

(Msg 1) Have you been the dreaded rebound guy/gal. The first poor guy who strikes her interest after she recently (less then a year) ended a long term relationship or marriage. ... It's just a good chance that it will happen. How do you all feel about the subject?

I've been lucky (or astute?) enough to avoid relationship rebounds, except with widowers, but they are a different breed, so to speak. For me, it's been good to establish friendship with (compatible) men on the rebound. They are often willing to talk about their life history and emotions more than other men, which helps us bond emotionally. Eventually, they date someone, and someone after that, and so on. Meanwhile, I've got a great, lasting friendship.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 37
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/2/2013 10:05:54 AM
At my age I've had recent (and I mean recent) widowers contact me. I am not a grief counselor.
 rosewood_girl
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 38
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/4/2013 11:22:54 PM
Wow, recent widowers? I have seen men move on fairly quickly from their dead spouse, but I see women having more trouble moving on. I was talking to an older woman recently and she told me she was going on a date with a man and she was nervous cause she hasn't dated in a few years. Anways, back to topic at hand. Yeah, I can understand some women dating men just to feel comfort and not wanting to be alone. When they have feelings for their ex, if you guys do decide to part ways, it probably wouldn't bother her at all. But there is a double standard on this. Men do it too.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 39
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/5/2013 12:21:27 AM
Really, at this age (mid 40's) is there any way NOT to be a rebound person? Everyone seems to be just ending relationships, etc.

Yes, I have been. I found out over time just how hung up someone was over their ex, he felt like somehow she was better than he was, maybe better educated, had more stuff..and when he and I met up this was like fuel injection for him..he seemed to view it as somehow showing the world he "got something"...and an artist, too, what a prize. I guess it was just a well needed ego boost for him, but the talks about "Deborah" never really ended, he kept on talking about how she hurt him, on and on.

Although we enjoyed our brief time together (nice chemistry) I decided to end it.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 40
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/5/2013 12:31:51 AM
Really, at this age (mid 40's) is there any way NOT to be a rebound person? Everyone seems to be just ending relationships, etc.

Yes, I have been. I found out over time just how hung up someone was over their ex, he felt like somehow she was better than he was, maybe better educated, had more stuff..and when he and I met up this was like fuel injection for him..he seemed to view it as somehow showing the world he "got something"...and an artist, too, what a prize. I guess it was just a well needed ego boost for him, but the talks about "Deborah" never ended, he kept on talking about how she hurt him, dumped him, on and on. It felt like there was three of us in a relationship together.

Although we enjoyed our brief time together (nice chemistry) I decided to end it. For that and other fairly significant reasons.

I've also cut short situations in which it is evident I am an emotional bandaid for someone, or, in other cases, suddenly their best (but platonic) buddy who they want around because their hot girlfriend is intellectually vacant.

That one was bad. There's alot of ways people can employ you to be an emotional drainplug. Don't accept the job.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 41
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/5/2013 12:49:42 AM
Really, at this age (mid 40's) is there any way NOT to be a rebound person? Everyone seems to be just ending relationships, etc.

Yes, I have been. I found out over time just how hung up someone was over their ex, he felt like somehow she was better than he was, maybe better educated, had more stuff..and when he and I met up this was like fuel injection for him..he seemed to view it as somehow showing the world he "got something"...and an artist, too, what a prize. I guess it was just a well needed ego boost for him, but the talks about "Deborah" never ended, he kept on talking about how she hurt him, dumped him, on and on. It felt like there was three of us in a relationship together.

Although we enjoyed our brief time together (nice chemistry) I decided to end it. For that and other fairly significant reasons.

I've also cut short situations in which it is evident I am an emotional bandaid for someone, or, in other cases, suddenly their best (but platonic) buddy who they want around because their hot girlfriend is intellectually vacant.

That one was bad. There's alot of ways people can employ you to be an emotional drainplug. Don't accept the job.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 43
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/5/2013 11:46:35 AM
At my age I've had recent (and I mean recent) widowers contact me. I am not a grief counselor.

I used to say I was NOT a bereavement counselor, I agree w/ what u say!


Really, at this age (mid 40's) is there any way NOT to be a rebound person? Everyone seems to be just ending relationships, etc.

Yes, I have been. I found out over time just how hung up someone was over their ex, he felt like somehow she was better than he was, maybe better educated, had more stuff..and when he and I met up this was like fuel injection for him..he seemed to view it as somehow showing the world he "got something"...and an artist, too, what a prize. I guess it was just a well needed ego boost for him, but the talks about "Deborah" never really ended, he kept on talking about how she hurt him, on and on.

I've also cut short situations in which it is evident I am an emotional bandaid for someone, or, in other cases, suddenly their best (but platonic) buddy who they want around because their hot girlfriend is intellectually vacant.

That one was bad. There's alot of ways people can employ you to be an emotional drainplug. Don't accept the job.

Although we enjoyed our brief time together (nice chemistry) I decided to end it.

I experienced all of that & more Volcano...it sucked...one day, I woke up. You know what happens to a bandaid when the scab heals? It gets ripped off & THROWN IN THE TRASH!!!

I'll be honest, there are a few men out there that I would not be sad if I heard they were utterly miserable!
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 44
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/5/2013 12:15:08 PM
I REFUSE to be the rebound girlfriend dealing with requisite crazy-making behavior: "Now I want you/Now I don't." I think people are clinically insane for one year after their divorce (myself included).

Before meeting I ask:

"How long have you been divorced?"
"Have you had a serious girlfriend since your divorce?"
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 45
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/6/2013 4:32:19 AM

I think people are clinically insane for one year after their divorce


Ohhhhh, I don't think that. I'm a prime example. Close to 18 years split with my ex and I'm still as phucked up as the best of em!!!!!!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 46
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Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/6/2013 4:40:56 AM
I guess there are exceptions to every rule.

I had that "must have been divorced for at least a year" rule, too. So glad I bent it for my guy, who had only been divorced for two months, although separated for a year. He'd done a lot to work through his issues, and being clinically insane wasn't one of them.

He's still working through some stuff, and so am I, and I hope we always will be.

We've both come to believe that we'll never be perfect, and we don't have to be.

People are individuals. Pay attention to the one you're dating, not to some rigid rule.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 47
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/6/2013 6:04:40 AM

I guess there are exceptions to every rule.

I had that "must have been divorced for at least a year" rule, too. So glad I bent it for my guy, who had only been divorced for two months, although separated for a year. He'd done a lot to work through his issues, and being clinically insane wasn't one of them.

He's still working through some stuff, and so am I, and I hope we always will be.

We've both come to believe that we'll never be perfect, and we don't have to be.

People are individuals. Pay attention to the one you're dating, not to some rigid rule.

I agree w/ Lili
When my marriage ended it was so over 4 so many years, that my 1st relationship AFTER lasted 3 years, so no rebound there. I would have to say many of my post marriage dating experiences were almost as heinous as the marriage itself.
As a mature adult, I have to look at myself & see what ROLE I PLAYED in being "the rebound chick"...I recognize it now & don't think I'd put myself in that position ever again.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 48
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Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/6/2013 9:28:46 AM

I had that "must have been divorced for at least a year" rule, too. So glad I bent it for my guy, who had only been divorced for two months, although separated for a year. He'd done a lot to work through his issues, and being clinically insane wasn't one of them.


Im right there with you. I entered the dating pool a little too early. I wasnt really looking for anything serious. I might have even had vague thoughts of catting around.

But then I ran into Missy, who bent her rule just a bit to try me out. We are going on almost two years now and get along better than I ever have with anybody. She gave me credit for the work I had done, was still doing and helped me out with a few suggestions. She and I are alike in that when something bad happens we like to find out WHY...so we can try to avoid it in the future.

My ex..on the other hand, was boasting to me of being in love a little more than two months after the gavel fell.
Funny how her new BF announced a year later that he had accepted a job in TX, then was gone two weeks later.
I think he definitely held the title of Rebound guy.

Me? Im working at making sure Missy gets the man she deserves...;)
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 49
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/6/2013 10:01:19 AM
@LoneScottishBoy
Missy is one lucky girl, and you're one lucky guy. I've always had great respect for your thoughtful, mature, and right on advice in here. I wish you all the best!
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 50
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/6/2013 1:04:28 PM
I've been the rebound guy and it was great while it lasted. I only had to go on two dates with her and she was ready to get over her ex in a heartbeat. God bless her giving heart.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 51
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Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/8/2013 7:22:00 AM

its not nice but it happens to both sexes.


I agree 100%.


@missiceni-- Thank you! You just made my day! :)
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 52
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/10/2013 1:57:58 PM
Some of the people I know that have been on rebound had more than one person hanging around.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 53
Are you the dreaded rebound guy/gal?
Posted: 11/10/2013 3:55:45 PM
Great Advice. People often try erroneously to quickly replace a lost emotional tie with an immediate new one. It never works because you have not allowed yourself to be alone and heal from your previous situation.

let the depression and sadness come and have its time. Once it washes away and you adapt to stepping out in the dating game again you will come to new people with no baggage. Avoiding baggage is a big!!!!!!

Now if you want temporary ego boost then go for a quick sexual encounter. Just be clear with that individual that you are not interested in a serious relationship and want to just have fun.

As for being the temporary/rebound for someone, you have to be very wary of someone who enters your life suddenly showing heavy love interest too soon. That person is interested in a quick ego boost and wants you up under them to assure they've still go it. Their ex made them doubt their desirability...so you are there just to rebuild their confidence.

If it is a short term thing its all good. Just let that person know you are disinterested in something serious and be cautious of your own feelings.

The worse thing you can do is be all up in someone's face emotionally when you have not gotten a clear picture of their agenda with you.
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