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 TikiMan311
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 1
Need female advice on a situationPage 1 of 1    
I have posted in other threads among these forums and have received great feedback from members of this site. So I figured I would give it a shot again, asking females.

So here is how the story goes - recently, I commented on an old classmate's (I'm talking high school) facebook status. Keep in mind, I really didnt speak with this female throughout high school, at all. (I am now 4 years out of college!) The only reason I commented on her status was due to the fact that I could relate to it and well, she is really good looking.

Anyway, she sent me a message back saying that we should get together and hang out. Without hesitation, I agreed and she invited me to come to a house party (pajama themed) over the weekend. We spoke throughout the week via text kind of just breaking the ice before we actually got together. So over this past weekend, we go to the party and have a blast. I got along with all of her friends, played drinking games with them, and just had a great time. I really did not have any expectations that I would be asked to stay over and if I did, I certainly did not predict how the night would have ended. We ended up having sex - and I am talking hot sex for almost 2 hours. This is something I have NEVER done before (first date sex).

So next morning we wake up and kind of just stayed in bed and watched a movie and during the movie, she was resting her head on me. After the movie, she cooked a breakfast for us all from scratch. We went out for a cup of coffee afterwards and she held my hand as we were walking (probably funny to see a 5'0 woman with a 6'6 man). We planned on watching the hockey game at her place but when I asked her if she wanted to come to my house and watch , she agreed. Plans changed on the ride back to my house as my best friend invited us over; she had no problem with it. While we were watching the game, I had my arm around her and she was leaning on me, etc.

I know your probably reading this and thinking to yourself - "Are you an idiot? Of course she is in to you!" I obviously get that - but here is my question. Today we were talking and I figured it would be safe to ask her what she is looking for right now. She replied with she really doesnt know how to answer that right now. So she flips the question to me. I replied with: "I have been single for almost 6 months and I am looking for someone to date and spend time with and whatever happens, happens. I dont want to jump in to anything head-first either." She replied with: "I hear what your saying. I guess I kind of just go with the flow and see what happens. I def. dont jump in to anything either, I just see how it feels I guess."

Conversation continues and I asked her if she felt awkward or weird by me asking that and she replied: "not weird, but very different. no one has ever really asked me that before, or at least this soon? It is cool though and not a big deal - its good that your open."

So to all of the women out there that read this - did I f**k this up by asking this? I felt a really good connection with this woman and I wanted to just lay some cards out on the table. I figured since sex was already involved it would be appropriate to bring this up, if we didnt have sex, I would have NEVER asked this to her. I dont play games with people and I dont want people to play games with me.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 2
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:29:51 PM
I figured since sex was already involved it would be appropriate to bring this up, if we didnt have sex, I would have NEVER asked this to her.


If you're looking for a relationship, the time to lay the cards on the table is before you become intimate, not after.

I think you should have either asked the question before sex, or not asked it at all, and instead, treated it as casual sex. You probably confused her somewhat.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 3
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:35:21 PM

So to all of the women out there that read this - did I f**k this up by asking this?


Is she blowing you off?

I don't understand. If you haven't suffered any consequences of the questions...how could you have fvcked up?

You both agree to "see what happens". Why don't you do what you said you would do and let/see whatever happens, happens? "

Relax
 blewiis2
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 4
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:41:06 PM
I agree with Revilors..Relax!! Don't be so eager.
 goldenheart31
Joined: 11/20/2010
Msg: 5
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Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 9:05:44 PM
Yeah, if you're looking for a relationship, sex on the first date probably not the best way to go. That being said, you guys seem to be on relatively the same page, and you have suffered no ill consequences from the encounter. So chill buddy, don't let the pretty lady rattle you
 GoldinSFla
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 6
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Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 9:12:20 PM
Naw, I don't think you blew it. The only problem I have with that whole conversation is that it seems a tad disingenuous to try and claim that you don't want to jump into anything too soon when you already both jumped into something with both feet. But I guess I can understand it in a way. I think you both like each other alot, but are trying to play cool by acting like its a no big deal. "Like...you know..if something happens, great, if not, no big deal...whatever.."

Its obvious that neither of you actually feel like that. Something has already happened, you might not exactly be in love, but ya'll have bonded big time and are both afraid of getting hurt. But right now you guys seem to be getting along great, so just enjoy it and like some others have said relax. Try to have fun and continue to enjoy one another's company.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 7
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 9:26:40 PM
Get down to brass tacks...tell her you really had fun and appreciate the quick and easy sex and as long as it remains that way, you won't be sniffing any other girl's panties.

BUT -- If she decides to play games like "testing" your interest, or withholding sex to get special gifts like money, jewelry, transportation or meals, you will let her phone grow cold.

It's that simple.

If she jokes about aiming one of her best friends at you to see if you'll take the "bait", tell her you will not only take the bait, but call two of your mates over to give her a full pin cushion treatment.

Stop the second-guessing and stupid dog tricks.
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 8
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Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 9:49:13 PM
You had a thoughtful conversation with a woman to determine her feelings and expectations. There is no "guessing" with sincere, mature communication, so carry on with confidence.

Time spent together will determine if there is a potential relationship between the two of you. Go with the flow, is a great way to proceed!

Cheers!
MrsF
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 9
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:00:56 PM
i don't know sounds like you have a start to a relationship, but you have to become friends now. the sex part seems to be already worked out.
 Frau Chilliknickers
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 10
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:17:13 PM
Someone's got 'it' bad.
I feel a broken hearts thread coming on...
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:52:42 PM
I don't get the problem, you asked her a question that made perfect sense to ask considering what happened. Now the air is cleared, so see where it goes from here.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 12
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 3:04:57 AM
If this works out , great.
But you didn't fvck anything up that wouldn't normally end up fvcked up anyway.

But next time, if there is a next time, don't start pushing for a relationship only because you had some sex with the woman. Go with flow, with each other. Allow time to sort out horny and infatuation and attraction/attachment.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 13
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 3:32:23 AM
If the sex was that good you didn't F up. FOR NOW
Sex can get old if nothing else is there..3 months tops.

If it was just OK but you were fun, you may have f'up
If it was like making wub to her pillow you f'd up.

Stop worrying about what may or may not be with women/gals thinking to far in the future..most guys do F up doing that and never learn.

Young gals are not wanting a ball and chain around their necks so you need to bring a lot of fun and fabulous sex to the table, but still show you are a smart guy that is thinking more about YOUR future than Y'ALLS future.

Don't be so dayum easy. Don't use the L word.
Don't ask whats she is thinking, (did I do this right ect and get so clingy) , blah blah blah.

Right now you are a good time.
Enjoy it

One day it maybe more................... but it isn't JACK but sex right now.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 14
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 3:41:28 AM
I think all is well too. Relax.
 Former_Yamaha650_Rider
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 15
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 3:54:25 AM
Who knows? You'll have to wait and see.
 TikiMan311
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 16
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 6:10:55 AM
Thanks for all of the advice!

Sometimes I tend to overanalyze things - and there hasnt been any negative consequences of it. I dont think I was trying to "push" anything on her, just asking a simple and fair question.
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 17
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:01:58 AM
OP over the years I have learned that having sex on the first date does not always end the relationship, so don't buy into that. I think by asking the question you were telling her that just because you had sex the first night does not mean you are exclusive, but it is a good possibility. It sounds like she understood that, but if it comes up again you might want to clarify.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 18
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Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 2:18:07 PM
You wouldn't have messed it up by asking me that at all. Every woman will have a different answer to the question tho.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 19
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Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 2:42:14 PM
It seems to me what you did was show her you were interested enough to ask her what she was looking for. It's a nice way of putting it, especially so early on. I think she would have got that message.

She pretty much mirrored what you said so I would guess she isn' t put off but neither is she risking sounding more keen than you. The balance at the moment sounds about right as you are both still gauging where things could go and how each feels. It sounds pretty good to me!
 TikiMan311
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 20
Need female advice on a situation
Posted: 1/10/2012 6:54:12 PM
Awesome, I am glad to hear positive feedback. There are so many "rules and regulations" of dating - it is so f*ing annoying!

If you like someone - show it. A little hard to get from time-to-time is fun in the beginning, but I start to lose interest quick if a woman does that. As I said before, I dont play game with people and I cant stand it when women try to do it to me.

But, we are set to go out again this Friday for a nice little fancy dinner in downtown Philly :)
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