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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Misleading pics CAN work.........      Home login  
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 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Misleading pics CAN work.........Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
but isn;t your ex in like some desperate situation? I cannot recall what it was exatly but something bad........... ( that no one would accept- no one normal)
maybe when old pics meet desperate it can work... lol

But for me, it tended to just upset me. I met guys who were old, fat, unattractive AND broke !!! It just upset me when you think your going out to meet one person and you meet someone the opposite.
I got very good at reading profiles and pictures. fast.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 3
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Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/10/2012 1:11:00 PM
I'm kinda old fashioned... Honesty is a huge thing for me.

CAN misleading pics "work"? Yeah, I guess so. But not so much for me...
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/10/2012 1:34:39 PM
Ok tard... I recall now.
Good for him he does not mind being with a overweight woman... I myself do not like overweight men and could not "overlook" 40 pounds

My now husband looked exactly like his pics if not better. I met lots and lots of men prior to my husband from dating sites, most misrepresented.. looks and other things.

a few off the top of my head.. one said he was divorced and lived in a 4 bedroom house.. turned out he was not actually divorced, lived with his parents and... lol... his wife was 20 years younger than he was !!!
he asked me if I "liked his truck" good lord, I did not go to meet a truck.

Other one off the top of my head ( misrepresentations is the subject) when I met him had pure white hair and about 65.. said he was 40. Pic was over 10 years old, maybe 15
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 6
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/10/2012 1:46:07 PM
Some people can cheat, and get away with it, doesnt mean Id advocate others to follow suit!

So, 2 people met who were willing to overlook being fibbed to. Good for them. It is the exception on here, and not the rule...and I dont see that changing any time real soon.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 7
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/10/2012 6:10:20 PM
Just about anything can work. The question is does it work often enoguh compared to the number of losses from people it turns off to make it worthwhile.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/10/2012 6:27:06 PM
The only time I like a misleading pic is when the person is better looking in person.

I post uglier pics on purpose so people will be pleasantly surprised. Although it's possible that a person could be horrified that I'm not uglier and walk out on me.

Eh, whatever. That's fine too as long as the coffee's good.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 9
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/10/2012 7:03:45 PM

My exhusband is a very well adjusted middle aged man. And he was able to look past some extra weight.

And apparently he's willing to look past being lied to. Guess that works for some. **shrugs**

I post uglier pics on purpose so people will be pleasantly surprised. Although it's possible that a person could be horrified that I'm not uglier and walk out on me.

Exactly!!! Undersell ~ over-deliver.
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 10
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Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:29:28 PM
That's fine that it worked for your ex, but I've been burned enough times in the past that I won't stay on a date with a liar. If the person lies about what they look like right off the bat, I start wondering what else they have omitted.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 11
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/10/2012 10:03:50 PM
@ greeneyes: You posted some very attractive pictures. If that's underselling.........there are some very lucky POF men in the Utah/Idaho area.
I've met TOTALLY unrecognizeable folks before. Sure, have a coffee, listen to their pitch. Go home, confused, wondering why anyone ever would want to start a relationship with a lie.
 seasinblue
Joined: 7/2/2010
Msg: 13
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/11/2012 7:22:14 AM
It is the intent of the action which matters. Self-protecting lies are completely different than hurt or control-intending lies - user lies. The women feared dudes would never get to know her because she was fat. Like the balding guy wearing a hat photo!!! Surprise!

People judge others on dating sites very harshly. So, a guy may NEVER date women my age because they think they are all fat and ugly. Well, I am a size 0. When they meet me they are "wow". I also look about 30. So, I would be knocking over stereotypes if I "mislead" someone by a number (I didn't by the way!!). I look and act 30, but only those guys not controlled by stereotypes will know that ;)

You aren't lying if the "goods" being offered are better than the label stated. It is isn't a bad thing.

I don't care if a guy fibs to hide something he fears will bother me. I think that's sweet. If I find him attractive, I don't care if he has a fake tooth, smokes a little, has one leg or works at a dump. I will still like you. Because that kind of lie is there to protect oneself from another's meanness. It is different than a lie meant to hurt another person. BIG difference.

The old anecdote - A love-seeking rich person who pretends they are poor in order to find true love. Same thing. If you are wealthy you will lie because you don't want the gold-diggers who only want to hurt and use you. That's not lying, that's weeding out the poison ivy.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 14
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/11/2012 8:11:21 AM

I don't care if a guy fibs to hide something he fears will bother me.

Fabulous. I have a slew of age-liars that I'd be more than happy to send your way right here on POF. ***Maybe you and I can work out a deal so I can fill you in a little about the few I have met in person. You won't have a clue who they are otherwise because there were NO recognizable features (and I think it's important to note the one who uses his son's pictures ~ the son is 42. In hindsight, I suppose if you are meeting at night, in a movie theater, after a couple of Merlots, 65 may pass for 42. However a lunch date at PF Chang isn't good camo for a 20 year age lie and someone else's pics.)

I think that's sweet.

I don't even know what to say to that...I'm thinking.....

If I find him attractive, I don't care if he has a fake tooth, smokes a little, has one leg or works at a dump. I will still like you. Because that kind of lie is there to protect oneself from another's meanness. It is different than a lie meant to hurt another person. BIG difference.

We're all allowed our own "truths." If one is lying about fake teeth (and yes, I've met someone who did just that and I can assure you ~ the shock of seeing a 44 year old man who could and did take, his teeth out wasn't what made me cringe, it was the shock of being blindsided by dentures in the mouth of a man who professed "I have ALL my own teeth." in his profile, in texts and in voice phone calls. Maybe his "truth" should have been obvious to me, because he was so fixated on telling me this over and over, but ~ I just thought he was proud of his teeth. Should I have taken his "I paid for them, so they're mine!!" defense and go with it or wonder just what else he's been "protecting himself" from with more lies???

The old anecdote - A love-seeking rich person who pretends they are poor in order to find true love. Same thing. If you are wealthy you will lie because you don't want the gold-diggers who only want to hurt and use you. That's not lying, that's weeding out the poison ivy.

Ever hear the old adage: "Those who lie to others are also lying to their own self." ???

~OT~ I'm old enough to be a crabby old biitch about little things like bold-faced lies. Whether they are designed to get-a-foot-in-the-door, to entice others into having an affair (the proverbial, "Yeah, we still live in the same house, but we're separated." story.) or to "protect them-self" from their own truth. If someone feels that they need to "sell" them-self then that's what they should do. I just don't want them selling them-self to me.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 15
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/11/2012 8:23:34 AM
@ mustard nr. 13 OK....."cheating for a meeting" good call. I may steal that line from you. Mind? Still, you bring it down to semantics. OK, do you want to start cheating from the start? It's all deceit.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 17
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/12/2012 5:14:29 AM

I'm not sure it's a lie in the true sense of the word though


I'd certainly call it a lie. Any attempt to mislead or deceive is a lie in my mind. Fibs, exaggerations, little white lies, tall tales, lies of omission, it is all the same thing. An attempt to trick another person into believing something that isn't true.

Just be real, life is so much easier that way.
 seasinblue
Joined: 7/2/2010
Msg: 18
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/12/2012 7:06:39 AM
This is starting to sound parable like. Show me a person who has NEVER lied. Seriously. That is not rational and lying is part of our natural world.

All animals (even invertebrates) lie, some consciously some not (as in a sponge that looks like seaweed - lying so it doesn't get eaten). You have camouflage, you have scent deception, marking deception and as an example - angler fish using its lure to get another fish. Primate society is based on subterfuge. Life is chaotic and it is survival of the cleverest or best adapted. That is natural selection.

If you are looking for something that NEVER lies, maybe furniture. Although I've see "sturdy" chairs that had lied about their hidden crack. Even withholding information is lying. People are AFRAID of other people - because you can't trust most people. That's reality. People lie because they are keeping themselves safe and I do not begrudge anyone that.

Take a look at the profile reviews: never be negative, always be positive and perky. I have never met anyone like that in any species of animal. Look at all the angsty people on these forums. "Why don't people like me, blah, blah". The reviews tell them to be perky and positive. THAT'S TELLING THEM TO LIE. These people are not happy, they are angsty, low-confidence people with a touch of depression or desperation. HELLO, lying. And my favorite - get a better pic. As in - you look funky in these, try angles that deceive the viewer!?

How many times have a read - they "didn't look as good as the pic" forum. YES, because they were told to "lie" about their looks in the picture.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 19
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/12/2012 8:14:26 AM
I hope I didn't give you the impression that I don't ever lie. I am in agreement with you, that would be stupid. I also get that everyone else lies all the time, some more so than others.

My thing is trying not to lie but I don't hold others to my own standards for anything. Sometimes a lie is the right thing to say but that is pretty rare. I lie to my doctors or to the government if it's more convenient but I don't lie to the people in my life (generally).

I was just saying it is a lie. Own it and take responsibility for it rather than pretend it doesn't count. Of course we are selective in what information we put out on the internet, especially on a dating site of all places. These aren't testimonials they are advertisements. It's understood that we will all put our best foot forward and present ourselves in the best light possible. I wouldn't consider that a lie anymore than putting on some nice clothes for a first date would be a lie.

False advertising is a lie. It's the intent behind the thing that matters most, generally. The example the OP gave is clearly lying.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 21
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Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/12/2012 11:05:47 AM
It is one thing to weed through your pictures and post the ones you think look the best on your profile. It is even one sort of thing to try and debate some of the subjective terms like "average" and "athletic" on the profile settings. It is even one sort of thing to phrase your self-description in positive ways.

It seems to me to be something completely different to put a picture up that you KNOW is out of date and no longer representative of you just to get into someone's life. Just like it is something completely different in labeling yourself as "single" or "divorced" when you are not yet... Or if you put something into your profile that is patently untrue (like "I love sports..." or "nothing beats a good romantic comedy" when it just aint' so...) just to try and appeal to somebody in order to get them to become interested in you.

I had enough lying and deception in my (first) marriage. If you're not going to be honest with me, I don't really want to be with you. We are talking about real people's emotions and hearts your playing with...

Sorry, like I said above, honesty is a BIG thing for me.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 22
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/12/2012 5:12:12 PM
I guess anyone can "accept" anything they want. Your ex doesn't mind a little deception here and there,,,as long it turned out "good" for him????? Is that correct. What if it didn't,,,,ya know,,,,turn out so good???? Would you be here telling us how bad it is that people put up fake pics????(YOU better get ready,OP,,, some men are reading and now thinking of a few new ideas of how they could get a meeting with "you")

Honestly OP,,,you opened a whole can of worms with this kind of "thinking". I could do all kinds of things here to "get" to meet more people. All kindssssssss. And really, I'm smart enough you wouldn't know any better for a long long long time,,,,and really,,,they wouldn't be that "bad". But,,,,personally, I can't bring myself to do it. Something to do with personal pride, and the way I have decided to live my life.

I guess if ya gotta do what ya gotta do to get what ya want,,,well,,,get at er.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 24
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/12/2012 9:04:18 PM

A lot of people on here like to go pig out for free food and do not care if someone is over eight or match photos.


Coffees first. I'd buy anyone a coffee once.

Liars don't get invited out to dinner.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 25
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/13/2012 5:10:35 AM

I guess I'm just not as high strung as some folks on these forums. So, they don't look exactly like a pic. Big deal!


High strung???? Again,OP, the point of it all is being lost on ya. IF the only way or tactic you or anyone has on "meeting" people is to put a 10 year old pic up,,,well,,,that would be your problem. I would have to question,,,is THAT the only thing you are offering,,,,your 10 year old pic????? And have you to ask yourself,what "type" of man you are attracting with that 10 year old pic???? No????? Well,,,,,,maybe ya and others that like to do this "type" of thing should start.
 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 26
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/13/2012 8:46:40 AM

" ... I'm not sure it's a lie in the true sense of the word though. The pics are indeed THEM. Just older. I could post a baby pic of myself on my profile. It's ME, just not me today.

What I'm saying is, it's not a lie designed to intentionally hurt someone. It's basically just cheating to get to a meeting. ... "


Well, yes - that practice MAY quite well 'get to a meeting' ... the point, however, is what will HAPPEN at that meeting as a direct result of the fauxtofakery of the representational image. You know, 'Truth in Advertising', and all that ... ?

During my Corporate Incarnation, one of my tasks in the heady early days of 'Online Dating' involved scanning photos for people to place in their online advert. It was not at all unusual for men and women far beyond their School Days to bring in pictures of themselves in the Full Bloom of Youth when their current operational reality was that they weighed in at something just under the allowable weight limit for truck scales. They truly believed it wasn't a problem. Well, mate, it's not a problem for me, either, so long as you pay me for the scan and the disk. What your meet-up might say about the disparity is a separate bit of business.

If a person is either so (a) lazy or (b) deceitful as to be (c) unable or (d) unwilling to post a CURRENT image of oneself in their brief, then they leave much to be desired when their eventual Day of Disclosure (a/k/a 'Dies Irae') arrives as they meet-up for coffees. Oh, to be the proverbial fly on the wall at that time ...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 29
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/14/2012 6:49:41 AM


Walt, do you realize that in the grand scheme of things, a being a few pounds heavier than a pic is not that big a deal?


Poundage is not the point here. Looks are not the point here. It's the "act" that is the point here. What you are arguing/discussing is the scenario of "the ends jusitifies the means". Again,,,I could do a lot of "things" to "improve"(or should I say, "increase"???) my meetings with females. Do I do it???? No. Only because, it's the "type" of person I am.

Some people have no problem doing or accepting what you have told us. Some. Others,,,like me,,,do have a problem with it,,,and I don't accept it. Blame it on having to many experinces in the real world I guess. People are not really that hard to figure out,and once I find out about how they "get things"(whatever those "things" are) it DOES "expose" certain characteristics of that person,which "in the grand scheme of things",,,is kinda important to me. Others,,,,like you,,,,don't seem to mind. It's a personal choice,,,and with it,,,consequences.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 30
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/14/2012 8:22:00 AM
@mustard nr.43 Actually, I feel poundage is huge, Excuse the pun. Health issues are involved here. As middle aged males, most women we encounter are looking for long term live in relationships if not marriage. I'm constantly reminded of this. OK fine. Why should anyone (m/f) get involved with a person who is a potential healthcare time bomb?Speaking of misleading pix. I recently replied to a very attractive profile. Not person;profile. A very timely response followed. The poster responded with a photo of her "real" self. Not very impressive. Her message went on to describe me as a "shallow male pig" for only responding to physically attractive women. POF. Plenty Of Fraud?
 lookin4thatperson
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 31
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Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/16/2012 3:59:40 AM
yes that is true i have had that happen to me twice now!! first 1 i went on date second one i wasnt as nice to that sucks i have pic that is recent they should too.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 32
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/16/2012 8:25:43 AM
Hi elka, welcome to the forum!

I get that you and others don't see this issue as "lying" and I'm sure there are all sorts of rationalizations right down to "everyone else is doing it" but that changes absolutely nothing.

Your choice to present yourself to the world will have consequences when your date feels that they've been lied to. My weight fluctuates pretty severely from me looking fit to me having a beer belly that I give a name to...I miss "my little buddy":( If I start to gain back that weight, I'll update my profile; not because I put much value on physical traits and certainly not because I want to attract shallow women but simply due to the fact that it's important to me to be honest with people.

If my head got lopped off in an accident between the time I posted my profile pics and a first meet in person with someone who read it, I would want to make sure that I explained the change and why it wasn't updated. I would never invite a woman out and surprise her with my new headless status. That would be ridiculous.

Each time someone tries to defend these practices, I become more interested in using my webcam. How could anyone think it's a good idea to start any kind of relationship without trust?

I'm wondering if this is about people who feel so badly about themselves that they think that is the only way they could ever get a date? Sort of like playing the odds or something...if 75% just walk away, 20% get mad and cause a scene, then one in twenty might not mind and we can have our date? That can't be what people are thinking can it?
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 33
Misleading pics CAN work.........
Posted: 1/16/2012 9:03:09 PM
Don't get ahead of yourself there Mr. Burned. I was once told that only 20% of these profiles are truly genuine. In other most folks stretch the truth in one form or another. I have found this to be true. Most of women I have met admit to fudging a bit ie town, age,body type ( that's a biggie) . Seriously, the difference between a FL average and a MI average is amazing (both m/f). A couple of guys in my neighborhood also admit to little "white lies". Mine is 100% straight up true. Hence my low response ratio. LOL. Again POF, Plenty Of Fraud?
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