Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > paying for dinner      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 jim.lahey.
Joined: 1/5/2012
Msg: 1
paying for dinnerPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
My gf invited me out to her friend's birthday dinner, just wondering if I should pay for my gf's meal too. We've gone out for dinner 3 times in the past month, and I've paid for everything up to now. I don't want to be a cheap **stard, but I'm a college student and I can't afford to keep buying her meals that often.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 3
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 4:31:56 PM
Tell her you'd like to go, but you can't afford it.
 lovelikewinter
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 4
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 4:39:27 PM
My bf said to me our last date he would like me to get dinner and I said ok. He was straight forward and said it just like that. I didn't take offense and I knew he had taken me out to nice places, so it is very fair.
 jim.lahey.
Joined: 1/5/2012
Msg: 7
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 4:52:58 PM
It's her and a bunch of girls I think, but they're people I work with, so we all know each other...I already told her I'd go, maybe I'll ask her if she's sure she doesn't want it to be just with her and her friends
 janedoe16
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 8
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 5:11:03 PM
Haven't you wondered before this occassion why she didn't bother to offer paying the other times you went out.Instead she let you pay .If she is not ashamed of her inconsiderate behaviour towards your finances ,then if you really are interested in going just tell her your paying for yourself alone.
 Rokei57
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 9
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 5:18:20 PM
I've always said the one that invites does the paying.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 10
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 5:19:39 PM
You're in school, you can't be expected to pay for everything. She invited you, I'd ask her if it was her treat.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 5:22:15 PM
You can say you can't go as you can't spring for the dinner that week.
or
have some other handy excuse not to be able to make it.
add....that you would like to take her out another time.

good luck.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 12
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 5:23:59 PM
If she asks you, she should be paying. But talk to her--if she's unreasonable, cut your losses and run! Is she asking you out and paying some of the time? It doesn't have to be dinner for dinner, but she should be doing her share of inviting, planning, and paying. Don't feel that you have to make each date a dinner date, either; too expensive!
 Former_Yamaha650_Rider
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 16
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 6:22:54 PM
The person who invites you to dinner foots the bill.
 free_pizza
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 17
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 6:24:19 PM
Simple solution.

In a very caring tone, just ask if she can really afford to take you out to dinner and treat the friend for her birthday too. B/c you appreciate the invite but would be happy to sit it out if she doesn't have the money to cover it all. Then you'll have your answer (and some insight into her expectations and character).

Not game playing. Just a diplomatic way to handle the situation.

You are a young college student with what we quess are limited funds and she is probably in the same boat. Even if you were drenched in money, it would still be presumptuous for anyone to request your attendance at a friend's event with the expectation that you pay for it. Whatever the type of event (birthday, wedding, award cermony, etc), the invitee picks up the cost if they bring a guest.

p.s. doesn't mean that you can't buy the birthday girl a drink or dessert or something similar while you are there.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 18
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 7:03:08 PM
Just what we need, another thread about who pays for a date...
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 19
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 7:49:34 PM
She invited you so she pays, its as simple as that.
 Sportsfreak89
Joined: 12/28/2010
Msg: 20
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 8:38:12 PM
You should not have to pay for your date's entire dinner. The fact that you've even had to pay for the entire dinner once is kinda scary.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 21
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 11:04:52 PM
OP, Is this a new relationship you’re in? If it is I would just do what most people here said. Let her know you can’t afford it. If you have been together for a while, it’s time for a discussion and settle the issue once and for all so it doesn’t have to keep popping up.

I’d look into her in eyes and very charmingly tell her how you feel and ask her if you could go Dutch from now on. If she really cares about you she’ll understand and even feel bad for having been unfair and selfish.

illogicalove,
I enjoyed reading your experience.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 22
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/11/2012 11:39:58 PM
Of course you shouldn't have to pay for everything. I'm surprised a woman would let you pay for dinner three times in a row. The last date I went on, she and I would have had a tug o' war over the bill if I hadn't timed my grab to coincide with her taking a bite of food...lol

Her friends birthday is a terrible place to have this conversation though. If you can afford it, be sugar daddy one more time and then sit her down for a little talk after the fact. Going dutch is of course the fairest way to do things, period. Then you have the taking turns idea but sometimes cheap people will try to make "their turn" take out from McDonald's. If one person has a whole lot more money than the other, one gets dinner and the other can cover a generous tip.

Your problem is that you set the stage for this situation by trying to impress her up 'till now. You obviously have to address it since you can't afford to keep it up but this birthday dinner is not the place to do it.

I was in a similar situation once where my girlfriend brought me to a big family celebration. I had fun but when it came time to get the bill people tossed their cash into a pile and cleared out of the restaurant. I wanted to make sure the server was getting a good tip and wound up holding the bill only to find out several people skipped out without paying. I took it on the chin without saying anything to anyone. I also never went out to dinner with that family ever again.

Next time, don't let yourself get into this situation. Talk about it early on and either make sure you have some sort of plan to make things fair or take your cheap dates to cheap restaurants.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 23
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/12/2012 1:01:46 AM
Ok she invited you out to her friends birthday dinner? So that means she is paying.
She should pay for her meal as well as yours.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 24
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/12/2012 3:31:21 AM

Tell her you'd like to go, but you can't afford it.


^^^^^^^Exactly.

In this economy even non students can't afford dinner/whatever out all the time.

I am invited to do things with friends a lot.
Salsa lessons, beach trips ect
I can only do what I can do.

Tell her.

She may not be aware who invites is usually who is expected to pay.

If I couldn't cover your meal, I would not ask you to come unless I told you in advance.."I am doing this and if you can afford to come you are welcome to come with me as I can only cover my part"..
 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 25
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/12/2012 4:14:44 AM
Go to dinner, and be ready to pay. Before the day it happens, have a casual conversation with her about how you are happy so far, and that a lot of other women did things you didn't like, like never offering to pay for anything, and how it was nice that she's not like that and invited you to dinner. As soon as the message gets through, immediately change the subject to that you think it's great that she's already introducing you to her friends and that she thinks that highly of you.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 26
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/12/2012 4:25:23 AM
Don't be manipulative or play games. Just be upfront with her that although you enjoy her company, money is tight and that you cannot afford to take her out on a regular basis. Suggest some free alternatives that she might like.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 27
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/25/2012 8:28:27 AM
"Tell her you'd like to go, but you can't afford it. "

Agree
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 28
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/25/2012 8:41:22 AM

Tell her you'd like to go, but you can't afford it.


Unfortunately, you agreed to go. However, and do this soon, say you relooked at your finances you can't afford to go, unless she foots the bill.
If she gets upset about it, well, you know where the relationship is going.
 part deux
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 30
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/25/2012 2:05:02 PM
Just because the op can not afford to pay for multiple dinners in a row does not mean he is not " a nice man".
 ipiano
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 31
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/25/2012 2:23:54 PM
My rules for "who pays" generally work.

With one friend, and one friend only (because she's like my second mom) we rotate. One time I pay, the next time she pays, the third time we go dutch. Rinse and repeat. Of course, we have a long standing weekly lunch date now that I attend the same college at which she teaches, but still.

With everyone else, she/he who has the bright idea that we are going to dinner is the one who pays, or we go dutch. Most of my friends are also broke college students, so I feel the pain of the OP.

If he can afford dutch, but not her part, how about trying something like "I would love to go with you, but I can only afford my meal, can we go dutch on this one and then sometime in the near future I'll take you to a nice restaurant and foot the bill?" (Then, of course, start saving pennies and plan for a really super nice date)

If she is also a (starving) college student, I'm sure she will understand.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 32
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/25/2012 2:31:56 PM
Just because the op can not afford to pay for multiple dinners in a row does not mean he is not " a nice man".


Exactly. I think the msg 35 completely missed the point of the thread.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > paying for dinner