Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Starting New Relationships      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Catchthisfallingstar
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 1
Starting New RelationshipsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
These are just some thoughts I've been having with regard to dating at our age. I'm 55 and consider myself to be in "the wisdom years". Basically I now have more time to think (kids grown and out and now alone) and I've gone through much more "life". With this comes good and bad when it comes to starting a new relationship...in my opinion of course. I think we know what we don't want and sometimes target in on the negatives when we are on the first meeting A/K/A the interview. It's good that we know what we don't want but...do we know what we DO want? Also, we tend to wonder if this person will fit in to our daily life. Wouldn't it be better to ask ourselves if we are willing to make some changes to fit into the other person's life? It's easy to become set in our ways as we get older and I would like to hear what the rest of you wonderful wisdom year people think about this. Are our expectations realistic? I could go on and on about this subject but I'd really like to hear from some others and see what you think.
 Picelli
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 2
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/12/2012 9:34:25 PM
I've thought similar.

For the last, wow - 6 years, I have pretty much been single. I dated a gentleman for a little over a year, but, we didn't see each other often.

That being said - talk about stuck in my ways!! One of the big benefits of the single life is making your own decisions. What house do you want to buy? No compromise necessary. Do you want to sleep in? No one to remind you of the weekends to-do list. (well, except the dogs' demands) Not coming home till 10:15 PM - no one to call.

That being said, we're always learning and changing. Therefore, keep it simple. Try not to look too far in the future at the beginning. Just one date at a time. No expectations beyond one question, do I want another date with this person? As you get to know them better, then allow the additional analysis to creep in.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 3
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/13/2012 12:10:01 AM
this is a bit off topic but it was so comforting to read Landra's reply. my recent
ex bf is the first man. one exception he hasnt been a bachelor more than about 6 yrs.

OT: I agree with Landra in the two types of men. they will let you know pretty quickly if you ask the right questions.
so know what you want...marriage, co habitation, or a relationship where you keep your way of living without joining it with a man. (or woman..whichever )

know what compromisses you are willing to make.
I think that if I fall in love,..big if there,...that the level of my willingness to compromise will shoot pretty far up. I am willing to relocate,..compromise on pets. I think living in a large city would be a hugh compromise for me....so I would need to be head over heals. I am so used to a small town.
I wouldnt compromise on living with a smoker, but then I wouldnt go on a first meet with one.
you have me thinking of lots of things OP,...but its late..so good night.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/13/2012 2:02:41 AM
" It's good that we know what we don't want but...do we know what we DO want? Also, we tend to wonder if this person will fit in to our daily life. Wouldn't it be better to ask ourselves if we are willing to make some changes to fit into the other person's life? It's easy to become set in our ways as we get older "
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some are realistic, some are not, some are ready for this stage of life and some are not... it takes more than compatiblity.. more than love... more than having your shiit together too.
Are your finances in shape? how's your health? Will you or your new love be retiring early, near age 55 ? what do you want to do in your time left?
I feel it's much HARDER finding the right person at this age than when younger. There are the confirmed bachelors who even though mature men just want to use a woman for the comforts of a relationship with no real commitment, the guys who just want to marry to have a helper/ momma type woman for companiionship...
what are you looking for?
I recently married.............. found what I was looking for. I hoped to find not just someone to date but for someone to take care of me now ! someone with their shit togteher, totally... you know those kind of guys are rare, more rare you meet one when your also single, more rare they are attractive and healthy, so keep your life open for one like that... the rest I feel are not worth it.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/13/2012 10:45:16 AM
I think one should never become set in their ways. Staying open to new experiences is a good way to stay fit, fun and keep the sparks flying.
 ForumsCreeper
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/13/2012 4:27:48 PM
I have to agree with DameRight.
Also, if your not open to new experiences, your in a rut.

kailania- I see you can change your own tire, that makes you a keeper right off the bat.
 southernbabe03
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 7
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/13/2012 8:45:47 PM
yes, I have to say that I am liking the single life.
Don't get me wrong, I miss being in a relationship.
However, the older I get, the more I realize that I don't have to answer to a man.
I can sleep in when I am off.
I can walk around in my pajamas all day.
I can watch whatever I want to everyday and every night.
I can cook or not cook, eat or not eat.
I think I might just stay single!!!
I am liking the no one home but me and no one to ask me if I am coming home if I am at my mama's or friends house.
Yeah, me!!! LOL
 NonRushingDad
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 8
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/13/2012 10:14:48 PM
I truly believe the biggest issue for the past 45 set is the 'housing' issue. If you desire to be in a strong relationship, at some point the discussion of living together comes up. Then you realize most people at this point are settled in their domicile and that is a hard psychological boundary to get over as some people have paid off or have a home by this time.
 kissmeyoufool
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 9
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/15/2012 8:12:06 AM

I truly believe the biggest issue for the past 45 set is the 'housing' issue. If you desire to be in a strong relationship, at some point the discussion of living together comes up. Then you realize most people at this point are settled in their domicile and that is a hard psychological boundary to get over as some people have paid off or have a home by this time.

I'd take a wonderful man over my house any day. (And I LOVE my house!)
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 10
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/15/2012 9:45:14 AM
The interview...

Start there. The less you know up front the less you are to analyze. Look for the attractions. Physical of course.. Then have conversation. Most girls I know can have conversation with anyone. You are born talkers! Human nature is predisposed to stretching the truth so why ask questions. If the conversation is intriguing and is renewed after a few dates then maybe you can think about the rest. If he finds you equally intriguing he will be willing to accomodate you as well. On the surface, at our age, very rare will you find compromise at first date so don't even think it... If he is doing that then he is soft and will not fulfill you.. straight up!

That means you have to steer the conversation mostly but... It'll be easier and less analytical. :)
 GardenGal2008
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 11
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:43:30 PM
I do think there is love after 50 but the problem is that we have to be able to tell lust from love....
I do think we do get set in our ways as we get older .......yes but sometimes loneliness takes hold and we let our self get involved with someone that we hope is Mr or Ms wonderful ....and things go great for a while .......but sometimes its just lust and not love and the relationship seems great but if its not love but lust it will not last and then you start to realize that Mr or Ms is not so wonderful . And sometimes you meet someone and they seem great when really they are playing you because they just want either what you got or for you to take care of them because you have managed your money well and can support your self ..........and they just want you to take care of them ......so try not to confuse Love with Lust................do not just into any relationship .......if its really love you can take your time ......I do know life is short but ......you do not want to lose every thing.
 southernbabe03
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 12
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/18/2012 8:16:56 PM
I do love some things about being single.
I don't have to worry or even think about anyone else or what they need.
All of my life it has been about the other people in my life!
It had never been about me!
I think it is time for me to be pampered and even spoiled!
I have worked hard all my life and I still have plenty of work to do.
I do miss being in a relationship.
I miss the cuddling, kissing, touching, making love, etc.
I like sleeping in on my days off and no one calling me lazy or asking me when I am going to get up.
I came home from work today, took a nap, got up, showered and put on my pajamas at 6pm. Who cares? No one here to care! I like it.....
A good man, his love, loyalty, appreciation and repsect could make me want him though! Where are you?????
 libralaughing
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 13
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/18/2012 8:38:49 PM
In some ways, I've become set in my ways - but in others, I've found that as my life and circumstances changed, it required me to change. Now, do I want to marry again? I've met some men where the subject came up and apparently that is something they have on their minds - and it makes me want to run. Does that mean that I never want to marry again? Can't say, just at the time ... probably not. Same with living with someone. I've learned there's a difference between being lonely and alone, and as hard as it was initially, 'alone time' is something I savor. So, to answer catchthisfallingstar's question - what do I WANT? In all honesty I don't know yet, but I will when it bites me on the butt, so to speak.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 14
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:32:35 AM
I have found that it is best not to over think a new relationship, regardless of your age. Sometimes you know right away if a new relationship is going to work, but other times you have to let things develop at a natural/slower pace. I’ve done both (jumped in and eased in), and they have been different experiences, but for the most part I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made.

The only problem I see with not thinking things through early on is that you run the risk of putting your emotions out there for the wrong person, and then getting your heart broken. I suspect that we have all been there at one time or another in our lives.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/20/2012 1:28:53 PM
I can do this while in a relationship, what makes you think you can't?
 bronzcoco
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 16
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/20/2012 2:01:48 PM
I could not agree with southernbabe03 more. I would like to meet the right man for me, but until that day arrives, I will enjoy doing everything I want without having to consult with a partner.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 17
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/20/2012 3:35:22 PM
That's how I feel, too, Bronzcoco. I still have 'long-term' as a preference on my profile, but am making a very enjoyable and varied lifestyle as a single in the meantime.

For us older folks, successfully meshing our lifestyle with that of another is as important as being compatible with the person him/herself. In a way, it's a good thing we would be doing it now that we're older and (hopefully) wiser. It takes maturity and a 'big picture' overview to see all the elements for what they are, and to blend them and the two personalities into a happy, healthy lifestyle.
 Springlve
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 18
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/20/2012 4:11:48 PM
i agree with dameright one should never become set in their ways. stay open to new experiences and live in the moment thats where everything is.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 19
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 1/20/2012 5:21:11 PM
As my single years have gone on and on, the prospect of being in a relationship is becoming slimmer. I have girlfriends who have found someone and gotten married but I just haven't been fortunate enough to meet someone. I'd love to have a man in my life to do things with. I know what I want, but finding it is another thing. Good luck everyone!
 GardenGal2008
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 20
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 10/24/2012 7:04:50 AM
Well it would be nice to not become set in ones ways but I think as you get older that is what we tend to do.....you are more cautious and want to be safe so you are more careful and do not leave your self open to be taken advantage of.
 VenusandAdonis
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 21
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 10/24/2012 11:35:48 AM
Being an older single parent, of older children still at home.. I really opted to meet a single dad..and I often wondered how I would make room.
I have been asked about availability on meet ups. That's an issue, but, for the right person we would adapt.
Remember your baby no matter how you planned and dreamed, this new born, seemed like he/she always was.
The things we do for love, just bend naturally. We just grow on each other.
Not saying men are babies, lol, saying relationships move us in the right direction, the way we were meant to move together. (We may question the ’ what ifs’ less and less..)
Change, any good change is something we want.
Just has to be the right fit.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 10/24/2012 12:33:49 PM
I do know what I want, and have thought about it for some time. The real problem becomes "how much" of that want do I have, and to what degree am I willing to change or compromise to have that want fulfilled.

The real "do not" wants are pretty easy for me......No drug addicts, alcoholics, broke, or still wanting children, top my list, and right next to those will be the brain factor, and if one can not hold my attention, or be my equal, or close mentally, the physical part will not be able to sustain any kind of long term relationship.

I guess I am with Landra on this one, and those of us that have been single for a long time, seem to shy away from creating a new relationship that includes marriage, or somehow thinking that we should be together day in and day out. The other extreme exists with those that just seem to think that marriage is the only way to go, and take that same plunge over and over and over again, always thinking that the next time will be the right one.

Taking your time, feeling your way, and allowing those that have those things you want to get closer to you, while distancing yourself from those that have all those "do not" parts, seems to work. Unfortunately for far to many taking your time just looks to them, like you are non committal, and pushing them away, instead of working that much harder to find those that actually do match your "do's and don'ts"!!

cd
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 10/24/2012 12:35:59 PM
I love my life, and I found someone that loves his life, and we love the time we share together. We won't ever live together, and at this point in time I am really good with that. I like my freedom. That could change I guess, but right now... I don't see it.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 10/24/2012 1:08:59 PM
Southernbabe said it all, and this "Northernbabe" agrees!
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 25
Starting New Relationships
Posted: 10/24/2012 4:55:35 PM
It's good that we know what we don't want but...do we know what we DO want?


Yes, I do know what I want and I put that in my profile so that anyone reading it has a clear idea of what I am looking for. Marriage (not shacking up) with a church-going man is something I do want so I do not waste my time (or theirs) on men who are adamantly non-religious or who are anti-marriage and only want a sex toy, sugar mama or security blanket.

My must haves are simple...have your poop in a group emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially and be willing to go the distance...and I will pony up the same. Simple. With the right person, the rest can be worked out over a lifetime together.

As for the one who says getting a guy to give up his housing is a big issue, I have to disagree with you on that. Most of the men I have met online would have been thrilled to move into my house because they lived in a cr*p apartment or they were in the process of losing their home to foreclosure. If I ever do meet someone I'd want to marry and move in with, I'd suggest selling or renting out both homes and buying a house together that we can make our own.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Starting New Relationships