Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 2
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'm with my countryman on this one. Online dating is fantastic!

The club scene was the kiss of death for me. First of all, I don't look like Tom Cruise and wouldn't want to. Second of all, I don't dance and the single most horrific aspect was that my greatest gifts were rendered ineffective - intelligence and language skills.

"Hi"
"What"?
"Hello"
"Huh...what did you say"?
"Forget it".

Online dating gives me the opportunity to showcase my best assets. I've gotten almost all of my single friends into online dating over the years but it's a funny sort of thing. Some folks just don't get it.

I like to feel the wind the blowing over my teeth, I like to meet attractive women, I like to get out of the house and do stuff, I love coffee. I get a big kick out of getting to know women on distant continents or chatting with grandmas...it's a whole lot of fun. Hell, I even enjoy butting heads with people I disagree with, as long as it's done in a civil manner.

The nature of online dating gives me the freedom to be selective about who I date which is something that wasn't terribly common in the bar scene. That was more like, who is still around when the lights come on...lol

The friendly and flirty women in here do wonders for a guy's self-esteem. I suppose the opposite could also be true but I tend to get hassled by dudes more than anything.

I'm a huge fan of this medium. Maybe folks just need to relax a bit and try to enjoy life right now rather than stress out about what might happen tomorrow?
 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 3
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/14/2012 6:38:54 PM

" ... After being on this site for a while I started thinking about whether or not dating sites are good or bad for one's self esteem (as far as dating and meeting women go). ... "


Oh crap. Here we go with the mythos of the vaunted 'Self-Esteem' meme. This topic really is worn into the ground now, you know. 'Self-esteem' is an INTERNAL quality, not something imposed on, given by, or won as a prize as a result of having visited certain sites or particular people. The concept of 'Self-Esteem' has become inseparably intertwined with the concept of 'External Validation' (much like having a department store validate your parking chit once you've spent a ton of money for useless items). The concept then extends into the 'social networking' spiderweb, with additional 'validation' from Facebook, Twitter, and other equally ridiculous and marginally useful sites.

If sites such as this one have any value, it is strictly limited to providing a point of contact where people can meet, exchange information, interact, decide if, and, or when they choose to meet, and ultimately either stay together as a pair-bond couple or go their separate ways. 'Self-esteem' need not apply. Really ... that's such a load.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 4
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/15/2012 5:38:23 AM
@^^^^^^^perfect & others. Self esteem / Confidence comes from within. I personally feel it comes from a lot of early childhood experiences. Unlike some folks I don't feel there is some kind of textbook answer. Actually, I have a lot of it. I just choose not to deal with certain things from time to time. When necessary, it's there. Somewhere in my bag of tricks. Being on/off a dating site should be totally irrelevant. If it's an issue at all, most people could read a profile/forum post or 2 and walk away with a tremendous boost to their ego,confidence ,self esteem. Re: Myself and others getting lo/no response to e-mails; never bothers me. This is very impersonal. Granted, less impersonal if your involved in the forums. Locally, there are far fewer fish than ever before. Far fewer attractive and talented fish. I'm sending out FAR less messages; about 10/mo. I would say my response rate is about 1/20. People with something to offer are leaving MI. in hordes. That's a big issue. There are a lot more women on here than men. No question. I've heard crazy stories from women I've met not just one but many. Who could let this kind of situation put a chink in their armour? Like meow states, " just starting to take this a little seriously". Actually, the forum overall has been pretty fun and with a few exceptions I've met some pretty good people. As much as we disagree, my two above counterparts from north of the border have made me chuckle more than once. Bruising anyone's self esteem; not hardly.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 5
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/15/2012 8:59:45 AM
@ nr. 16 Manipulation and pseudo confidence is for the business world. Not the dating world. That might be one of the problems here. Incidently, love that user name. Do you know the story of Anasthasia the missing Russian Czarina? Oh, I might add: Leaving the business world and all the silly BS associated with it is such a blessing. Maybe one day we'll all say the same about the dating world........
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 6
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/15/2012 9:28:31 AM
@ nr. 18 Fascinating. A good story. But you know, her body was exhumed in Siberia in the early 90's when DNA testing proved her to be the youngest daughter of Nikolas and Alexandra(my daughter's name). Sorry, I veered. Quick hide!!! Here come the thought police. Speaking of Russia.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 7
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:58:42 AM

Equating one's dating life like some type of system of manipulating women into "some kind of deal" seems odd to me.


It's a Ferengi thing.

(Star Trek humour...now that is how you get the ladies fellas!)
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/15/2012 11:37:06 AM
These sites can be a little rough on a guy's self-esteem because we get rejected more than the women do since we have to do the pursuing the majority of the time. Would I like to get a response back when I sent a thoughtful reply to a lady? Yes, but I can understand why some don't send one since the rude guys ruined it for the rest of us. Especially the nuts who send insulting messages when she doesn't answer him right away.

I think a lot of times it is because the woman just doesn't want to hurt the guy's feelings, so she doesn't answer the message. I know there have been times when I've done the same thing.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 11
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/17/2012 4:06:42 AM
^^^If imaginary, animated stuffed animals actually did have sex...

Who do you think would get more action, Eeyore or Tigger?

Be a Tigger.
 Kasp21224
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 12
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/19/2012 2:34:22 PM
I would have to say sites like this can have a negative psychological effect because aside from the lack of response online, you are constantly meeting random people that you most likely have nothing in common with for dates and at some point the whole process just begins to seem like a joke...especially if you don't particularly enjoy making small talk at sports bars with strangers that you will never see again
 goofball4you
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/20/2012 11:57:44 AM
I must admit I do much better in the real world than on this site. It's confusing to me...
 djottawa
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/26/2012 8:40:50 PM
"People reject over absolutely Seinfeldian nitpicks; and when they do, they're totally rude about it, too."

So true...
 interintwined
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 16
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 1/27/2012 9:10:47 AM
What kinda girls do you find yourself writing? Are the same type/age/weight/height online dating perksa are: find out their true personaa in 5 minutes to 5 months (big plus): see if their interests match yours (big plus) I think ur writing the same types of girls maybe switch it up?
 zuythemanfrog
Joined: 6/2/2011
Msg: 17
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:35:38 PM

Depending on your personality, it can affect your self-esteem. Personally, the lack of responses results in less motivation to do what women frequently request on their profiles: writing personalized, thought-out replies. When you go 0/20 or more, after a while, you don't want to spend 5-15 minutes or more on a message.


I totally agree. Why should I write a message that is the equivalent of "War and Peace" to every single woman I contact when I know that <1% will respond in any way? It's an utter waste of time, especially when most women think Brad Pitt is going to fall out of the sky and declare his love for her? There's a LOT of unrealistic expectations in dating nowadays on both sides of the gender isle. If a woman is interested, she can put in some effort and meet me part way.

BTW, I do get kind of depressed when on this site due to the lack of replies. Although meeting women IRL as been just as problematic for me. So it just winds up being a way to waste time. At least I'm not paying for being on here like most other sites.
 ticka
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 2/4/2012 9:36:03 AM
if she doesn't take the time to at least respond with 'not interested' then she's either got a ton of messages, or she's just shallow and needs to learn some empathy... to put herself in your shoes and actually have some compasion... don't worry.... there are as many guys who don't respond on this site then there are women...
 BouncyBall
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 3/7/2012 12:06:18 PM
It's a mixed bag isn't it, there are times when I get so many no replies or Unread Deleted messages that it can't help but get you down. In my line of work it's impossible to meet anyone, my social circle doesn't help so that leaves clubs and online. Clubs are increasingly tiresome, in my early 20's it was great, now I just want to meet someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them and the constant rejection on here gets a little tough. Its all up's and downs though and hopefully I'll find someone eventually.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 3/8/2012 7:05:56 AM
omr615, I know this isn't profile review, but I found the black and white picture where you colorized yourself to be most effective. May have to try doing that myself.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 3/8/2012 8:56:12 AM

Red, anyone that has to knock you in their first message to you should probably take a good look in the mirror.


Agree.


I agree though, she probably thought I was out of her league so her approach was going to be to be nasty to me (beacause noooo one's nasty to me) and hope I had a different reaction.


Maybe she was negging?
 JustSomeFriendlyAdvice
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 36
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 3/10/2012 4:21:38 PM
For what it's worth, I've gotten more positive responses when I created this profile, which was intended to blow off steam after some bad online experiences. Go figure.

Personally I feel these sites make it harder to find dates. I've read plenty of fishy profiles that looked more like applications for a Secret Service gig than a potential date. (My rants are on my profile, by the way). By the time I'm done reading them, I wonder if I'll ever be handsome, rich, or confident enough for anyone, so for my mental health, I quit trying.

Like others have mentioned, I've met better people through other online websites like Yahoo Games. I've yet to score a date from this site. I guess it all comes down to expectations, and most expect too much.
 dannynightman
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 37
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 3/13/2012 10:55:10 PM
you know there are still good guys and i feel most of the women on here are looking for cash how much you make what you drive they all say they want honest men but is that really true i dont know when you are honest and say you dont make much its bye bye you feel like you are a grocery list that you just check off
 Bezoar
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 38
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 12/21/2012 12:15:39 AM
the issues of online 'dating" is that well it sucks.

its pointless drivel. instead of having the fun of seeing the womans reaction wen you go up and introduce yourself, you either get that wonderful no reply or F off reply.

but we can agree you cant get maced, tazed, shot, or kicked over the internet.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 39
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 6/27/2015 9:25:31 AM
I think the problem arises when one approaches OLD like they do real life interactions.

When you see an attractive woman in real life do you approach her as a prospective SO?

Would you normally approach a woman IRL who physically appears out of your league and expect positive results, but continually message women online who appear that way as well and expect any different?

OLD is window shopping first and foremost imo. If you can get past that first hurdle you may have a chance. But if the physical part isn't there you could have the directions to the fountain of youth in your message and it will go undiscovered.

Forget the self esteem aspect, develope a thick skin, send your message and forget about it. If you get a response and it's not what you were hoping for...forget about it. How long do you dwell on the fact you nodded your head and said hello to a woman in passing and she did'nt acknowledge you? Same thing here.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 40
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 7/1/2015 11:37:10 PM
KSNewbie- I am familiar with this feeling from when I first ventured into online dating.
This told me I was not ready yet, so I backed off.
Remember, these are COMPLETE strangers to you, only continue with online dating when this does not bother you.
It will happen, a lot.
It is NOT you, this is the downside of online dating.
Keep your head up and believe in yourself, don't give a stranger the power to doubt yourself.
Be genuine and true to yourself, if this doesn't not serve you online it surely will IRL.
Good Luck. :)
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 41
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 7/2/2015 4:46:44 AM

Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?

Its bad for both genders. The disparity of e-mail receipts between the genders causes two things. For men, it yields a reduction in self esteem causing them to take dates with women a few steps below their FMV only to be disappointed at the actual meet. For women, it feeds and distorts their FMV self perception causing them to go for men way out of their league, only to be disappointed when the man is an equal or slightly above their FMV. There was a survey done on Match where women indicated that 80% of the male population was below average in looks which proves this point.

If men should not judge all women on their past exps with women should not women not judge their exps with men based on their past exps?

Past behavior is your best predictor for future behavior. Goes for both genders. Only a fool would ignore it.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 42
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 7/7/2015 2:17:01 AM
It's bad if you have no self-esteem. Otherwise, who the fck cares?
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 7/7/2015 5:27:50 PM
Perhaps my opinion will change but for the interim I'm going to place my mark in the good for my self esteem column. I explain: A couple weeks ago I inadvertently placed an image in the public. Within a couple days I had a dozen "meet me's". Now I'm not so foolish to not realize I was being responded to appearing to be fresh fish. However, since the majority of the women expressing interest were responding solely to an image and not the actual written profile I good naturedly take it as flattering. Not getting that, admittedly, shallow attention for the majority of a three decade marriage ...

Now on the other hand: recently spent 4 1/2 hours talking to my attractive, engaging, row mate during the middle leg of a flight to the east coast. This lovely woman could have slept, read, listened to device, blown me off, etc., at any time. Instead, we talked. And talked. And talked. That was more empowering for my haggard self esteem than all of the above (none of which felt sufficiently moved to pen an actual greeting). She was married and not my type; but so darn close. Close enough that under other circumstances ... ??

Anyway, I have had sufficient interactions on PoF to know that I'm not the schmuck son's mom considered me. hence, my check mark in the positive column.

TK
[still smiling a week later!]
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?