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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why is it so hard for single moms to date?      Home login  
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 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 6
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Is it best suited for a single father to date women without children?


Maybe for you, it will be.

I wouldnt say this is all entirely due to being a "single mom" ..perhaps you are being told theres just not enough time and they are busy because its a nice way of letting you know they arent totally interested in pursuing anything? Dont mean to sound harsh. I usually date single fathers because we both know we dont put a rush on the dating thing and arent impatient about it. Its actually a plus, because it enables each of us to get to know each other better before going out and dating.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 10
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/26/2012 7:40:25 PM

I totally understand that moms are busy with the kids, work and school or etc. I feel that some single moms care about everything else and everybody else but don't take the time to do for themselves sometimes.
I'd agree with this.


I'm just trying to understand why doesn't single moms give some attention to a man that they have lead on that they are interested and why do they feel that its ok to keep themselves open to other options?

Um... so you've been lead on by someone that told you they were interested in you, but won't become exclusive with you for some reason? And that translates to ALL single moms doing that? Hmmm... interesting. Oh.. also, some people are pr*cks.


Is it best suited for a single father to date women without children?

It is best suited for someone with patience and understanding to date a single parent. Of either gender.

My ex questioned why he wasn't the centre of my universe after the spawn were born. I had no answer for him, except thought he was a selfish pr*ck to think his needs as an adult trumped the needs of children under the age of 5. He's still a selfish pr*ck, but we are no longer married.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 15
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:51:37 AM

Message 28: Why do you feel the need to bash single mums when you have no children or should I say state on your profile you don't. I personally don't see the need for it.


He's a pot stirer. He's been repremanded for it before. He feeds off the ones who reply. Let it go. He was once bitten by a single mom and posted her picture as if to prove some point. This is just his way of venting.
 Siks6
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 17
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:59:26 PM

Your attitude sucks and unemployment will not last forever. The baby's father is not paying child support according to you. I can see welfare in your future girl with the way our economy is. Grow up!



All I need to know is that you are a single mom, unemployed due to a layoff, supporting a kid on your own thinking that you are above it all. Again your attitude sucks and will hurt your chances for gainfull employment.


And yet she can still afford to smoke and buy alcohol. :roll:
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 18
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/17/2014 8:42:33 AM
People like who they like. As has been stated a million times, since the beginning of time, "Attraction is not a choice." Nobody has been able to pin down exactly why we are attracted to some people, and not others, even though a helluva' lot of people have tried.

My point is............regardless of whether you are a parent or not, you might just very well develop an attraction for a person who is a parent. It's damned difficult enough out here to meet someone that you are attracted to, and are compatible with (especially once you're out of your 20's). It is DAMNED difficult to meet someone and plug into and accept the life choices that they have already made (and vice versa), and that is not even mentioning the emotional scars, walls, and barbed wire barriers that a lot of parents and/or divorcees have. I just wish that single parents (especially women), were better able to clearly and directly articulate the demands on their time and exactly what they are receptive to (in a dating sense).

I work two full-time jobs AND I am a pretty aloof type, so while I am low-maintenance and do not want to see or even talk to a woman "everyday". If I like the woman and we have gotten to know each other over time, I would want a "real deal" relationship. She may be thinking to herself, "After EVERYTHING I need to do as a parent, employee, head of household, etc., I ONLY have 7 hours of 'free' time per week available for dating purposes/"ME" time. Thing is.................What if.................after my 2 jobs and everything else that I need to do, I only have 5 hours per week for dating and/or "ME" time?

She's thinking to herself................"I only have 7 hours. I do not have the time for dating that could turn into a 'relationship'."

I only have 5 hours.

Here is the thing.............................."What if that 5 hours is enough for me? Enough for us? It doesn't mean that it will always be 5 hours. I am not going to work 2 jobs forever AND her child(ren) will NOT need her 24/7 forever. I would imagine that after about age 15, MOST children would rather NOT see you all that often. From what I overhear from co-workers, the average teen considers their parents little more than a walking ATM machine. Obviously not typing that, after 15 children are left to their own devices, I am just typing that they most likely 'need'/want less of your time than a 5 year-old or an 8 year-old.

If I like you. If you are a great listener. I am perfectly fine to see you once a week and talk on the phone 3 or 4 times per week. I do not want anything more. And, again, if I like you and you are a great listener, I am with you. You are with me. And I would not be looking to date anyone else, because I am realistic enough to know (at age 45), how extremely rare it is, to have all the planets (attraction, chemistry, compatibility, emotional availability, and timing) line up, JUST RIGHT. I say it's the equivalent of hitting the Lotto. In my opinion, the odds are that rare, so, the way I see it, you have to cherish, guard, and value that 3, 4, 5, whatever hours.

My .02
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 19
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/27/2014 9:36:40 PM
The difficulty for single parents to date is pretty much the same difficulty people who are 'married' to their jobs have - meaning, they don't ALLOW themselves enough time to do it.

I think a key aspect in opening up one's social life is to keep time allotted for it, no matter what. Even if you don't get dates or have friends who want to go out partying, it's still a good idea to 'lock' some dating time into your weekly calendar. It's no different than planning time to be coaching the kids' little league team or grocery shopping or anything else. You've got to purposely set aside a few hours as 'date' time so that you actually HAVE date time when you need it.

Think about going to the gym to lose weight - most of the 'battle' isn't about what you do to exercise, it's about getting yer lazy azz IN THE GYM to do something. More than half the battle is just showing up. Once you get to the gym, you'll start finding things to do - maybe not the best workout you could possibly do, but at least you're moving more than you would be at home watching TV. Dating isn't much different.
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 20
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/1/2014 9:36:22 PM
It's not hard to date.. when we meet someone who is worth it.

If the person is worth it, that means they understand any time constraints you might have.

I have the opposite problem.. I meet men, who are often child-free.. and have no time to date. I really don't get it.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 21
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/9/2014 11:08:25 AM
OMG,single mothers date like crazy...the government makes sure they are living well,and they are all about having fun,having men show them a good time,usually when a woman writes my children comes first,that is code for,out to have a great time!
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 22
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/9/2014 4:38:24 PM
wow.. You are kidding right??

Love love the stero type that runs rampant in here..

The few yell the loudest. The majority of us hold decent jobs, have decent education, good morals and are really good parents. All of that and a lot of us did it despite not having help from the father. Just because you pick the "losers" of the group does not mean that is representative of all of us. Plus.. Working single moms who put the kids first get a lot flack for not being available at a guy beckoning call. So really.. pick a problem.

Or how about judge not lest ye be judged. I'm sure all those who judge are perfect in every way..
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 23
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/11/2014 11:45:28 AM
I just assumed it meant they weren't really into me. I have a lot of things going on besides being a momma too. Always have. But when I liked a guy, there was always time in my schedule for him. idk. just offered it for comparison.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 24
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/11/2014 3:20:05 PM
I find people's opinions on how the opposite sex handles their free time has a lot to do with their OWN objectivity about how much 'free time' SHOULD be available -- and it's always going to vary somewhat from person to person. Pretty much along the same lines of when 'exclusivity' or commitment happens - it's a dynamic timetable to be sure. The rough part is realizing how it affects the other person, and sometimes (due to ignorance or lack of communication) you just NEVER know.

Making time for someONE is what matters in the long run. Making time for dating in general is just good practice.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 25
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 7/7/2014 10:46:28 AM
most really cant work,and really cost society a lot of money....as a society,we need to start limiting the endless handouts we are giving these women,it takes two parents to bring up a child
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 26
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 7/8/2014 8:54:40 PM
Making time for someONE is what matters in the long run. Making time for dating in general is just good practice.

that's basically what I meant. I like it when guys have hobbies and interests of their own that they pursue. But if there isn't a fwe hours a few times a week to date, then either A. he's not really interested in me. B. he shouldn't be trying to date.


most really cant work,and really cost society a lot of money....as a society,we need to start limiting the endless handouts we are giving these women,it takes two parents to bring up a child

That's a misnomer. Most work. in 2013 2/3s of single moms were employed. Of those who aren't 25% are on unemployment. Most would work more if they were able. Most do whatever they can to make ends meet. It's hardly our fault that we are paid 78 cents per dollar for the same position as men. It's hardly our fault that the father walked away from his child which makes it nearly impossible for some to work full time. It's not our fault that the father chooses to not help financially. Most of us are doing whatever we can to feed cloth and provide adequate shelter. Child care costs have increased astronomically, anywhere from 25-50% of your income. Add that to housing costs which is often half or more of a single parents income. And there isn't much left to eat off of. Even if you have family watching your children while you work. You're still struggling to make ends meet after rent and other necessities.

As a society we need to stop the epidemic of deadbeat parents. Ya know.. a child is better of with 2 active parents (barring extreme circumstances of course), a child has more opportunity available to them with 2 active parents and each parent has more ability to work or better themselves with education.

Even better would be to stop making sex talks a forbidden thing and start making it normal. Maybe then people would take sex and the consequences seriously and use protection.

PS. .i'm still waiting for all of those "endless handouts" you speak of. lol
 the_biggavell
Joined: 6/6/2014
Msg: 27
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/20/2015 6:02:12 AM
Just keep in mind most single moms arent single by accident.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 28
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/20/2015 7:05:05 AM

Just keep in mind most single moms arent single by accident.

Correct.

A lot of the time, the deadbeat daddy has done a 'hit and run' and has left it to the woman - and society - to shoulder his financial responsibility FOR him.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 29
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/20/2015 9:49:11 AM

A lot of the time, the deadbeat daddy has done a 'hit and run'

I think "A lot" really depends on the age demographic. The 'deadbeat dad' is definitely not across the board. Most 30-40 somethings that break up have TWO working parents. My brother was 'Mr. Mom' at home with three little kids, and now is scrambling to find a job since his WIFE abandoned the household.
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 30
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/25/2015 1:55:48 AM
Single Moms are way hot. They have to be a bit more on the ball than a cat lady, and so they generally are. Single Mom at 15 probably not such a great look, Single woman in her 40's with no kids probably got issues.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 31
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/25/2015 11:17:01 PM

Single Moms are way hot. They have to be a bit more on the ball than a cat lady, and so they generally are. Single Mom at 15 probably not such a great look, Single woman in her 40's with no kids probably got issues.


My issues are that I'm too lazy to have kids and have no maternal instincts­čśŁ
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 32
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/26/2015 3:07:54 AM
Of course, there simply isnt enough room to write down all my issues... Plus I have kids of my own so that is viewed differently to a guy who does not.
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 33
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/25/2015 5:21:32 PM
I'm not sure if it's always the way you've described in reality, but if you're finding that single mothers are more careful about committing to you, it may be they keep themselves open to other options longer because they have more to lose if they make a mistake in the person they choose to be with . It's not only themselves that they have to be careful for - but also their children.

As far as 'caring for everyone else" but not taking "the time to do for themselves sometimes", that's just 'being a mother - being a mother (single or not) means trying to ensure that the needs of their children are taken care of... this often doesn't leave time or energy to put in to themselves.

A child NEEDS the mother, a child is vulnerable and unable to cope without her, until they reach a certain level of maturity... a guy she's dating is hopefully already beyond that level and is able to function separately. If you want to continue dating single mothers then be prepared to support and appreciate them for who they are, instead of wanting them to change to suit your expectations. I think you'll find that the more you care for them where they're at, the more they'll be interested in making the time to spend with you.
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 34
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/25/2015 5:36:36 PM

OMG,single mothers date like crazy...the government makes sure they are living well,and they are all about having fun,having men show them a good time,usually when a woman writes my children comes first,that is code for,out to have a great time!


I'm not sure which single mothers you've known, but I can say that when my children were younger, after taking care of them by myself, doing university courses and working, there was no time or energy left to go out and party all the time - and that was because they WERE coming first.

Single mothers don't usually plan to have children and raise them as single parents, you know. I was married to my ex (and yes, the father of all of my four children) for 17 years. Thankfully I didn't have the 12 kids he started off by saying he wanted, until I said, 'not happening'... although with TV these days I could have probably had my own TV show :D
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 35
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/26/2015 3:27:33 AM

most really cant work,and really cost society a lot of money....as a society,we need to start limiting the endless handouts we are giving these women,it takes two parents to bring up a child


You can stop voting or people who restrict access to proper sex education, birth control and reproductive clinics, and hindering young women's safety and well-being and climb to self-sufficiency and power. (I'm talking about real equality -- not the imagined equality in dating.)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 36
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/26/2015 10:57:44 AM
Legislating morality aside, once the kid is there, the whole reproductive rights (or general child funding) argument is nothing more than a whiny echo of the past. The kid is THERE, and therefore IS a 'player' in the game whether you want them to be there or not. What people need to get past is the general ignorance that you are only dealing with ONE person and ONE schedule for dating. Each child will have their own needs and schedules, as well as each (hopefully only 1) Ex, and possibly daycare provider and sitter schedules as well. It IS a whole damn village needed to raise a child. Coordinating the stuff is tough, no doubt about it.

That being said, being disciplined about your time management is really not much different than being disciplined about money. People that have some measure of control in their lives can allocate 'Adult' time pretty much the same way people can discipline themselves to put some savings away out of each paycheck. BUT - Time is a fleeting asset that doesn't grow or gain interest by not being used, so it needs to be 'spent' - or it's gone. Inventing a way to keep an evening or even just a few hours a week dedicated to 'Adult' time NO MATTER WHAT allows people to 'exercise' their social muscles and realize time CAN be found in a schedule, and that you are NOT completely at the mercy of the rugrats' demands 24/7. So many parents become 'victims' of their kids simply by not allowing themselves free time.

It's tough setting aside money for a kids' college fund when you have no idea whether or not they will ever attend - but a lot of you are still doing it, right? It's no different for dating. You don't need a date first to set aside time - you set aside time FIRST so you CAN date. It's not easy. It's NEVER easy. But people can - and are - doing it. Massively overweight people have found the discipline to not eat so much and FOUND THE TIME to work out and lose a lot and change their lives - defying the odds - so anything is possible.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 37
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/26/2015 2:47:55 PM

Legislating morality aside, once the kid is there, the whole reproductive rights (or general child funding) argument is nothing more than a whiny echo of the past.


No, it isn't. It's just as prevalent among people with EXISTING children as it is with people whom don't have children. And, yes -- these things largely impact somebody's time to relate as well as considering relating to others who may or may not view our rights favorably.
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 38
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/27/2015 11:45:50 AM

You can stop voting or people who restrict access to proper sex education, birth control and reproductive clinics, and hindering young women's safety and well-being and climb to self-sufficiency and power. (I'm talking about real equality -- not the imagined equality in dating.)

Hmmm. Interesting. Could you elaborate on exactly how these women are disadvantaged to achieve sell sufficiency and power and how personal accountability factors into your line of reasoning.
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