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Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 1
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Dating DilemmaPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I have been dating this guy for a little over 2 months now. We usually only get to see each other on the weekends because we live 30 minutes away from each other. So last night I stayed at his house. I went to bed at 9:30 last night, he said he had some paperwork to do, (he owns his own business) no problem. At 1:00 am I woke and he was still up, so I walk out into the living room and he is still on the computer, he doesnt see me at first, but when he does he starts closing windows real fast, but not before I see a womens profile up on the screen.
I just turned around and walked back to the bedroom. About 15 minutes later he comes to bed and doenst say a word. I wait for about 15 mintues and said, that wasnt my picture up on that screen. He said he was checking his emails, and some of the emails take you directly to the site, Is this true.
I didn't persue the conversation. I was very hurt, but didnt want to over react. We have had a great time since we started dating and he is a super guy and this is just not part of his character that I have seen so far. So I want to beleive what he says is true.
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 3
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 8:41:36 AM

I think its time you two sit down but not have a " sit down" and discuss this and see if you can come to the meeting of minds so you dont have these issues down the road.

Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 4
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 8:43:59 AM
I don't know...I think he coulda waited until he didn't have company. If he's up surfing the web and checking out profiles while you're in bed....somethings wrong. I'd be insulted whether we were exclusive or not.

Don't let it slide...definately bring it up.
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 5
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:04:04 AM
this has happened to me before.. but way farther into a relationship.

At 2 months.. he really doesnt have much invested in you yet.. YES.. he behaved guilty.. and felt guilty.

I would just ask him... "what are your intentions with me?"
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 6
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:06:28 AM

you've been intimate with him
You don't know that iceman.

It sounds like you did not have the " exclusive" talk
Where are you getting that from?

You ask if when you check your e-mails it takes you straight to someone's profile. No it doesn't. If you have e-mail notifications that you have mail on here, you have to log in to see the mail.
I say he's still keeping his options open. I also say that it's extremely disrespectful to look at your options when you have someone in your house.

If I were you I'd go pick up my toothbrush and don't look back.
That you've had a great relationship so far does not make up for what he's doing.
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 7
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:11:47 AM
OP time to cut that guy loose, no more sleeping over, no more anything except if he wants to take you out and thats it.
You can still go out with him as a activity buddy, maybe his getting to know you, otherwise forget it. He is not going to date just you, so why date just him? and give him sex? NO WAY !!!

so now you know.... keep seeing him and thinking he is more than he is is going to be YOUR problem.
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 8
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:33:45 AM

Posted: 1/30/2012 921 AM
And why would a man stay on his computer until 1am when he has a woman in his bed at 9:30? Especially if it had only been 60 days of seeing each other.
You should have just gone home!

Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 9
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:35:49 AM
OP, you're not IT for this guy.

He's still looking.

A guy who is really into a woman after only two months of dating does his "paperwork" during the week, not one the weekends when that's the only time he has to spend with this woman.

You're a space filler until he finds the one he's still looking for, even while you're asleep in his bed.

This would not be what I want in a relationship.
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 10
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:36:45 AM
He said he was checking his emails, and some of the emails take you directly to the site, Is this true.

Yes, it’s true. POF will send an email to your home account when someone sends you a message on-site, makes you a favorite, or clicks ‘yes’ (or even ‘maybe’, I think) on the “Meet Me” feature – if you have your mail preferences set up to notify you in that way.

A hot-link in that e-mail would take him directly to the woman’s POF account. He may have just been curious to see who’s messaging or ‘fav’-ing him. It may not be a character flaw.

Maybe it’s time to have a ‘no fault, no blame’ conversation about just how exclusive you two are. Still open to other options? Energy totally focused on growing this relationship? Somewhere in between? Two months isn’t a long time. You’re still settling in. And being in search mode can be somewhat of a habit.

Pledging your love forever isn’t reasonable. Committing a month at a time with an option to renew shouldn’t be too terrifying though. Allowing and accepting his curiosities and attractions to other women might be freeing for you both. Just agree on where the boundaries are.
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 11
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:42:06 AM
could have you distracted him away from computer ? don't make issue of it, just have fun. If my girl was still at it at 9:45 would have been out helping her. so could play till 1:00am
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 12
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:44:31 AM
So OP.....time to ask him what is up and if you two are being exclusive or not, and where is his head at concerning a long term relationship with you.

I can not believe that you see each other only on weekends and you go to bed at 9:45pm without him with you? It does not matter how much he has to get done, if that were the case, why would you be there anyway. It seems to me that you two should have been together, slept together, and if he had work to do, then do it after you leave, or early the next morning.

You two need to sit down and talk about options and outcomes, and somehow I bet he would have followed you up those stairs without thinking computer work, if you would have made sure that his best option was to be in bed with you.....

It takes two to make a relationship, and two to break one up, and if you are just beginning and seeing each other only on weekends, and you are going to bed alone hours before him........more than keeping a profile open and looking is happening here.

Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 13
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 9:53:50 AM
If you want a very serious relationship- this guy is NOT it...but if you want a temporary fling, ride the ride until it is over.
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 10:12:19 AM


BlondeDevil nailed this one. If you want to enjoy his company, going out on dates and having sex on the weekends, fine. If you are looking for someone to settle down with for the long term, he is probably not the right one for you.
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 15
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 10:17:35 AM
Only dating 2 months and the BF is still on the computer 3 hours after you go to bed?
And you only see each other on weekends?
That alone would give me concern.
You should have went home if you two weren't going to bed together.
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 16
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 10:36:12 AM
Hmmm...this is wrong, the guy was wrong, when someone doesn't give us what we need we should accept they are not for us.

There are lots of women and men who are accepting and want a relationship. Unfortunately there are many as well, who seek the next best thing, or think there might be something better over the next hill or in the next profile!

Part of what I find odd about the OP, is the part about 30 minutes away. I'm sorry, there are many people who commute 45 minutes to an hour everyday. If I found a woman I was attracted to, I could do 30 minutes to see her on my head!

Finally, I have a problem with the end of the OP. We all deserve the truth, even if it's something we don't want to hear. You should have persued the conversation, the fact that you were hurt and went without answers must have been frustrating. Now you want to "believe what he says is true", how can you?

Your eyes saw it, it doesn't matter what he said. If you see him 1 day out of 7, how do you know he isn't dating 3 of the other 6?
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 17
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 10:40:00 AM

Only dating 2 months and the BF is still on the computer 3 hours after you go to bed?
And you only see each other on weekends?
That alone would give me concern.
You should have went home if you two weren't going to bed together.

Yes, what he said!!
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 18
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 12:31:28 PM
No matter how much lipstick you put on this, it's still a pig.

Leave. Now.

Bad news is always best found out early on before significant time and emotional investment are made. This, dear lady, is indeed bad news.

Leave. Now.
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 19
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 1:53:14 PM
OP Your title to this thread says it are just DATING this guy........I'm going to suggest as others have that you talk to this guy and find out if he wants to keep seeing you and seeing where it might go......just ask him that.......don't accuse him of anything.......just talk to him.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 20
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 1:55:15 PM
Something in this story isn't adding up. There are five days in the week you two aren't together. So why would he wait until the weekend to look at women's profiles when you're there? And the issue with him staying up late while you're in bed: Was this the first time in your two month relationship that you went to bed early while he stayed up late? To me, going to bed at 9:30 on the weekend seems awfully early, even if I had somebody to go to bed with. A lot of times, I'm up until 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. on a Saturday night. Maybe he was up that late looking at porn or going to a sex shop web sites looking for a Valentine's gift for you and wanted it to be a surprise. As usual, everybody here is jumping to conclusions and telling you to dump the bum from hearing one side of the story. Come back and finish the story once you hear his side and make your own conclusion.
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 21
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 2:42:47 PM
I will tell you from past experiences that he will not stop this 'looking around the candy store'. If he is doing this now, with you in the next room and after only two months, what do you think will happen when the newness wears off?? I am telling you this from the bottom of my heart - leave and don't look back. He will not stop, he might make promises but the lure and appearance of abundance it too great. Save yourself and retain your dignity.

I am sorry that you, or any of us, has to go through this heartbreak, betrayal and disappointment. However you are still young and have the opportunity to find some one of quality and good character.
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 22
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 5:44:05 PM
Quick question, are you two dating exclusively?
Next: if he was rushing to close various windows online, he has a reason to feel guilty.
Lastly, you cannot ignore what you saw with your own eyes. But if you two can maintain an open relationship, it might work out.
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 23
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 5:44:56 PM
Run Away! you have only been dating 2 months, you have no clue about the depth of his character. Sounds like my second husband. I believed him when we were dating on something very similar, but it was a lie.

He is not a "super guy" he is a cheater, and he will not change. He will only drag you down with him. Sorry to be harsh, I know that most of the people on here are spiteful and hateful for no reason (in my personal experience) but in this case they are right un telling you to get over it and move on to the next one.
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 24
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 5:46:49 PM
RE Seneca: While I do not believe in sex before marriage I agree with your point!
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 25
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 6:19:12 PM
I agree with those who say to end it immediately and WITHOUT any discussion. All his actions make it abundantly clear he is not into you and is using you in a disrespectful and unpleasant way. Don't try to 'talk' to him as he'll deny or confuse you with further lies. End it immediately. You deserve and can find much better than this liar. Value yourself.
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 26
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 7:02:21 PM
I dated a man like this. In bed for the night I'd wake up and find his side empty. He was on the computer, closed out the windows real quick when I'd get up to look for him. He also started turning off his phone when with me.
I dumped his ass. He continued to call me. His new woman must have checked his phone because I got a phone call asking to speak to ****, his sons name. I said no one with that name lived here. She said "I didn't think so".
Get out now. Even if you aren't exclusive I can't think of anything tackier than looking for another woman while one is in his bed.
What the hell is wrong with some people?And at this age?
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