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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Not "giving sex away" without the relationship      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 1
Not "giving sex away" without the relationshipPage 1 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
I recently had a woman say this to me in a message: "Definitely not givin sex away without the relationship, but always up for makin' friends"

WTH does this mean?

IS she someone who sees sex as a chore, or a relationship job duty?

Does she expect me to court her, by spending money on dates, in order to get some sex? (Cause THATS not entirely the way its been for the past gazillion years right?)

Seriously; what does "not "giving sex away" without the relationship" mean in its entirity?

Ive never heard that before

 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 2
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:19:33 AM
No:

Casual Sex
Friends with Benfits
One Night Stands
Getting-to-Know-You sex
No Sexual Fanticies
No Three-somes

and probally no girl on girl....

UNLESS, You marry her :p
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:28:51 AM
It's possible that she actually thinks that sex is a way to reward a guy who spends money and/or time on her, but it's equally possible that her way of expressing herself has been so influenced by that thinking, that she says it that way in spite of thinking more rationally.

What she expects of you, you'll have to ask. For certain, that she felt she had to say something like that, suggests that what she's heard from you so far, has given her the impression that you are after less than what she wants from a sex partner.

I'd recommend you work on improving your ability to communicate meaningfully with her, rather than bring her words to a forum for judgement.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 4
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:38:43 AM

WTH does this mean?


It means:

"No free milk at THIS dairy."
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 5
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:41:57 AM
~OP~ You've never heard that before??? That saying is as old as the old dating game itself. What does it mean? Likely exactly what I mean when I say, "Sorry ~ no relationship, no sex." I don't view it as giving something away, but for me casual encounters or sex without some depth between two people isn't an option. (Let's not confuse my view as meaning "love" or something such as something "written in stone" it just means that there needs to be an established commonality/like and continuation of things before I get naked.) Maybe she has lagging communication skills and maybe you should have asked her directly what that means to her. JMO
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 6
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 11:19:41 AM

"Definitely not givin sex away without the relationship, but always up for makin' friends" IS she someone who sees sex as a chore, or a relationship job duty?

She's uptight, to be fair, it's probably aided by her getting porked-then-no-call by guys she wanted more from (and/or close to that). But she needs a little lesson on 'game' if she wants to meet a good guy... just the same as a guy getting blown off by girls he had his hopes up about after an email exchange or first-meet doesn't give good reason for him to ruin his game either with other women.

I think her mindset about sex is that sex is a chore -- a negative view on it. Something to 'give up'. Not a good mindset. It actually ends up indirectly pushing what she doesn't want -- guys' focal points being on sex and not the girl when there's a carrot-and-stick approach to it.

So you have a foreshadow on attitude. She's trying to weed out guys who want sex early, but throwing the baby out with the bathwater due to a negative attitude about sex including good catches who don't want to deal with guilt-issues about having sex when exclusive but no relationship.

The real problem, IMO, is being FRIENDS. That's the real issue. Uhhh, okay -- I'm not taking you out then, if we're Just Friends. Friends don't kiss or have 8th-grade-makeout-jam-sessions. Sounds like trouble all around. It should be absolutely no surprise that many girls out there, ones with decent jobs, intelligent, great looking, etc., are 'wack', nonetheless. Said types of girls who are outright like that should be dealt with caution and only so if there's a big crush had (but still with caution!).
 Former_Yamaha650_Rider
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 7
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 11:26:16 AM
No she doesn't expect you to spend money to get a date. She expects to be in a proper relationship before she has sex with anyone.

What she's saying is that she is not going to be a slut. She is saying that for her, sex is somthing shared between two people who are in a committed relationship.

If you want someone for sex only, find someone who is willing to F just about anyone and don't worry about her. She is obviously not what you're looking for.

For the person who said she's "uptight":
You really think that women/girls who don't want to slut themselves out are uptight? Wow!....I wonder if your mom agrees with you.
Is that what you think women/girls are put on this earth for?
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 8
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 12:44:30 PM
IMHO the wording (quote):

"Definitely not givin sex away without the relationship, but always up for makin' friends"

indicates that sex is a bargaining chip for her!

If someone does not want to have sex before a relationship is established, as unrealistic as it might be, then there are many other ways to word it.
 FloridaLady46
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 9
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 12:52:32 PM
It means that she has given it up too quickly in the past and was dumped and she's not going down that road this time. Or at least that is what she wants you to believe.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 10
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:06:11 PM
@ OP........This is a new spin of the sex for hire shill. You're just paying up front. Too bad there are no absolutes. Even if you complete all the stupid human tricks that have been called for, no promises. Sounds to me like she has just negotiated herself out of a good deal. Is this site Proof Of Funds?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 11
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:07:17 PM
carolann0308
I would not assume the Sex on the third date rule with that one. LOL


Can I do 10 seperate 5 min dates?
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 12
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:18:29 PM
@msg 21........It could mean this "lady" is trying to get as much mileage as she can for her God given talents. Nothing wrong with that. Why doesn't she just put it out there? Why don't we just start treating relationships like union negotiations? Bet she could sell a good used car.
I don't need to be "spot" sold on making a sex deal. Sometimes the smartest sale you make is the one you walk away from.
 destructodave
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 13
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Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:29:33 PM
10 bucks you can sleep with her on the first or 2nd date. People that like to make statements like that, usually are trying to convince themselves more so then you. "No Drama" always drama. "No Sex" full of crap.

Gl OP.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 14
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:33:23 PM
@ msg 23: True. I will and I do. Look, Landra, I'm a gentleman. If anything , I'm accused of taking things too slow. My point is this woman is trying to control the relationship and turn it into a profitable situation for herself. If the guy needs sex that bad; fine, he'll buy it from her. I like to put a more personable spin on things. Was there a thread re: legal prostitution?
re msg 24: Well, thats it, Dave. Any man who would submit to her demands could have sex with her that's not the point. It's the way she markets herself.


 destructodave
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 15
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Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:42:26 PM
I know nowinters. OP just seems confuzzled about the situation, its either, take her out and sleep with her, watch her order 17 glasses of wine or some stupid crap, or cut her loose and look for another.

I personally dont like having to do tricks to get laid, besides maybe doing Houdini Impersonation and disappearing.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 16
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Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:45:20 PM
why does it have to be about money..........
Maybe she just wants to spend quality time getting to know a man before dropping her panties.
That doesn't mean it has to be in expensive restaurants or with gifts.........
some of us women prefer some creative dates far more than we prefer expensive dates. Take me for a canoe ride, take me horseback riding, take me for a drive hitting all the antique stores.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with those that want to get to know someone and be in an exclusive relationship before having sex.
If that isn't your style.......then find someone that thinks like you do.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 17
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 1:56:31 PM
@ msg 27: According to OP: She said she's not "going to be giving it away". Well, about 20 mins ago I told a guy " I won't be giving that house away". I know what I had in mind and it was not a long fulfilling relationship.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 18
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 2:07:53 PM
No free milk at THIS dairy."


Ahhhh; I see.

So; we're doing a tiered dating type thing; almost a business process thing.

I wonder where I should set the dinner values, and listening to her talk about her day values. I may like to do this normaly anyways. but since we're assigning set timelines and values...

but for me casual encounters or sex without some depth between two people isn't an option


Ya; me neither.

I HAVE had a few one nighters, but normally.....

What I need to do is find out what constitutes a relationship with this girl. If it's a matter of dollar investment on my part....well....haha.....um

Awesome replies; I'm learning here.

I think it's more her than me.


I personally dont like having to do tricks to get laid


Sorta how I roll too.

Lets have fun, get to know eachother and share some good company, and KEEP doing this until its proven to have run its course. If we both wants ex, lets; if we dont..no problem, lets just be happy and have our needs met (be content) some other way.

Sex really isnt worth that much to use as a bargaining chip.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 19
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 2:37:56 PM
What was that about the "use of sex to control"? Never imagined I'd agree with Dr. Laura. Go figure. Hey, OP. I like that ; tiered business development idea. Do you think any woman who thinks she is that shrewd would even have attainable goals for the lacky of her choice.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 20
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 2:42:01 PM
Do you think any woman who thinks she is that shrewd would even have attainable goals for the lacky of her choice.


I'm not sure that a woman that shrew would have much thought at all for the lackey of her choice; come to think of it.

I will be finding out.

She has the same opinions of sex as myself, according to several of the ladies here. The fact that she has to even mention said values tells me that she may have some issues with values period though.

We'll see

The whole "her sex is valuable" and worth mentioning and "my sex is not" assumption is a bit of a bore, or worse, but hey.

 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 21
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Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 3:24:29 PM

She's weeding out the playas.

actually, she's making their job easier. she's divulging just what 'play' works on her.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 22
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 3:36:15 PM

Now, I'm going to go take a shower and clean off all that douche spray your ridiculous post got on me.


For a nerdy lookin fellow; you sure dont read so well.

Not sure how I seemed a douche; but hey. You seem like the type who calls anyone who doesnt wear coke bottles, and $2.00 ts a douche.

*shrugs*
 rdazeraaa
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 23
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Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 4:15:43 PM
Basically sex is a progressive thing that should lead to marriage.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 24
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 4:42:03 PM
And maybe she didn't word her statement as elegantly as others may have worded it. Maybe she merely meant she was not going to be intimate unless she was sure there was a relationship with deep feelings. Maybe some individuals get all bent out of shape about it because they think it is "getting laid", "screw ing", "owed" to them a "tool" or what ever term you choose to use rather than being intimate with one another. Maybe it is because a lot of women and men view being intimate as something that is special and occurs between two individuals who have deep established feelings towards each other. No one knows what provoked her remark. Was it in response to something the OP said. Nothing wrong with those who have no issue with one night stands, being intimate with those they barely know but at least she was honest with him about what her expectations were. It is not any worse than being told by a guy up front that he "expects" sex by the 3rd date. Sorry but for me sex isn't in payment for anything and it is not a tool as it is not sex, it is becoming intimate with that individual (and believe me 3 dates doesn't get me there) . Doesn't matter how dinners, drinks, tickets, etc you buy, whatever....sex is not in payment for that. Perhaps the problem is that it is taken out of context as some of us view it as sex, and some view it as being intimate, sharing ourselves, trusting one another, a gift to each other not a payment or a tool to manipulate.I don't think she has any problems with her values.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 25
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 2/1/2012 4:50:28 PM
It means no sex until you committ. It means sex to her is a present or reward for good behavior. It means she wants you to do monkey tricks and do a backward flip every time you see her. It means you should thank your lucky stars she's even giving you the time of day. It means you should be humbled by her presense at all, and if she gets naked with you, you are indebted to her forever. It means she doesn't give it up for any Joe-blow and you are special...but only if you promise you'll love her forever. It means sex is a precious gift.

or maybe she really likes you and wants to get seriuous and doesn't know that ultimatums suck rocks...
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