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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?      Home login  
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 spadez24
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 2
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
not at all in fact some of us guys dont mind children at all! You jsut have to hang in there and i'm sure youll make a man lucky to wake up next to you every morning!
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 1:04:30 PM
Huddersfield - Wow, I've had some good nights out there !

Okay - well I know you didn't ask for a profile review, but I can tell you what I think is putting off responses.

1. Your user name defines you as a mother not a woman which is fine if that's the first impression you want to make. Is it ?

2. You then say '* i dont discuss my children other than i have 3 boys and a little girl for obvious reason'. Well, how the heck is someone going to know what they are getting into ? With 4 children, which is higher then most families, a potential partner will want a basic understanding of age and if they live with you 100% of the time, and so on and you've cut dead communication on this.
That is of course you right - but it will be deterring some contacts if they can't ask questions about the basics.

3. With 4 children and a profession of 'mother', the question in a reader's head is going to be finance - Can you afford to date ? Is your date going to be expected to pay for everything, all the time ? Of course not all dates have to be expensive but it's nice to be able to go out for dinner sometimes.

4. And this will have them running for the hills ! It's screams needy.


I've got till im 30 to find someone or i have said i will stay single and become a nun lol


See what I mean ?
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 4
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 1:22:16 PM
why are you posting you have 4 kids? A man should get to know you first, and kids come in later, But no having kids isnt a problem for me..
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 5
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 1:49:16 PM
Think about it OP.......You are 29 with four children, looking to get married again with your long term goals. You are easily on your way to having five if not six children, if you and/or your significant other wants a child or two.

This would put many of us in a "step back" mode because of all that it means, along with knowing that you will be dealing with the children's father(s) for some time too. You chose to have these children, and if not, you certainly let it happen, so now, your life will be centered around them for many years, and hopefully your ex can help make that time frame equal for you with his proper attention to them.

So, dating is one thing, long term another, and if you want a man around your age, that has no children or just one, he will more than likely want one with you, and now, you create much more for all to think about.

Nothing right or wrong here OP......just the facts of being young with multiple children and having years and year of parenting to take care of before you can yourself.

Good luck.

cd..........
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 6
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 2:10:38 PM
Your having 4 kids ( a lot) will put some guys off but not others. If anything your primary concern should be to protect your kids from men your seeing, to not expose them to men who seek out women to get to their kids.
 tjl503
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 7
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 2:11:08 PM
I will be honest, there's no way in hell I would get involved with a woman with 4 kids. I felt like an instant step daddy with a woman who had one kid let alone four. I'm not willing to give up my lifestyle to help support 4 kids.

You can say that you're not looking for a dad for them but if you're in a commited LTR with someone that's what it ends up being. In the 31 years of life I have been careful and got this far without having kids until I'm ready and I want that to be experienced with someone who is also experiencing that for a first time.

That's ok though because I'm not all guys, there are guys who have a few kids with an ex and don't mind having four more. From what I see you're a cute gal so you will find someone for you and your four kids!
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 8
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 2:20:59 PM
msg 7
I am the same and would flee from any date having 4 kids, no matter how cute, wealthy or nice they were.
But some people donlt mind......... thew good thing is she is letting people know up front so people like you and me know and will not waste her time in meeting.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 10
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 3:56:58 PM
Now this sounds dumb

I'm not willing to give up my lifestyle to help support 4 kids.

Who said you had to support 4 kids? Lots of single mothers are doing it on their own and Im sure they wouldnt need your help.
not all single mom needs a man to support her kids? We work we pay our own bills, in fact we probably make more than you!!

You seem so immature.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 12
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:47:12 PM
I never had a problem dating with 1, & later on 2, but i truly dont know if i would have had issues had i had 4 kids. Some men may have a limit on how many kids they are willing to take on if they are dating single Mothers. Some men may love the large family thing.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 13
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 5:54:50 PM

He's not meeting them.
If he doesn't want to be involved with a woman who has 4 kids he should know BEFORE he gets to know her.
They'll both be better off.


I couldn't agree more !
 tjl503
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 15
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/2/2012 7:57:01 PM
Jeep girl, if you get in a relationship with someone who has four kids and it becomes serious then you will end up taking on some of the financial responsibilities. I have read most of your posts and you come off as quite the jaded twat don't ya?
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 16
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/3/2012 3:52:58 AM

jeep1127girl
Who said you had to support 4 kids? Lots of single mothers are doing it on their own and Im sure they wouldnt need your help. not all single mom needs a man to support her kids? We work we pay our own bills, in fact we probably make more than you!!


This mother does not work - she's not supporting these children financially. Her income is from either the state/welfare and maybe the father(s) of her children.

She is not looking to date - She's looking to get married and settle down and according to her profile (although this might be tongue in cheek) she's looking to achieve this all within about 12 months as she wants it before she turns 30. This means LIVING with her man when she finds him and therefore, his income will become household income. You can bet he will be giving up his lifestyle to help 4 kids - hell, yeah he will, 'cause she's not employed and smokes and drinks.

I agree - Not all single Moms need a man to support her kids. I agree that some work to pay their own bills. I am one of those single moms who even with court ordered child support has never seen a penny and never will BUT you jeep1127girl, are attacking a poster who in THIS situation is correct - because THIS OP is doing none of the things you are presuming.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 17
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/3/2012 6:32:24 AM
OMG people

Parents say they are parents and how many kids we have so that the person contacting us is someone who knows what they are getting into and because we are PROUD of who we are and our children

We have kids if you don't like that then we don't want to hear from you

We have 4 kids this is allot to some people and we don't want you contacting us if your one of them

But those who know we are parents and how many kids we have and are still interested that's who we want to hear from

Why should we waste anyone's time by HIDING who we are, get them to like us only to drop a 4 kid bomb in their laps?

We love our kids and family is our life and say so in order to scare away anyone who thinks this is a bad thing or it should be them over our own flesh and blood

Granted as a result we don't have as many people contacting us but the ones that do are more likely to be what we are looking for than the rest of you
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 24
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:15:45 AM

i'm not wanting financial support as ive provided from day 1 for my kids

You may want to clarify on your profile how you provide for them because as it stands, it looks like you are a stay-at-home parent to four children - which is fine, if that's the case but it conflicts with the statement above.

I think you can see that in terms of dating sites, you have some additional challenges. You might be better of IRL where your personality can be seen as unfortunately, 'on paper' many people would move on.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 25
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/3/2012 1:33:41 PM
I do think you need to specify that you have 4 children, and in early talks, disclose their ages, but no more for obvious reasons. I, personally, would like to have a clear picture of your situation before devoting much time.

To answer the question: Yes, that would bother me, because I only have one and I have every other week off. I want someone who will have time for me, and not have to "make time" every so often. I commend you for procreating, but I would steer clear of the situation.

There are some who have no children who would love that chance. The question you pose will receive a diverse array of answers, as we all have different desires for our future.

So is life, I wish you the best.
 General-Public
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 27
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 9:36:43 PM
I'm curious YummyMummyX, sorry I cant say that with a straight face, that profile name is really awful IMO, why do feel you have to advertise you have 4 children? why not say you have children and after you're getting to know someone if warranted then you can share more details.

I think mentioning you have 4 children from the get go limits your selection somewhat, and perhaps you might consider changing your profile name?
 January80
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 28
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:26:44 AM
Haha! I am a single, divorced mother of 4 kids. Well, 3. I kept custody of my ex husbands son he had before me. I can say for myself that no man, no matter how long I would be with him, will ever be more to my children than MY partner. Not only would I not stand for anything else, but hell, neither would my ex husband. My ex husband is a great dad who supports his children very well and while he made a lousy husband, he makes a great dad. I am actually careful about who I get involved with because I dont want a man to even for a second think he would have much involvement in bringing up my children. Thats for me and their dad to do. Another man made an important though. You will have their dad in your life for the rest of your life. I have found that to be the bigger challenge. Not all men are secure enough to understand it is over with the ex and that you deal with him as often as you do. But the right man will. And there are a lot of awesome men out there. Just be patient. Dont settle.
 Siks6
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 32
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:33:26 PM
Oh, and just wht would his role be then?
Assuming you end up in a long term relationship, are you expecting he will be living with you and not have any say in how the kids act? How about telling the kids to do chores or homework? Does he even get to talk or interact with them?
Bsically you're telling the kids that this man is not important to them, has no say in what they do and they can ignore him if they like....
Do they get to just change the channel on the TV without asking?
Does he get to ignore them too... ie one comes home sick and he just looks at the kid and ignores it, as mom will be home in a few hours...
Then you'll probably expect them to respect him as a person?
If you all go out to dinner together who foots the bill? Does the guy pay for you and him, and you pay for the kids meals?


^^Agreed. With an attitude like that. It's why she is still single
 January80
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 33
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:04:57 PM
Ugh. His role would be to be my companion. And I would not live with any man unless I was married. Period. And fortunately, we have done a good job parenting and manage to discipline as needed. So what would any other man have to contribute as far as my children (2 that are already teenagers) are concerned? I have successfully raised my 17 year old step son, whom still lives with me, without being pushy or forceful, and he is one of my closest friends. Not because I had to assert some authority over him. He knows my rules and respects them. That simple. And my children respect all adults they meet and I would never bring someone into their life who wasnt a respectful person. Some moms are lame and do that sort of thing. If my children were out of line, Id be the first to deal with it. I dont leave my parenting responsibilities to others. I assume their relationship with who I may end up with will be much like that of mine and my stepsons. Friendly and respectful. I guess its sad that you may know children who are so disrespectful they would actually get up and turn the television channel while another person is watching it.
 January80
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 34
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:07:10 PM
Im still single because I wont settle. I have only been divorced for 2 years. I just know what I want is all. ANd I believe patience is key to that.
 Siks6
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 35
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:09:10 PM

Ugh. His role would be to be my companion. And I would not live with any man unless I was married. Period. And fortunately, we have done a good job parenting and manage to discipline as needed. So what would any other man have to contribute as far as my children (2 that are already teenagers) are concerned? I have successfully raised my 17 year old step son, whom still lives with me, without being pushy or forceful, and he is one of my closest friends. Not because I had to assert some authority over him. He knows my rules and respects them. That simple. And my children respect all adults they meet and I would never bring someone into their life who wasnt a respectful person. Some moms are lame and do that sort of thing. If my children were out of line, Id be the first to deal with it. I dont leave my parenting responsibilities to others. I assume their relationship with who I may end up with will be much like that of mine and my stepsons. Friendly and respectful. I guess its sad that you may know children who are so disrespectful they would actually get up and turn the television channel while another person is watching it.

 Siks6
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 36
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:12:31 PM

Im still single because I wont settle. I have only been divorced for 2 years. I just know what I want is all. ANd I believe patience is key to that.

 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 37
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Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:32:40 PM
Having 1 kid is a problem for most guys, and having 2 is seriously pushing it. Having 4 will basically have guys seeing you as a friend with benefits if you're lucky. Kids are expensive and time consuming, and the more isn't the merrier when you're talking about dating.

I don't even see why this thread was started. There are several threads on how single mothers have issues with dating and/or at least finding a guy that will stick around for things to become long term. Having more than one kid just makes the issue that much more difficult.
 January80
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 38
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:40:12 PM
I used to think the same thing (to the guy who sees children as baggage). But what I have learned is that every situation is different. No man is the same. If a mans wife left him with his children or she passed away, it isnt his fault. Children are a blessing. Now, if the man is out partying every night and dating all sorts of strange women, he is probably going to have bad kids. Im just calling it like I see it. So, every man is different. Just as every woman and her situation is unique.
 January80
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 40
Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/7/2012 12:33:08 PM
Exactly. The woman shouldnt either. She should be the type of person she wants to attract. Being selective in who she dates and even more selective who she chooses to take around her children.
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