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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Upgrading membership and its effects on dating      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 2
Upgrading membership and its effects on datingPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
PoF has to say that or else no one would upgrade.

But as far as whether or not it works...well, when I see a guy who's an upgraded member, I think he got snookered and/or is really desperate.

PoF and OKC (and all the other sites) are just another potential way to meet people whom you otherwise would not have met. I like PoF because it's free and it has the forums. Most folks seem to prefer not to actually *gasp!* meet.
 NolitaFairytale
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 3
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/3/2012 10:10:01 PM
I always think of hte upgraded members as desperate.. can't find dates under the regular membership so HAVE to upgrade.. I know that's not always true but as soon as I see a profile I think that.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 4
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:40:36 PM
It all boils down too attraction..

Doesn't matter how much more upgrade you buy, it doesn't change the fact.

If you want to upgrade something, i'd say its more worth it to change your appreance, lypo, boob increase, lip enhancement.. then your chances will really increase...

I come from a small town, and if I bought that upgrade thing, it's not like more men from my town would just pop up..no, i'd be advertised to the same pool of men...which means my chances of finding someone hasn't increased..which means, a waste of money...

To me: upgrading = desperate
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 5
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 1:42:29 AM
That's really quite insulting ladies. You assign you own views on the upgraded memberships to the people that choose to take it up. You may think you don't need to upgrade, but you have no idea why another person chooses the option.

You may very well be passing up great guys just because you decided they must be desperate.

I am by no means desperate. I chose to upgrade for three months just to see if it made a difference. I figured it was a small amount of money to risk.

I rarely even think about it these days. I don't avail myself of all the benefits. I rarely send gifts and if I did it would be to men I already have a chatty friendship with and they would be sent in fun.

For me, I was just unhiding my profile here after a very long break and thought I'd give myself the best chance possible.

Having said that, I don't think it has made a difference and I won't be renewing it.

But when I see a man's profile that has been upgraded, I do think that he is serious, not desperate.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 6
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 2:53:18 AM
So are you desperate cementhead?
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 7
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 5:41:59 AM
I've got an upgraded membership.

To me, the $30 is nothing and I figure if it gets me a bit more activity and a larger selection of potential dating partners then what the heck.

I never did a "before and after" upgrade comparison but like I've said before I've gotten more than enough activity on this site and others to keep me busy and I can't attribute ALL of that to my good looks and award winning personality.
 udonotmatter
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 8
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 5:48:09 AM
If you were inside a club looking for some action, and the bartender said "hey! If you pay the cover I'll give you 2 free drinks every time, and you'll be more successful!"
Would you go outside, pay the bouncer 5 bucks an hour, and expect different results inside the club?
Or would any success be credited to getting more drunk and delusional and desperate over time to get that money to be worth it?
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 10
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 11:33:36 AM

Corporate_Katatonia:
However, I must admit that two women posting the same opinion that "upgrading makes you look more desparate" is enough to make me hold off for the time being.


Wow I hope 2 women never tell you to jump off a bridge or something.
 _Italiangirl_
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 11
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 11:34:00 AM
I'm in the "seems desperate" camp.
Add to that the "seems naive" category for the person being unsophisticated to the point where they'd believe ad hype from POF. "increases you dates by X %".

OP, it doesn't connote financial stability. That's absurd.
It connotes a silly waste of finances.
 _Italiangirl_
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 13
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 11:58:59 AM
Right on, many don't have good spending habits.
But the ones who spend foolishly, i.e., on a dating site upgrade, are more likely to be the broke losers.
Think about it.

If you are a quality fellow, your profile shall stand out as is. No pricey enhancements needed.
Just compose intelligent first emails to go along with it and you'll be fine.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 15
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 9:14:15 PM

But the ones who spend foolishly, i.e., on a dating site upgrade, are more likely to be the broke losers.
Think about it.

If you are a quality fellow, your profile shall stand out as is. No pricey enhancements needed.
Just compose intelligent first emails to go along with it and you'll be fine.


I understand totally that poffies can decide for themselves that upgrading is not worth the money. Having tried it for a couple of months I absolutely agree.

What I can't get my head around is why anyone thinks they have the right to judge those that upgrade. You have NO idea why people choose to do it. To prejudge people as being desperate, financially irresponsible, or my favourite, "broke losers" just doesn't make sense to me.

That's very judgmental, with no basis in logic.

Whether or not a man has upgraded his profile or not makes no difference to me. The only assumption I would make from it is that he was giving something a try. That's never a bad thing.

I understand the negativity and derision directed towards the actual upgrade feature, because it really doesn't help on a long term basis. However, I don't understand that same attitude being applied to people who choose to give it a go.
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 16
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/4/2012 9:48:44 PM
I was honestly thinking of doing an upgrade too, but for the same reasons Cowboy mentioned above - mainly to see if the few girls I'm interested in are checking in on me every once and a while too. In the end, I rationalized that if they were interested they'd just message me so I didn't see the point in upgrading. Shrug, life goes on.

To the original poster, if you're gonna pay you might as well try eHarmony or Match. Price wise, I think eHarmony probably does the best of filtering out the herd (trolls, jokes, etc).
 tilark99
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 17
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/5/2012 6:50:47 AM
When I see an updated membership, I would assume someone was serious about their search, more so than desperate. But along those lines, I also assume someone who put a little time into their profile was more serious.

If someone has an upgraded membership but a scanty profile and no pic, I'd see that as odd.
 dennis40gem
Joined: 3/3/2011
Msg: 18
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/5/2012 9:54:48 AM
I upgraded my membership because I am sincerely trying to find someone to hopefully have a long term relationship. I have not had much success at all. My messages are usually read and deleted with no response. I have female friends in my life, and everyone always tells me I'm a great guy so on and so forth. Why is it I'm either not good enough, or I'm put in the friends category (yes, many women have confided deep secrets to me) and I get the comment: "You're a great guy but..." I am not desperate, and I won't settle for less than what I want. It is just frustrating when ladies claim they are looking for a gentleman, sensitive guy, respectful, etc. and won't give that kind of person the chance to even know them.
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 19
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/5/2012 11:28:27 AM
Wouldn't it make sense if people could hide whether they upgraded or not?

Then again I've never been a huge fan of mixed pay method based websites....

Imagine the uproar if you had to pay for full Facebook functionality, or pretty much any social networking site.

POF is for all intents and purposes a social networking site dedicated to free dating.

I could easily shell out for the site, and I really want to be able to justify paying POF extra, but when the same bugs are repeatedly posted about and there's no response with any sort of ETA to a fix, I just can't bring myself to justify spending more money on this site.

Everyone talks about how it's a free site, when the reality is it's an ad supported site and they are trying to push a pay to play model.

IMO the only reason at this point I am considering upgraded are for the enhanced viewed me features; but like the ability to see if your message was read/deleted or unread/deleted; it seems like a double edged sword to me... Do I really want to know how few people have viewed me and when?

You can have your shit together and be a paid member and people will still think you're desperate apparently.

I'm pretty sure there's just no appeasing certain people.

I'd totally upgrade if it meant I would stop seeing the 1 NEW MESSAGE whenever I log in.
 DeFlederMaus
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 20
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/5/2012 10:02:53 PM
hmmm,

Lately, I've recieved some emails form pof titled 'person24 wants to meet you !'

but there are no messages in my pof inbox. Does that mean that the person is an upgraded
member (and I'm not)? Or is it just a hacker, that has infiltrated this website, and is sending
erroneous messages to people ?
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 21
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/5/2012 10:50:26 PM

I upgraded my membership because I am sincerely trying to find someone to hopefully have a long term relationship. I have not had much success at all. My messages are usually read and deleted with no response. I have female friends in my life, and everyone always tells me I'm a great guy so on and so forth. Why is it I'm either not good enough, or I'm put in the friends category (yes, many women have confided deep secrets to me) and I get the comment: "You're a great guy but..." I am not desperate, and I won't settle for less than what I want. It is just frustrating when ladies claim they are looking for a gentleman, sensitive guy, respectful, etc. and won't give that kind of person the chance to even know them.


Have you considered trying Match or eHarmony? POF being what it is, allows free messaging. From some of the horrible stories I've seen around these forums over my short time here, this makes things harder because:
1) girls, especially the attractive ones, are spammed with messages
2) the nice ones that may respond, have learned not to due to pricks that react badly to a polite no

I believe the two other sites require membership before you can message, so it helps with (1) at least.

You also have to remember that with online dating, the first reflex is attraction. It's not like real life where attraction may not be there at first but you might be able to work your charm. Hopefully, fate has something nice in store for you.

Best of luck.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 22
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/5/2012 11:24:14 PM
I'm a down graded member and was getting more @#$$y then tampons until I got serious with one and stop doing tricks part time out back..

 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 23
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:29:17 AM

was getting more @#$$y then tampons


Charming....


and stop doing tricks part time out back


What? No, I don't really want to know what you mean by this.. but.. what???
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 24
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:42:43 AM

Charming....

No, humor.

What? No, I don't really want to know what you mean by this.. but.. what???

I was having sex out back for money but it wasn't a full time job..

No need to thank me, it's my pleasure.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 25
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/6/2012 7:08:15 PM
AnEvilgenius:
I'm a down graded member and was getting more @#$$y then tampons until I got serious with one and stop doing tricks part time out back..


I get that you tried to explain your post and although you correctly identified the meaning of the term "doing tricks part time out back" and also suggested you were trying to be humorous, you did not address the fact that your entire post is ambiguous, disjointed, poorly written and makes no sense whatsoever.

It appears that you were either drunk and/or on drugs when you wrote it.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 26
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/7/2012 5:09:02 AM
Really ?
You've got so little to offer life today you decided to ride my coattail ?
Why not just go revel in your own irrelevance ?
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/7/2012 8:29:08 AM
I've never really been tempted to upgrade. All of us used to be able to see if our messages had been read or deleted and I too found that more of a direct kick in the teeth than an advantage. Better to just figure after a certain amount of time has passed that she's not interested.

It would be nice to have the upgraded "viewed me" features, but not nice enough to pay for. As noted, if they're that interested, they'll send a message.


To the original poster, if you're gonna pay you might as well try eHarmony or Match. Price wise, I think eHarmony probably does the best of filtering out the herd (trolls, jokes, etc).


I've delved in and out of the paid sites, and there is a definite difference. It seems there are a higher percentage of sincere people there than here. But ironically there are also more scams there, at least at Match, which is the only paid site I'll ever use any more.

That may sound contradictory, but there are just less folks there just dipping their toe into the internet dating world. If they pay, they're actually wanting to date. Knowing that's where the money is, scammers migrate there as well, but they're not that hard to spot. If I get an initial contact with a generic message from an attractive woman half my age with only one pic up, I just assume it's a scam. That or if they are my age and the first or second message tells me to use their off site email address or website. It's just a minor nuisance to weed them out. Their profiles get deleted within a day or two anyway.

I started to check out eHarmony, but threw up my hands in frustration with the long survey loaded with questions that for me, at least, fell into the category of "have you stopped beating your wife - yes or no?" I hate questions that try to force me into one category or another, when so often I exhibit multiple elements. I could tell part way through that however they assessed me would not be accurate so I bailed.

On OKC, on the other hand, you're free to answer questions or not, skip some and answer others. That works better for me. But no forums, and that's what I truly cherish here. Plus the high number of participants here is better for those of us living in sparsely populated areas.
 Kevasiuk
Joined: 5/2/2010
Msg: 28
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 2/7/2012 12:55:54 PM
I've found too many issues with other sites that allow you to sign up for free, only to push a "pay x dollars for all the shit POF gives you for free". I feel stupid for even bothering to check those sites out, and doubly so for not realizing on this site that paying money and acting like a decent person is like sticking a toothpick between your toe nails and kicking a wall as hard as possible.

With that said...

I've seen the arguments for both sides. Personally, if you don't need to pay money to use a service, don't. You can bother wasting money for something that won't work and end up lonely all the same, or give it your best and hope that someone responds. Personally, my pictures must be some kind of turn-off, despite my messages having the familiar feel of someone who is actually interested in who they're talking to.

Sadly...

Not everyone shares the opinion of "If you've got a great personality, you're a winner" that us Elegant Gentleman types have. The biggest problem with having standards is, most times (and especially on sites like this), you'll end up bending over for someone just to get a date.

I don't know, though. Might be that I have terrible luck despite being a kind, confident dude with an intolerance towards superficial persons. That, and when people can't be bothered to send a "Sorry, not interested". Rage.
 PrinceCharming1357
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 29
Upgrading membership and its effects on dating
Posted: 7/8/2012 12:14:06 PM
It's all a big lie.. Women want a western looking(check if you have it),goodlooking(check if you have it),(fitt,check it you have it),rich(check if you have it) Man. If you're not "white",good-looking and fitt with a "good job"----<(lots of money), most women don't want you... Blame the media!:modhammer:
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