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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?      Home login  
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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
It all depends on the reasons for everything. I do not myself have any ex's that I would want to even see on a regular basis, much less get back together with.

But if I had one who I split up with because we were headed into different lives, and not because of deceit, lies, hatred, abuse, or whatever negatives drive most couples apart, then yes, certainly I could imagine finding that our life paths had evolved to make us compatible again, and could make a go of things.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 4
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Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 5:13:25 AM
i've done it twice in the past and would never do it again.
 Ms Cheevious
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 6
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Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 7:39:41 AM
HELL NO!! They are exes for a REASON.

If I launch em...they STAY launched!


off topic:
DivineB, great new pic! You look...Divine!
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 7
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 8:32:48 AM
It would depend on why I broke up with them.

As for the 2 ex husbands ... NO!

Most of the time, an ex is an ex for a reason.
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 10
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 9:06:27 AM
Part of me would say yes, the other part would slap that b*tch for even thinking about it.

As trite as it sounds, yes there is a reason someone is an ex and they probably have not changed the things that made you leave them in the first place, and that is a pity.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 11
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 9:26:15 AM
Yes, per Igor's rationale.

MUCH hinges on the reasons for the original split. In one instance, circumstances beyond our control got in the way of our being able to continue forward. Parting was painful, and full of regret, for us both, though we knew we had no other viable choice. There were no bad vibes, and no incompatibility had surfaced, and no betrayals had taken place. Simply put...life threw a curve ball.

When circumstances changed, later on, we did try again. Now, a different question is IF one can succeed on a later try. We found we could not...too much time had elapsed, too much life had taken place, and in reality what we yearned for (the old familiarity and intimacy we'd had) was not attainable. It was actually sad to be awkward w/ someone who'd once been so close. We gave it up for good the 2nd time.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 12
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 9:51:48 AM
...At one time I would have answered yes with no hesitation. I did not want our marriage to end. The first couple of years were tortuous for me after the split. When I think back, I wonder why would I have even considered taking him back. *shakes head* Time not only heals all, it makes one much wiser (in most cases)

It's funny.....I rarely think of him anymore.


Divine....you look fabulous...love the new pic.

...mae
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 13
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Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 10:12:02 AM
If your love for your "ex", has not turned to hate, I think it normal to wonder what if about much of it.

As time moves on, one has the chance to step back and evaluate all that happened and what you allowed to happen, and most will come to the realization that it takes two to make a marriage happen, two to make it work, and two to break one up.....

I am happy that my "ex" is just that, but I also know that she is a good mother to our child, and when we were happy together, she was also awesome to herself and to me. I will always find a place in my heart that still loves her, but I more than know that I am not in love with her anymore.

End of discussion for me, and time to move on to the next adventure and person that will enjoy it with me.....

cd.............
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 16
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Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 1:28:48 PM
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to this. We all evolve, or at least I hope we do, so if our paths cross with someone from our past and whatever barriers prevented us from keeping the relationship going then aren't barriers any more than why not give it another go.

I've known of couples who split and much later got back together again and made it stick the second time. I've had a few do overs my self where ultimately we again parted, but not with real hard feelings.

Once I rediscovered an ex when we both knew we'd be moving to very different parts of the country in a few months to pursue different career paths but decided to rekindle for the short term. Sure, the emotional investment was less than if were in for the long haul but we still cared a lot about each other and didn't have to go through all the awkward getting to know you stuff new couples do. It worked well for what it was.

Of course that same familiarity can mean falling back into less healthy old habits as well, and therein lies the challenge. I'd think if I was to connect with an ex today I'd want us both to identify why things didn't work out before and tackle those issues head on to prevent a repeat.

I certainly wouldn't rule out the concept.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 18
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Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 3:09:59 PM
the reason one ex IS an ex was due to "marriage" issues ... since we resolved the marriage issues by not being married, he and I can and do spend quite a bit of time together ... I no longer expect him to do anything! I don't expect him to be romantically or in any other way faithful to me ... I don't care how he mismanages HIS money! because we're no longer attached legally! while I'm perfectly happy being friends with him, I would NO WAY ... EVER ... consider marrying him again or being romantic with him again ... I'm not stupid and his issues regarding "marriage" haven't changed ... but, for friends, he's great ...

another ex, wow ... I'd be very tempted ... he was smokin' hot ... I'd definitely be tempted ... soooo tempted!

but ... there was a song, "it's all coming back to me now!" about a woman who was "getting physical" with an ex and it was all coming back to her how great he was ... I remember thinking, "give it a week, honey, and it'll ALL come back to you! and you'll remember why you split in the first place!" I suspect that's closer to the truth!



it's sure fun to think about though ...
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 19
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 3:51:01 PM
I only have 2 ex's the 1st one shoot me if I ever even thought it. The 2nd one is so screwed up it would take him a lifetime to straighten out. So Im sure one of us would die before that happened. Other guys I had dated in high school and nursing school hmmmm maybe Im sure some of em grew up to be some nice looking men!
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 21
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/5/2012 9:18:58 PM
One is dead and the other is locked up due to being bi-polar, the few guys I was seeing before I wouldn't go back to cause the more I found out about them the more I recognized that what we had at that time wasn't enough for either of us or we would have tried to work it out. One contacts me all the time but I caught him in bed with another woman so there is no way I would go back to someone like that...he said he had only been divorced for 3 years and just wasn't ready to be so deeply involved...yet the woman he has been seeing since then doesn't realize he is still on pof and oftens sends me messages...so the leopard didnt change his spots.
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 23
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:13:05 AM
It would depend on many things. How much time had past, Ponder why we broke up, if things in our lives were better now. I cannot say for certain. Too many what evers.

Reruns are tough. Left overs too.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 24
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:38:25 AM
Out of all my ex's there is ONE that has a maybe stamped on him.

And he is dancing around me in the now sense.

I put him soundly in the friend zone and I am watching his moves.

I know.. and he knows it will NOT work between us..

But.. i Miss him!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 27
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:54:14 AM
OP, it would completely depend on what caused the breakup and whether those causes remain or have since been resolved.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 28
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/6/2012 6:18:28 PM
Pure Sentiment,name fits you well.But this seems an unhealthy thought process.Mostly I think I would momentarily consider a bullet in the head to going back.The road is ahead.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 29
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/6/2012 7:59:18 PM
If she was single, available, and the issues that got between us
were no longer there.....sure.
 Broadway_Bess
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 30
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Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:25:27 PM
Only one of them. My first boyfriend.
Such a great guy & I was such a pain in his arse.
20+, a stoopid age when it comes to emotions and love.
I would want to see him again, mostly to apologize.

bb
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 31
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Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/7/2012 3:17:46 AM
Only as an act of compassion such as in sickness or bad health... I keep thinking about "The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who in time of moral crisis preserve their neutrality."

Iz scared....
 HappinessOK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 33
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 2/8/2012 6:33:50 PM
I have gone back to an ex that I kept bumping into..very uncanny .. each time we would see each other for a couple of weeks then it would end..then a few months later we'd bump into each other again ..this went on for a couple of years...

Was very weird how we kept bumping into each other in and out of town in the most obscure places.

Thankfully we havent seen each other a while now and I hope whatever magnet their was that brought us together so many times have vanished.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 42
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 5/6/2012 12:58:11 AM
In the past in theory yes, pragmatically was never going to happen, in the future would never consider going back if I break up with someone new.

Two long term GFs are like an ex to me.

1) First GF ever, we were together 10 years. Now she is married and has early onset Alzheimer’s. I checked into her status a year after I got divorced, she is about 55 now.
2) Second GF, she is over 70 now and I contacted her a few years ago, but we still can fight like cats and dogs, age has not mellowed either of us.
3) Ex-wife, she is 66, she asked for help to get a Catholic annulment so she could apply to be a nun.

I would have gotten together with first GF had she been available, second GF I contracted because I only wanted to chat about old times. Ex-wife, not much hope of a romantic relationship with someone that wants to become a Catholic nun, which is the reason I suggested she file for divorce in the first place.

So never did get back together with anyone, and now I doubt I would give reconciliation a thought if in the future I break up with anyone.

Happier now with how everything is turning out, so glad I never got the chance to go back.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 44
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 5/6/2012 8:50:12 AM
^^^ My ex was a really nice person, the best cook I ever met, certainly would never get involved with another man. If I were 80 when we got married it might have worked out. She eventually got a job being the cook / housekeeper for the rectory . They do a lot of dinners to entertain visitors , local contributors, visiting Bishops.

But she rather thought enjoying sex was a sin and her communication style would be the envy of KGB agents. It was amusing that she would correct a priest on their conduct. I did get to visit inside of a cloistered convent in Germany, not many people and even fewer males get past the front gates. But those were the nuns that raised her when she was aged 9-15, so she thought of the mother superior as her real mother.

I understood her past and why she was that way, and when we met she was reserved but more passionate. But at the point we met while she went to Church she felt alienated from her religion, thus I suspect she felt she was already condemned, and behaved as more of a fallen women. Through no real fault of her own, just some misunderstanding she had and her lack of ability to communicate effectively. She is very adverse to talking about anything about herself.

Being married did to a lot from my own ability to read people and communicate, at first I didn't really communicate my own needs well.

When we got married outside of the Church I knew her problems with being a good Catholic were easily resolved and thought she would feel more relaxed with me sexually if I that part of her life was in good standing. So I talked to the pastor about getting things resolved.

But after getting married in the Church she went towards living a married monastic life. I am sure my frustration was causing me to act out in other ways.

Divorce was the perfect solution from a lot of angles, the timing solved emotional problems for me and also eliminated a lot of financial problems as well. Financially, it was a rather artistic solution.

I avoid dating Catholics, I know most are only cafeteria catholics, but I have an aversion to a faith that is so negative about sexuality.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 46
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 5/6/2012 4:30:55 PM
I've only one 'ex' and it would be tricky as he is married again. He was a good guy actually, but had lots of 'stuff' that wasn't positive to the marriage....someone else said it on here, when I do run into him it only takes about 5 minutes of talking to him and 'it all comes back'. I start to remember the things that drove me crazy. He doesn't appear to have changed. But he is the father of my children, we were both great parents and now we get along just fine.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 47
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 5/7/2012 1:35:37 PM
my ex husband.. NO NO NO NO NO..

Any of my ex b/fs?.. only one.. and to be honest.. ive had the chance.. and I just felt it was too risky.. Tho.. in my FANTASIES it might have worked.
 ohhgimmeabreak
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 53
Would you go back to an Ex you really cared about?
Posted: 5/9/2012 7:11:41 PM
No. They are exes for a reason. In my experience, people don't change much with time so most likely the patterns are still there.
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