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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?      Home login  
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 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 2
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Have you had your doctor check you for low testosterone?

Emotionally.. I'm that way too.. but I am mildly depressed in the winter..
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 3
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:13:25 AM
What else is going on in your life? If you told me you felt no empathy towards anyone including friends and family and lost kitty cats, I'd say get some help. But based just on what you said here? I think it probably just means you aren't thinking with your genitals. Note that some horny people will automatically interpret that as a pathological hormone deficiency, because to a hammer everything looks like something to be nailed.


edit:

I grow disinterested inside like, the first hour. I find flaws in her. She irritates, or grates, or annoys me. I find reasons for her to be stupid, to like dumb stuff. Just, you know, find reasons, immediately. Complete and utter lack of any kind of interest.

Most people are irrating and/or uninteresting. It's a Wal-Mart world and we just live in it. That doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with *you*. Misanthropist seeks approval?? LOL
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 4
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:14:00 AM

Any thoughts BESIDES go seek mental help


OK I'll bite........I know your a regular here and sometimes I get a kick out of your responses.......but I really have no advice on this other than to seek therapy........

I'm sure most of us have gone through periods where we just don't care anymore. In fact, I'd say I'm at that point now. I've been by myself for so long that I really could care less if I meet someone. That's not to say that I don't want to, because I do, it's just that I don't care............and yes, I'll say that I, too, probably should be seeking therapy...........
 The_Four_95s
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 6
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:19:20 AM


This is something that has been bothering me for maybe a year or two now, I was wondering if I was the only person feeling this way; I don't care. I mean, I really want a rwelationship with a nice, typical "30-something-go-to-work-get-back-home-we-cook-supper-together-and-have-sex-on-the-living-room-floor" kind of girl, but every time I meet someone new, and as much as I find women, ANY women attractive in one way or another...I feel nothing. I'll date someone once, not sleep with her, and then, just, nothing. Complete lack of either love, affection, sympathy, empathy, or what not. Just nothing at all. Like looking at a car in a store.
Even walking down a street with some friends, "hey dude, check that chick over there, go talk to her". I think she's super hot, wink her way, see her blush...and just walk away. Bing, not interested. Just nothing.
Is that something that's common, and is that a sign of a problem? Are there any other people who seem to feel, I don't know what it is... fed up, or just NOT interested in other people? Your thoughts.

*DISCLAIMER* Any thoughts BESIDES go seek mental help would be appreciated . I'm more interested in knowing the why, and if other people feel that way.


Talk to your doctor.
I agree with the previous poster who brought up testosterone.
Consider your age as part of the problem too which happens as you approach your 30s and over
When I was about 18-26 the thrill of the chase, or the sight of a woman I liked made me react a whole lot stronger than I do today, and thats even If I never got to even talk to them. Damn even the thought of a woman back then would ...

Excuse me.... (runs to the bathroom)
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 8
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:21:12 AM
I can relate. I've been through so much crap the last few years with men in general, it's hard for me to get into having relationships and getting involved. I am getting used to being single, men just get on my nerves anymore. *shrug*
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 10
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:22:56 AM
rather than go through ALL the trouble of setting up ties, dating her, being comfortable, getting to know her, blablabla....to end up nailing her (hopefully every night for a looooong time), I grow disinterested inside

Sounds like you are finally getting tired of playing the "jerk badguy gets her" game, that you may have worked so hard to adopt as your default "persona"...

May be time to go back to actually being your true self, which is that little nice kid inside that just wants to find a compatible playmate that likes him for himself, NOT the roles, games or any "persona" he can pretend to be...

VVV Really?
I can be the coolest guy on Earth, but I enjoy playing the jerk so much the better


I'm just tired of the actual "hunting" for women who can actually be compatible to me

Some of us can tell from your semantics that you may have played the roles for SOO long that you may not actually know the difference.. How to relate to a woman as I'm OK, you're OK instead of "hunter" and "game"...
At some point in your maturation you may begin to understand that it is better to have someone TRULY compatible for long-term, rather than many short flings or one-night game stands...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 12
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:34:41 AM

Is that something that's common, and is that a sign of a problem?

I don't think so. Maybe you just aren't into window shopping.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:35:16 AM
Other than the therapy advice here is my take.

The problem is you are happy being single right now, and you don't like people pressuring you to find a partner. People will think something is wrong with you, but many people go through a stage in their life where they are happiest when they are single. The reason why is that it allows for personal growth and to be experience new hobbies, or activities that may be difficult for a partner to do with.

It is a phase in life, so I say you will re-kindle your spirit and attraction with women once you build yourself up (self esteem). Also re-evaluate what you find attractive about women because clearly your tastes have changed and don't line up with your "old self". Explore the "new you" but that will take time.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 14
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:38:47 AM
See, I always assume that desire propels us at first.. then emotion.

If I am uber horny.. i miss all sorts of red flags..

But I totally understand being tired of all the work that goes into starting something. I dont do the one night stand thing either.. So, I suppose I'm in the same boat.

nobody seems to excite me anymore.. but I attribute that to the dreary weather.
 The_Four_95s
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 15
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:41:31 AM

DAMMIT! *wipes off the thread*
Some people are gross...
You think being 32 could play THAT much of a twist on the mind? I could understand at like, Andropause, which is like 50-ish, where men loose a lot of desire, but 32....sounds pretty thin.


Sorry...Flashback

Yeah what we are both speaking of would be a lot more likely to occur at 50. But "loss of libido" or "lessened raging hormones", you know..the things we used to have back in the days when the sight of the right woman could give us a boner with the "drip", can sometimes happen starting in the 30s, and it differs from one man to another. It could be a testosterone related problem. Thats where I would first think to start.

(Footnote: "drip" means that pre fluid that builds up when you are at your horniest) .... lol
 The_Four_95s
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 16
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:48:36 AM
Oh...Op...I have to add this for perspective.

I still will go out and talk to a woman If I feel like it, will strike up conversations, and if it goes the way I wish all of them would go... I see where I can go from there.

But I am 33 years old, and I can tell cause I know it isnt the same excitement that was there when I was 23, and before that 18, and before that 14
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:54:49 AM
You're going through premature mid-life crisis. Solution: buy a flashy sports car, dress like a teenager, listen to rap and hip-hop, hang around younger women who think being called a b1tch and ho is a compliment.
LOL.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 20
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:03:04 AM
I don't think there's anything wrong with you...here's my 2 cents :-)

I think this it what you are really feeling.....

I think you have reached a place in your life where you are mainly content with the way things are. You know that if you remain single, you'll be perfectly fine. Sure, you want to meet the person who rocks your world but after having had a few relationships, which you got burned, you aren't willing to settle. It would be nice to have someone to come home to at the end of the day, but this time you want the fireworks, the passion - you don't just want A relationship, you want a great one. Otherwise, what's the damn point ? Why change everything that's running smoothly to accommodate another if there's a risk of it being a repeat of the past or anything less then fantastic ?

Now - as much as I understand all of the above, here's the thing. No relationship starts off great in every way. Sure the sex might be great, the conversation might to great, the schedules might fit together perfectly but it's never is perfect in every way initially. So, that means that both people have to make some changes to their life, have some upheaval in their routine and compromise. That, my friend, takes time and work and right now - I don't think you want it badly enough to do the work especially as, in the back of your mind, you know that even if you do put in all the work, it still might not be the relationship you hope to have. It's easier to dismiss someone with the potential of greatness rather then take a chance.

Sometimes - it's simply the right person at the wrong time. And I'm not convinced for you, that this is the right time.

Does that hit home ?
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 21
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:40:37 AM
Sounds to me like you are attracting the same type of women over and over again because of how you look. Unfortunately, if women categorize you and therefore cannot see themselves with you, your actual "type" may "self-eliminate" rather than seeking you out. Those that seek you out therefore turn you off emotionally.

Everyone is disinterested in certain types of people. I've met handsome, wealthy men (every woman's dream right) who then open their mouth and filth and perversity come out... others were just plain insipid in every conversation, still others show they are domineering, critical or demeaning in some way: total and instant turn off. I do not care how much money you earn or how you look, if you are a degenerate, self-absorbed or controlling then that results in instant disinterest on my part.

Might be time to start just being friendly to different types of women than you normally would and see what happens. Because obviously, the type you attract, disinterests you.

Honestly, I had a friend in college: body builder who worked as a male stripper at a club and women's parties. Okay, he was sweet but definitely not the brightest bulb in the box (and no I never dated him, no way). He sexed his way through so many women that I lost count. So many outwardly gorgeous women approached him: perfect hair, perfect nails; perfectly shallow as a cookie sheet. Finally, he met a woman he cousin's school. Older, slightly overweight, single mom with three kids. Not his normal perfect shape ho. She was pretty but average looking. He fell in love with her. She rejected him at first because she too assumed they weren't compatible because of HIS looks and age!

It took him nearly a year to finally convince her. They've been happily married for over 20 years now. Thing is, what you are saying sounds soooo much like what he said to me one day. And honestly, I can only give you the advice that worked for him: start by just smiling at women who look completely different than the type who normally seeks you out. Just start saying hello to them. just decide to be a friend so you can learn more about who they are. One will stand out and that sense of numbness will disappear. And you have every right as a grown man to say, "not dating anyone right now and not interested in dating anyone right now." Any adult has every right to choose to not date. In fact, that is not a sign of needing mental help. It is a sign that you are emotionally healthy.

And just so you know, thinning hair is not a result of low testosterone. Men who have a full chest of hair are actually 50% more likely to go bald. It is a genetic thing. And often men who go bald tend to have higher than average testosterone levels and more receptors to receive testosterone into their cells. But typically baldness is not an indicator of testosterone levels. Now if you have man boobies, a fat gut, fatigue, depression and lethargy, then that IS an indication of low testosterone. Jes sayin.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 23
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:45:11 AM
Damn - I won't give up the day job just yet then. I'm guessing kicking 'Dear Abby' out of her chair was a bit premature ?
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 24
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:05:52 AM
You haven't found the right one..as much as that is a stupid answer, I truely belive it's the right answer...
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:33:19 AM
In my experience, an apparent lack of emotion, is usually really a case of sublimated, deep seated anger. Not the kind that results in violence, rather the kind that makes one stare at one's own car rusting and dying in the driveway, and purposely refusing to do anything to repair it, because you hate it so much.

The word "sullen" was invented to describe this sort of emotional stasis. It's a result of being angry, but also being convinced that acting on the anger wont do any good. What people often do when they are in "sullen" mode, is to go through the motions of doing what they are "supposed to do," but then purposely sabotaging any success they might have, as a part of affirming that their anger is correctly focused.


It is a psychology related thing, which COULD be helped with therapy, but I think most folks can work it out without the high cost of professional help, by doing little exercises like saying out loud "I am angry at X, because..." and fill in the blank as best you can.
Often, you can break yourself out of the sullen mode, by doing something that requires energetic input, other than the thing you are angry about.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 26
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:07:22 PM
Low serotonin levels?

This is sort of like an "I say" game.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 27
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:19:31 PM
Hmmn, I had a female friend (ruling out testosterone in her case) much like you are describing your current affect. I remember asking her if she was really sure @ a guy she was dating that she was becoming increasingly disinterested in, despite his stellar efforts to woo her. She was taking rx meds for depression and/or anxiety (sorry, I forgot if it was one or both) Not sure if you are, but I've heard enough times those drugs can cause anhedonia like that, not to mention the effect of the original depression. Well, good for you for paying attention anyways-thats a step in the right direction. Hope you make progress OP
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 28
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 1:18:34 PM
Yes, this past year I have felt exactly the same way. I want a loving relationship but the thought of starting all over again makes me feel sick to the stomach. I have no interest in men -(no i have no interest whatsoever in women).

I went through a really tough break up 3 years ago..it took me way too long to get over it. The relationship was built on deceipt on his part, he was also a Jekyll n Hyde character, a push/pull relationship. I think I went through a tiny breakdown and realised that I had been obsessed with a loser.

I have had men want to date me but I am making excuses to not go out and yet I DO want a warm loving partner. My age is at the overthehill stage so there isn't a lot of years in me but I am romantically dead inside. I am a loving/vibrant/gregarious/outgoing/people person but fear a breakup again.

I believe it has something to do with the past breakup. Just sick and tired of being shatt on!

So, I KNOW how you feel!!

*** Import's post makes a lot of sense!
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 29
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 1:28:03 PM
Even walking down a street with some friends, "hey dude, check that chick over there, go talk to her". I think she's super hot, wink her way, see her blush...and just walk away.
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If your friends didn't point out this super hot woman you wouldn't even notice her? And they're telling you to go talk to her? Only then you respond with a show of interest, get a positive response, then insult her by walking away? I can see why you and your friends are walking down the street together. They don't want to talk to women either. Ask your friends why, I'm sure they can give you a better response than you'll get on here.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 30
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 1:38:53 PM
maybe you are burnt out from the hunt...maybe it takes more than a hottie to turn you on...maybe you need an emotional & spiritual connection too...

not all of us can be super-sexed up horndogs 24/7 365 days a year
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 31
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 4:47:59 PM
I watched The Bachelor and couldn't help thinking, these 28 women are all the same generic 'type' with nothing but their mood of the moment to set them apart.
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My observation after reading some profiles is that people are starting to have shorter relationships. It's expected for a twenty y/o to have their longest relationship stated at 3 or 4 years, but when you see 30 and 40 year olds having 3 or 5 year relationships as their longest it seems sad. I saw one a few days ago of a 45 year old whose longest was 1 year. Can this possibly be true? Some people are really missing out on life.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 32
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:01:18 PM
Maybe you’re going through a period of re-thinking things. Re-evaluating. Having another look at things like…

…sex, dating, relationships with women.
…yourself, your body, your self-image
…society, the way people live, where you fit in
…what you believe in, your connection to All This, to the Universe (whateveryou callit).

Along the way toward finding new perspectives, we lose our grip on the old.
Some of the old glitz and glam fades away and we wonder what we were so excited about.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:21:06 PM
Sometimes in life dating just isn't the mission we were taught it should be. Not having any interest in it doesn't mean anything except that right now that's just not very interesting to you. It's not a requirement that we always be on the hunt for the "other half".

Instead of being on the dating hamster wheel and trying to date even though you're not inspired - put it on a shelf and just don't worry about it until someone inspires you to WANT to date. I think we are doing things backward. We are dating to find one person we like, instead we should wait until we meet someone we like to then date.

I think people are in a rut where they think they have to endlessly search for someone no matter what, and I don't feel it's healthy. There are times where work, school, friends, family, and just independence become more important.
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