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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.      Home login  
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 1
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I'm planning on waiting to have sex until I'm married. Yes, I am Catholic, and yes they taught us to abstain from sex untill we're married. But, that's actually not why I want to wait. In my own personal opinion, please no one take offense to this, I feel if I have sex with someone else besides the guy I'm going to marry, I'm going to be taking something away from him. I feel that my virginity is ment for him and only him. I wouldn't let someone take a bite out of my sandwhich, and then try and give it to someone else.

Now that being said, as proud as I am being 18 and still a virgin, I feel almost embarresed. I feel like I don't fit in cause almost all of my friends aren't virgins anymore and I feel like the odd man out. And I'm also afraid of guys being turned off on the fact that I don't and won't have sex with them. I don't want a guy to give up on me because of my morals. I just know I would regret it. A ex of mine left me for a slut that would give it to a brick wall if it was possible (I'm not bitter at all :p) because I didn't want to have sex. The chance was there, (damn that was one drunk night haha) but I was on the fence, I wanted to say "Yes," but I felt I kept being pulled towards "No,". So, I said no, because I knew if I was on the fence about it, the answer was always "No," for the time being anyway. Sometimes I just wanna have sex to get it over with, but then I know I would regret it. And once my virginity is gone, its gone forever. I can't take it back.
Thoughts? Opinions?
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 2
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/7/2012 7:06:35 AM

A ex of mine left me for a slut that would give it to a brick wall if it was possible (I'm not bitter at all :p) because I didn't want to have sex.

Tsk tsk. Not very Christian of you to call someone names like that. Slut-shaming is a horrible thing.

Beyond that.. do what makes you happy. Don't worry about anyone else. My ex was a virgin when we met, but not for long. We married about 18 months after meeting.

I really don't care what anyone outside of my relationship thinks about my relationship or the way I conduct my life. If I'm not breaking any laws (which I'm not) they why should anyone else care what I do or don't do.
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 3
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/7/2012 7:26:04 AM
loosing your virginity is one event in your life that you will never have a dream of it being something special with someone special ..dont let anyone tell you that your dreams are silly ..and dont let anyone talk you out of your dreams ..if he is special he will share your dreams ..
one of the above posters suggest alternative sexual encounters ..but I submit that virginity is a state of mind not a psychical state a girl still a virgin if she has done every thing except vaginal intercourse?? Is a girl still a virgin if she has blown every guy she knows ?? I think not virginity is about morals not about having a hymen intact
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 4
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/7/2012 6:58:24 PM
rustyknife, Dragonlily90, deerdog1- the stuff you guys said made me feel a lot better for my choices and thank you.
happy-go-lucky_, no_1_bby- I am not calling her a slut because she has sex. I would never do that. My two best friends have sex, and I don't call her a "slut" or him a "man whore." And I said this was MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, not "I frown upon anyone who doesn't think like I do."
I had my first date and first kiss with that guy when I was barley 17. I would have given up the world for him. I thought he actually felt the same way. Spending the night just laying with each other and talking for hours on end about the most randomest stuff we could think of. He was my best friend and I fell in love for the first time. And I actually wanted to have sex with him the next time we had the chance. Because I did love him, and the way he acted towards me I thought he felt the same. I found out, out of nowhere, he was going on a date with this girl he's known forever because she finally said she wanted to go out with him. The reason I called her a "slut" was because I've hung out with her multiple times and she would brag about how she's banged 3 different guys while she was dating 2 other. And I am not exagerating about that at all. He said he didn't think I would be that upset. Ha! After crying and screaming and all the broken hearted drama died down, he told me, no promised me, that he wouldn't let this relationship with her effect ours. He told me that he wouldn't let our friendship die. He kept falling and falling for her and I kept getting pulled and pushed away from him. She is a very insainly jelous girl, her words not mine. And she had the decentcy to text me one day after me and him hung out and told me to back the f*** off and not to speak to him again. I said she couldn't do anything. She texted back saying if she could f*** him on the first date, she COULD do anything. In the end he pretty much cut me out of his life. So, I'm sorry if I'm still heart broken and hurt that I lost the guy I loved and my best friend all at once when I pretty much had no one else in my life. A girl like her didn't deserve him. But, if he was able to do that so easily to me, maybe they are perfect for each other.
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 5
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/8/2012 7:18:17 AM

happy-go-lucky_, no_1_bby- I am not calling her a slut because she has sex. I would never do that. My two best friends have sex, and I don't call her a "slut" or him a "man whore." And I said this was MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION, not "I frown upon anyone who doesn't think like I do."

But you called her a slut in the same sentence that said she'd give it to a brick wall if she could.

A ex of mine left me for a slut that would give it to a brick wall if it was possible (I'm not bitter at all :p) because I didn't want to have sex.

Calling anyone a slut because of their activities is not a Christian thing to do. At least not how I was taught to be a Christian. So you don't believe what she is doing is a good thing? Don't need to call her names.

The rest of your post pretty much sums up that you are butt-hurt because she did something you wouldn't and he left you for her. You can control your own actions, not the actions of those around you.

An ex of mine chose to end our relationship (12 wks before our wedding) in favour of the girl he picked up in the bar down the street from our home. I caught them in my bed. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I was devastated. His choice to pick her. My choice to move on. Be hurt, get mad. They win if you hold onto that anger and hurt tho. Don't let them win. There are better ways to express your pain and frustration instead of slut-shaming.
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 6
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/8/2012 8:35:30 AM

I wish I would have kept my V card for marriage, but I was raped at 16 and that kinda changed my whole opinion.

well in my way of thinking ..even thought you were raped .... you are still a virgin ... if the first guy you had sex with raped you me thinks you actually lost your virginity to the second guy who penetrated you...otherwise it is the same thinking that a girl can give all the BJs and have all the anal sex she wants and still be a virgin ....I dont believe that your virginity can be forcibly taken from you..I believe you have to give it away ..either willingly or by getting drunk and acting un responsibly .its like cultures that stone a woman to death because they were raped I truly believe that virginity is a state of mind ..its like these people having surgery to replace their hymen ..they may psychically be like a virgin but that are not virgins
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 7
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/8/2012 10:11:54 AM
My opinion is that give it some time. By the time you are 22 you will know if you want to remain a virgin or not as you start to form your identity as an adult. Teenage years is just a prelude of adult hood, and then 18 is really the start. But even then you haven't identified who you are, or what career to pursue most likely.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 8
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/8/2012 10:14:49 AM
well, what to say????
you will find in life you are Not some sort of gift
do as you please, but do not be surprised if a lot of young men leave you
as far as you blaming your ex, and calling the young woman a slut, you are way, way out of line!!!
not very moral either, or religious
he probably just had needs, that you do not have!!!
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 9
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/8/2012 11:30:32 AM
oh come on guys many of us have not called either our ex or the one they cheated /left with a bad name ..and this girl is a teenager calling names is not very Christian or very grown up ..but let her rant its part of the healing process..besides she is not touting religion as her reason to remain a virgin ..she just stated that her religious upbringing may have influenced her ...

her description of this other girl matches my definition for a slut ... to me a slut is a person either gender who has sex knowingly with an attached person behind the back of that person significant other

single people sleeping with other single people or people they think are single ..are not sluts ..but thats just my definition
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 10
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/8/2012 12:21:27 PM

The word ``slut'' is just a convenient catchall to avoid saying precisely what one means. It really means anything someone wants it to mean in order to say something derogatory about another person without having to justify it. Basically, using the word ``slut'' i just intellectually lazy.

you say slut like it was a bad thing....we all have terms for people who we see as having much less moral behavior than we feel is allowed ..whether we call them that or not ... there is no way that I dont believe that I was once a SLUT ... according to my acquired morals ..or what I am now .since I have matured ...well I guess I had morals I just chose to ignore them
yes you have to lay down those bitter feelings to heal but this girl is 18 about the age I was when I had slutty ways
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 11
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/8/2012 5:06:13 PM
Okay, a few of you, thank you because I've gotten other opinions on things and I don't feel so in the dark as much. Now, this thread is not about religious views. Yes, I'm Catholic. I am insainly proud to say it. Yes, I cuss and I called a girl a name. You made it seem like I killed someone. Yes, I consider my virginity very important to me. Everyone has their own views about that. Some people don't really care and don't think it's that big of a deal. Which is fine, to each it's own. Someone said I was making way to big of a deal about it and I should just do it and not care. But It is a big deal to me. It's something no one but myself can take away. Why the hell else would I asked people for their advice? Oh no! I just said a bad word! Again! You can belittle me all you want, espically if you twice my age, but this is a serious topic I reached out for adivice for. And if all you could do is point out me calling her a slut, then you don't truely understand what I mean and you're just commenting to comment. And yes I still hold a small grudge. They're in the past now. And whenever I see them together at the mall, I hold my head high and let them know they can't get to me, I'm the bigger person. And I'm sorry if I take feelings and emotions towards between two people seriously and I frown upon someone who could screw over multiple people at the same time and not have a care in the world. Gawd I feel like there's a war going on here and all some people can say is how ugly the uniforms are and criticing their fighting skills...
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 12
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/8/2012 11:42:38 PM
Good for you! If that's what YOU want to do, and not what someone else whether that be a family member or institution wants of you, than all the more power to you.

You're only 18, you're still a teenager, despite the new responsibilities that come with that new number. If you're feeling pressure now, I can't imagine what how you're going to feel in your 20s. And honestly, unless you specifically look for men who are committed to the same choice as you, yes, your unwillingness to not have sex will be a big hurdle. I'm hoping that you won't make the mistake of getting married quickly just so you can satisfy yourself sexually, which means making someone wait YEARS. And if they were previously sexually active, well that's not really a very realistic thing to expect.

I lost my V-card to my first boyfriend, whom I'm still with. It was actually a damn near perfect experience, like a movie, as cliche as that seems. What ever eventually may happen between me and my boyfriend, who knows. But I don't regret that first time or all the other many, many times we had sex afterwards. It was on my terms and when I was ready and most importantly felt comfortable.

I just feel personally that unless you're looking ONLY for men who want to wait until marriage as well, then what is this important "gift" you're giving him? And why wouldn't you expect the same in return.
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 13
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/20/2012 12:02:07 PM
"I feel that my virginity is ment for him and only him."
Make sure he realizes this before you get married. Otherwise he'll have to explain why he cheated on you because he got "bored" in the bedroom.

Those kind of sentence don't mean anything anymore.
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 14
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 2/20/2012 12:17:10 PM
actually ..I just reconnected on facebook ...with the girl who took my virginity 40 years ago ... actually we hold each others V card .. we both have different lives, went different ways and much water has passed under the bridge ..but there is still a connection and always will be ..we both agree on this ..and agreed to always be friends ..we had a long discussion and are going to meet in person in the near future to talk over old times ..I am very glad that I lost mine to someone special ..even though we didnt end up together for life

here's to you Melinda
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 15
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:16:38 PM
When I was a younger man I was involved with a young lady who was raised a strict Catholic.

She was also passionate and independent and this often put her at odds with her upbringing and mother's wishes.

We certainly pushed the envelope and came close on a few occasions to going all the way, and not because I was pushing things, she surprised me with what she suggested without actually crossing that line.

We did break up and eventually married other people and she contacted me years later and we chatted about our lives since then.

She ended up marrying this bloke who turned out to be a bit of a jerk, the marriage didn't last long and she told me she regretted not having a full sexual relationship with me. I asked her how close we came and she replied 'It wouldn't have taken much!' lol

I was still with my ex wife at that time so it was a moot point. As much as I would have liked to have picked up with her again, it was too late, things had moved on for us both.

This is only my personal experience of course, but don't deny yourself a full sexual life just for the sake of the expectations of your religion. Don't deny yourself this wonderful human experience with others so you can present your virginity as a gift to your husband on your wedding night.

You might not find the man you wish to marry for many years, in the meantime you may come to know a raft of fellows who may not be marriage material, but perhaps relationship material, or boyfriend material even? Who knows?

I just feel you are limiting your range of suitors by having this stipulation. Relationships come in many forms and don't have to lead to marriage and physical intimacy is a natural consequence of two people wishing to keep company with each other. When I was dating I naturally expected to be sleeping with a woman once we got to know each other at a certain level.
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 16
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:40:13 PM

If a man can't accept that, he doesn't deserve to be with you.

Pretty judgemental I feel. Just because a man won't accept this young lady's conditions for a relationship doesn't mean he is unworthy.

Never let anybody pressure you into doing something that you do not believe in.

This is fair comment of course and should also include the pressure from a religious institution to conform to what for many is an unnatural ideal of human relationships.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 17
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:01:32 PM
~OP~ You and only you can determine what's right for you with regard to your own body. I really don't think the "virgin" thing means as much today as you think it does, but that's the glory of you not being me. If it's important to you, then so be it. Do you think you'll be able to find a man to marry who is also a virgin? Because that's very likely going to be the best fit for you. Otherwise, don't you think you'd be a bit bitter/condescending that you waited "for him" but he didn't wait for you? I mean if you're thinking in terms of "taking something away from him" wouldn't he be taking away something from you if he's not a virgin and you are? And there is something to be said for having sex before marriage: if you aren't sexually compatible with your spouse? It's going to be a very long "til death do you part." Sex is a VERY important part of marriage. I just don't know if it's wise to go into a marriage without knowing what sex is about or how you mesh with the other party ~ but hey ~ if you've thought this through and it's what works for you? I really do wish you the best of luck.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 18
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 5/28/2012 7:10:14 PM
You should do what you think is right.

It really doesn't matter what we think. It's your body, your life, your decision.

A ex of mine left me for a slut that would give it to a brick wall if it was possible (I'm not bitter at all :p) because I didn't want to have sex.

If you weren't bitter, you wouldn't be saying that.
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 19
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 5/29/2012 10:00:25 AM
I love how religious types view their virginity as a divine gift they get to bestow on some lucky mortal. Please.

I also love how by saying they're a "moral" person by waiting the obvious implication is the rest of us are somehow immoral. Give me a break.

As a lot of people here would know, the experience of losing your virginity can be beautiful or extremely ugly. For me, it was simply awesome... I was in love with the girl, she was in love with me and we lost it to eachother when the time was right. It was a loving, playful and natural experience that I could never forget. As Godly as any experience could be, I would say. And no, we weren't married.

Nonetheless sister, I wish you the best of luck in retaining your charmingly anachronistic puritan worldview. I got over the Catholic thing when I was about 10 but if it works for you so be it.

ps: it's also pretty obvious to me that your zeal for this virginity stuff has in some way been catalysed by what happened with that guy you were in love with. If this is the case you're letting him and that girl get to you more than you're willing to admit. Talk to your preist about it, better yet a psychologist.
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 20
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:57:19 PM
Welcome to a life lesson. You wouldn't do, what someone else would, and your BF left you. Doesn't make him an ass or her a slut. She seems smart enough to realize sex is actually natural, and enjoyable. And he naturally enjoys it lol.

You want to wait to lose your V be my guest. But having sex is a natural, wonderful process. It's in our DNA. It's what we do. We enjoy it. It's what separates us and 99.9% of most animals.

My advice. Go have sex. Enjoy it. God gave us the ability to enjoy it, so go enjoy it. :D
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 21
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 6/22/2012 2:57:31 AM
There are virgin guys & girls, that come into chatroom. Maybe u guys can become inyernet friends
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 22
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 6/22/2012 8:08:27 AM
Bottom line, you do what you feel is right for you. But, in like anything else, you have to assume the consequences, positive or negative, of your choices. A lot of guys are not willing to wait. Like mentionned by others, your best bet would be to meet people who share your beliefs

I wouldn't wait on a guy for sex. Well, the fact that I don't want to get married is a start. But to me, life is too short to wait on someone for sex, and take the risk that we won't be compatibles in bed.

For my first time, I waited to be in a significant relationship (which lasted 4 years): I was in love and I wanted to experimented whit my boyfriend of the time. With respect, love, understanding, it was pretty damn good for a first time.
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 23
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Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 7/7/2012 10:37:32 AM

I just posted a diatribe in another thread on the same topic.
If your reasons for saving sex/physical intimacy for marriage are Godly, scriptural and honoring to your future husband, you have my blessing. Not that you need it. I was virgin till marriage as well, and I was much older than you.
What I learned in the intervening years I will share: Be open with your intended about your feelings concerning sex/physical intimacy; encourage and participate, together, in premarital counseling with you pastor/priest/spiritual advisor. Do not enter into marriage thinking that by "saving yourself for marriage" confers upon you two some magical blessing and sex will be great. Uh, no! While I advocate purity entering into marriage, esp. initially when so young, there will be awkwardness, frustration, and many other issues that you two will have to overcome to reach that place of communion. But, you know what, it also happens with those who are more experienced. Gads.

Most importantly, talk to and with each other. Sex is not dirty, nor should it be placed on a shelf hidden until the day you think it is OK to bring into the light.
And, finally, The man God puts into your life may not have entered into his maturity with the same clarity of thought as you did. Don't hold that against him. Determine where he is NOW. That's the man you'll be marrying. Not the boy who found a new play toy behind his zipper.

Don't forget to have an accountability partner.


Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 24
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 12/29/2012 8:38:02 AM
To be quite frank, men who value your virginity over who you are seem to think that their penis will change who you are as a woman. This isn't true. In more repressive societies, women's lives depend on the intact hymen, which is tragic; and women's sexuality -- whether they have sex a lot or not at all -- is valued before they are valued as human beings worthy of love. This is grossly amiss, too.

You are pure before your hymen is gone and you're still pure after so; the hymen is simply a membrane that could rupture after a sporting accident or a fall. Sometimes it's taken forcibly or accidentally because of a medical mistake. Nobody has a right to judge you based on your inexperience or a lot of experience. So long as you value yourself through the stages of life, this is all that matters - not bodily tissue.

Best wishes on your future marriage.
Joined: 9/15/2012
Msg: 25
Sex, before marriage. Still a virgin.
Posted: 12/29/2012 1:33:58 PM
Good for you,that's the way to do it.
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