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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Have you ever faked or done this?      Home login  
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 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 3
Have you ever faked or done this?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I once met a sainted widower in reallife, we dated a little, then I found out she divorced him a few years before she passed turned out he ws not a "saint"...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 4
Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 5:40:07 AM
If there's an angle to be played, you can be sure some guy is going to play it at some point.

I would suggest talking to the guy, ask him point blank about the discrepancy.
 lady_of_the_1ake
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 5
Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 6:16:02 AM
I agree with AnEvilgenius. If something doesn't feel right, it's time to consider moving on. It is difficult to not know exactly what it is that doesn't feel right. I keep a journal on my computer of how I feel and that helps me pinpoint what was said and pay attention to those subtle gestures that others may not catch. I actually write it in an email message to myself. That way, it is easily accessible if I am on the telephone with him or working.

I have met two men in the last month. The first would take me to 'band jam' and call that 'date night'. He would never ask me over to his place but wanted to go to mine all the time. I found out that he is living with his supposed ex wife who he takes care of because she is sick. I started feeling uncomfortable with his constant insisting to be at my house. I did talk to him about this which is what I would recommend other women do... bring it out into the open and try to talk about how you feel. Start your sentences with 'I feel' that way he does not get defensive and if he does get defensive or rude then you know that he does not care about how you feel. <--- that should be the 'aha' moment.

The second man, I just ended it with yesterday was in sales and that is a red flag for me but I gave him the benefit. He said he was worried that I couldn't be romantic... hmmm, ok I went with it. Every date he wanted to be alone, quiet, touching me, hugging me, kissing me. I couldn't get him to talk about his day or invite me to his place. He told me that he owned his condo so I looked him up in the tax records for his town and guess what??? he doesn't own anything. He back pedaled (sp?) out of that saying that he 'leases' a condo... like 'i didn't say i OWN'... hmmm.... red flag is higher now, salesman talking. So a friend who also has a pof profile sent him a message and he responded to her. Innocent enough right? Well, when I asked him why he was on POF talking to my friend while he was telling me that he loves me, he told me that his pof profile had been hacked and it wasn't him. He still wanted to go away on a 'romantic' weekend. He blamed me for ruining his plans, yada yada. Now he is on POF again using the same account he swore to me was hacked.... wow.

So, ladies (and gentleman), it doesn't matter what the other person says. What matters is how they make you feel and how they react when you tell them how you feel. If it's not feeling right, get out.

The roles people play to zap your energy and make you weak so you will give in to their wants and desires. The 'poor me' is an obvious one, the 'aloof' person who makes you ask questions then calls you 'the interrogator', the 'bully' - another obvious one. Takes some time to recognize these roles. Keep a journal and it will be easier for you. When you walk away, make sure you take your energy with you... in other words, don't feel bad for doing what you 'feel' is right for you. He may curse at you, tell you you're wrong or rude but this is just another way for him to zap your energy (the bully) and when he acts this way it justifies you walking away because who wants to be with a man who puts you down for expressing how you feel?

My best friend is a Master Social Worker... that's where I get the tools ;)
 ConnCat
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 6
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Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 6:39:32 AM
Not saying this is an absolute rule with me, but once they tell one big lie, the relationship becomes tainted, and I'm usually outta there. (I know women are big on the "one lie rule.") But if I'm really diggin her, I may give her another chance!
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 7
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Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 8:15:41 AM
I have experienced a couple of widowers using the "poor me, I'm so lonely" approach, yes. I don't know if their spouse truly had died because they laid it on so thick, I just wished them the best and moved on.

I would be more likely to be attracted to the ones that didn't use it in the opening emails.
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 8
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Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 9:25:01 AM
When in doubt, bail out! -This is what I always say.

One small lie could open up a Pandora's Box of larger lies to come.

Never had any woman lie about being a widower, but I've had my fair share of married, recently divorced, and/or separated women mark themselves as "single".

[Note: I don't date married, divorced, nor separated women]
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 9:42:06 AM
One thing is for sure, as soon as you find someone has lied, or as in this case, claims to have "hidden" important information behind a "story," then they should be open to your being given proof that the new story is really true. As Abelian said, require him to supply proof of what he claims now, and if he fails to do so, follow the other general recommendation, and dump him.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 10
Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 9:45:15 AM
We went on one date a few days ago, just a little kissing, and tons of communication since then

Was that a "first meet" that evolved into what you consider a "date"?

Maybe you don't understand the tremendous pressure some men feel under to go all out to try to "impress" an attractive woman with whatever seems to work in the moment, including all sorts of lies/half-truths and plays on her emotions... It seems to have gotten him a bit of kissing then and some continual attention so far... And now he thinks you are actually considering meeting him again for that first "real date" at his place in private...

So you may now understand just why it is that SOME men may do or say most ANYTHING that seems to work or hurry things along, for that remotely possible sensual end result...

As others have said, check into the records to independently determine which of his stories was closest to the truth, and then maybe ask him why he felt a need to lie then or now...

Then upgrade your picker to select men who are at a place in their lives where they are relaxed enough to truly just be themselves and not succumb to that tremendous pressure to prevaricate or try to "impress" any attractive woman for any possible second date quick "fling"...
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 11
Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 10:03:23 AM

Should I believe him? And how do I know he is being honest about a wife who passed away?


Ask him to tell you more about her.

You learn about him, about his past; and in the process, do your own discovery work.



Geez lady; why not be straight up? (Why does the majority NOT take the straight up route?)
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 12
Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/8/2012 7:40:46 PM

TraveliciousGuy:
You could always ask for a certified copy of the death certificate.









I would show one, but I don't give them out. TMI on it. Or I would direct them to her obit page.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 13
Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/9/2012 5:42:57 AM
OP, I find it's best to say she died of some lingering disease while I cared for her.
 wkmooreh
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 14
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Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:35:29 AM
He may have said he was divorced rather than being widowed, because honestly its easier.
I am a wisow, seven years now. And for some reason when your trying to date there is this stigma about widows. I stopped saying anything after awhile and only say I'm a widow if asked directly.
It is not easy.
 Miss_Faz
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 15
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Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/13/2012 4:14:07 AM
I've had men claim they were ill including leukaemia/cancer, that they were going to die....???

even cry about it and find out it was fake
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 16
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Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/13/2012 4:31:36 AM
I'm a widower.
There IS a stigma attached to that "title".

I know people here who are also widow/ers, who list themselves as divorced/single, to avoid that.

Each person needs to be judged (?) by their own actions.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 18
Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/13/2012 3:38:33 PM
My now deceased friend used his toddler to pick up ladies. He was married to the mother, but he would say she was dead! The kid was adorable, & did a fantastic job of drawing the females in. He'd boink them, dump them, then use the kid to meet a new lady. His wife was alive & well.
 guidekam
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 19
Have you ever faked or done this?
Posted: 2/13/2012 5:13:50 PM
A'la Star Wars:

IT'S A TRAP! IT'S A TRAP! IT'S A TRAP!
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