Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Prove it!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Prove it!Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I have in the past, asked for ID when meeting a man for the first time. No advance warning, just hey, let me see your ID so I know you are who you say you are. Only one completely said no so that was the end of that. Actually that man and I had not met in person yet but I asked him to take a picture of his id and send it.

Currently there is a man I have meet up with twice and have not asked him for anything. Actually I haven't asked him much about himself because to be honest, I enjoy his company and he seems to enjoy mine but he does not live in the area, only comes here on business on a somewhat regualar basis. So I haven't felt the need to know to much, if that makes sense. It has kept things very easy going this way.

BUT.... I think the potential is there for us to 'hook up', though for sure I will be safe about it. We are both adults so I don't see the harm.

I plan to ask to see his id.

Does this weird guys out? Do other women or men do this?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 2
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 12:53:16 PM
It weirds ME out.

Why would you need to see someone's ID?
Do you do that with people you meet in real life?
That's at least bordering on paranoia, if not already over the line.


<div class="quote"> Actually that man and I had not met in person yet but I asked him to take a picture of his id and send it. </div class="quote">

Like it would be smart to send your personal information to a complete stranger over the Internet.


I do not find it a good basis to start a relationship with.

Women have not done it with me.

 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:02:28 PM
You got a point about the real life situation, but often when you meet someone in real life, they know someone you know or there is some common thread so you at least know they are that person.

The above mentioned guy who wouldn't send proof had other reasons I later discovered for not honoring my request.

Paranoid, yes a bit. But I read the stories on here.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 4
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:34:08 PM
I find it completely hilarious you think seeing someone's ID makes them somehow a good legit person.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:39:31 PM
I didn't say it makes them a good legit person. It makes them who they say they are.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:42:11 PM
I should fix you up with the guy I went out with who got his driver's license out and literally flipped it across the table at me before I even got my coat off on our first meeting. (Which was a dinner date, so there, all you meet&greeter's )

I had never had anyone do that before, but he told me he did it all the time because he felt it made us womens more comfortable. It really had no effect on me, because I meet in public places, and I ask questions and converse with him and get to know him. If any of my "deception" red flags start to edge up the pole, I don't go out with him again. And anybody can make a fake ID and flip it across the table at you. ID doesn't guarantee anything.
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 7
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:45:40 PM
You asked a guy for a picture of his ID over the internet? You know that men get stalked just like women right? There IS private information on them. Like your address.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 8
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:59:35 PM
Does this weird guys out?

I'd think it's weird, if for no other reason that I can't imagine what you have to gain from it. Are you going to make this an even exchange so that he can get a look at your ID and find out where you live? Wouldn't you be much better off not giving out personal information until you decided you wanted to meet a guy a second time? I didn't give out my last name unless I was going to meet someone a second time and I certainly wouldn't have given someone an ID just to meet for dinner once.

Do other women or men do this?

I didn't and no woman I ever met did.

It makes them who they say they are.

I don't think that's a fair assumption, but if you want to trade ID's then he'll know that you are who you say you are and he'll know where you live. If you want to be safe, you ought to take measures that don't require another person to do what you expect. It isn't the people who do what you expect that you have to worry about. Just don't give out any personal information and meet in a public place.


Ok, so I am a nut! LOL
...
And yes, I have no issue tit-for-tat. I will present my ID too.

I don't know about being a nut, but you're certainly misgiuided. You're willing to give up your own safety by giving someone your ID in exchange for seeing his ID, which really gains you nothing.

Seeing someone's ID doesn't mean I have to see the actual address on it,

Seeing someone's last name is enough to get the person's address. In any case, wouldn't you think it's a little weird to have a guy give you an ID that has some information taped over or otherwise hidden?

I do realize men get stalked.

The chances are a lot lower by not giving someone you don't know that information in the first place.

And at that point, if they have told me their full name and what city they live in

I wouldn't have told you that much until after I met you, decided you probably weren't a nutcase and decided to go out with you again.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:04:48 PM
Ok, so I am a nut! LOL

Seeing someone's ID doesn't mean I have to see the actual address on it, if they are concerned I am going to stalk them. And at that point, if they have told me their full name and what city they live in AND it was truth, then I could already have the address. That is IF they told the truth.

And yes, I have no issue tit-for-tat. I will present my ID too.

I do realize men get stalked. But I highly doubt most men fear for their safety. Of course I have been wrong before.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:29:11 PM
No, you are not a "nut."

On the other hand, I don't think that it puts forth a positive first impression to ask to see someone's ID...

I dunno. I'm still new at this stuff, but I'd hope that before a first meeting/date enough conversation has gone on to establish some of the basics and establish some sort of trust.

But I am naive... Oh well.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:33:24 PM
Not naive.

While I have asked for id on first meets in the past, this current man and I have met in real life twice and I have yet to ask him for the above reasons. Still deciding how to proceed.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:42:39 PM
:: shrugs ::

I think the whole point of a first meet is for both parties to prove that they are at least the person portrayed in the pictures on their profile without any guarantees of future commitment or a relationship.

However, I've never been burned either, so I don't feel the need to ask for other forms of verification.

I'm well aware that the risk is higher for women, so I'll go out of my way to make sure they are comfortable with the first meet, up to and including going to meet them in a locale THEY are comfortable with, even if it's inconvenient for me.
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 13
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:44:16 PM
I understand your concern. But, you are putting these men in a very uncomfortable position. They do not know you anymore than you know them. How can they know what you intend to do with that information? That's the kind of information you use for identity theft. No way in the world would I comply with that kind of request. And, I wouldn't expect a man to either.
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 14
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:49:41 PM

if they have told me their full name and what city they live in AND it was truth, then I could already have the address. That is IF they told the truth.


I'm willing to take that bet. I'll give you my name and city and you message me my address.

Edit: Oh wait I see you added a completely irrelevant piece "IF they told the truth" so if you can't find it then it MUST be that they lied. hahaha you're crazy.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 3:32:51 PM

But I highly doubt most men fear for their safety.

not in the same immediate physical way, mostly, but a guy still has a lot at stake. and the fool who showed you his ID risked it. are you an identity thief? the front for the guys with the guns in a robbery scheme? should i trust that you're not simply because you're willing to show me a card? no, i determine whether you can be trusted by spending some time with you. until then, you don't have my last name or my work info or my home address.

when you define for someone the means by which they can 'prove' themselves, you've just told them what it takes to fool you.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 5:05:06 PM
It maybe "weird" but, I don't find it "nutbarish". In fact I remember on one of my first "meets",,,at a restaurant, and the hostess called my name for us to go to our table, and the lady I was with looked at me and said, "soooooo, ______, IS your REAL name????" I laughed,but afterwards I kinda got where she was coming from. It really phucked with her mind when I also saw a friend of mine at the restaurant who came by and called me by nicname "Walter". She figured out pretty quickly that night, that yes, I was me.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 5:34:56 PM

In fact I remember on one of my first "meets",,,at a restaurant, and the hostess called my name for us to go to our table, and the lady I was with looked at me and said, "soooooo, ______, IS your REAL name????" I laughed,but afterwards I kinda got where she was coming from. It really phucked with her mind when I also saw a friend of mine at the restaurant who came by and called me by nicname "Walter". She figured out pretty quickly that night, that yes, I was me.


If the first meet is at a restaurant, I always say that "Awesome" is my first name.

I think every woman wants to be part of an Awesome party of two, don't you? :D
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 5:49:52 PM
All I know is, that I would be completely comfortable with it, and would take the opportunity instantly to demand an exchange of ID's.

Comparing ugly drivers license pictures has long been a early dating game where I grew up. That, and the fact that my job requires me to show proof of who I am to pretty much every person I meet, so I might not even notice that it was my hot date demanding the ID.

A for the thought behind it, that wouldn't bother me either. I am proud to be the honest person I am, and I am all too aware of how many liars and cheats there are out there.

Besides, it opens up a whole set of extra getting-to-know conversation possibilities.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 7:31:24 PM
I already posted that yes, I would show mine.

As for identity theft... how am I going to steal someone's identity with their name and picture? You CAN show someone your ID and COVER the address ya know? The idea isn't to get an address, just to verify that yes, they are JOHN DOE.

How many people do google searches, address searches, ect to verify someone they met? Look the name up on facebook? Is it ok to do that since the person you are searching out doesn't know it? I think I am actually being honest in asking verification in person.

While it only verifies they are who they say they are, not that they are a good person, ect. That can only be decided on as you spend time with someone. I prefer to NOT waste time on them if they are hiding things as simple as their name.

I am enjoying all the comments. Very comical. Better then watching TV for sure.
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/9/2012 7:55:28 PM

I have in the past, asked for ID when meeting a man for the first time. No advance warning, just hey, let me see your ID so I know you are who you say you are.


I'm surprised that you didn't ask for three references.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:43:17 AM
What experiences have you had that would compel you to request I.D. - I wonder if you have watched WAY TOO MUCH T.V.

It's a strange way to start a possible new relationship. "Hi my name is X, I've just met you so I'm assuming that you are a liar, potential thief and potential serial killer, so just to get this out of the way before you romance me can you show me your ID?"

So, Dreamfire how's strategy working for you? Find the grounded balanced guy your looking for? Any man I would be interested in would stand up say goodbye and walk away.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:07:23 AM
No one seems to be addressing my comment on why it seems ok for us to go behind someone's back and stalk their facebook, do searches via the internet, ect but not be more direct about verifying a potential mate?

So from what I am reading here, I am better off hiding my method of verification versus just asking the man in person?

Also, I am not jumping into bed with this man, but yes I see potential at some point. Which would mean..... we have to be alone. (Unless he is very adventurist... LOL) Sorry, I gotta know for sure at some point he is who he says he is. You can date and date but it takes many many months and a lot of time together to truly know someone. Right now, I don't want to get that involved but still must be safe.

Understand that I am not meeting countless guys via POF. Years ago I met someone, on the first meeting he had no issue showing me his ID and we dated for months after. Since then I have not asked, minus the man who I asked for him to send a pic but we had never met in person at that point and I can assure you, he had some things going on that he was hiding. Which is why we never met in person.

I am enjoying the feedback. Not sure why it seems some take things so personal and say snide things but I have been around here long enough to expect it.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Prove it!
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:37:55 AM
When I meet them in a public place, I guess I am saying I suspect them to be mass murderers? Well, yeah, its called safety.

Of course it will only verify their name. And yes, men AND women do mis-represent themselves all the time, hiding who they are because they are married or whatever the reason. They could also be hiding the fact they are on the list of sexual predators.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 24
Prove it!
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:14:10 AM

I'd demand that you drop your pants in return. Y0u know, to "prove" that you're really a woman


Best comeback yet! hahahaha
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 25
Prove it!
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:48:25 AM

Should I do a police check as well then?


Sometimes I do The awesome part about having friends in law enforcement..
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Prove it!