Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Fell Hard Too Fast      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Jayne0927
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I met someone on this site about 3 wks. ago. We hit it off with out marathon phone conversations and before you know it he's talking about love. How he never felt such a connection before, his plans for the future, etc.

He is a very nice person but so needy. I realized I had to do something to cut this thing off. I suggested taking things slowly, but his talk of loving was starting to make me crazy. The second time he came over he brought shaving cream, razors, deodorant, etc. Wanted his own drawer.

The problem is when we spoke 2 days ago I told him how I felt about things and basically let him know things couldn't go on this way. I knew this wasn't a situation where I could just say let's cool it for a while. It had to end. Now I feel badly about it. He was a truly nice guy but I have to believe that the decision I made was totally right and there was no turning back. Am I nuts?
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 2
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:54:11 PM
Yes, but not for any of the stated reasons I'm sure.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 3
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:02:55 PM
We hit it off with out marathon phone conversations and before you know it he's talking about love. How he never felt such a connection before, his plans for the future, etc.
He is a very nice person but so needy. I realized I had to do something to cut this thing off.


Now I feel badly about it. He was a truly nice guy but I have to believe

Yes, many of us have to believe that we have the control of everything about our life and our relationships...

What you have described is someone who hasn't learned the game of playing hard enough to get, to keep you intrigued about him and a possible future...
He seems to have let his emotions take over after one encounter with you...

Only YOU can prevent your future relationships.. By always discounting those like him that seem to give up their side of the balancing power game way too early...

Another example of why Finding and maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life for most..
It REQUIRES sharing about 50% power/control with another imperfect human being like yourself... S
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:03:11 PM
You can turn back if he's that into you. If you believe you can't, why is that?
You made it clear he was freaking you out, did he not slow things down? If he did, maybe another chance is in order. If he didn't give you time and space but just gave up and started name calling or came up some other controlling trip, then you made the right decision. More info might help us decide if you're "nuts". lol.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:30:21 PM
Hate to say this: Whoever falls *in* love record fast will fall *out* of love equally fast.

You are only nuts if you think you've just pushed a seemingly nice catch away. Chances are you just dodge a bullet. Congratz!
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:04:33 PM
I believe you did the right thing. You feel bad about it because you know his heart was in the right place, but you can't will a romantic attraction for him when he's doing things that shut it down.

Hopefully some positive comes of all this and he realizes what he did, correctly places the blame on himself, and takes some corrective action to improve himself and become a more attractive man.

I think we've all done similar things in our lives at one point or another. Falling for someone too fast that is. I know I have. Some of us learn from it, some of us don't and continue to blame everyone else for our own failures.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 7
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:10:19 PM
Be careful. He may move in and not want to move out.

Do not let him move in.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 12:11:45 AM
Naw you are not nuts. Love is a tricky game. But he did move too fast. Way too fast. But it can be hard to just dump someone because they fell too soon.

You did what you had to do and it was a reasonable move. Best of luck.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 9
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 4:36:22 AM
Now I feel badly about it. Am I nuts?

Why, because he's a "nice guy" and you didn't want to disappoint him? Or because you feel like you've lost something you should have otherwise been able to have were he not batshit crazy? Those other people are just guessing, but I need a more thorough explanation of your feelings and motivations before I can officially diagnose you as nuts.


The second time he came over he brought shaving cream, razors, deodorant, etc. Wanted his own drawer.

OMG I would have drop-kicked him off the front porch.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 10
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:20:48 AM
This guy is a needy wuss. If you were to continue seeing him, you would have to get used to that suffocating feeling.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 11
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:44:47 AM
re: msg 24: I don't think he's nuts; just homeless. I remember all to well the array of "boyfriends" wanting to live with my mother. Unbelievable. Makes one ask; what have these men been doing with themselves for 60 some yrs?
 Axwell
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:01:13 AM
This was doomed from the beginning.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 13
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:39:53 AM
Tall...I kinda agree...

What you have described is someone who hasn't learned the game of playing hard enough to get, to keep you intrigued about him and a possible future...
He seems to have let his emotions take over after one encounter with you...

Although, I don't want to look at it as a game....In my experience there were many of these type of needy men...talking about "what we could or would do next summer" etc...so unattractive to me.
No second dates with those type.

Now that I think of it...I was always more attracted to the ones that came across more sure of themselves and definitely not needy.
I would much appreciate a man who seems to be as selective as I...make sense?

IMO....Too needy! I don't like to say...no second chance but I have learned to listen to my gut...
BTW...Tall...what is the 1st challenge in life?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:41:56 AM
So he, right away, shows you freakishly bizarre behavior and you think he's a nice guy that you might not have treated well? Keep looking behind you, he might still be there and you might still be his prey. The whole thing is nuts, he was either looking for a free ride or he's nuts. Why you are not thinking restraining order is beyond me.

Seriously, I'm guessing you have shown yourself to be comfortable to well off and attractive and available and he thought, woohoo! she can take care of me and we can live her lifestyle together. He doesn't know you, so of course he doesn't love you, and I'm guessing you aren't the first woman he's tried this with.
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 15
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 9:10:15 AM
What a gambit of responses! Interesting topic for sure and even more interesting all the different takes on it. I'll be thinking more on this one! ;-)
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 16
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:22:57 AM

Am I nuts?


No...lol

Had this happen to me twice before. Once a little over a year ago. A guy I went out with twice bought me some expensive Christmas gifts and my daughter. Had his mom friend me on facebook, and was overall very needy and questioned any guy who commented on my facebook. He even thru out I could come live with him when I was laid off for a brief stint. Of course that was an easy no, not to mention the fact that he lived about an hr and a half from me. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and go out with him another time and to talk to him to back off, but that would last a few days. He started right back up and was just overall too much too fast. I had to cut all ties off from him. Had to even threaten an RO on him because he wouldnt quit emailing and calling. He even made a feke profile on here with crappy wording just to bait me. (met him off here).

Also am going thru something similar but not as bad. Been talking to this guy for a few months and because of schedules and timing (mainly on my part), we hadnt had a chance to go out for the first time til last weekend. Before that, he was texting me at work asking where I thought this was going. Then proceeded to tell me that he isnt talking and interested in only me and wants to date me exclusively (before we had even met). Ok, nice guy, maybe infatuation, whatever. Went out, had a nice night. The next day he proceeds to confess his feelings and wants an exclusive thing with me. IIIIII dont even kn ow where Im at at this moment. Although I could see something in the future progressing, I would like to take my time and get to know him and date him. However, he isnt wired that way, so, I dont see it working out.

In my world, wtih the mistakes Ive made along my dating years, and what Ive experienced and seen: they start fast, they end fast. Fall hard quickly, end hard quickly.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 17
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:56:47 AM

Hard to believe that anyone can actually love you? Only in this retarded country (the US) showing affection and expressing love is perceived as being 'needy' and looking at 'nice and kind' as a flaw.


dude. you dont get it. she just met him less than a month ago. its not that she has a hard time with someone who can express it. its the amount of TIME, that shows red flags.




To cut it short - yes, you are nuts just like any random **** in this ****ing country. Enjoy being slapped around by some ***hole and treated like shit by your next guy. Could be me.


you got issues man. this sounds like a threat.

sidenote: you dont like this country (im from CA as well), then get the F out and quit bashing how bad you think it is. this isnt about how poorly you think the country is run.
 Jayne0927
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:50:20 PM
Thank you. I feel better, but haven't read the rest of the posts yet.

Jayne
 Jayne0927
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:59:37 PM
God, I never thought I should "take him back". And yes, I did tell him things were moving much too fast, but it just didn't register with him. And yes again, he had his own apartment and a decent job (not some derelict). I just felt so boxed in, especially when at one point I was talking about spending time with friends and he said "Well, you have a boyfriend now".

I am neither needy nor mean spirited. And, for the record, he is 56 and get this, had an 18 yr. relationship with a woman he never lived with. OK, Sigmund, how 'bout that?
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 20
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:57:07 PM
No OP your not nuts.......
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 21
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/11/2012 3:55:13 AM
he likely wants to settle down and has been awaiting for the perfect scenerio, he just needed to be told he was moving way to fast and he was scaring you off is all.

One should not have to provide this level of instruction and guidance to a man in his 50s.


I don't think OP left out anything we really needed to know.
I was done at "showing up with my crap and expecting my own drawer."
 timt7878
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 22
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:35:19 AM
I would say that he probably was so damn lonely that he misinterpreted things. Maybe next time make your feelings known from the getgo. I know I could probably have done the same thing had it not been for all of the rejection both on here and in the real world that has left me with a tough exterior.
 kclady42
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 23
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 10:33:23 AM
I just had a man text me that he was in love and i never met him! creeps me out when people act so needy. I had on many occasions have men talk about future, family, kids , meeting their mom all on the first date nd that sent me running for the hills
 seabreezeandyou
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 24
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:55:50 PM
dude screwed up-understandable
 seabreezeandyou
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 25
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:58:45 PM
I've sent a first text on POF -I think I love you--it was humor--a compliment to the ladies appearance
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Fell Hard Too Fast