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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?      Home login  
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 PureSentiment
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 1
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I love Timmie's coffee, now don't take me wrong, but sitting there for a meet and greet is like a needle in my eye anxious interview. I'd rather get a coffee and find it much better to go do something interesting or action oriented. Something we both like or find interesting together.

I find it much more successful, and it takes the edge off of coming home and realizing nice person, but no cigar! Most of my coffee dates have ended that way.

When I do something with someone I'm more prone to keep in touch, whether there is chemistry or not. Friends are important to me, Male or Female, and you can never have enough of them, as you can always meet a "friend" for coffee!

So I wondered what interesting ideas or things people have done that they enjoyed from their own personal experiences.

 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 4:12:20 AM
With no meet and greet I do not like to try to know them... a meet and greet is the only way to online date. The more meet and greets you go on the easier it is.
You meet and say hello. You chat and see if there is any basic chemistry.... without that why bother? if your looking for friends to do something with try the meetup to do things of common interest. I do not think it is wise to develop relationship BEFORE the meet and greet.

but MOST meet and greets amount to nothing, as there is no chemistry...

I do not believe in trying to make chemistry when there just is none.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 4:24:55 AM

I love Timmie's coffee, now don't take me wrong, but sitting there for a meet and greet is like a needle in my eye anxious interview. I'd rather get a coffee and find it much better to go do something interesting or action oriented. Something we both like or find interesting together.

It will feel like an interview somewhat, as it's a stranger. You can talk forever online and still not be used to each other in person. It doesn't have to be that way, but if you feel it must, then be the person conducting the interview - that should change it up a bit. Never go to see if they like you, go to get them in front of you so you can decide if it's what YOU want.

I have noticed that if I click with the guy, it really doesn't matter where we meet. It's awkward for a couple minutes, but we fall into a comfortable exchange quickly. The only time it's awkward the whole time is if we don't - and doing an activity will only distract me from knowing that sooner.

I find it much more successful, and it takes the edge off of coming home and realizing nice person, but no cigar! Most of my coffee dates have ended that way.

Meaning it was practical. You found out you both weren't a match and moved on. If you're not why drag it out? Again, I will do a coffee meet, and it's more like an "I'm there with coffee, you're free to join" meet since I often go for coffee alone anyway - the dynamic is that I want to sniff them out in person. So it may be that I'm setting the tone that it doesn't bother me as much.

When I do something with someone I'm more prone to keep in touch, whether there is chemistry or not. Friends are important to me, Male or Female, and you can never have enough of them, as you can always meet a "friend" for coffee!

In that case, I'd say don't even interact with anyone in the context of dating - make it all about friendship in the first place, then it won't matter. I will say in THAT context - "let's get together with no goal in mind" coffee still won't be a bad situation.

So I wondered what interesting ideas or things people have done that they enjoyed from their own personal experiences.

I'll have to watch to see what people have done as well.
 PureSentiment
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 4
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 4:45:36 AM
Now that we've picked the post apart ....

What I'm asking for is any other ideas than coffee dates for the first meet?


 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 4:54:01 AM
OP, it is not a total loss... every time you go to a meet and greet and there is no chemistry, you are one person closer to ffinding the right person for you !!!
I did over a hundred meet and greets, some of the guys who showed up where so utterly horrifing to look at ( not just physical looks, but old, fat, sloppy, one showed up looking like he rolled out of bed with dirty clothing, messy hair and stinking, some totally broke or married and all kinds of drama)

I kept on doing this, met a few possibilities ( not many) that I felt chemistry with and with them, took the time to know them, when I saw it was not a match, stopped and went back to meet and greets.
Then one day the right guy showed up !!!... took time to get to know him and it was a match all around. We recently married. He treats me well and we have a commited relationship. It is a good thing too, as I am happy and cared for, loved.
That is the point...
to invest in something meaningful with someone who actually loves you and that you love.

not a series of dates and questionable relationships with men who are not for you, wasting your time and energy, putting you in bad situations and hurting you with wishy washy stupid, immature ridiculousness. I am not going to live forever, so the time I spend with someone has to mean something.
That is the point.

If all you want to do is see how attractive you are to various starngers and waste your time, effort, endanger your phusical and emotional health, then form randon relationships with random men and live according to their ideals and be subjected to their whims. That kinda thing is not for me. I already know who I am and looking for something and someone real... not a toy.
I did meet one I misjudged and he hurt me..... and that can happen too. but it only happened once. I lerned my lesson. In my defense he was not the normal dating site type. It was a very unusual situation... all totally unknown to me because of who he was ( on the lines of celebrity, and because I am not a sports fan I did not know)

You might meet a hundred meet and greets, none for you.. and that's ok. You just keep meeting and greeting until someone shows up who is for you.
If all you want is a series of hookups, you can easily find that on the dating sites. maybe that is really what you want?
decide before you waste your time, what it is exactly that you want !

a tip on meet and greets: a " I dont know" is a NO
any uncertaintly of your attraction is a NO
can you kiss this person? anything as to maybe is a NO.... the idea of a meet and greet is to assess chemistry. after a few minutes of seeing this person in person you either are interested in knowing them or not. There is only a yes or no...
most will be a NO.
thats ok........................ sooner or later one will show up who you want to get to know and that is where you make dates and get to know each other. During that time, any new info you find that is not to your liking or lifestyle, you end it and go back to meet and greets.
In this way, you will find someone decent who is worth your time.

I did meet and greets anywhere in a public place.. lots of meets at the mall.... meet and walk... some at resturants for ONE drink.
You can meet anywhere in a public place.. even the local library or grocery store. anywhere public.... anywhere at all.
 PureSentiment
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 6
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:21:47 AM
all righty then.. let's try it this way....

I don't want to meet somebody in a coffee shop! I'm asking for suggestions on where else to meet them.

Thanks Cowboy... I liked your suggestion.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 7
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:26:28 AM
you want to meet and make friends, join a club, or meetup.. dating sites are not for that
 PureSentiment
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 8
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:35:25 AM
Holy Cow... What is your problem??????? Don't you date out of coffee shops???????

Maybe it's time you did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's the point of this thread.... Where else to go? Not bashing the OP!
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 9
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:38:47 AM
You may need to work on your reading skills.

you meet anywhere in public that you like going... zoo, mall, library, bar, church, resturant, beach.... anywhere public... and you meet for 15 to 30 minutes to assess chemistry.
That is a meet and greet...
or coffee date.

all dating sites have safety instructions, this one included. You should read them over. Always meet at a public place... drink anything you want... water, tea, or nothing at all.

 PureSentiment
Joined: 1/28/2012
Msg: 10
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:40:08 AM
and you need to work on your attitude!
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 11
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:45:43 AM
I meet my clients in a coffee shop
So it is a natural progression that I would meet anyone new where you can purchase a beverage.

Myself ... I prefer Starbucks or a Second cup, as I LOVE chai tea latte.
Starbucks/Second Cup has more of a homey atmosphere.
Many are in a Chapters building, so if you want to browse umoungst the books ...go for it.

If coffee/tea is not your thing,
then how about a nice establishment for a drink.

If the chemistry is there, you can move it over to appetizers, or even dinner.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 12
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:51:59 AM
If you are so all-fired up anti-coffee shops, why in heavens name do you even agree to meet anyone at Timmies or Second Cup or Starbucks or whatever coffee shop venue you seem to be adverse to. I don't think anyone is holding a gun to your head or a knife to your throat and forcing you to meet at a coffee shop. Instead of whining about coffee shops, suggest another venue when you are faced with a first meet and greet. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!

Personally, a 30 minute meet and greet in a coffee shop works for me. You can learn a heck of a lot about another person by sitting for 30 minutes and letting their mouth run on. Most people don't pass the muster.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 13
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Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:02:19 AM
I once met someone at a groecery store ( because I happened to be going to the grocery store that day) for a soft drink.
He brought his mother... ......... who told me to take good care of him........

I had never seen this man before. Obvious psycho... took my soft drink and away I went.

msg 9, op..,. what is your problem? I'm not bashing you. just straight talk. I have no idea why you have taken offense or read something in my posts that you seem to see as having an attitude. I hope you do not act like this on meet and greets as persumtive conclusions can easily equate to emtional baggage, and make meet and greets very difficult for you.

I responded to this thread because I have a lot of experience w/ meet and greets... I never said I only met at coffee shops, actually quite the opposite.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 14
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:28:44 AM
i try to suggest just meeting for coffee, but in the last 6 mos or so the guys i've encountered always turn it into a dinner thing, its ok with me, but i make it clear it doesn't have to be this way. i don't want them to feel like they have to spend money on me. one guy i met at a music store where i live, he bought a harmonica and then we went to a mexican restaurant for dinner, he also made me a pair of earrings....still no chemistry, but he's a nice guy. the other day tho i met a guy in the morning for a great walk at a county park....i loved it, i need a walking partner and i think i may have just found one. i agree i think the more you get out thereand meet the easier it gets, eventually you'll find someone.
 Chrisdan57
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 15
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:46:45 AM
The reason people meet in a coffee shop is so that the meet is short with the option to extend if there is chemistry. I have been in meets where I was looking for the door 5 minutes after the meet and if I had planned a conventional date it would have been an awful evening. I am sure that people I have met felt the same about me.

The other option I have done is to meet in a restaurant bar and if we agree continue to dinner.

If you find a common activity, I dont see anything wrong with using that as a venue. I think the real issue is to pick somewhere that you feel safe and try to keep the plans open for the opportunity to extend if things go well or bail if it is obvious there is not a connection.
 fall_blossom
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 16
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:58:48 AM
The reason people meet in a coffee shop is so that the meet is short with the option to extend if there is chemistry. I have been in meets where I was looking for the door 5 minutes after the meet and if I had planned a conventional date it would have been an awful evening. I am sure that people I have met felt the same about me.
Well said. When there are mutual vibes there is nothing wrong with choosing to do something else. Some have suggested to play pool, I have suggested to check out a bowling alley or go to a park that has mini trails to walk through. I prefer coffee establishments first though.

One man and I on a second date went from a coffee shop to the video store. We were looking for a particular documentary by Michael Moore. We didn't find it, but were able to point out other movies that we felt were good. It didn't take long to do this, but it got us off our butts doing something other than sitting across the table trying to come up with what to say.

One coffee shop in my area has a lounge area with a gas fire place. This more intimate setting was nice and it enabled me to slide my chair closer to another 'first' date while he showed me pictures on his phone of his artwork (very impressive I may add!). I think by then we sort of knew there was connection.

So, there are lots of options that are not limited to coffee shops!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 17
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:10:49 AM

I find it much more successful, and it takes the edge off of coming home and realizing nice person, but no cigar! Most of my coffee dates have ended that way.

If that's the case, then suggest doing something else.

So I wondered what interesting ideas or things people have done that they enjoyed from their own personal experiences.

I generally suggested dinner, but if a woman suggested something else that seemed reasonable, that was fine. Ive had women suggest getting drinks, meeting at starbucks and even inviting me to their homes (not a very smart move when you have never met someone before). Make a suggestion and be open to alternatives.
 General-Public
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 18
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:25:58 AM
I think meeting a date at Timmies, or Coffee time is a horrible place and horrible idea to meet, Timmies is fine when you're out with friends or teammates, but for a first meet nahhhhhh or if the couple is in their teens or college students with limited funds.

I get it if you're visiting a cafe that has a ambiance , fireplace, nice tunes in the back ground perhaps, or as cowboy says grabbing one and going for a walk and talk is a good idea, or a bar for a drink, somewhere the two of you can sit down and relax and talk .

Coffee shops are bland and this is what forces the " interview" types of meeting, coffee shops are cold, its like taking a date to McDonald's or Appleby's for dinner.
 twilitesprite
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 19
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:47:28 AM
I prefer to meet outside the coffee shop in the parking lot and either go for coffee and a walk or go our separate ways if he does not turn out to be anything like his profile pics... and it has happened many times.
 kissmeyoufool
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 20
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:51:10 AM

So I wondered what interesting ideas or things people have done that they enjoyed from their own personal experiences.

I'll report back when I actually do something interesting on a first meet.

I'd love to go to a shooting range, go to a driving range for golf (as I can't hit a ball), shoot a few games of pool.

Understanding that people don't want to be locked into a great deal of time with someone they're not sure they will have any chemistry with, I figure if I didn't have anything else do to with that time...why not?!? There's always tomorrow....
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 21
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 9:05:23 AM
For my first dates I have done coffees, happy hours, lunches and dinners.

I haven't met any horrifying people as others have described, so all of my dates have been relatively pleasant. On most of the dates, there wasn't much of an emotional or physical connection, but that didn't stop me from enjoying myself or the company of the person I was with. I really don't think I have had any "bad" dates. As to coffee dates specifically, I haven’t found them to be any better or worse at determining initial chemistry.

Because chemistry is so unpredictable, I won't invest a tremendous amount of time, effort and money into planning an elaborate or creative first date. I actually did think about it with one woman. We had talked and texted for about a week, and there seemed to be an amazing connection. I thought it would be fun to do something out of the box for the first date. We ended up just meeting for lunch at a nice restaurant, and I'm glad we did. No chemistry. We were both actually very bummed, because we were hoping for something to be there. It would have been awkward if I had gone with my initial idea to have a private lunch in the middle of a hotel ballroom, and have the chef come out and explain each course as it was delivered by our own team of tuxedo clad servers. I thought that would have been a very unique first date, and being in the hotel business, I could have pulled it off. Scares me to think how uncomfortable that would have been. That was early on in my online dating experience (last month-hah), but after that I vowed to keep first dates simple.
 Chrisdan57
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 22
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 9:19:55 AM
I could have pulled it off. Scares me to think how uncomfortable that would have been. That was early on in my online dating experience (last month-hah), but after that I vowed to keep first dates simple.
. And that is the problem, you just never know. There are so many factors that come into play that planning an out of the box meet just adds stress. Why add the internal question of "does she like the place I picked" to the dozen or so questions already swirling in your head.

I have hit it off with people online and over the phone many times to find that it just didnt happen in the actual meeting. Sometimes it was me or sometimes it was her. Normally I know within the first 5 minutes if it is going to happen. I have only been wrong once about my impressions.....we met at a bar and I was convince she was disappointed. I was waiting for the "nice meeting you, but" instead I got "want to get something to eat?" We have been going out for 3 years in July. The point being is I prefer to leave the planning until I know more about the person I am planning with.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 23
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:32:02 AM
..There are a number of establishments that make exceptionally good coffee in my opinion. I love McDonald's coffee but of course would not suggest that as a possibility. Being a good ole Canadian girl....love my Timmies...but first meet, some may find very impersonal.
And then there's 7-11 who also make an excellent brew...I swear, they make a good cup of coffee.....but no, not cool huddling outside with a bunch of teenagers.

But.....I have met a couple of guys at Chapters for coffee. I've gone early, browsed through the books while waiting. And what better way to initiate good conversation with someone... being surrounded by books.


...mae
 seki1949
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 24
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:47:48 AM

I have hit it off with people online and over the phone many times to find that it just didnt happen in the actual meeting.


It's very strange, isn't it - the first 30 seconds (more like 10 seconds) one or the other *knows*. You see the frown of disappointment or the smile of happiness almost instantly. And the same is on your face.

I use to do long email and phone exchanges before meeting. I got quite attached to some of these ladies before we even met. Now I move quickly to one or two emails to one or two phone calls to an actual meet.

It's just too painful to invest a lot upfront.

Wiser Now, Seki
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 25
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:56:01 AM
Coffee dates for me. I don't want to be stuck eating a meal with someone I have no interest in or who isn't interested in me. There is nothing worse. Besides after having a first date that turned into the dinner date from hell(not from POF) a few years ago, I decided never to do that again! I think most people know pretty quickly if there is a connection once you meet in person. If there is then you can always move on to something else after coffee. If not then you can easily say your "It was nice to meet you" and be on your way.
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