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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How do you tell someone no?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 KenS88
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 1
How do you tell someone no?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So I've met a few girls on here and at first it always starts great. Then something clicks and I realize they're not for me. Whats the best way to end it without being cruel? Example, this girl and I started to hit it off and then she turned into a horrible downer. Every conversation turned to self pity and how bad her life is. I'm sorry, but I can't stand when people complain non stop. I won't talk to someone who always has a negative attitude and whines. So whats the best way to end talking to them in the most polite manner? I'm not an ***hole, I just know if something has a chance or doesnt. Any advice or examples of how someone else did it? Thanks!
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 2
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:43:26 PM
Just tell her the truth. Tell her that you aren't feeling it anymore and the reasons why. It will either piss her off or she will realize what her mistake was and fix it for the future.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 3
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:44:58 PM
Not enough info to give any advice on.
Need more info about you contact/relationship with these young ladies?
Online chat only? just end it.
Met F2F? don't date any longer and tell the truth, politely, as to why.
F'ed them? Sorry, you're going to be an a**hole in their eyes.
 KenS88
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 4
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:51:47 PM
Chatting on here at first, then texted for about a week with plans to meet. Then she just went into pity mode and I couldn't take it. I just stopped speaking to her. Literally, every conversation after 4 or 5 days was her complaining. I dont mean like "Oh, today was so bad! I hated it. So glad it's down, how was yours?" It was non stop texts about how she hates her situation, she wants to move, she cant find a job, she cant afford this, she cant do that. Almost every single text. So I just chose to drop the conversation. Deleted her number and all messages. I feel like it was a pretty rude thing to do, but I couldnt think of another way out of it at the time.
 KenS88
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 5
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:52:20 PM
Done* not down.
 KenS88
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 6
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:57:13 PM
Well tallmanenters, I wouldnt say that to a woman seeing as that is pretty ignorant. I'm not looking for a friendship after. At the end of the day I'm wanting to know I'm a good person and wouldn't spaz out on a girl like that. Thanks for your input though.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 7
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:07:09 PM
Okay, sounds like she's about to hit you up for some cash. I wouldn't worry about being rude, just be done with it.
 KenS88
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 8
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:09:53 PM
Mazr, thats a very good way to do it. Thanks for that tip. Also, DudeistPriest thats what I though so I did end it. I randomly saw that she looked at my profile again and so I clicked on hers and noticed that she decided to bash me in her info. Now she didn't say my name, but without a doubt it was about me. So I was just curious of the best way to let someone know you aren't interested anymore and would like to end it without coming off rude.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 9
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:19:55 PM
You can never control another person, their reaction or what they will say about you.

Best to be honest, but tactful.

Just say "I don't think we're a match" or "I don't see this going anywhere on my part, best of luck to you, in your search".

Delete, block if neccessary, and move on. They will do what they will do, you can't affect how they feel when rejected.

Most I have found, move on without a second thought. A few will send nasty notes, or say things about you. What can you do? No one will be everybody's cup of tea, nor will you be.

It's really that simple.
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 10
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:44:23 PM
Sounds like you are better off without her.

I agree, say thank you but no thank you kindly.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

The exception is if they don't understand no.
Then you need to be firm but not nasty.

Don't lower yourself to their level.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 11
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:47:09 PM

At the end of the day I'm wanting to know I'm a good person and wouldn't spaz out on a girl like that.


My God are you mislead! Being a good person is not up to her -- it is up to you. If you want to be a good person then by Jezis BE ONE. That has absolutely nothing to do with breaking up with anyone.
 mariacba
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 12
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 4:25:24 PM
What about telling her you are not a good match but at the same time drop her a hint about what you dislike from her.Thus, you will help her to grow and change what is wrong with her.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 13
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 4:45:18 PM
OK, first off, your only ASSUMING she was going to ask you for money. Did she? It doesn't sound like she did.......so yes, YOUR AN ASS........learn to quit making assumptions about people and take some time FACE TO FACE to actually know them!
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 14
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 5:04:47 PM
The OP states:


Chatting on here at first, then texted for about a week with plans to meet. Then she just went into pity mode and I couldn't take it.


Doesn't sound to me like he's even met this girl...........
 raid_on_me
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 15
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 5:31:27 PM
If you didn't even meet her yet then I'd just tell her you're not interested and wish her luck or something.
 KenS88
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 16
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 5:36:23 PM
Loverflower, if you would have thoroughly read my posts you would have noticed I only agreed that she may have wanted money. However, the reason I wanted to stop talking was due to her negativity. So instead of calling someone an ass and making your own assumptions you should read more in depth and not take context and imply it differently. To everyone else, thank you for the input and tips.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 17
view profile
History
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 5:43:55 PM
I have learned from experience (being on both sides) that the best method is not to respond anymore, especially since you haven't even met face to face yet.

Anyone who gets it and is mature enough to move on is going to move on with no drama.
Anyone who doesn't is just going to use your communication against you and make it nasty.
Therefore, it is always best in these situations to be kind by stopping communication.
 KenS88
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 18
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:43:04 PM
Thanks Adriana, thats probably the best route to go with. I'll remember that!
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 19
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:46:38 AM
"OK, first off, your only ASSUMING she was going to ask you for money. Did she? It doesn't sound like she did.......so yes, YOUR AN ASS........learn to quit making assumptions about people and take some time FACE TO FACE to actually know them!"

@loverflower- If a guy messaged you about how lonely and horny he is and how he hadn't had sex in sooo long, what would your assumption be?
It's not this young mans fault that the girl comes across as a needy ****. Even if it's not money she's looking for then it's an over abundance of attention. Either way she blew not him.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 20
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:11:08 AM

@loverflower- If a guy messaged you about how lonely and horny he is and how he hadn't had sex in sooo long, what would your assumption be?
It's not this young mans fault that the girl comes across as a needy ****. Even if it's not money she's looking for then it's an over abundance of attention. Either way she blew not him.


It's not a secret there are probably a few people here that are looking for money. It's also not a secret that there are people here just looking for sex.

FOR ME, talking about sex in the beginning stages of getting to know someone is a huge turn off. That's not about assuming anything.......it's just a turn off for me......TO ME the concentration should be on getting to know one another and seeing if there is anything there..........NOT sex..............but you have only to read a few threads in this forum to know that "getting to know one another" hardly ever happens anymore...........

Point is the OP is whining about the "what if's" when he knows he's not interested in this girl.......maybe the gal did come across as needy......but, if your not
interested why keep contacting her? Why keep wondering about all the "what ifs?"
Just MOVE ON and forget that gal and don't contact her...............
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 21
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:14:18 AM
Seriously.

Have you not heard the most popular compaint on this site?!?!? After 4-5 emails, the girl is GONE...

The great thing about your situation is, time is on your side! You don't even need to break it off, just give it a few emails and away she will go...
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 22
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:26:45 AM
I don't know why people have such a tough time telling it all... in a loving way? The people I know who are honest and upfront with a heavy dose of understanding and compassion are the ones I have the upmost respect and admiration for?

Hence I do my best to emulate that behavior myself and follow other Christlike examples.

I'd tell the girl " Ya know I like you a lot, but this [behavior] is very unsettling to me and I can't see a future with you because of it?"

You could even soften what you are about to say by giving an example of what it is like to stay positive in a world that is completely self absorbed in instant gratification... and that you find it essential to try and surround yourself with positive, encouraging and happy people... and avoid the alternatives?

I'd also say be a man and do it in person. Possibly... this girl who is so perfect in other ways to you??? will see the err in her ways and will set a new course? Lord knows I've had many a course changes in half a century myself! lol

I'm sure you are way too smart than to think that you are going to find perfection. haha

Best wishes!
 xlmagboy
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 23
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:43:56 AM
I would complain to her that you don't like her complaining.
 kclady42
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 24
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 10:27:41 AM
Just say sorry no chemistry but the best of luck to you and leave it at that. if she goes postal just walk away
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
History
How do you tell someone no?
Posted: 2/12/2012 11:27:37 AM
Tell her the truth
you are young, and can not deal with her issues, she might just learn something from the truth!
do it in a nice way, take the blame

your generation is, well not very mature, when I was your age, generally I would just be honest,people my age, played games in grade/high school
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