Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is she getting played?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Is she getting played?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Mary sounds desperate to be involved with this guy... I would have stopped all interest in him after he shows up with his girlfreiend and makes out with her in front of me.

She is her own worst enemy... does not know when to move on I guess.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:29:34 AM

Mary met this guy through a mutual friend. He is in the military and just returned to the U.S. after spending a year in Afghanistan. He drove up to Michigan from Kentucky to see a friend of his. When him and Mary met, he was out with a group of friends and his ex girlfriend. He was very attentive to his ex, to the point where they were making out in public, right in front of Mary. However, every time his ex left the room, he would flirt with Mary. But when his ex was around, he would pay no attention to Mary whatsoever.

This man is an attention-wh0re and he's playing games. Mary needs to kick his butt back into active service (in the dating world) and let him get on with it. She can do better.


What the hell is this guy doing? Is this genuine or is he just looking to get some? Mary is all head over heals for him, but I don't want to see her get hurt again. What do you think?


He's about a genuine as a $3.00 bill. He's just looking to get some - and she's not even top of the list. She's Plan B at best based on the way he treated her when his ex was in the room.

I think you should show her this thread and let her see for herself. I also think that Mary needs to value herself more and not enable this sort of treatment especially as she saw it with her own eyes.

This man showed Mary exactly who he was, so why doesn't she believe him ? He's a player and an opportunist and Mary should have shut the door in his face rather then made out with him on the couch the following day.

It took me a long time to understand that we teach people how to treat us by the behaviors we accept from them. Is this how she wants to be treated by this man ? It shouldn't be.
 WinterIsComing80
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 4
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:32:34 AM
Mary is a fool and she got her panties wet by being relegated to 2nd choice. Welcome to the wonderful world of women. After this dude uses her and dumps her you still wont have any better chance with Mary than you did before. The next asshat is going to come along and you will also watch that self destructive melodrama unfold before your very eyes. It doesn't matter what you say to Mary she is going to do whatever she feels like. Have fun in the friend zone!
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/13/2012 2:08:26 PM
Sounds like SHE somehow forgave him, and since, so far so good. She can add up the pros and cons, deal with the consequences of her decision and take a chance like the rest of us. Do not start thinking you know better than her for what is right for her. You'll be the one hurting her by implying that she isn't capable of making good decisions. If, she needs a lesson, even if her feelings get hurt, she'll just have to go through it, with or without your support. It could very well be that he's genuine, but got off to a wrong start. He could be a cunning jerk. I'm not convinced either way. The thing is, is doesn't matter what you or I think, what matters is that you are there for her if needed.
When she met him, he was out and about single, in a touchy situation and there was probably alcohol involved, the next day he felt remorse and is trying to make it up to her, it seems to be working. They feel something... let nature take it's course and THEIR chips fall where they may. Not your circus,not your monkey!
I'm curious, have you questioned your sense of entitlement? Your motives besides her possibly getting hurt? What's in it for you (or not) if she's has a relationship with this guy? You actually can do something about these things.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/13/2012 2:26:57 PM
This guy is just back from being in the service over seas......with not many to really enjoy. He now has a couple of women interested in him, and he is enjoying the attention and wanting to play as much as possible.

You never said why he has an ex? Was it that they were to take a break from each other while he was over seas? Are they not a couple because they both dated while apart? Sounds to me that he is just catching up on what he left, and also seeing some nice new meat to enjoy, if possible.

I am thinking that he must have a couple from back home at base, and will enjoy playing both ends against the middle until he has had his fill of the game he is playing. Tell you friend to enjoy him if that is what she wants, but to know that anything long term will take much longer to develop.

cd..........
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 7
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/13/2012 2:45:50 PM
She's not getting played. She knows the score and decided to play anyway.

Is this genuine or is he just looking to get some?

It looks to me that it's more like your friend Mary is looking to get some.

Mary is all head over heals for him, but I don't want to see her get hurt again. What do you think?

I think if she's not any smarter than that, there's not much you can do. She's walking into it with her eyes wide open. On the other hand, maybe all she wants is quick fling. Don't butt in to her affairs. (No pun intended.) You'll only end up pissing her off.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/13/2012 4:36:25 PM
She's not getting played at all. By the way, I hate that term.

She's "accepting" what men(or this man) is giving her,just like all women that go thru this crap. She let him do what he does for however long she will accept it, than shiat will hit the fan and we will hear alllllllll about the "players" of the world.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 10
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/13/2012 5:54:49 PM
He's making up for lost time.

Shame Mary is so dense to go out with a man AFTER she saw him making out with another woman.

Nahhh ... maybe I'll change the word to STUPID!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 11
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:45:18 PM
I'll admit, I'd like to date her.

In that case, you need to cut her off as friend and put some value on your company, so she has some respect for you. You never will have a chance to date her as long as you're willing to be her friend (and doornat) in exchange for nothing.

Am I supposed to lie and tell her how happy I am for her and that he seems like a nice guy?

Well, my best friend is a woman (an escort, actually) and she has a complicated love life. When she talks to me about some guy she knows is not going to be good for her and she asks my opinion, I don't tell her to not see him. I just give her the pros and cons, tell her she has to make her own decisions and that she can call me if she needs me for something if things don't pan out. However, since I don't want to date, I can be objective. You have an agenda. You'd rather sway her opinion, than tell her to do what will make her happy.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 14
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/16/2012 6:24:34 AM
I say, why don't YOU ask her out?
 PutYouOnBlast
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 15
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/16/2012 12:58:27 PM
Does it matter to you if Mary gets played? She doesn't seem to mind. She believes that the other girl is the 'ex', when in fact, she is not. It was that much obvious when his 'ex' was out of sight, and then was back from wherever she took off to. He won't worry about getting in her pants. It is a done deal already, even if they haven't done anything yet.

He is wooing her, and if she let him in the front door, fasten your seatbelt-----you are in for a bumpy ride in the friend zone.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Is she getting played?
Posted: 2/16/2012 1:12:15 PM
she is not getting played
she just wants to have sex with him,
and there is no shortage of drama at your age!!!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is she getting played?