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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How can you know if someone is genuine?      Home login  
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 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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How can you know if someone is genuine? Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
genuine would be exactly opposite of this guy your dealing with........

he is not genuine, not anything but trying to play you. If you date him he will be wishy washy nut job who will not end up a good memory.

He is testing his ability to control and play you...

Stop talking to him and do yourself a favor.
 xlmagboy
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 4
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:14:53 AM
I would text him and ask him if he is genuine. Or text POF and ask if he is genuine.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 5
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:17:31 AM
You aren't going to scare him off because he's not 'on'. You are Plan B at best. If you're okay with that - fine, but I think you deserve someone who actually wants to be with you and spend time you you rather then someone who will use you when at a loose end.

Just one other comment - stop the damn texting. Texting is like e-mailing messages. It's just words on a screen who anyone can write. People can hide behind words as it's rather an anonymous method of communication and an easy way to mis-represent yourself.

If someone has a genuine interest in you, they will be more then willing to speak on the phone. Hearing someone's voice give the added information of inflection and intent and sometimes pauses/hesitations which are very informative. It's a useful tool.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 8
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:25:33 AM
I just re-read you original post and if I am understanding correctly - you met at the beginning of December, had a date, went back to his place. As a minimum, you made out in order to get the love bites on your neck (which you are offended by him having done despite not stopping him) and since then only texts have been exchanged ? Jeez, girl - this is mid-February !

I hate to break this to you but if I have summarized that correctly, you are in potential 'fvck buddy zone'. That situation is not going to change.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 10
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:32:11 AM
You've seen in twice in 10 weeks. And ended up making out both times.

If a female friend of yours was telling you this, what would your view be ? Take a step back, see the truth as it is, stop making excuses, stop putting yourself in situations you aren't happy with and move on.
 soo-girl
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 14
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:44:03 AM
I'm going against the crowd here.

Based on your post, it sounds to me like you went overboard with the texting. You came on too strong, maybe started acting possessive, and scared him away. He wasn't ready for it and didn't know what to say, so he said nothing and avoided you.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 15
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:45:32 AM
We met on Tuesday (this one just gone) as well, we made out but didn't sleep together.


and it seems your playing him too and enjoy this? yes it seems so... because why would you keep meeting someone who is playing games?
the only answer is you like this.

Good luck to you, your going to need it by the time this plays out. Your profile says you want to date but nothing serious.. so that is what you have as this is far from serious... its just games.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 17
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:57:23 AM
Sad to say, you can't get an encouraging response from this mob even though it is justified in your case.

Here is what I gather:

You went out and had a good time with him.

You over did the texting a little and he balked

Made himself scarce for a while but then remembered that he liked you, decided that he over reacted and thought he should reconsider.

He texted, you got angry and then went dead again

He heard from you, he relented and you went out again and it was nice.

Now you want to know if he is taking you for a joke? I dare say you aren't one -- just a little over anxious. He doesn't quite know what to make of that yet. If he posted the same story here everyone would be calling you a needy psyco. He probably already heard that from his friends but very much wants to give you the benefit of the doubt. For you the best course is to do nothing more for now and let him think you mellowed out. If I were wrong my advice would still be the same. If he did really think you are a joke then you want to do nothing and let him go. Either way do nothing. I think there is a lot positive here.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 18
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:58:50 AM
So you wouldn't say that I scared him in the first place (I suffer from depression and have awful insecurities), and now I'm being 'tested' to see if I give the same reaction?


Stop making excuses for your behavior or his. You are either emotionally ready to date or you aren't. If your depression and insecurities are causing these issues now, I would suggest that you are not in the best place to date and this medium of meeting people is not one suitable for you at this time. Don't bring other people into your crap. It's unfair.

And with regards to testing - that's for kids in the playground. Don't test people and stop letting people test you. Testing normally means one person has rules which they aren't sharing with the other - that's setting them up to fail. Don't participate in this on any level. If people would only communicate as much as they tested, things would be a darn sight easier for everyone and goals would actually be achieved.


I just get worked up afterwards and slip into depression again and it's that same with every guy I meet, I just wanna stop doing that.


Based on this statement alone - Do you really think this is a good match ? If this is how you feel after interacting with this man, I would suggest this is not the man for you.


So in short this behaviour is all down to him and he is just using me?


Honestly - I think you are both using each other. I think he is using you for a back up fvck buddy and you are allowing him to. I think you are looking to use him for an emotional crutch hence all the needy texting and he is allowing you to (on his terms to some extent) . Showing him your insecurities by being needy allow him an easy way to string you along until he's decided one way or the other if you're going to accept his behavior based on your insecurities. This is a train wreck waiting to happen.


The same things seem to happen time and time again when I meet guys, so I'm not sure if I'm attacting guys who are going to use me or if it's my own behaviour that creates these situations.


YOU are the common denominator. We teach people how to treat us based on what we accept from them. Decide what you want and need and reject those who can't provide it.

On the most basic level, relationships are an agreement which is mutually beneficial. You each bring something to the table which the other wants or needs. What are you offering to a potential relationship ? Think about that.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 21
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 7:09:53 AM
Op,you'll hear from him again when he wants sex.

Sounds to me that you're a f*uckbuddy ALREADY and you dont seem to realize it.

Sorry

*Edit* Nowinters,your comment about putting my morality on anyone else is pretty rich coming from a guy who's argued and counter-argued for 18 Pages on another Thread whereby you've tried your darndest to sway the gals to YOUR way of thinking,ie: to date 55 year old men with young children! LOL
So,spare me.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 22
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 7:15:36 AM
@msg 22 ...........Why be sorry? What is the big crime in being FB's? Why put your "morality" on someone else? Some folks do like sex just for sex. Are they bad? Come to find out they only made out? Please.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 27
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 11:41:10 AM
this may be an obvious question to some...but..did u bang him both times?/
 seventiesbaby2
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 31
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 12:42:24 PM
Listen I am not trying to be mean.. if you sleep with a guy on the first date he is not going to take you seriously. Why would you do something like that. I man usually has to date me for a long time and I have to know him and develop an emotional conncetion. Why didnt you want this man to respect you? If you want a boyfriend and a guy to call you you cant have sex with him on the first date.. Then after you had sex with him you texed him excessively.. your lucky he even saw you a second time Being that you acted so mentally unstable. You need to talk to someone about your obsessive behavior with this guy that clearly has no interst in you. You need to meet a guy and act classy and get to know him not jump into bed with him if you want a relationship. Then dont text him .. I dont text of call men I am dating. Trust me being persued is way more fun than chasing somoene it feels great. You need to be a challenge.My suggestion is this... meet a guy you like and be his freind for a long time. Then move to a physical relationship. You made yourself nothing but a booty call to this man.. good luck ... life is tough . things will be ok
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 34
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 6:57:56 PM
I don't see the point of caring what he does or doesn't want, what you should be wondering about is why did you go so nuts over a guy you hopped into bed with right away and he turned out to not be Prince Charming? Seriously, why did you do this stuff? Instead of meeting up with him again for some sex with a stranger, why not get some help and find out why you are acting like a child.

And you already bedded him on the first night, so why is sex off the table now? What did you think he came back for, some more of the insanity? No, he thought, hey, she wants to do it again. If you aren't emotionally stable, then why would you think a stable guy would be hooking up with you? Fix your issues before you start looking for someone, unless all this drama and silliness is an emotional turn on for you.
 SweetLR1
Joined: 4/21/2011
Msg: 36
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/17/2012 11:55:32 PM
Run the other way. This guy is only going to hurt you like he has all the numerous women before you. This guy is on a mission to hurt women. Look, you've already been hurt by him. He'll do it again to you and if not to you, then his next victim.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 42
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/18/2012 12:10:36 PM

if you sleep with a guy on the first date he is not going to take you seriously.

it's more accurate to say, first date sex doesn't GUARANTEE that a man's goals will magically be transformed to match the woman's goals.

you are a victim.

nonsense, and such pats on the head do not help the op. there's no indication she was coerced in any way. her emotional instability and its consequences will never change until SHE takes responsibility for them.
 shygirl413
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 45
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/18/2012 5:30:10 PM
So you have anxiety issues you must address or you will scare men away in the future too that you love.... do something about it...
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 49
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 4:35:01 AM
When I'm not really into anyone I feel really confident and happy in my skin, but when I meet someone, I really enjoy seeing them. But when they are gone all my insecurities come back and I feel bad and like I'm not good enough. I also get anxious in case they don't want to see me again etc.


So your original question is just a symptom of the real problem, which is the underlying insecurities. And it would make your confidence weak at best, otherwise you wouldn't decide to fall apart every time something doesn't go your way with some guy you just met. If you find a way to identify and resolve the insecurities you feel about being in a relationship or not being in a relationship with a man, you won't even need to ask these questions.

Bu when they are gone... I feel bad and like I'm not good enough

YOU DECIDED to feel bad and not good enough at some point, for some reason that we cannot discern. You said to yourself, "every time THIS happens, I will feel like THAT". Why did you decide to do that? (Something to think about; you don't have to answer.) But you had other choices, and it would have been so much EASIER and LESS STRESSFUL to decide something more useful and reasonable, like noticing how the kind of high-pressure behavior you like to engage in is counter-productive because gets you something completely the opposite of what you say you want. You can't blame the guy because you ran him off with your shotgun texting.


Is he just seeing if I can chill out and not get obsessive

Based on what you've described here, I'd have to say yes. Frankly I'm surprised you haven't sent him running for the hills after your first temper tantrum.


(I suffer from depression and have awful insecurities),

Depression is manageable and insecurities can be fixed. I think you should focus on those things first rather than having reactions about some guy biting your neck, because otherwise these things will forever be standing in your own way.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 50
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:27:43 AM
I think once youre over 20 it only counts as a "stamp" if its on your inner thigh, but I'll have to check in the manual to make sure

Jeez, where to start......

It reads a bit like two frogs calling each other green tbh

He could be seeing if youre still mentally and emotionally unstable before trying to build any type of interaction with you, he might just see you as an adult choosing to spend time with him consentually when its mutually convenient and nothing more

Infact he might have REALLY liked you to begin with, saw how totally insane you are and then decided that anything more than hanging out with you on your saner days was the most he should allow himself

If you like him then meet, dont shag and actually talk like grown ups about whats already happened, where youre at now and what you both want, dont want (and expect) in the future and if thats workable then carry on, if not dont

Considering how you have behaved so far NOBODY can guess at why he is acting how he is, infact he probably isnt completely sure why hes putting his head back into the lionesses mouth when theres plenty of sane and emotionally stable women on the planet

So if you want to explore things with him do, if not dont. But I REALLY wouldnt suggest over thinking it right now
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 53
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:13:11 AM
^^^ Good for you, V! That's the spirit!! I think you'll figure it out. In the meantime, one thing you can try that I think will help, is putting more time between your having a bad feeling and acting on it.

Feel like sending that barrage of texts??? Ok but put it off until tomorrow, at least. Instead, sit down and write your thoughts out by hand, put them away for the evening, then come back tomorrow and read what you wrote.

I think in many cases you will read it again and say, OMG thank god I didn't fire that one off!!!!
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 54
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How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:14:09 AM
I wouldnt assume anything is "ruined", yeah you've been a bit OTT, but tbh, men are pretty much brought up to expect insane outbursts from women now and then anyway so just see how it goes

But if you genuinely want to see this person I'd suggest avoiding the "going back to your place" stuff so you can figure out if he does actually like you or thinks youre just having a consentual casual interaction

Maybe try and just interact as friends while youre having counselling and see how that works out

If not then I wouldnt worry about it, chances are if you have a success with the counselling you will find youre attracted to completely different types of men anyway and different types of men will be attracted to you

So chances are you might look back and wonder why you even fancied him in the first place in a few months time
 soo-girl
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 55
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:18:47 AM

A lot of this is all my own feelings and would scare anyone away. So I'm going to work on that, in fact I've just beginning having counselling.


That's terrific!

No matter how a situation turns out, good or bad, if it helps you learn something about yourself, and makes you want to be a better person, than it was a worthwhile experience. Good luck.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 56
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:34:05 AM

We had a lovely first date, I ended up going back to his.


You tell that people are genuine by getting to know them before going back to "his." You can't establish the honesty and intent of anyone with whom you speak on the phone, exchange emails, and meet once or twice. Heck, you can't even judge after you know that person for weeks.

He didn't expect the onslaught of texts, etc., and you expected that one date meant more than it did.

Time--that's how you gauge genuineness.
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 59
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:04:39 AM
He could be playing you at this point but either way... the best thing you can do is chill and not freak.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 61
How can you know if someone is genuine?
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:42:21 AM

But I got overwhelmed and after started texting loads and getting a bit obsessive.


This is a prime example why I refuse to follow step #368549 in the On-Line Dating for Dummies handbook-the bible for singles. You know that rule: After three methods of communication have already been used, go to a fourth: the non-stop, 24/7 never ending insane method of psycho texting for no real reason. Unlike everybody else, my whole purpose for living and breathing does not revolve around texts. It's hard to have a relationship with a computer/phone screen. At least they're not programmed to argue back.
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