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 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 1
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I learned about TMI, that I share way too much information, and too soon. In the past people would mention that, but I always thought it was their problem. But too many on PoF have told me that in too quick a succession for me not to believe it. I think it is easier to share less information than it is for someone that doesn't like to share to open up, so it shouldn't be that difficult to shut down a little.

I am sure that in two other dating situations during the get to know you email phase this had caused the women to drop out of communications.

Also, people are much more negative about dating than I would have expected.

Have anyone found the forums to be helpful in understanding yourself or other people? Are people more or less honest than you expected? Weirder that you expect?
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:15:13 AM
Have anyone found the forums to be helpful in understanding yourself or other people?


oh yes... very much so !
The forums can be very enlightening. I was one of those addicted posters back like 7 years ago who was trying to figure things out. Coming out of a relationship and confused by the dating site people I met.
The forums helped me see why I was having the bad luck I was having in meeting such DREADFUL and eye opening experinces.

Back then meet and greets were not thought of well. I'm glad to see they are now commonplace.

What I figured out was I was not using the sites well and to my advantage and the type of person I hoped to meet on them was not the typical dating site person.

I started doing things different and also learned how to walk away differently to not encounter stalkers or the angry daters with something to prove.
( there are some sick and crazy people in the world).

One thing it made me realize on the forums how crazy some people are, I had no idea someone could be that crazy and function in the world.
It made me more aware of the level of mental illness in dating site world with the unrealistic expectations, self promoting visions people had in themselves with no reality to back it up... some of the more dangerous types too... players, nut jobs, etc.

Made me more aware to help sort through the crap easier.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 3
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:18:13 AM


Have anyone found the forums to be helpful in understanding yourself or other people


I don't know about understanding others but it sure has confirmed my thoughts on people in general. Especially those that live here in North America. There are a wide range of "types" here in the forums,some quite intelligent and observant. Some,not most. The others,well, like I said, just confirming that I'm not as crazy as I once thought.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 4
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:23:11 AM
Good Post Dragon; let's hope the goons don't get at it. To answer your question. I've learned quite a bit. Well, yes, I never expected the negativity, falseness or deceit. POF has really changed my opinion of humanity. True. I've also learned some will never date again. If nothing else, it has been very illuminating. The forums have been very good. Trying to explain some of the bizarre behavior on the dating side.
 apurfectmeow
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 5
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:31:05 AM
I tend to be introspective by nature so yes I have learned a great deal about dating from the forums and this site. I am an open book as well and internet dating has been difficult because of it. Here in the south men tend to be old school and Ive had to learn to be quiet. They like the truth sugar coated so it tastes good and feels better going down. I discovered Im the one thats weird because I tell it like it is without thinking about how it sounds. Im from a traditional European family and we have been raised to express strong emotions, and thoughts or get drowned in the back ground of our very large group. Being a New Yorker to top it off Im quite hard headed and also learned its ok to let a man do things for me. Im not Wonder Woman after all.

Internet dating/dating in general was new to me after my fiance passed. I never realized how difficult it was to meet people and find chemistry. When I was younger I over looked many things about potential partners I now find important. I have become lazy through the click of a mouse with the plethora of online profiles.
What a way to meet people. I have made more friends than anything really.

I am currently dating (once again) a man I met back in the summer of 2009 when I first joined this site. Will it last? I have no idea but we do make good friends :)
 Scureza_di_Corpolò
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 6
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:55:30 AM
I think the forums made me a better partner, at least in one small way. There was a thread I read every word of, on an issue I was also having, and when I saw that both the males and females lined up together with 90% agreement, that got my attention.

Change isn't always easy. But he and I both benefit from my new point of view.

People seem to me the same degrees honest, weird, whatever as IRL. Although many more of them, roll across your line of vision online, and the tendency is to focus on the negative.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 7
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:07:37 AM
You are who you are, and you do what you do.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 8
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:08:38 AM
"PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?"
_________________________

I've learned that i'm NORMAL!

..and that I can be VERY sarcastic!

 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 9
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:22:06 AM
Eat your cherioo.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 10
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:39:47 AM
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." 'A Tale of Two Cities'

Some of the best folks in here, some of the worst & some in between.

Many recurring themes...

I realize how blessed I am in so many ways...

I could go on all day, LOL

Great free entertainment

When are they gonna make POF: The Movie ???
Who will play Markus? Cowboy, you can play yourself! I think it would be a blockbuster & they could have endless sequels
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 11
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:47:02 AM
Endless Seques, Huh? "A Tale Of Two Cities" was a great book. I really liked that book in my junior year. It, and still, is a great book. Depending on your imaganation.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 12
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:52:02 AM
Great post!

After a 10 year relationship and 1.5 years of a dating hiatus the dating vortex has been stupefying to say the least. I've worked in war zone/post disaster situations my whole career and frankly nothing has been more confusing and daunting than on-line dating. The forums in general and the posts from UK Import and IGOR F. have been really interesting and helpful to me.

Of course the dating experiences in itself has been the great source of curiosity, wonder, horror for my friends. I've often thought of my self as a lead character in this strange absurdist play called on-line dating.

What have I learnt:

-who would ever believe that men in their 50's and 60's would lie (age, picture, ....)
-meet and greet vs dating
-I've become ruthlessly discerning. I will only go out with someone that really catches my fancy now
-'the friend zone" never heard of it before
- the lack of basic social/conversational skills
- 'trolls'
-the forums in itself is a genuinely democratic construct - you really do get hear from people from every walk of life with very diverse points of view - it's a curiosity for sure-
while the forums can have a gladiator aspect to it I've often been touch by the kindness and wisdom members have shared

So thanks.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 13
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PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 6:53:14 AM
I have learned there are alot
of fccked up people in this world
and.......

Im still trying to figure out if I am one
of them.

I am staying far far away from the
dating side of this site.

I have learned too much to list here- but I have
learned.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 14
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:00:24 AM
I have learned there are alot
of fccked up people in this world
and.......

Im still trying to figure out if I am one
of them.
----------------------------------------------
Oh no you're not. You're fine.
 soo-girl
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 15
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:06:19 AM

When are they gonna make POF: The Movie ???


I would totally watch that! LOL
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 16
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:07:41 AM
humm

about the forums:

That a lot of people will say what they think is popular and they like to hit and run. Keyboard Cowboys basically.. The women Im finding tend to be consistent in their loathing of the opposite sex though..

The answers given rarely reflect the question asked and your question will disappear when it reaches certain individuals/groups/clicks. **CENSORED** because you politely disagree

About dating:

OMG I would not come here for dating advice! I really don't want to believe what I read! what people of the opposite sex feel about me in the context of my gender!!

That we on both sides have a lot of work to do!

That Im waaaaay above average :)

This is a very good post! allowed me to say what I really thought about it all!! Thats constructive!!!

 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:20:43 AM

I don't know about understanding others but it sure has confirmed my thoughts on people in general.


Ditto. The POF forums are a microcosm of the world--the biggest difference that I can see is that people who would usually keep their mouths shut "out there" will speak up "in here" because anonymity lends bravado.

I liken the forums to sitting on a park bench or inside a mall listening to dozens of people give their opinions on several topics that are stated hundreds of different ways: both the topics and opinions are limited in scope but are merely restated each go 'round."

The types of people whom I meet in real life are the same as in the forums: the bully, the coward (one who would not speak otherwise but lets go with everything held in for a period of time), the kind know-it-all, the unkind know-it-all, the timid, the empathetic, the strong, the weak, the braggart, the teacher, the student, the sympathetic, the one with the inferior complex who knows, the one with the inferior complex who tries to seem superior, the defensive, the offensive, the vain whose ego needs stroking, people in true pain . . . the list goes on.

There are cliques and there are outsiders. People form alliances and choose enemies.

That people spill their guts to strangers is nothing new: strangers want to tell me their problems all the time! There is safety in telling someone you don't know your problems.

The forums fulfill a niche that chat rooms used to fill before they became music rooms.

Forums fascinate me like people fascinate me. Forums bore me like people bore me. I stay away for months, but I come back.

Damn. I am human.


The women Im finding tend to be consistent in their loathing of the opposite sex though..


Don't mistake a distaste, dislike, or disagreement with what YOU say and how you present yourself as a loathing for ALL men.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 18
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:31:42 AM
@ Gwen: Couldn't agree more. The forum provides a valuable service. As you say, a micro of real life. The value of a free press. Vox Pop. Voice of the people. Kinda like talk radio.
 FreschFisch
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 19
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:39:51 AM
"Don't mistake a distaste, dislike, or disagreement with what YOU say and how you present yourself as a loathing for ALL men."

good advice taken.

I will not communicate with them (except once) and they don't comment on my posts. I was listing it as a general observation of what I see attached to other peoples post. Seems lots of people come and go. There are about 4-5 that I see that have been on here posting a long time that go from post to post and almost always say the same things. Alright already! You're perpetuating it!

1. That all women should date younger men
2. That ALL men on dating sites are worthless and desparate or they wouldn't be here

Some men probably do it too.. I dunno.. Im trying to read what the ladies really think. Whats funny is their profiles are sometimes actively seeking! Really? Good thing most guys dont read this!
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 20
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:45:18 AM
Ditto. The POF forums are a microcosm of the world--the biggest difference that I can see is that people who would usually keep their mouths shut "out there" will speak up "in here" because anonymity lends bravado
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know you, and I will bite my tongue before I hurt you. I will never hurt you. This I promise. Don't make it difficult for me though. Please. If you want me to, continue. I will open my mouth and you will not like what comes out.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 21
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:49:33 AM

There are about 4-5 that I see that have been on here posting a long time that go from post to post and almost always say the same things. Alright already! You're perpetuating it!


Actually, there are MANY of us (male and female) who go from forum to forum posting on a variety of subjects--from megalithic structures to men who complain about women not wanting to date them. Our replies are tailored to the issue at hand.

You are a newbie, and as yet, your posts pretty much say the same thing: women your age want to date younger men and they are stupid for wanting to do so. (Perpetuating, eh? In fact, you just brought it up AGAIN!) We old timers take such issues in stride and move on. For some reason, others think that they can change the world and attitude of women AND men by complaining about the issue in a thread.

One thing that I didn't add to my earlier post is that people use the forums to vent, and it seems as if there is not an outlet to do that in "real" life.


I know you, and I will bite my tongue before I hurt you. I will never hurt you. This I promise. Don't make it difficult for me though. Please. If you want me to, continue. I will open my mouth and you will not like what comes out.


I knew that I shouldn't have told my life story to you in 1,001 emails.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 22
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History
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:50:32 AM
The forums have forced me to abandon my rose colored glasses and see the world for what it really is. I'm still not real happy about that.
I never would have thought men/women at my age (55) would lie/use/cheat/etc to the extent I see here. I'm constantly amazed at how hard/disillusioned/angry both sexes seem to be towards each other. Everything is a battle! No one is to be trusted! If they piss you off trade them in!
I've actually decided to not pursue the dating side of this site anymore, too much nonsense/drama. The forums however continue to give me a chuckle.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 23
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 7:58:02 AM
Dating...since I did this first...

-There's a lot of lonely people out there
-There are a few good men...
-My dating experiences were on the most part good...no bad stories or people..
-Learned to not chat it up for long...before a first meet
-Long distance relationships that work is a rarity...
-Some people lie...mostly about age...
-Know what you want before you go looking
-Be more selective....at the beginning I had the attitude of meet up with anyone....
-always pay your own way
-Met a few friends...that I keep in touch with...even through a few relationships
-Be honest..without disclosing too much

All in all...I came to dating...not bitter or jaded towards men at all.
So, I think that came through on my meets...never made any enemies...accepted them for who they are or were...If I didn't like anyone or anything ...I moved on...simple.

Forums....
-If I had come here first and read how some men think about women....I wouldn't have been so open minded ..would scared the sh1t outta me.
-there are some intelligent people out there
-there are some very bitter people out there
-there are some people that shouldn't be dating anyone until they get therapy
-there are kindred spirits...that have logical..open minded thinking
-some people are very close minded and can not perceive things from a different pov.
-everyones got a story
-entertaining...makes me laugh out loud a lot
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 24
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 8:03:27 AM
I rather think that if everyone we date had to post on the forum for 1 month before dating, we would get a much better assessment of their real life character than you can in the same amount of time IRL

Some contend that too many profiles are not honest, which I would agree with, though you can detect a lot even from a profile. But if you keep posting enough, one's true character gets very hard to hide.

The bravado Gwen speaks of is there under the surface, kept in check in IRL.

I only know a very few people (meaning maybe 1%) that can disguise their true character in a forum. They were divorce / criminal lawyers, and they are professionally trained to tell whatever story they need to be able to win a favorable verdict for their clients. When they are good, they are very good at creating a story.

Of course at times we are for personal reasons willing to believe an unlikely story even though we know it's only a fairly tale . This is no different than IRL.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 25
PoF Forum and dating. What have you learned?
Posted: 2/19/2012 8:07:04 AM
I have learned that there are nuggets of useful, helpful and insightful information to be had in these forums, but you have to wade through quite bit of BS to get to them.

I have also learned that if you choose to start a thread about your own personal issue or question, you better have a thick skin.
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