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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Was i asking for too much?      Home login  
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 3
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Was i asking for too much?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Have to agree with Osorio, you are a pretty young woman - no need to sell your parts like that cuz then all you're getting are men looking at them and NOT you. They will show themselves just fine with all your clothes on + buttoned up.

It is unrealistic for anyone to want to keep in constant contact with their partners be it by text, email or phone call. I realize there was a pattern of it and that is why you felt something may have changed but when you're first getting to know someone or court them then you should expect a fair amount of back n forth exchanges. Once things become official the pace of that form of communication will typically drop off a bit as you're likely spending more time face to face then you were before.
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 6
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:00:23 PM
If you constantly need attention...
make sure the next guy is as needy as you.

That's abit too snarky.

The gentler version would be
to realize you seem to need a lot of reassurance.
so you need to learn to relax
and learn that constancy in a relationship
is more important than intensity.

Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 7
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:03:21 PM

Thanks for not being to hard on me I just needed to vent a lil bit. :)

Do you feel better? What did you learn by having this little outburst? Be chill lil sis and quit trying so hard....
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 5:43:53 PM
You need a lot more attention to feel liked than he's willing to give, and if you are really needy for such attention you will find that many men will get sick & tired of it and start backing off. Your real problem is not this guy, he's shown to not be able to keep up with your needs so he's history, your problem is not moving on when you know a man will not fill up what you expect. Find another man and let this guy have some peace.

Are you kidding? If people tell you their honest opinion to a question you asked, they are just jerks? Stop playing blind and using your body to sell yourself and maybe find a guy who really does want to be with you and your peccadilloes. I am sure you and your friend posting to back you up, are hoping that men will see your pictures and flock to you and support your ego, but what's happening instead is the replies are telling you what many men are thinking of you. Find some dignity and peace of mind. When people tell you that you are asking too much, believe them, they don't have the issues, you do. So either see the truth or accept yourself as is, but stop blaming others for the downfall of how you choose to live your life.
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 11
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:18:47 PM
Girlfriend, ask for the moon...
after seeing your profile, I am going to save for a breast lift
YOU should have an army of men grovelling @ your feet
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 12
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:22:37 PM
What daynadaze said....^^^^
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 13
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:26:55 PM

Who really needs someone to constantly text and call, month after month after month?

Are you kidding? It seems like everyone woman on POF with this type of thread expects a guy to call her endlessly and text's weird.
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 14
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:30:23 PM
I'm going to come from a different angle on this. Some people make the mistake of working hard to secure the relationship and rest on their laurels. The real work is keeping the relationship alive. I have made this mistake. Or the other possibility is he met somebody else and was keeping you around in case the grass wasn't greener.

One more thing, the constant texting is not good. Save all that for the phone call so you have something real to share and can really connect through the intimacy of voice and emotion. A little old fashion advice for the younger generation.
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 16
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:33:11 AM
You were very damanding... Not many guys will want that kind of demands on them. If you need that kind of excessive consitant attention to be happy then you need to find a guy willing to give it to you. YOu have the right to want what you want and dont need to lower your standards or change for anyone. You are at an age and good looking anough to get a huge pool of men and I am sure many many of them would be happy to give you the amt of attention you demand .. So hang in there and keep looking. I have the opposite problem with men often.. I hate to be text called all the time and bothered. I am constanly annoyed by to much attention. I tend to attract needy insecure clingy men who contact me excessivly to a point where i end up getting rid of them. So it goes both ways
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 17
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:39:22 AM
Okay but is it too much to ask that a text once or twice a day would be nice?
Just as a way of saying..hey, Im thinking of you? thought you should know.

I am kind of in the same boat, the texts were very frequent at first, but have slowed down to maybe one a day or nothing.. or just a ...morning and thats it..
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 20
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/21/2012 2:18:22 PM
Some people are just too busy to make the contact that others may need. In the begining it was there and now it is gone
In the OLD days we had only house phones. You would get a call from your boyfirend on Wednesday nights to make weekend plans. Usually chatted for an hour or more.

Today we have communcations coming from everywhere and we don't seem to use them well. He was using them in the begining and now not so much. I think he felt he had made you his one and only and he could relax a while and not work on his realationship. He sounds immature. What was the norm had become the past.
The gifts were a make up for being Stupid... Good luck to you...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 21
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/21/2012 2:39:56 PM
Qu33n, I can sympathize. I have been in numerous work-a-holic relationships and while being under someone twenty-four seven is not really my style, open communication is. If two adults are in a "relationship" is should be expected that there be dialogue on a regular basis. If the boyfriend has had an increase in hours, work load, can't get as many days off, etc. I would expect some communication on this. Knowing ahead of time that plans may change due to work is vastly different than canceling something at the last minute with no excuse or a poorly developed one. I wouldn't categorize Qu33n as needy or high maintenance. Wanting adult communication whether we want to hear it or not, comes with being in a relationship. I would assume this is a given with anyone I'm with.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/21/2012 4:31:03 PM
OP: Do you have a life outside of your cell phone or is your cell phone your entire life? Were you sitting around day after day, 24/7, staring at your phone hoping it will ring? If you were to have a life and start getting active doing other things, your addiction to texts will be less. It sounds like the ex-boyfriend has a life to live and you don't, and you were trying to change him to be just like you. You can't train a guy like a circus animal. Get together with girlfriends and go out dancing or have dinners with them and do other things. You need a diversion from staring at a cell phone non-stop.

What you need is an insecure, needy guy who is totally obsessive who will cling on to you for dear life who will never let you out of his sight. That would be your dream guy. Stop looking for normal guys who have a life outside of you.
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 26
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/22/2012 4:57:27 AM
Taking one minute out of the 1440 minutes we all have to give your squeeze something that makes them smile when they read your text/hear your voice mail and feel connected is not too much.... and likely manifests tenfold-- people who suggest otherwise, are imo, missing the boat.

The cement that keeps connections between people who are dating and relating are as much about the non-sexual contact where motivations aren't 'suspect' and have very little to do with anything else other than caring enough to stop for a second to see how someone they supposedly care about is doing.

(Btw, this works in other settings, not just a romantic one. In business this is the heart of a successful account management relationship with a loyal client. If you keep the customer in mind with thoughtful contact on a regular basis, and not just when you're looking for a sale, you'll have that customer for life.)

There are 1439 other minutes to with as you please.

If you can't share one minute of it to say "hello", especially if you know that your girlfriend appreciates that type of thing --well...'nuff said.
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 30
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/22/2012 8:40:50 AM
I think it has a lot to do with setting a precedent.
You start out texting regularly, because you're interested
in keeping someone else interested, and then when you get
them, you don't feel the need to text or call as often.

Meanwhile, the other person has come to expect and to
even look forward to the hello or goodnight.

I can see both sides of this. It might be hard for you to keep
up with something you started, but knowing it's important to
someone, I'd do it.

Kind of like I expect to get paid every week on thursday,
because a precedent has been set.
If I get paid on friday for some reason, I'm going to question why.

I just think taking 2 minutes of your time to do something that
makes someone else feel special just isn't a big deal. No one is that
busy, I don't care how busy you are. Heck, just take some time off
from the forums and look how much time most people will have to
send a message to or call someone they love.

Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 31
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/22/2012 9:04:37 AM
After seeing the photos so many people mentioned I guess the poor guy was getting smothered whether he was with you or not

And more fool him for not realising after a 20 second peek at your profile that his sole purpose on the earth (in your eyes) was going to become your own personal full time ego massager. how dumb is he exactly?

As for the negative posters, notions like "if you cant say something nice etc etc" are for idiots. If you ask a group of people for their opinion theyre quite likely to be honest. And honest doesnt always tend to be "nice"

If you just want supportive plattitudes and to only hear things that you want to hear thats what friends and family are for. Not total strangers. So if you cant handle answers to questions that dont reinforce your self image of how fabulously super you are in every way then throwing questions onto a public forum probably isnt a good idea

If on the other hand it was just as exercise in getting horny men to oggle your profile and flood your box with their deposits (inbox I meant obviously) then I'm sure it was a rip roaring success

Maybe when youre a bit more mature you will have the security and confidence to survive for a whole 24 hours without needing attention and reassurance
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 32
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/22/2012 9:42:09 AM
@ msg 70

Cant believe I missed that

But I guess some people cant let facts get in the way of an off the shelf blow smoke up someones ass hollow meaningless plattitudes response

I remember a thread years ago where an absolutely stunning woman posted about how she had ruined her marriage by cheating and totally regretted doing it etc etc

Half the women posters were telling her she deserved better and a fair few of the men were saying what a wanker her ex was for not wanting her back after she cheated on him lol


Seems for some people if the poster has tits (not moobs, just actual tits) then no matter what they do nothing is ever their fault, they always deserve better and they shouldnt feel guilty

If only life really were so simple
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 33
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/22/2012 9:51:15 AM
I was thinking that the texting or phone calls during business hours could have occurred during a break or lunch which should be ok.

If he set the bar on the amount of contact made, then he simply didn't keep up. Her expectations were based upon how high he set the bar in the beginning. Unfortunately, some people work hard in the beginning, but coast when they get comfortable.

Keeping up the contact with her would have been easy for me, other than a lot of texting (not my preference). It's all about making the effort. If you're really into somebody, you will find a way. That's my approach.
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 35
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/22/2012 10:15:08 AM
He hit it then quit it...
Your big boobs and azz had him wrapped around your pinky for a while, then he got tired of you, could be your personality, attitude or whatever, he just wasn't into you anymore and moved on to the next attention seeking chick.

About your profile, all you are going to get is hit it and quit it guys because you are blatantly offering up the goods in your photos.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 36
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/22/2012 1:23:17 PM
there are plenty of men that need to needed too
so nothing wrong with you, just your choice of young men
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 37
Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/23/2012 1:28:51 PM
Face it guys, some of you set yourselves up. A lot of men do go that extra mile with calling and texting daily. After awhile they get comfortable in the relationship then relax and the calls suddenly stop. Small wonder because the chemical high they had from the constant attention (giving and receiving) is impossible, as well as unhealthy, to maintain. However, that constant attention has trained the other person to expect those calls and/or texts (get togethers, flowers, dinners, etc).

Yes OP, you were asking too much, but I understand. I've done the same. The problem is that you kill what could have been.
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 40
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Was i asking for too much?
Posted: 2/23/2012 5:35:53 PM
Honestly you sound clingy. The guy sounds like someone who needs your own space. This isn't middle school. You don't need to text every hour on the hour,etc. That's a great way to drive someone away.

If you need someone who wants to be joined at the hip, this dude isn't for you.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Was i asking for too much?