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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 want2rox
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 1
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I had a guy ask me about my job and money status in the second message to me. Im like what? He wanted to know how I supported myself. He's still a stranger. How do you answer something like this. Thats kinda privite until you meet I should think!
 Wolfpath
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 2
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 2/29/2012 10:22:51 PM
N.O.Y.B. + "delete/block"

Truthfully . . I'm past the point of wanting to be with someone who isn't making a personal effort to support themselves.
On the flip side . . unless it goes past casual encounter/internet interest . . it isn't any of my business or anyone elses.

Tell the dude to take a walk.
 want2rox
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 3
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 2/29/2012 10:32:58 PM
If you really meet the right person would you care if they was dirt poor or be with a real B *#ch because she had money. Happy or misreable? I feel like why even try anymore. I can win because Im not rich.
 want2rox
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 4
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 2/29/2012 10:38:21 PM
So your saying a bunch of rotten, gold diggers has ruined it for us decent poor girls, who just want love. Its like the movie Made In Mathatann with JLO.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 5
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 1:15:15 AM
I'm more comfortable in a relationship with someone who is used to living within my income bracket, rather than someone that is incredibly wealthy. It should be something easily figured out without asking somebody how much that they actually make though.

Very tacky for someone to ask. ...to say the least.
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 6
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 1:56:22 AM
Are you that wealthy woman fancy.pants businesswoman ??
Are you , are you?? lol
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 3:38:18 AM
I think that what this boils down to, is that some people are much better at conversing early on than others.

Some manage to express themselves with grace and patience, while others blunder clumsily, blurting out whatever is at the top of their brain stew.

Obviously, what you do for a living and whether or not you are compatible with someone financially, is a completely valid concern to have and explore. It's just a matter of how you go about doing it.

It's really no different from the more common exploration of sexual attraction. Most folks edge into finding out how attracted someone is gradually, while some propose to use the nearest table top at their first meeting.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 8
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 4:46:05 AM
Although I agree that this was rather rude and premature, I can see why this would be asked. I think however, it could have been framed more tactfully.

I would prefer to date someone in a similar financial situation to myself. I pay my own bills. I am raising two teenagers and so as a sole parent I am 100% financially responsible for them too. I don't want or need to be financially responsible for another person too.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 9
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 6:50:20 AM
OP - he was just being stupid....but he wasn't looking for someone to support him...a guy doesn't go at it that way if he wants a girl he wants to give him money.

that comes later

he was making sure he wasn't gonna have to support you...at least at this point.



but most likely - he's had women ask him those same questions and got tired of it, so was venting, as it were - by sending out that msg to many women.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 10
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 7:20:10 AM
i think if a woman is hot enuff, a wealthy guy isn't going to care about her employment one way or another. on the other hand there are plenty of guys looking for the "meal ticket", i know how that goes too.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 11
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 7:20:30 AM

Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?


So they don't have to ask it on the second.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 12
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 8:54:55 AM
OK, I'm pretty well off financially. I want to date women who are also well off. Perhaps it's because I'm looking long term, but I absolutely would not want to get involved with a broke woman. A couple dates is no big deal, but there would be no future.

FWIW, I get asked similar questions by women all the time.
 Iandwho
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 13
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:09:38 AM
after taken a look at your profile, is it possible because you stated -other- as your profession he was just being curious?
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 14
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History
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:37:24 AM
It is fair game since most women want to know what you do (as a man) for a living before even agreeing to a real life meeting. Details can be discussed at the meeting though, but as a starting point it is customary to communicate your profession now.
 newlysingle31
Joined: 12/14/2011
Msg: 15
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:56:50 AM
How did he ask would be my question.

If he was interested in getting to know you and asked what it is you do for a living, then kudos to him for caring about what you do. Especially when someone's job says so much about them. If your answer was "I work part time at McDonalds", then asking if that makes enough money for you to be comfortable/do everything you want to do doesn't seem like such a horrible thing. I would likely ask the same thing because I couldn't see myself as being able to survive on part time at minimum wage, and would be curious if you could do it, or were happy doing it.

If he was all like, "Do you have a job and do you make over 60k?" would be unacceptable.

Sometimes it's not in what is asked, but how it's asked.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 16
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 3:55:35 PM
Just say with my income..he doesnt have to know where your income comes from.
 cheryl1229
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 17
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Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 4:24:52 PM
I would guess that he is just a little blunt or unpolished. I suspect he wanted to know that you can and do support yourself, that you are not just collecting alimony waiting for another guy to come along. Since you list your occupation as "other", he probably wants to know that you do have some reliable income stream, and that you aren't looking for a quick live-in situation with him footing all the bills.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people just looking for a meal ticket out there. Very few of us, male or female, are actively seeking unemployed deadbeats, collecting welfare or living off our parents or our exes.

If you were interested in getting to know the guy, if he seemed nice other than this, you could have said something like "I have a job (or I work as a ________ ). How much I make is a little personal, but rest assured that I make enough to meet my needs."
 want2rox
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 18
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 8:39:43 PM
damsel19- that is a good idea, i will do that. It was like thats all he cared about. No talk of anything pertaining to dating or why his wanted a lady. I was honest as I thought I should be with him being a stranger. I told him I had a small family, just me, my daughter, and my mom who is 70. We take care of each other because we don't have a big fam. I am going to college and finish this summer. I am currently a paralegal but I stay at home right now because my mom needs me, she sick alot. I told him I do stuff for people on the side like wills, power of attorneys, disability. sometimes I do it for free for people. I get by just fine and I not a big materilistic person so it makes it easier. ( His response was "if your doing stuff for free for people how to you support yourself) With that said. I did not know what to say back. Ya, know ! Im stumped! I don't send alot message to people on here, so when I do, I get something werid like this. I don't know what people what. There profiles say one thing but they say the opposite when you chatt with them.

Thanks for everyone one's advice, it really does help.
 want2rox
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 19
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 8:45:10 PM
newlysingle31- this is were I get stumped. If I guy or girl really liked you, even loved you. would it matter about money? If its based on money and say u were making big money then lost it all, would they still be around or get when the going gets tuff? To me I don't care if he dirt poor if he was good to me.
 want2rox
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 20
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/1/2012 8:49:07 PM
jeep1127girl- that was a good one, I don't ask them their income right off the bat, because of they might think thats what im after, but heck they must be thinkin with out us women asking. We're F*#K no matter what we do. lol
 want2rox
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 21
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/2/2012 9:06:28 AM
UPDATE*
Well I sent him a message asking, what kinda work does he do? How does he support himself. He just responded with, he has goal, into exercise and health. Never gave a straight answer. I just not gonna responde because I don't know what to say. This is why girls don't respond back often. What do you say? Its not like I can keep the conversation flowing if I don't have much to go on. If you don't know them, you know how much is to much.
 barbiebabeRN
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 22
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:20:16 PM
When asking about money and job status maybe it should be more like "Have you filed for bankruptcy recently, been laid off or have mountains of cc debt?" if searching for a long term relationship. Just dating, go Dutch!
 1carameldelight
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 23
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/20/2012 9:20:29 PM
He's worried about you asking him for anything.... He will probably want u to pay for your own meal on the first date lol
 a_lonewolf
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 24
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/20/2012 10:02:00 PM

Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message

Conflict of interest maybe? He might be worried that you are a cop when he is a drug dealer.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 25
Why men ask women about jobs, money on the first message?
Posted: 3/20/2012 10:20:02 PM

Ask him the same questions and see how he reacts.

thats exactly how i would have handled it.

As for the figures, Id purposely avoid the question. It's no ones business. I work full time and make a nice living enough to support myself and my daughter. Now that I think about it, I would probably reply with that. If they are put off by my direct answer, eh. I'll get another inbox message from someone who would catch my eye. No love lost.
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