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 hockeyc999
Joined: 12/21/2011
Msg: 2
have i been a idiotPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
No, you seem like you did nice things and were considerate and accomodating. It sounds like a **** move on her part. Not your fault, sounds like she took advantage of you. Id move on...
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 3
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 4:41:53 PM
I don't know............. she didn't mind you seeing her in her body stocking the evening before? And the next morning you were cuddling for a couple of hours??
I hate to say it............but...........YOU BLEW IT BUDDY!!!!!!!!


If it had been me, I would of had a hard on a cat couldn't have scratched.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 6
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 4:44:55 PM
At this point I think you have nothing to lose by just asking her if you've done something wrong. Alternatively you could ask her out again. Maybe she expected contact outside of work - a phone call perhaps? Maybe she thinks you hoped for more and when you didn't get it YOU'VE backed off.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 8
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have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:00:17 PM
OP..

Ask her out again, just you two..see how it goes.
Talk to her.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 9
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:08:18 PM
So you're kicking yourself because you now realize this lady gave you ample opportunity to confirm the signals she was giving were heard and yet, you didn't make a move.

Chances are she feels rather embarrassed about being so forward and thinks you weren't interested in her sexually so is also feeling rather rejected and hurt.

Right now, I think you have nothing to lose in calling her and speaking to her (or taking her to one side at work and saying that you would really like to speak to her in a more private setting and perhaps she would meet you for lunch) and explaining.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 11
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have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:41:53 PM
If she doesn't respond to your calls why don't you write her a note. Tell her that you like her. That you enjoyed your time with her and you don't know why there has been a change in the connection between the two of you....and you would like to talk about it. That you have been only separated for a year and haven't dated in a while so you were trying to be extra sensitive to the friendship/work relationship/ and you now wonder if you blew it. That your hope is that this impasse was a blip that the two of you can work out -
What can you lose.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 12
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:04:58 PM
SHe feels awkward that she opened up so much about herself after drinking wine and as you work together she is regretting what happened. . If you didnt make a move towards her, she could have, after all. Perhaps you are in the "friend" zone.
Why not ask her?? Hellooo.......

You will get all sorts of opinions here but we were not there.
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 13
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 7:14:37 PM
I thought I saw a dead giveaway there somewhere....

....we had a quich ....

then you say....

no i am not gay, but i recently seperated from the wife

...........I say, if it's time for you to come out, hell just do it !
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 14
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have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 8:35:24 PM
I keep trying to find something that I missed, but it seems so simple.....if you give a woman a choice of where she wants to sleep and she picks YOUR BED, she wants to have sex!!! She pretty much gave you a whole city block full of green lights and you cuddled with her. So, she feels rejected and is giving you the cold shoulder.

Seriously, did I miss something?
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 15
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 8:52:43 PM
I wouldnt say you were an idiot per say... Hopefully you get a do over date. Keep us posted!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 9:28:59 PM

I keep trying to find something that I missed, but it seems so simple.....if you give a woman a choice of where she wants to sleep and she picks YOUR BED, she wants to have sex!!! She pretty much gave you a whole city block full of green lights and you cuddled with her. So, she feels rejected and is giving you the cold shoulder.

Seriously, did I miss something?

+1
 bilby886
Joined: 7/19/2007
Msg: 17
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have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/2/2012 10:22:24 PM
Do you still like her?
Why don't you ask her out again?
invite for a movie and back to your place ( a bit earlier than 4am) for a stay over?
this time you might even get lucky!
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 19
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/3/2012 3:53:51 AM
Would be helpful if you all read all
that the OP says too!!

my question is have i blown this???
as she has been cold as ice at work since.

Seems like the time for action has come and gone !
 joe7658476
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 20
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/3/2012 6:28:47 AM
You should have slung it inner ace
 joe7658476
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 21
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/3/2012 6:31:01 AM
or you could have told her that you didn;t think she was a whore so you didnt try anything... or you coulda told her that you were spent from ****nig her sister the night before...any is a suitable answer
 onceagain57
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 22
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/3/2012 6:59:20 AM
Ive done the same thing....U did the right thing and apparently enjoyed yourselves...dont sweat it and see where she goes with it...your out of the box relationship wise .....be careful!
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 23
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have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/3/2012 7:57:38 AM
It will always get "weird" at work for one of you. It just seems to be a fact of the dynamic of co-workers fraternizing romantically.

But "blowing" it? You sounded like a Gentleman during the experience to me. I think you just crossed into an area where it's natural for someone to begin to second guess going there at work. Plus if she's not dated much since her last love passed on she can be experiencing conflict personally with a perception of betrayal which can be natural for a widow or someone that lost someone she loved.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 24
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have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/3/2012 8:14:22 AM
I'd say you behaved quite properly. But maybe she was expecting more and a little angry that you didn't take her up on what she was offering. If it was me I wouldn't have made a move either unless she came to bed naked and started crawling all over me. I don't know how to read women and they're all different books. but the next move is still yours. Talk to her. Maybe there's room for a second chance.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 25
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/3/2012 4:50:19 PM
the time for being a gentleman is past when you are in the bed with her ...and by the time your in the bed with her even if a pass is not wanted it will be forgiven .. once you have a woman in your bed proceed until you hear the word NO..as I said a unwanted pass at this time will be forgiven ..but you being a tease wont ..anytime you get a womans tractor cranked you best be prepared to do some plowing ..your only hope is to explain and hope for the best
 Timmahh88
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 26
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/3/2012 7:40:18 PM
Dont s*** where you sleep dude, not now not ever.
 timbits65
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 28
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/4/2012 9:12:00 PM
I would think you acted as a gentleman. In my opinion there are two issues at play here that both have nothing to do with the fact that you did not sleep with her that night:

1) She realized, after she returned to her own home, how difficult it would be to continue working with you if the relationship changes to a romantic one. Having a job these days is a very important thing for most people so the fear of jeopardizing it, may weigh heavy on her. Thus she has turned cold on you to protect her interest.

2) She realized, after the encounter with you that night, that she is not over the passing of her life partner quite yet and while feeling the hots for you, has been torn apart emotionally.

If I were in your shoes, I would ask her out again and see how she responds to it. I would not make it an issue that you did not have sex that night. That's not the point. Having sex involves two people being comfortable with it, and you weren't at that time. I think she does understand that.

If you are made for each other you will find a way around this :)
 pipedreams1111
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 29
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/4/2012 10:24:04 PM
It sounds like the only thing missing was cupids arrow, but I'm not sure just one of them would have helped. Maybe ten arrows, four bottles of wine, maybe she should have sit on your face to reach the alarm clock. This is very scary. If a women looked at you and smiled, I'm afraid you would look around the room to see if any one was standing behind you. Oh well being shy attracts some women but I wouldn't push it too far. At some point it had to occur to you that she would have chosen another room to sleep in if she wasn't interested in something more. On the other hand if you had the reasons you stated for not letting anything happen, I would have just put her in another room, or I would have slept in another room and gave her mine.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 30
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/5/2012 7:06:13 AM

my question is have i blown this??? as she has been cold as ice at work since.

That depends on how badly you wanted to have sex with a head case.

If I would have been dropping such strong hints that I wanted to get intimate with a man, and only have got some cuddling after it, I would be more than annoyed.

Yet, I'll bet you would expect a guy to not get annoyed if he was dropping strong hints and you passed on the ``opportunity.''

This is why women have to be so careful. By your description, she was half naked in front of you and you just... cuddled...

I don't understand the problem. If the situation was reversed and say, a woman walked in on me when I was naked, I wouldn't expect her to sleep with me because of that. Indeed, I would be strung up for being so presumptuous.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 31
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/5/2012 7:12:54 AM
I've slept with a few female friends like this and they always wanted to snuggle/spoon.

The thing I did different is communicate. If I started feeling like they were sending sex signals I asked. I then said that I respect their answer but that if it's platonic then it's platonic and shouldn't expect that I take the lead at that point toward anything else. At that point they'll either thank you or start backpeddling and admit they wouldn't mind more.

It's never 100% clear though since men ask and women hint when they want something. ...And yet women think they are the communicators in the relationship.

 tennisman2388
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 32
have i been a idiot
Posted: 3/5/2012 8:26:55 AM
Dude....any grown woman wanting to sleep in your bed with you is either green lighting you or an incredible tease. Don't think it was the later.

If she's being cold toward you now....it's probably because she feels rejected.

This is an easy thing to fix. If you want her.....go get her.
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