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 nolimitsintx
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 1
Sexual Compatibility Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
How important is sexual compatibility? How do you determine that early enough to not waste too much of the other persons time? It's not like you can broach that on a first date. Most of my dates have been vanilla where as I am not. I am a very sexual person with a wide variety of tastes and sexual needs. How do you find that match without coming across as a perv?
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 2
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 8:29:07 AM
I am a very sexual person with a wide variety of tastes and sexual needs. How do you find that match without coming across as a perv


You will just have to spend some time getting to know her to determine if the two of you have something in common besides sex before you ask "probing questions" on the subject. It's either that or go to the intimate encounters section where being a "perv" is a bit of a prerequisite.

If by suggesting the first meet was vanilla you are saying there was no spark then you have your answer right there and then. No spark no fire.

Op you are at that age where women in your age range will be at or near thier sexual prime. If you can't find a woman who has a compatible sexual drive at your age then you must have been very dissapointed as a young man. Having said that as holy cow has pointed out below some of those women will be looking for men with an appearance that is more rocky road than vanilla.


Look for one with a moustache and even better if she has a lot of facial and body hair


Beware of the ones that carry a club though.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 3
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History
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 8:30:42 AM
It's pretty important too .. to women in their sexual prime ( 30's) and why they often see younger men....... who are fit and rocking athletic bods.

You can often tell when the chemistry is right, dancing together/ kissing are more ways to test it out, bad kisser and chances are bad sex too.
Far as vanilla, you can only attract who you attract.............. listen I will tell you how to find a woman with a very high sex drive.
Look for one with a moustache and even better if she has a lot of facial and body hair.
seriously... women like that have high androgens and will usually also have a very high sex drive, much like a young mans.

Lots of women like pervs. Let them know what your about, better chance of finding who you are happy with.

I also suggest a profile review as from your pics and claimning your above average, you maybe are talking about something the pics do not show????
I feel your going to have to work on finding things in common route, unless your harboring some HUGE surprise below the belt? and no... I do NOT mean a tail.
'
hahaha
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 4
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History
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 8:34:56 AM
You are right, no matter how great the person, woman is, if the sex is just not there
it could grow into a really great 'friend' relationship,but it will not wok out to be a life partner
women are in exactly the same space,it is Not just men that are very sexual
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 5
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 12:55:11 PM
Maybe you should advertise yourself in other dating sites where they concentrate on sexual fetishes/needs.

I'm sure a personality comes along with the woman.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 6
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 12:58:14 PM

It's pretty important too .. to women in their sexual prime ( 30's) and why they often see younger men....... who are fit and rocking athletic bods.


How about we women in our 40's? I asked right off the bat if sex was important to men who contacted me as it was very important to me that we would be sexually compatible.As if they'd say no!

Sometimes,the only real way to find out is to actually have sex.
People can be all talk and little action.


Look for one with a moustache and even better if she has a lot of facial and body hair. seriously... women like that have high androgens and will usually also have a very high sex drive, much like a young mans.



Do chin whiskers count!?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 7
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 1:05:52 PM

How important is sexual compatibility?

Vital.

How do you determine that early enough to not waste too much of the other persons time? It's not like you can broach that on a first date.

You can't??? I do so LONG before a first date. I'm quite "clinical" about sex and have no issues speaking with someone "of interest" about the topic early on. (And no, I'm not a text/phone sex person ~ it's just the facts!)

Most of my dates have been vanilla where as I am not.

If you aren't vanilla? Why are you dating vanilla women????

I am a very sexual person with a wide variety of tastes and sexual needs. How do you find that match without coming across as a perv?

You wouldn't come across as a "perv" is you were meeting/dating women who subscribe to a non-vanilla sex-life. Being the I too am, non-vanilla, I learned long ago that dating vanilla was a horrible waste of his time and mine. If you think you can encounter non-vanilla people in a vanilla world ~ you are absolutely correct ~ however? How will you know that unless you are open/honest enough about YOUR interests to speak openly about such things??? Sexual compatibility is a tough topic if you aren't talking about it. (And for those who think talking sex early on or prior to meeting is taboo? That's understandable and it's also what will separate out those you'd not be compatible with.) JMO
 nolimitsintx
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 8
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 3:33:53 PM
Greeneyes, I am very comfortable with my sexuality and also sex. There is nothing that I will not admit to and almost nothing that I haven't done (hence screen name). The trouble there is that the girls I have been with that were adventurous were not wife material.

And as far as dating a girl that is vanilla, well, I did not know that they were vanilla in bed until I bedded them. I really do not want to break off a relationship with a girl that has great qualities because we aren't sexually compatible. I have done that, I just hate to do it. My major concern is that if I advertise in my profile that I am a non-vanilla person in the bedroom, couch, love seat, balcony at the opera, etc it may actually turn off potential dates. One of my friends on here (female) gets constant messages that allude to sex and nothing else. How can I stand out enough to get a girls attention unless I leave sex out of the equation initially? Such the challenge huh?
 nolimitsintx
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 9
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 3:36:35 PM

Maybe you should advertise yourself in other dating sites where they concentrate on sexual fetishes/needs.

I'm sure a personality comes along with the woman.


Tried that. All I got was 60 year old women looking for a boy toy or men looking to turn a straight man.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 10
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Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 4:07:11 PM
Throw in a quote that is sexual or that can be construed as sexual.
example>
"Make you choice adventurous stranger, strike the bell, bide the danger, or wonder 'til it drives you mad, what would have followed if you had". C.S. Lewis
 13karat
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 11
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 4:07:21 PM
OP - you say you don't want to break off a relationship with a girl that has great qualities because of sexual incompatibility.... and I have to wonder why? Sexual compatibility is huge in a relationship.... and without it, the relationship WILL sink.

As for how to get out of your dilemna.... bring it up when you are chatting and before the first meeting. Yes, you will turn a lot of them off... but you are looking for a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality, and if you word it right, that kind of woman will not run. Be totallly up front, tell her you are looking for a relationship, but to you, sexual compatibility is a big factor, and you realize your tastes are not mainstream. Not that you want to go there until it is right for both of you, but you wish to discuss it up front, so as not to waste her time or yours. Then discuss it, and if she is still there, then go onto other subjects.... meet her, and let it progress. If she asks you about it later, tell her that is for when you are both ready..... the right woman will understand.

The key here is that she has to be comfortable enough with her sexuality.... and yes, those women do exist.... the ones who are running are those who do not have those tastes, or who are not comfortable with their sexuality. That is their choice... and they are not the ones you wish to attract anyway.
 Sabetha
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 12
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 4:09:54 PM
as I huge fan of vanilla flavored/scented anything, I find using that term to describe bad sex as a terrible thing and wanted to voice my disdain.

carry on with your pointless chatting
 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 13
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 4:21:16 PM
And vanilla and non-vanilla are?
 00_000_0000
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 14
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 4:30:02 PM
there's really no shortcut to this. you just have to find out over time. and just cuz someone might seem "vanilla" on a first date doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't into all kinds of stuff. some pretty plain looking people i know are into some pretty out there stuff
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 15
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 5:52:09 PM
Sabetha and Balsamica: "vanilla" means non-kinky sex. The OP and other posters are not saying that "vanilla" is bad - but a kinky person will not be satisfied with having only vanilla sex for the rest of his/her life. Thus it's best for kinky folks to find other kinky folks, unless they have a vanilla partner who is open to either accommodating the kinky partner or allowing them to get thier kink on elsewhere.

OP - you don't have to come across in your profile as a slavering sex fiend. Simply state that you are what you are, and that you are looking for someone of like mind. There are polite and classy ways to get the point across.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 16
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 6:33:51 PM
@dreamfire: not a problem, but your definition is a little off.

Vanilla = non-kinky (in sexual terms and otherwise)

vvvvv (edit to below) Oh good - join the club! LOL vvvvvvvv
 SlaveDriver8
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 17
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 7:31:34 PM

How important is sexual compatibility?


Extremely important, to the point where it's a deal breaker.


How do you determine that early enough to not waste too much of the other persons time?


By telling them right up front...it's in my profile.


How do you find that match without coming across as a perv?


I am a perv. I tell them that up front. That way there's no misunderstandings about what I'm after. I cuts down on the pool of women who might be interested in my considerably, but it also saves a lot of time
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 18
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Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/7/2012 7:33:21 PM
a truly sexual woman will not be adverse to discussing sex like an intelligent adult.....she is looking for the same compatibility as you are.
 nolimitsintx
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 19
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/8/2012 5:46:15 AM
Wow! Lots of great responses. I agree that I should be more up front. I do have more adventurous tastes in the bedroom and an appetite for more than an hour or two. I should clarify my vanilla experiences. When a girl ONLY want "fairy-tale" sex, that is too vanilla. Not that it isn't good (for you vanilla people) but variety is important in many areas of my life.

As for finding that right girl, I'll have to really revisit my profile and actually settle on what I want to say. I will have to sit down and think about how to phrase things without being too "in your face" with it. My sexuality is important to me, as it should be to the other party. Theirs should be important to them also.

I do appreciate all of the great responses. Until now I felt that I was putting an unfair emphasis on my desires. I will look into ways to be more open and up front with who I am early on.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 20
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/9/2012 5:03:06 PM
Well, I've often thought sexual attraction and compatibility are a superficial physical thing. I've always said, if you like oral sex, both giving and receiving and can see yourself wanting to do it with someone, then you have a strong physical attraction. And if the feeling is mutual, then that's a good start. And the only way to find this out for sure is to have sex. If you talk about this before having sex, that probably wouldn't be appropriate, or seem appropriate. And if you both know how to please each other and enjoy the sex you have, your both a match I would say
 hotmerlot
Joined: 2/25/2012
Msg: 21
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/9/2012 7:12:46 PM
You might be bringing out the vanilla in ladies. So guys just don't inspire women to burst into passionate flame.
 Fallenangelseyes
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 22
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/9/2012 10:41:36 PM
Getting to know the person and their personality will tell you alot.. Then as she becomes more comfortable then you can start approaching such subjects.. You can not let sex be your only focus or you will be alone forever though..
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 23
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 3/9/2012 11:25:23 PM
Sexual compatibility is very important...........part it is only a small part of the equation for a great relationship. imhopinion
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 24
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History
Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 10/16/2018 3:42:32 AM
At some time I thought sexual desires between two were somewhat a myth but I have dated a woman who can't and won't let go sexually and it's been a struggle to say the least and it tends to bring on tension to some extent. I have pretty much given up and am at the point of moving on....at our age it is somewhat important but in saying that the younger crowd makes no bones in jumping around with whom-ever which isn't something I do...not recommended as it brings a ton of drama...lol
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 25
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Sexual Compatibility
Posted: 10/16/2018 10:34:04 AM
Sexual compatibility is super important.
I think I was lucky that when I was with my first, we stayed together for 4 years and we had a good sex life and tried different things .

After that was over after out teen years , women i went out with were usually very reserved. One only liked one position and wasnt good at other ways such as being on top .

Some hated giving oral, some hated this or that, i found lots of women my age were not open at all .

Then i started dating older women and most of them seemed open to much more . Much much more.

I went back to women my age and unfortunately again found boring sex . Until my current relationship.

We knew from the first time we had sex that were were completely compatible. our first time was incredible and every time since has been as well. Not only is the sex incredible, but we get along amazingly well in every other aspect.
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