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 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 1
Phone Number ExchangePage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Did a search on this, there were "similar" threads, but couldn't find one like this one. Lately, with online dating, when it came to the phone call and meeting.....when I would ask for her # to arrange a meeting, she'd always say, "Give me your phone # and I'll call you." And then she would block it, and it would come in as "private".

One said she won't even give out her # until they've met first meet. She said one guy got irritated with her, when he was on the phone with her making arrangements to meet, and on the call he asked for her number then, only because he felt when they would arrive, he could contact her in case someone got lost or something. He backed out of meeting her, simply because I'm assuming it was emasculating for him or something. Not sure. Or just went with his gut, and figured that this wasn't normal for dating.

I am all for it, since it's a safety issue, and two people meeting online as strangers, but I hear some guys are not cool with this because it interferes with the traditional male courtship process.

As men, should we feel more inclined to co-operate in these cases if we want a date?

I find this funny, because in some of the phone exchange threads, men had said they just give their # first initially, and the women responded, that women don't do the calling...it's just not a woman thing to do.

But when put into action, I find it interesting in MY experiences, they called me only when I asked for their #
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 2
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 7:56:19 AM
Lately, with online dating, when it came to the phone call and meeting.....when I would ask for her # to arrange a meeting, she'd always say, "Give me your phone # and I'll call you." And then she would block it, and it would come in as "private".


I too do this and here's why...I exchanged e-mail for a while with someone on here. Just a few days. And he asked me to call and I did. He mentioned the blocked number and I explained that I would like at least one conversation before handing out my number. He seemed damn insulted by it but thank goodness I stuck to my view.

Over the 20 minute call, to get to know each other better, he told me about his heart surgery 6 months ago, how he had run out of benefits as work and lost his job and income, how his unemployment benefits were about to expire, that in the next month he needed to find a cheaper place to live (already in a lower priced rental area), that he used the library internet connection because his land line and internet TV were cut off and so on.

The only questions he asked me were regarding being a homeowner, number of bedrooms here, how many bathrooms, you're getting the picture. All materialistic questions and none about 'me'.

Following the call, I messaged him, wishing him luck and saying that at this stage, I thought he had more then enough to deal with - and the abuse started. At first an PM calling me a 'fair weather b1tch' . Now, it's one thing to 'stand by your man' but another thing to be expected to finance a complete stranger. So I blocked him. He set up a new profile and sent another. The loop lasted a while.

Can you imagine if he had my number ? A number which I run a home business from ? The inconvenience ?

I know not all men are like this but taking these precautions, even if it avoids one, is worth it - but no, not all men are cool with it. Not at all.
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 3
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 8:38:47 AM
It only takes a small number of bad/scary stories about number exchanges to have everyone out in panic mode. I've never had anyone abuse my number except for an ex-friend (female) because she was paranoid that her ex-boyfriend was interested in me. But that's another story.

My point is, it's probably very rare for anyone to be a stalker once you give them your number. Most people feel like they're interfering if they call you and then don't even call when they said they would.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 10:19:23 AM
I don't buy the "safety issue" argument. If it's a safety issue, then buy a prepaid cell phone to use only for contact with online dating.

If I give a woman my phone number, I expect to receive hers. I expect to be able to make calls, as well as receive them. If I can't call her, I'll just pass and tell her I'm not interested.

The same goes for women who won't give their phone number until the in-person first meeting. If they're that paranoid about it, they shouldn't even be dating. I expect to be able to talk to someone first to determine if meeting in person isn't a total waste of my time.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 5
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 12:40:56 PM
It doesn't bother me to do that, although it does set off something in the back of my head. I then want to get a sense of that person, either on the phone or the meet(date) about whether they are safety minded, or paranoid.

There's a fine line there, one side is fine, the other is trouble down the road. Some are not meant for using this medium to date or meet people, they should stick to IRL.
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 6
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 1:16:48 PM
I don't buy the "safety issue" argument. If it's a safety issue, then buy a prepaid cell phone to use only for contact with online dating.

Really? I'm no way going to buy a special phone for dating.

If I give a woman my phone number, I expect to receive hers. I expect to be able to make calls, as well as receive them. If I can't call her, I'll just pass and tell her I'm not interested.

I agree that at some point if you're dating you're going to have to exchange numbers but all the men I've met online have been very sensitive to women's feelings about safety and very respectful about the whole number thing. On the other hand I don't give my number out very often-I'm very careful about it so maybe my being cautious has helped me have better experiences when I have given my number. I've never had any man care about me calling from a blocked number.
Sometimes it takes a few dates before the crazy comes out so again it's a matter of deciding whether or not to give the person your number. I can't change my number because I use it for work and I can't possibly contact all the people who have it to change it.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 7
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 1:28:53 PM
Hmmm..I have a number of cell phones and numbers. Most are business related. But I have one for personal use as well. Now from time to time, I have thought about the need for a dating phone, but have failed to act on it. Perhaps it's the optomist in me, who keeps thinking, the person for me is right around the corner.

Even given that though, unless someone was bat-sh1t crazy, I wouldn't need to worry.

Now for women, it's a different thing, many claim guys are crazy, obsessive and angry. If that is how a woman views online dating, I often wonder why they do it? So if a big part of a womans concern is what kind of men are so crazy, why wouldn't they for 20 or 25 dollars a month, buy a throw away cell phone for dating?

I mean it speaks to their issues, adds a degree of safety at a minimum cost. The cost is less than a few drinks in a bar per month. This rids them of the problem. No woman could possibly be that cheap, as to utilize this as an easy solution could they?
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 8
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 1:35:58 PM
Well, Oy Vay since I've paid about $10,000. in the past 7 months for medical bills since my knee injury and there's no sign of those costs letting up plus I may need surgery, I really don't have an extra $45. for cell phones. I haven't worked during that time (except from home since I'm on crutches) so yeah, we're not all as blessed as you to have extra money for several cell phones for internet dates.
As I said I've been lucky enough to have chosen polite, respectful men who didn't care one way or the other about my calling from blocked numbers and the few I've given my number too so far have all been fantastic-no problems. I'll continue to trust my intuition and my judgement of character in general. Reading some of these responses I'm even more impressed with the men I've interacted with. They certainly look good compared to some on here.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 9
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 1:58:12 PM
scottey63

As usual very sane advice. You need numbers to be able to call if there is a delay with a meet or some such. The first meet will not make you safe from any harm anyway. Just the opposite. Without hearing a voice I would never agree to meet and if the numbers are not given out, have to wonder why.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 10
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 2:02:01 PM
radiantspirit

What happens if you cant make the meet or he cant? No way to contact them.
You dont have to talk for hours every day. Just dont answer the phone or let it go to message. Simple. Or ask them not to call. Simple. A prepaid phone is the way to go for sure. Then if they stalk or harrass with messages it doesnt interfere with your main communications and you know who would be ringing.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 3:08:29 PM

I find this funny, because in some of the phone exchange threads, men had said they just give their # first initially, and the women responded, that women don't do the calling...it's just not a woman thing to do.

it's easy to draw too many conclusions from forums fare, IMO. extreme viewpoints that represent a minority - including those who are rigid about gender roles - often accompany the loud voices that can dominate conversations.

when i was dating, i always phrased it 'here's my number (123-456-7890), or you can give me yours if you prefer to be the one called.' virtually all the women i was emailing gave me their numbers.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 12
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 4:11:17 PM
WOW! Who pissed in your cheerios?

"I'm no way going to buy a special phone for dating."

Is way different than having medical bills, needing surgery and saying "I really don't have an extra $45. for cell phones."

"we're not all as blessed as you to have extra money for several cell phone for internet dates."

Ahhh, few mistakes there, the several are for business, I have one for personal use, and never got the one for only dating. Again why the hostility?

"They certainly look good compared to some on here."

Well since I was the object of your wrath, I assume you are speaking of me. I'm happy for you that your judgement was good. Most of the responses I read, were agreeing to having their number blocked for the womens safety. We just suggested alternatives.

I will attribute your ill manners to pain or feeling outside pressure resulting from your medical issues. Although, if your gonna post angry posts, try and keep the facts straight.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 4:23:50 PM
I got a prepaid phone at Big Lots for $5
It costs me $20 every 3 months to keep it active.
BFD.
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 14
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 5:40:57 PM
you can get free phone numbers. this is the age of free virtual stuff. you can get free phone numbers from google voice, whistle phone, Skype. you can do video chat on yahoo messenger, Facebook, and other types of chat messengers. there's all kinds of ways around it. i know that if i had to change my cell number, sprint will allow me to change it as many times as i want and for free. it's very easy to get rid of someone if you don't want them around so it's really unnecessary to act like you're going to get stalked.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 15
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 6:14:23 PM
I realize there are nut jobs out there; but at the same time I think the whole block number shows me a side of someone that I don't like.

IMHO It mean they feel they are more safe than me, that I might be the one with a problem...yet they are the one who needs to feel secure? I have had two guys call me from a block number and on hindsight they both at the time had no pic in their profile so later on it dawned on my...they were married and it was simply a way to keep someone from calling when the wifey was around.

I also have the advantage that I can block a number from calling me with my carrier...
 1best_woman
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 16
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 9:46:51 PM
I generally don't give my number until after meeting. I'm not interested in talking to someone for hours a day endlessly, which is what some guys want to do believe it or not. If someone wants to meet they will set a time and a place, if they don't they will want to talk about this pretend meeting from now til infinity.


Even if someone didn't want to talk on the phone, I think people should be willing to exchange numbers before a date / meeting. That way one person can notify the other person in case he or she is late due to work, traffic, getting lost, prior committments ending later than expected etc. Or ( less likely but still possible ) one person may need to cancel or postpone the date at the last minute. Without your number, the other person may not be able to contact you.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 17
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/14/2012 10:06:56 PM
Well giggles, I have never asked for a number or blocked mine. I usually allow for several emails, then when I think she is comfortable, I offer mine and tell her to use it and block hers, when she feels the time is right.

Now if she decides we are going to email for 2 or 3 months, I simply stop at some point answering the emails. There is no point in trying to move forward(IMO), we were just penpals.

As for phone buddies, no thanks, I have lots of pals. I can call them anytime. I'm here to date.

1best, sorry, I won't meet a woman without talking on the phone. She maybe a 12 or 60 year old boy/man, just having a joke. She maybe a 12 year old girl, having fun with her friends, playing on the internet. She may have a voice like popeye, or elmer fudd, that ain't sexy. In addition, you can write, rewrite and rewrite again an email. On the phone you get to hear them react without time to come up with a BS answer.
 Silver_Sparks
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 18
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 12:40:38 AM
Here's a SIMPLE solution: use the PoF IM Chat/Video feature.

MUCH better than chatting on the phone since you can SEE and HEAR the other member.

I have no interest in purchasing a cheap phone just to use for "dating".
Just add a polyester pant suit, hair gel, thick gold chains, breath spray, and call-me cards. Yuck.


Well giggles, I have never asked for a number or blocked mine. I usually allow for several emails, then when I think she is comfortable, I offer mine and tell her to use it and block hers, when she feels the time is right.


....follow this advice gentlemen !!
 Goldentyga117
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 19
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 1:00:20 AM
I simply refuse to meet anyone who doesn't either:

A) Give me their number
B) Call me if i give them mine
or
C) Refuses to talk on the phone before meeting.

The reason is because anyone i've ever met who i didn't get to talk on the phone with beforehand turned out to be a psycho...or incredibly boring. I can get a very good sense of personality, sense of humour, and potential for chemistry in a simple 5 minute phone call. If they refuse any of the above than i just cease all contact. I don't like wasting my time on people who aren't worth it.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 20
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 3:24:22 AM
There is a draw back to this. When you've agreed to meet, and say if she gets lost. This one woman, when I was on my way to the location to meet up with her, I just assumed she knew her way.

Well, not in this case, when I arrived, she wasn't there....yet and then she called me saying she was on her way, just about a few mins away. Of course, the caller ID said "private", she hung up, and I waited...and waited...and waited. She did arrive though, but I was a bit piturbed I couldn't call her back and ask, "You need directions?"

There was just some level of awkwardness at that point. So I think a number should be given, just in case we loose our way to the dating venue. So I'm thinking if she gets lost, I have to WAIT on her to call me if she is?

Another woman did the same thing, asked for my number, set a time to call, and she never called. :P

I had to let some women go, because they didn't want to talk on the phone at all before meeting, not even to talk to make arrangements to meet, usually that means they're hiding something, perhaps married or have a live-in sig. other.

One even wouldn't tell me her first name! That's not normal. The whole "Hi my name is Bill, and you are?"

"Sorry, I'm not telling you." Quite unnatural. There is such thing as overdoing it, you know.



Well giggles, I have never asked for a number


I seriously doubt this. lol
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 21
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 3:30:12 AM
I don't give out my number until after first meeting. I often get guys giving me their numbers early in conversation. I don't usually use it because they have generally given it to me before I am ready and some how that doesn't usually work out for one reason or another. Not giving out my phone number right away has not caused a problem. There have been times when I was definitely glad that I did not once I found out more about the person upon meeting.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 22
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 3:35:58 AM
I don't give out my number until after first meeting.


Perhaps you should reconsider this, perhaps re-arrange the parameters of the phone call....do to some email exchange back and forth, but eventually he'll be expecting to get a number or talk on the phone.

My recent experience led to a bit of an inconvenience just prior to the date.
At least when it gets to the point of making the actual date to meet in person. I never meet someone, until I least talk to them first.

I have to go with Oy Vey though, if a woman is going to make it difficult for a guy, by simply not exchange #'s, perhaps online dating isn't for her.
 1best_woman
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 23
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 6:07:18 AM

1best, sorry, I won't meet a woman without talking on the phone.


I am willing to talk on the phone before a potential date / meeting. My previous post stated another reason why people should exchange numbers in response to people who don't like talking on the phone.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 24
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:59:39 AM
OP, the last few posts have demonstrated the various views. I will stand by my statements. Though I will say, you are a better man than I.

Perhaps, there is something else to make clear here. This is a lopsided medium for both men and women. Communication is the key, to it's working. Women fear for their safety, men for their time. Few men(well sane men) want to force a meeting 15 minutes after communication starts, but they also don't wish to become penpals either.

The better man concept I spoke of, is I won't tolerate, someone who doesn't understand how this works, is late or a time waster. Life is too short, the guidelines on this pretty clear. Someone who shows up late without notice well before is rude, plain and simple. If I can get there 15-20 minutes early, they can arrive no more than 5 minutes late.

If they cannot talk on the phone, they either have something to hide, or are playing games, move on. This is the same with emails as well, if I send a half page email and get back 8 words, she gets a pass on the first one, second time bye bye. If a woman has an issue with these guidelines, IMO she shouldn't online meet, that doesn't mean there isn't some silly guys who will abide that sh1t. For me, it's on to the next one, and yes, sometimes it bothers me, because I wonder if under different circumstances, it would have been a good match.

But there is a razor thin line in this medium, on most issues, safety, time, and manners.
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 25
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 8:22:17 AM
There was one person from the forums recently who was such a gentleman that he called me back (one of the few that has my number) because he was concerned about the cost for me to call him (something I hadn't even considered.) Which was such a kind gesture. I don't remember if I gave him my number from the beginning because he's just a trustworthy person so maybe. He's the kind of person who respects boundaries and gives women the chance to feel comfortable.

No hostility, no angry posts with snoring icons (if you're so bored with the convo then why respond?) just a total and complete gentleman. In fact, he's funny as anything, sweet and respectful (I can't use the word "nice," he hates that.) Before took off his pics he seemed to have quite a fan club and I can see why he's been successful with women. And I've never seen him go back and forth trying to trash women on here for wanting to be safe.

So thank God, there are some great guys on here because reading some of the posts on here you wouldn't think so. And they only look better in comparison.
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