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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?      Home login  
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 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
No you should not tell her...
unless she was a personal friend.

Just walk away now............ get y9urself checked for STD's
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 8
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 6:04:30 PM
When did you find out about the fiancee? I would give it a few weeks, calm down and see how you feel when you are more settled. If I were the fiancee I would be thankful that you told me.
 Ole Rog
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 9
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 6:06:48 PM
And then he comes back and slashes your tires or some other kind of criminal mischief to "GET EVEN" with you. Now who is out?

There could be more to the consequences than its worth!
 Ole Rog
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 11
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 6:12:01 PM
If he got custody of his kids from a previous marriage I can only guess what his ex was like.
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 12
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 6:32:00 PM
I would absolutely say find a way to let her know... because it is the right thing to do... and your conscience will be clear.


Would *you* want to know if it was your fiance and you were the one being cheated on? I'd start from there.


Yeah... what a dirtbag of a guy, and he deserves everything he gets. He needs a conscience.
 tilark99
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 15
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 6:52:03 PM
This is complicated...
First, if I were the fiance', I'd want to know. I'd hate to marry someone like this, for not knowing who he really was.

So I think the "right thing to do" is to tell her. That said, doing the right thing is not always easy, and in this case could pose risks for you.

She could be mad, not beleive you, think you're crazy, etc. and thus your telling her is sort of wasted. She could tell him, and he be mad at you, and maybe give you a hard time/retaliate in some way. You'd have to assess that risk, since you know him.

On the other hand, most women are intuitive even when trying hard to deny what they suspect. This may validate some of her fears or suspicions and give her a push to save herself before wasting more time and becoming legally bound to this man.

The fact that you even asked about this suggests that you think it's right to warn the fiance' but I do think you need to assess what your risks are in terms of his relatiating, and whether you can adequately protect yourself if that is the case. I do not envy you being in this position-- good luck.
 fotoman151
Joined: 2/20/2011
Msg: 25
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 9:25:10 PM
Well obviously you are not the only one he has done this with. If you wait awhile, how will he know it was you that told if you do it anonymously?
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 27
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 10:12:16 PM
1. This is a dating site
2. He is not married
3. Engaged people have a right to change their mind and not marry
4. You had the right to end the relationship with him and you did

I have to agree with call

He wants to date other women..thats his biz..his fiance is choosing to be with him..Im sure she knows..she cant be that dumb..
All is fair and square when you are not married.
Just because you ended it with him doesn't mean his fiance needs too. In fact she dont want too.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 28
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 10:18:53 PM


I just think it's sad that he asked her to marry him and now he's boning random chicks. I get, but don't agree with, married men who do this, but he's not even married yet!! The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I also can't think of an indirect way to do this since his profile doesn't have a picture and if she's like me, I'd want details. I have emails and texts but that would totally give me away. Oy....


Here's one. What would happen if you could somehow arrange yourself to be in the presence of both of them at the same time? And then tell him that he's got something to tell his fiance? That might not go over well. But, the look of panic on his face might be totally worth it.
 Sunlight72
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 29
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 10:33:17 PM
Dear Magenta Butterfly,
I sincerely hope you can find a way to tell this woman what her fiancée is up to. If it were happening to me I would absolutely want to know. I would be very upset, and not like the messenger I'm pretty sure, but wow, I would definitely want to know.

There are so many messes in people's lives already that to prevent one more damaged family is really worthwhile. Please consider finding a way to tell her - I think it's silly for people to say she already knows.

Peace to you, and thanks for ending your relationship when you found out. One positive little uptick for humanity :)
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 32
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/14/2012 11:18:37 PM
Find a way to tell her!
The one being cheated on is the last to know.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 33
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/15/2012 4:16:40 AM
Well I disagree that it "isn't any of your business". It is your business because he made it your business by deceiving you.

BUT.........you HAVE to let her know innocently/ anonymously, because like others have said, he may want to "get even" with you. He may be a very vindictive person, as well as being a self-centered deceptive prick.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 35
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/15/2012 4:34:29 AM
Tell her. Of course she might be angry or not believe you at the moment but she will start looking for signs and find them.
 cckch
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 37
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/15/2012 4:43:44 AM
Tell her..

I once received a message from a woman that was engaged to a guy that was trying to hook up with me... I blocked him, of course, and told her I would never date a guy that was engaged, married, or even just dating somebody else...
Had I known he was engaged, I would have told her if I knew who she was..

Don't let it eat at you... Just tell her.. If she doesn't believe you, that's on her...
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 40
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:11:34 AM

there's a possibility I could be in danger if I do tell. He has a powerful job


Walk away, not worth the potential hassle.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 44
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/15/2012 8:41:26 AM
this is an age old question.... to tell or not to tell....

the woman is responsible for her own relationship and keeping her eyes open.... likely she knows and closes her eyes....
 sedonajazz
Joined: 6/8/2010
Msg: 47
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To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/15/2012 9:17:42 PM
I think everyone has missed one important fact here. The OP stated that he does not have his pic in his profile. THIS is exactly why I will NOT date men who don't have pics in their profile. There is always a good reason why they don't! Oh they will make up all kinds of excuses. Believe me I have heard them all! BUT, I have also called out a lot of guys for not having profile pics when they message me. Inevitably one of two things happens when I do this. They either don't respond or they admit tohaving a gf, SO, whatever. Even after admitting to it they just don't seem to understand how I could possibly not be interested in sleeping with them!

Tell her. Just be sure to block your number first so you don't go through what the one gal on here did. Blocking your number is easy. That way you can remain anonymous but still have a clear conscience. What she does with the info after that is up to her.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 50
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/16/2012 5:40:33 AM
I would say something. The only reason people get away with shoddy behaviour is because good people stand by and do nothing.

I pre warn any man I date that if I find out he is trying to use me to cheat on someone, I will tell the 'someone'...so they are fairly warned well ahead of time. This alone makes them admit that they really shouldnt be here and they move on. (to another victim) I have lost count on how many times I have been approached, tell them this, and they run off. It is very common.

I refuse to be a pawn in someone else's game, and I conduct myself with integrity. If I catch someone trying to pull me into something like this, I make noise and do not let it go.

I also would want to be told in the fiances shoes, and I believe in treating others as I would want to be treated-so I act this way as well, not just say it with cheap talk.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 51
To tell fiancee or not to tell his fiancee?
Posted: 3/16/2012 6:56:12 AM

If you tell it will be no big deal to him. He obviously doesn't give a shit. He'll have three more "girlfriends" by the end of next week.


At this point, it wont be about him, it will be about giving the fiance enough info to make an educated choice in her life. Heck, she may stay with...and thats her choice but at least she aint making it with a blindfold on.
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