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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > So, she had a kid, have I done enough?      Home login  
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 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 3
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
So much for getting into a FWB scenario....geez, one thing you should be specific on that you are both exclusive or using proper protection....or was it even discussed??

Well...Crappy thing is..It cost money to get a DNA test...Here in Canada there are kits you can get but it still cost 3 to 4 hundred dollars.
Maybe...she doesn't have the money on her own to pay for the test.

If it was me...I would not leave my life in limbo...converse with her and give her a time line to get it done. Then if she ignores it...I guess, that'll be her choice.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 4
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 1:51:17 PM

Okay, so a girl I was FWB with a while ago said that she was pregnant, and that it was between myself and one other man



and this has happened with with another woman before; she said her kid could be mine, and said I test before anything


Sounds like you should be getting "tested" on a regular basis.

It takes two. Why on Earth are you not taking precautions?

Paternity tests are not free or inexpensive. That may be the option.

I can't imagine the sort of man who knows he may have fathered a child(ren) and has no desire to know. Sounds as if your offspring would be better off without you.
 darthbanker
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 5
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 1:53:23 PM

Thoughts?

Is this how you would want your father to act towards your mother?
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 7
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:00:59 PM
Be an adult and take some action. Stop texting and call the woman. Schedule a test.
So what if the tests are expensive. You should have thought of that before you had unprotected sex.
Drive the bus and stop letting others guide your choices in life.
 BrockLee74
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 8
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:06:02 PM

I made it clear I wasnt helping with the pregnancy, or anything, since I could be helping another man's kid with my actions, and that does not work for me.


How considerate and selfless.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 9
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:12:45 PM
That baby is a real child. It could be yours.

My father left my mother when I was 3 months old. I never met him until I was 17 and only then because my mother tracked him down to invite him to my brother's wedding. He always knew where we lived but never made contact or paid child support.

I can't begin to explain to you the impact it has on a child to know that their parent can't be bothered to be involved in their life.

To answer your question.. NO. You have not done enough. This is no longer about you, or her. It's about the child that has been created. That child is innocent and deserves to know who their father is. They also deserves an involved parent - one who cares enough to make damn sure that if it is his child, that child knows his father loves him.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 10
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:19:40 PM
Priceless, have you not tossed insults towards single mothers on these boards?

Only she knows why she is acting the way she is.

You can buy a drugstore paternity kit. Go see the child yourself & swab the childs cheek, swab yours, & send the samples in to get a DNA match. Then, you will know. If the child is yours, then act like a father. If not, then now you know, & go on your merry way.

And uhhh..be a little choosier on whom you sleep with & potentially make babies with.

It's not about you, or how you feel about single Mothers, or how you feel about other mens offspring. It is about the child. A child that you may have fathered. Find out if it is yours, then take appropriate action based on the results.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:23:38 PM
You have not taken a paternity test, so you are not done here no matter how over it you are. Yeah, after all your anti-single mom rants it would be ironic that you are now a single father.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 12
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:38:49 PM
Man, am I ever glad I am not a dude.

No woman can "oops" me and ruin my life.

This womb is closed.
 tilark99
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 13
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:46:34 PM
No, you have not done enough. Especially in a non-committed sexual relationship, you should use protection. But it's too late to rewrite history on that one.

You need to find out whether you are the father. This is a real child, and if that child is yours you need to do right by the child. Push the issue of the paternity test. Fund it or split the cost, if that's an issue. Find out if you are the father, and do what's right.

And in the future, don't have unprotected sex. It's irresponsible and you are not the only one who might pay for your irresponsibility.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 14
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:48:52 PM
Texting: the omnipotent excuse for the gutless wonders of the world.

FFS, grow a set of balls and CALL her and set up a definite time to go SEE her so you can TALK to her face to face, start acting like a man instead of snivelling over the cell phone like a teenage wimp.

If you're grown-up enough to make babies, you're grown-up enough to take some initiative and stop depending on her to do EVERYTHING. She has been kind of busy incubating this baby, giving birth to it, and now taking care of it 24 hours a day. What have you been doing in between texting "hey", "sup" and playing video games, stud-boy?

I hope to god the kid isn't yours. Maybe the other guy will be more mature and responsible so the kid has a ounce of chance of having some kind of decent father.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 15
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:55:16 PM
OP: Cough up the to get the test done. Don't complain about the expense. You should have thought about that before having unprotected sex. If this is your child, do the right thing and help raise it. If it is not your child, at least she will know that it's the other guy she needs to go after for child support.

The only person that matters in all of this is the child. They did not ask to be born into this situation and they shouldn't have to suffer for it.

BTW: You lose points IMHO for not helping her throughout the pregnancy. There is a 50/50 chance that this is your child and if it turns out that it was, what you are going to tell them when they ask you about when their mom was pregnant with them? That they weren't important enough to ensure a good start in life?
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 16
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 2:58:56 PM
Go on Maury.




It's the only way to be sure.
 soupcan00
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 17
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 3:00:47 PM
What r u gonna call the kid ?
 PutYouOnBlast
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 18
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 3:07:23 PM
Boy, you just love playing with loaded shot guns, don't you?

You ever heard of wearing a condom? Or does getting a text with "hey, I got VD" the next time around scare you???
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 20
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 3:35:31 PM
Ha. This should be interesting, considering your history and how single mothers are a big no no for you.

Stating you aren't going to get tested on your own because she slept with two men, is ridiculous. If a woman I was sleeping with told me that I could possibly be the father of her child, I would get a DNA test as soon as possible.

You aren't done with anything until the baby is proven not to be yours, and I think it is mighty childish of you to be holding back on a DNA test just because you're waiting on a text.
 Angela_Amazing
Joined: 5/13/2011
Msg: 21
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 3:42:26 PM

Man, am I ever glad I am not a dude.

No woman can "oops" me and ruin my life.

This womb is closed.


Same here. To the OP, if you haven't done it, get tested not only for paternity but stds as well, no excuses in this day and age not to use protection.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 22
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 3:53:24 PM
Have you even thought that you may be giving up the best thing to ever happen to you? Are you willing to walk away from what may be your child without another thought? If this is your child she/he is going to need you.
Get tested, pay for it. You need to be responsible for this baby's life if you're the father.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 23
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:17:42 PM
Go on MAURY, it's your cheapest way out since you obviously really don't care if it's your kid or not. Let MAURY tell you "You ARE the FATHER" !!!!!!!!

To me it's pathetic you won't step up and find out if this child is yours.

Next time PUT A BONNET ON IT!!!!!!!!
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 24
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:26:26 PM
I'm sorry, but you're coming off as a real jerk here. It takes two to tango. Don't you want to know if that's your kid??? How can you just sit around and not want to absolutely know? Call her and get it done. She just had a BABY. I am sure she is BUSY. Man up for crying out loud. True, she slept with two guys but one of them was YOU so YOU are responsible just as much as she is!!!!
 Holly63
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 25
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:27:10 PM

What have you been doing in between texting "hey", "sup" and playing video games, stud-boy?


Probably making yet another baby somewhere and treating that woman like crap too.

By the way he's going, he'll be up for child support for 25 children!!
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 26
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:33:32 PM

Is this how you would want your father to act towards your mother?




This is a child. A wonderful creation. It breaks my heart to hear you talk about the whole thing so dismissively. This could be your chance to do something wonderful. Children who are treated like burdens, or whose parents are indifferent to them can develop serious emotional issues.

Find out if the child is yours and if it is, please, care for it.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 27
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:34:05 PM
I know if he was my son, I'd be dragging him down to the paternity testing office by the ear, and kicking his butt all the way, lol.

Apparently he slithered in here hoping for us all to pat him on the back and agree with his desire to take the coward's way out.

Two guys, one baby......heads or tails, call it if you're man enough.
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 28
So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:45:32 PM
No one knows her side to all this......Why is she not demanding a test????...Doesn't she want to know?......In no way am I throwing this back on her, it is BOTH their responsibility in all of this......My questions would be: does she really know the father and it isn't him?...Is she doing this as far as not doing a test so that she can keep the OP on the line?....Again, not taking sides with him or her and for anyone who posted that he is not manning up, I agree...But like I said in my first sentence, none of us know why or what her thoughts are as far as getting a test done....Wouldn't a woman want to know also?...Takes two to tango and that saying is more true in this thread then most!.....Too bad she doesn't come on a forum like this and give her response....If that happen I think a lot of different replies could be coming forth!....That is the huge problem with these forums, you hear one side and not both....Wow, the world is a messed up place!!!
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 29
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So, she had a kid, have I done enough?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:48:23 PM
No one knows her side to all this......Why is she not demanding a test????...Doesn't she want to know?......In no way am I throwing this back on her, it is BOTH their responsibility in all of this......My questions would be: does she really know the father and it isn't him?...Is she doing this as far as not doing a test so that she can keep the OP on the line?....Again, not taking sides with him or her and for anyone who posted that he is not manning up, I agree...But like I said in my first sentence, none of us know why or what her thoughts are as far as getting a test done....Wouldn't a woman want to know also?...Takes two to tango and that saying is more true in this thread then most!.....Too bad she doesn't come on a forum like this and give her response....If that happen I think a lot of different replies could be coming forth!....That is the huge problem with these forums, you hear one side and not both....Wow, the world is a messed up place!!!


She's probably exhausted from having to care for a newborn alone. I was a walking zombie during the first few months of my daughter's life. Fortunately, for me, there was never a question of paternity, but if there was and a paternity test was needed, I probably would have just put it off in favour of getting some sleep.
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