Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > when do you just walk away?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 3
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You work it out as adults. Part of being in a realationship is not running away when the going gets tough. You talk and look for answers to issues together.
 tilark99
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 7
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:10:00 PM
It sounds like there are a lot of good things about him, from a friend perspective. But if the two of you have been sleeping together for eight months, and you are acting exclusive and he is not.... that says that you are coming from very different places. You took your profile down and stopped talking to other guys. He stayed on dating sites and kept talking to women. On a very basic level, this would make it seem like you think because you added sex to the equation, it was now a relationship. He did not think so, or maybe he was thinking it went from friend to friend with benefits.

From your profile, and the fact that you've intertwined your life with his, I don't think you are looking for FWB. If this is correct, then you need to be fair to yourself-- because the reality is that you hardly ever find Mr Right to grow old with, when you are spending all your time with your FWB.

Bottom line, I would say break it off. If he wanted to be exclusive and serious about you, then that's what he'd be doing.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 9
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:11:08 PM
I agree with Ontario woman, hes either here for the forums or hes a player, there is no middle ground here. He even sought you out. Probably spamming the new members as they join.

you have a choice: confront him and give him a chance to change his ways if you think hes worth the risk and heartbreak or get rid of him and find someone that deserves you.

Personally i would dump him faster than he could blink, no debate no fuss its over. You dont even have to justify it, you have enough to justify this right now. Once a cheat always a cheat. He may not cheat on others but he certainly seems to think he can get away with it with you.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:28:09 PM
Women are really bold today. He only has control over himself not her. Talk to him about how you feel openly and honestly and set boundaries. Do not try to get even with him by getting on dating site. sounds like you both have a good thing going....
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/17/2012 4:31:43 PM
These dating sites can be a problem if you are dating someone seriously. #when you have tooo many male friends, there is no depth to the relationship and it leaves you empty.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 20
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/17/2012 6:15:55 PM
I agree with most of the other posts. He doesn't seem to be honest with you about what's really going on. What disturbs me more is how he responds to you when you express your concerns: he doesn't acknowledge or validate your concerns, he lies and he is condescending and dismissive. This is absolutely a red flag...not only about his possible infidelity but about his view of you - insensitive, dismissive and condescending. It's been my experience that the way to assess the viability of a relationship is not to base it on when things go well, but to assess the relationship on how the couple individually and collectively engage in conflict (different needs, desires). If you can't try to weather rough patches in a relationship with a spirit of goodwill and teamwork then your doomed. He's not there.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 21
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/17/2012 6:58:08 PM
He is your friend you say..Friend? So he can do what he wants with other women.
Well hasn't it been fun? I see no commitment on your relationship.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 22
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/17/2012 7:17:55 PM

I should just break things off and tell him its been fun and good luck with your search


^^^^

This is the way to go.
 soupcan00
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 23
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/17/2012 7:25:24 PM
Just before the tab gets to the table!
 ola_3
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 3/18/2012 2:41:33 PM
Onegodfather........
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 33
view profile
History
You are just a friend with benefits (FWB)
Posted: 4/29/2012 6:27:21 PM
This is the typical scenario of FWB. You want more and he just wants to have sex with his friend. FWB never turns into a real relationship because the reason he doesn't want more from you is something about yourself that you cannot change therefore it can never be more. If you are hoping things will change they never will. You will not get a commitment here. This "take is slow" crap is what players say hoping that she won't get to attached because he knows he will dumper her eventually. He is not seriously into you and never will be. Best you break it off.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 38
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 8:09:43 AM

I quit talking to other guys and deleted my original profile on here because we talked about being exclusive so I felt like that meant we were not going to be looking for other people. We agreed to take thing slowly because we both have kids.

Friends w/ Benefits, while also being a real friend, many times wants monogamy. You're not tied down to flirt, meet new people, etc -- but you don't want to swap fluids with others, and at the same time, yeah, be the #1 "other person" in their life.

I think when you're in that quasi-psuedo-relationship-of-sorts like that, using vague terms like "going slow", but don't want to call it "Dating" -- you're going to run into that. If you took down your profile, you should have had a conversation with him to be on the same page. Maybe part of you knew he wouldn't be oh-so keen on that and that might scare him away.

Either way, you just need to have a talk with him on the subject: Do you want to be a couple or not? If you're spending weekends together, and your kids spend time together, etc., and you're sleeping with him -- what part of "taking it slow" are you referring to? lol You are what you do. And it sounds like you guys really were in a relationship, but due to all the time of the past, didn't lock down the "back door" for other options. That back door to still hang out, flirt, etc with the opposite sex is the only thing remaining as far as "taking it slow" is concerned.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 39
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 8:17:58 AM
For starter's you had no right to open that text. A person leaving their phone behind at your home does not give you the right to touch it.
Having said that you are where you are and you cannot change the fact that you tampered with his phone.
This look's like a FWB situation. He is using you as a person of convienience and you are using him in the same fashion.
You both agree to have sex and you both agree to give each other favour's. I'm afraid YOU are NOT "The One", however you are "The one to be with until someone better come's along".....Don't hurt yourself by remaining in this relationship.
 BerniesAlive
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 41
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:37:35 AM
Sounds like things were working out.why did you read his text?
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 42
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:06:30 PM
Who's idea was it to take it slow? How slow is slow?

These sorties really need a lot more detail. You already decided somethings going on with that girl, you're just looking for confirmation.

If you want a real opinion, you have to make us understand where you're relationship is exactly as much as you do
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
when do you just walk away?
Posted: 4/30/2012 5:24:18 PM

Well I think me showing up unannounced and finding her in his bed was pretty clear. At least I understand now that exclusive was me being exclusively an idiot. Made it really easy to walk away.


So sorry to hear that.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > when do you just walk away?