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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is "taking things slow" really necessary after the age of 45???      Home login  
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 purplepalooza
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 1
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Is "taking things slow" really necessary after the age of 45???Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I mean really, by this age shouldn't we know what we really want, and not have to play the silly cat and mouse games of our younger years? I'm not saying that jumping into marriage after a second date is wise, but what is the point of waiting to move forward into a serious relationship just because a certain amount of time has not yet passed?
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 2
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 12:15:52 AM
what is the point of waiting to move forward into a serious relationship just because a certain amount of time has not yet passed?


For me it's because I don't want to waste anyone's time pretending the relationship is something it isn't. It's much harder to step back out of something that isn't quite right if emotions are heavily invested. The closer the relationship in terms of intimacy the more people tend to try to make it fit the other areas of their life. It's harder to be objective when you've just spent the night cuddled in someone's arms. It's harder for the other party to understand why you then turn around and say 'it's not working for me'.

I don't want my next relationship to only last 6 months, or 2 years. I want to feel that it is going to be my last relationship. So I want to take each step carefully and make sure I'm going exactly where I want to go. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't to trial date someone for 6 months and then change my mind.

I know there are no guarantees ever, but I think at 'our age' we should have enough life experience to take the time to make careful decisions.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 3
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 12:58:15 AM
I would like to take the time to get to know someone before I commit myself to a "serious" relationship.
 coyotefeller
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 4
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 4:10:36 AM
How serious are we talking here?
Are we talking putting it in all way
in several locations or adopting the
other ones kids and changing the will?
I read again.....OK I think it's the former :)
That is what guys keep saying, nothing new here
.......you got an older sister, what's her #? :)

DrummingNut, seems like you contradict yourself there!
You getting older, not much time left....
and then
putter around wasting time getting down
to business.......this is women for you, it never changes,
or if it does it's not for the better !

 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 5:19:18 AM
I think it is, because it causes just as much trouble to think you DO know everything you need to know about yourself, as it does to be in a state of youthful ignorance.

"It isn't what you don't know that causes you the most trouble, it's what you think you know, that isn't so."

One of my personally written "wise sayings."
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 6
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 5:25:35 AM
I suppose that if you had taken things slowly enough in previous episodes of life, you might well have ended relationships before they even began!

My thinking is that there is so relatively little time left to have a relationship, it isn't worth the worry about how things will work out. Within reason, I pretty well can tell if I would be interested in someone, and I should think people would have the same capabilities with respect to me. If it feels good, then I go for it.

As to "being blind" to things, people who are in love are always completely blind to the faults of the other. I really see no practical defense here aside from avoiding falling in love, and an occasional heartache is not so terrifying to me as would cause me to avoid love. I am sure we have all experienced heartaches in the past, and the common thing about them is you do get over it.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 7
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 5:33:45 AM
Some people are not emotionally comfortable w/ FAST, regardless of age...
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 8
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 6:40:39 AM
Taking things slow is an option as is taking things faster... just depends on WHAT YOU WANT as well as if your DATING THE MAN you want to be with... as well as how he feels about you... and you feel about him.
To say you believe in taking things fast or slow really does not give any thought as to the quality of men you are meeting and what you want.

It really is going to depend on many things, many of which are not time dependent.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 9
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 6:52:16 AM

I mean really, by this age shouldn't we know what we really want, and not have to play the silly cat and mouse games of our younger years?


Unfortunately, people are also better at hiding their gremlins, so it makes sense to take your time and be sure of what you're getting yourself into.
 skarabians1
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 10
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 8:06:17 AM
Taking it slow is not about decorum....its about weeding out the players, nuts,etc. Everyone is on their best behavior for the first 5 or 6 months. If you jump right in quickly every time you're attracted to someone you'll become a jumping bean...in and out as you will many times find the freaks. Whats the hurry??? Just enjoy the company of nice people and if it happens ....it happens. Can' force anyone to love you anyway.....but the players will pretend.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 11
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 10:00:58 AM
I have thought about bringing those legal papers with me from the first date on, just in case, but somehow it would not look or feel quite right.............just as it does not feel or seem quite right to move from dating to a serious relationship in a short amount of time.

We may know what we want, and want to enjoy it immediately, but certainly, at our age, we also know how to think with our large brains, lay out all the outcomes with each other, and then decide mutually how we will proceed, and how long it just might take to become serious or not.

If we are talking enjoying each other in and out of bed, that does not automatically mean serious and long term, but much more right now and for as long as we both want it, feel good about it, and hope all the today's will end up becoming tomorrow's.

cd..............
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 12
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 10:47:46 AM
I have found that when you just start to get to know someone most people have two ways of going about things....

One is the dreaded interview where you try and qualify each other as potentials...I don't think I have ever passed one of these cause they aren't fun...they serve no purpose...it is like throwing your life out there for someone to judge and basically most have such a "CANNED" presentation that it falls either flat or made-up. Everyone was happily married and grew apart, everyone has perfect kids, everyone loves their job, everyone hates dating and wants to find that one person. None of that is me; and so most cant accept that a female can be sane and had to actually overcome a ton of stuff to be where they are now...

Then there are the fun ones...you don't talk about the PAST, oh it is there...but more about the PRESENT and the FUTURE. You interact with them one on one based where you both are at the moment. The difference is the conversations glide, there is no judging...the downside is you don't find out any thing that might be a potential issue until later on after you have gotten to know someone.

Then there are the guys in their opening email who are declaring undying love and immediately start with the premade relationships which just frost my buns cause I just cant tolerate fakeness.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 13
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 11:33:35 AM


Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

Haste implies using poor judgment, not doing something quickly.


haste means speed and urgency, not bad judgement
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 14
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 11:54:22 AM

I never saw the point of playing ``cat and mouse games'' so by age 45, I'd think any intelligent and sane person should have figured that out, too.

Ditto. I got never involved with women playing those games, so I doubt it will happen in the future. And the ones who learned that game well, will attempt to continue to do so.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 15
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 12:02:44 PM

``cat and mouse games''


Men never play them...only boys ..likewise women never play them...only girls.

Most MEN I have met have a no bullshit about them, they say what they want and if you agree with it fine...if not then fine..the boys are the ones who try to be everything you want to get you to like them.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 16
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 4:34:24 PM
you use of the word haste is not correct in that statement.. it implies urgency.. not bad judgement. To marry in haste means too quickly.

It means :
marry quickly,
suffer long
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 17
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 5:46:42 PM
Well-I never played 'cat and mouse' games.

That said-people are free to take things at any speed they want to.

But remember, one has less time to recover/re-stabilize one's situation if the thing turned out to be a bad decision.

But as another poster asked-what specifically is it you want to do quickly? Be exclusive and monagamous? Have sex? Cohabit? Marry?
Cindy O
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 18
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/21/2012 8:09:58 PM

I never saw the point of playing ``cat and mouse games'' so by age 45, I'd think any intelligent and sane person should have figured that out, too.


I'm not into it, but my cats sure love it... and in cat years they're getting up there.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 19
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/22/2012 9:32:22 PM
Yes, taking it slower is necessary....I say that after jumping into a relationship and moving in with someone too soon....one does not need the drama of one failed relationship after another at our age....truly it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. Over the age of 45 is the same as any other age in the world of love.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 20
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/23/2012 6:26:17 AM
I like Abelian's perspective on this. If taking it slow is a one sided thing, it has to mean that the person who is moving slowly has thoughts in their mind that the relationship is not permanent in some way, so its probably a statement of an inability to make a commitment to make it work. That, after all, is what distinguishes the relationships that last from those that don't.

Best to just let the slow poke go along at their own pace....with someone else......
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 21
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/23/2012 7:01:25 AM

abelian in msg 41:
There are people in life who ``go for it'' and there are people who watch what they want pass them by and rationalize it away. I'd much rather go for it, because we only get so long to live.


I do not wish to be a spectator at my own life. I wish to be a participant, to take an active role, to live, to love, to laugh, to experience all that life has to offer.

A very wise man said, “When we grow old, we do not regret the things that we did. We regret the things that we did not do.”
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 22
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/23/2012 10:56:18 AM

I want to feel free to call a woman up and tell her i want to come over, rip her clothes off and make love in a vat of Jello...


^^I am thinking that for this to happen, it would have to be the slow approach cuz your lady would need time to have the jello firm up! But thank you for a new idea!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 23
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:16:23 AM

moonchild51:

I am thinking that for this to happen, it would have to be the slow approach cuz your lady would need time to have the jello firm up! But thank you for a new idea!


What? A vat of jello is a "new idea"? You've really been out of circulation for a while, haven't you? Give me a call, I can catch you up on ALL of the fun new games!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 24
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Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:53:31 PM
Well, Drumming, I did not say that the person going slow was limited to only one thought. Whatever else might be going on i terms of self rationalization of their own behaviour, at the bottom of it all is a hesitation which must be based on some doubt about a commitment to the relationship. Relationships are, to me, creative activities, not reactive ones. Couples mutually create a future together if they want to do so. If they don't feel fully committed to that creativity, they judge, analyze, evaluate, speculate, hesitate and ultimately.......only date........
 Helloitsmeyourlookingfor
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 25
Is taking things slow really necessary after the age of 45???
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:09:50 PM
Slow? What is slow? What is fast?
How about what feels comfortable. I am a guy that can fairly quickly see my comfort zone in a woman and take it from there.
I have been on both sides of the coin.... a years worth of courting before it got serious, and the exact opposite, meeting her one night and moving in together the next morning for a number of delightful years.
I do not believe one was any worse or better than the other.
Now if we are throwing that "Marriage" word around.... my speed is run in the other direction!!! Been there, done it, dopey enough to do it again. Nope... not gonna happen. I can be your life partner, but not your husband.
I have a contract out on my life from my BFF to kill me BEFORE I ever say the words "I do" again, unless I am testifying in court.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is "taking things slow" really necessary after the age of 45???