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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How to deal with a stalker      Home login  
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 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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How to deal with a stalkerPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
This is why I kept my profile hidden and only contacted whom I wanted...
to put yourself out on public display can bring in stalkers, esp if your attractive.

so... ignore him the best you can if you still want to have your profile in NON sleath mode. Hopefully he will find someone he fancies more and forget you.

If not, your taking a risk too of him making up a fake profile and him getting you to meet him, without your knowledge its him... which could end badly.

good luck.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 3
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How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 7:10:14 AM
Maybe delete current profile and make a new one?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 4
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 7:16:06 AM
Keep blocking his profiles as quickly as he makes them.

If you think your safety is at risk, contact your local law enforcement.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 6
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How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 7:27:41 AM
There are certain things about stalkers........ they are generally people who are used to getting what they want, cannot deal with rejection, and sneaky. They will use any means to control and possess. They are scary people.
They are easily offended, highly arrogent and also have little respect for others.

I think sometimes it could be a mistake to be too direct when ansewing emails as NO is not a term they like or will accept. Maybe in the future a better response to avoid them will be:
" I'll get back to you sometime"
to let them save face in their twisted minds, to deal with things a little better because fairness, driectness, maturity is not something they are good at.

You can't really talk to them, because ANY communication can be taken wrong...
keep your profile on stealth and contact only who you want. Also get a first and last name and phone number before meeting them, get a disposable cell phone for dating...
write down all the names and numbers and keep notes as to who your meeting. Google them to make sure they aren't pedafiles or sex offenders. Meet in a public place. etc..........

Also those who cannot deal with differing opinions, MAJOR RED FLAG as to anger and bitterness and stalker material. Was just yesterday I ran into someone like this who began stalking me because they did not agree with my opinion and twisted it. so jealous types are stalker mateial too.
Gotta watch out and use good sense when dealing with the public as woman can be crazies too.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 9
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 7:43:11 AM
I've had this situation too.

Went for an initial meeting and determined we weren't a match. The messages I received afterwards were such that I blocked him. Then from a new profile, with a different age, photo, profession etc., he contacted me again. Not realizing it was him, I exchanged a few messages and later arranged a Meet. When I walked into the coffee shop and he waved from a table, I walked straight out.

He's made a number of profiles since. Sometimes, if I think it's him, I steer clear. Other times I don't clue in initially. Often times, he'll say a phrase or something and I will realize - and block.

He's got wiser in the sense of no longer sending messages but twice now, with fake profiles he's appeared on the forums. Not for a while (to the best of my knowledge) and I don't always clue in it's him until eventually, he'll end a post a certain way. Once I notice him, I steer clear of that thread - I won't even read it again. I refuse to be hooked into his game and I refuse to acknowledge him in any manner.

I've blocked his e-mail address, his telephone number and the pay phone numbers he has used in the past. I've reported the profiles when I am sure it's him but without others having an issue, there's little POF can do.

Thank goodness he doesn't have my address as it was only an initial meeting.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 12
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 8:52:52 AM
I wish I were interesting enough to have my very own stalker.

A stalker's best reward is your reaction.
OP: [1] block; [2] ignore; [3] done.
Ain't worth it, letting this tool make you miserable.

Nothing wrong with the filters you have, but they can be easily breached. FYI.
You might also try moving your pics to private, changing your user name, being more vague about your location, and rewriting your profile.

You can also hide your profile. That would remove you from all searches, but you'd still be visible here.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 13
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 9:03:23 AM

What would you do if it was you?

I'd just ignore the person.
 shygirl413
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 16
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 10:55:27 AM
we have all had that happen .. the only differnce is that I dont care about it and you do. Do not let this person bother you. I am not sure I would call him a stalker , I think of that more in real life, He obviosly knows this is bothering you and having fun with it. Just ignore him
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 17
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 11:25:28 AM

Delete the emails and carry on with my day without giving him or his emails a second thought.


Exactly.

Had one a few years ago that I met thru here. Didnt think he was a stalker when we first met and went out a few times. Luckily, because of some time restrictions, he had never come to my house, but, eventually, he showed signs and I decided I was no longer interested. Didnt string him along, and told him it wasnt working out. He then proceeded to harrass me on here with messages, then emailed my personal email and called/texted me often. After ignoring, I then blocked all access. He ventually stopped and moved on.

Negative attention is still attention. They will do it to get a rise, then eventually it will become boring. Making up new handles will get old for him. Just continue ignoring and blocking.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 19
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 11:54:54 AM
ANY attention you give, even just polite attention-will backfire with people like this.

Just do not ever respond to anything he sends to you. Block him every time he reincarnates in a new profile.

This has happened go me miltiple times, I just ignore them.

Who cares if they keep emailing you from new profiles, just see who it is, and block/delete.

You should not have to hide your profile from being found by the actaul real local men who you may want to chat with, you have not done anything wrong here.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 20
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 2:26:12 PM
Unless you are a regular poster on here(even then there are ways around it), the easiest way is to set your contact by age setting to say "must be over 89".

Since there are few 89 year olds you'd wish to be in touch with, you'd also know, it was him who was writing you and instead of reading the emails just delete them.

That leaves you free to show your profile, if someone is interested, they can make you a favorite, then you can choose to contact them or not(delete them from your list) you can even make note of that on your profile. You are also free to contact who you like.

A short term solution at best, but he will get the idea and become bored hopefully and move on.

I agree you should contact the admin about the issue listing the profiles he used. Also print out some communications and drop them off at your local police, so they are aware there is a potential problem.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 21
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How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 2:39:38 PM
the easiest way is to set your contact by age setting to say "must be over 89".


 1ukn4u
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 25
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/21/2012 9:00:41 PM
Stalk him back. Hide in the bushes at his house and jump out and say BOO!!! Wrap it in toilet paper. Show him what he is doing to you. Make multiple accounts and put up fake pics and send him on fake dates with your fake profiles across town on occation. Then E-mail him with a bunch of LOLOLOLOLOL's saying GOT YAH!
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 27
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/22/2012 1:22:33 AM
Maybe you should have given him a change.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 28
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/22/2012 4:18:26 AM
Unhide your profile if that's how you prefer to operate on here and make your photos public. Whilst you are changing your behavior to accommodate this jerk, he's winning and you are losing. Don't give him that power.

He's looking for a reaction - something from you which verifies his presence and you are feeding that.

I hid my profile for a while and then realized that I was giving this person some power over me.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 29
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/22/2012 4:44:42 AM
I agree with the people who say just "ignore and delete". You reacting to him is just giving him attention. To some people, negative attention seems to be better than no attention at all.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 34
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/23/2012 9:04:39 AM

There are certain things about stalkers........ they are generally people who are used to getting what they want, cannot deal with rejection, and sneaky. They will use any means to control and possess. They are scary people.
They are easily offended, highly arrogent and also have little respect for others.


I think this is a generalization and doesn't apply to all stalkers. They often do not get what they want---which is why so many of them are angry and resentful. You have to look at each one on a case-by-case basis.

I had one stalker, and although he was an attractive man in his younger days, he had let himself go in middle-age. Consequently, the women who would once date him were now rejecting him---yet in his mind, he still saw himself as attractive.

Another stalker was very short, and had been rejected by women for most of his life. He had low self-esteem, and took his hostility out on me because I reminded him of one of the women who had spurned him in his past.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 36
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:07:48 AM

For 5 years before I got married this man harrassed me with phone calls, showing up at my place and 'tapping' on my window late at night..I couldn't prove anything to the police that it was him at the time but I knew. One night I had to call the State Police over to my place as someone was trying to break in and I knew it was him. No woman should have to go through that. When I got married in 1983 the stalking finally stopped but even now I have night terrors about this person even though I live 1400 miles away from him.


I think I would have left the door unlocked from time to time and sat in the dark with a loaded 12 guage.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 38
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:50:24 PM

Well that has brought out another barrage of nasty emails. My boyfriend finds them entertaining.


Why even bother reading his messages? Haven’t you blocked him? Is your boyfriend responding to him? (Your boyfriend reads your messages?)

I realize you don’t want to give him power over you by hiding your profile or taking down your pics, however; you have a boyfriend now, aren’t searching for dates, and you ARE giving him power to affect you…not to mention recording it all here in the forums. So I don’t see what you’re gaining.

Not only does the block function block, it deletes all the messages for you (at least, it used to), so it’s a very simple one step procedure.
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 39
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How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:11:15 PM
I've had the same thing happen. Mine threatened to have his friends find me and rape me. (I was really glad at that point that I hadn't given out my last name or phone number)
What finally worked for me was reporting him to POF everytime he contacted me with a new profile. You may want to change your user name as well as switching up your pics.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 44
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:48:47 PM

So I'm busy yelling at her giving her an earful for her blatant stupidity, like any good person would... so she calls the cops cuz she doesn't wanna hear it? Why? I wasnt aware that being scolded….


That is messed up .
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 46
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How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/23/2012 8:24:38 PM

Not like I use my profile for anything but posting here

Then I would just hide it. You'll still be able to post here and your BF will still be able to get your messages. You just won't have to deal with the BS from this guy and others.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 48
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/24/2012 8:41:01 AM

I've had the same thing happen. Mine threatened to have his friends find me and rape me.


That constitutes a threat, which should be reported to the police.
 111ALLEN
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 51
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:30:29 AM
i had this happen ...(on a diff. site), wasnt scared..but it was a pain in the rear !
i blocked the 1st. and 2nd. of her profiles , then it continued for a 3rd profile she created.
i took 5 mins. and made a fake profile myself!...lol.... fake pic. of a (i'm not gay) good lookin' guy and all.
then i shot her a message and went about my buss.....and sure enough- BAM- . she took the bait!.... omg, it was great !... i never laughed so hard.
after a few exchanges , i un-hid my real profile and -BAM- again , she hit me on my real profile and told me she found some-one else....
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 53
How to deal with a stalker
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:24:17 AM
A stalker wants you to hide and be fearful.

Just stand up and tell them off. Speak directly. "I don't like you go away." not "I don't think we would be a good match."

Call your local police and see what your options are. It takes a good bit of paperwork to get and IP trace and file a complaint, but you need to be proactive not reactive.

I am not sure how POF deals with these problems, but other sites have a report abuse feature. If POF has one use it. Use it every time he contacts you.

Don't hide. My favorite line is, "I love stalkers. No one cares if you kill them."

I had one guy follow me over several dating sites and yahoo. I rarely block people. Better to know where they are then to wonder when they are going to sneak up to.

Kuddos to the little woman who threatened the big guy. I have done that. You would be surprised that all it take is to stand up to someone. They thrive on fear. Take that away and they have nothing.
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