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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?      Home login  
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 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 1
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Ok - I'll admit, sometimes, after meeting a few people without any of them turning into a "keeper" , I've thought about simplifying things, and just looking for a FWB ("friends with benefits" - for those not familiar ).

I've not actually done it though , as I really would like more .

But have YOU ever gotten to that point ? Or think it might be easier somehow ?
 fishing05221961
Joined: 11/19/2010
Msg: 2
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:22:37 AM
If you are going to do that then change your profile to intimate encounter or friends. Just Sayin
 lacalli
Joined: 3/17/2012
Msg: 3
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:25:18 AM
Another reason friends first would work wonders for men. I've never started a relationship as an FWB but I've ended one that way because we started as friends and we were comfortable with each other. Wow, I've been single a long time.
This is going to be hilarious if the men get all pissy and the women support you.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 4
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:27:04 AM
There are friends and there are friends.... and there are benefits and there are benefits. What you typically find on these sites as a FWB does not really involve either........ just casual sex with a random person who may or not be:
crazy
diseased
and more.............. guess before you take that leap you need to define both friend and benefit. You could end up with hostile, aggressive out of his mind guy who secretly videotapes you or many other things. If your going to go that route, I'd advise to not use the internet, but go into a situation of someone you already know and like.
I know some women who did that and got a lot more than they bargained for. I feel it would be in peoples best interests that if they wanted to find a keeper to just keep doing meet and greets until one shows up.


every man in your city cannot possibly be a non keeper !
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 5
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:27:04 AM
What exactly IS FWB? I find that the definition is varied. I'll be back with mine.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 6
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:28:58 AM

But have YOU ever gotten to that point ? Or think it might be easier somehow


Thought about it. But I also believe the whole concept is flawed; maybe some very specific people can manage, but I couldnt. I dont believe in the concept of FWB, nor do I believe most people believe it either, just convince themselves they do. Seen too many FWB situations turn into one sided love instead, and it really isnt fair to either person.
So if I`m thinking of just "maybe I should sleep with this girl" then I`d much rather get into a relationship with her instead, and see where it goes.
What if I pass up a helluvan opportunity, to maybe find the love of my LIFE, just because I `think`that `maybe` we couldnt be a match?
I'll use a car example, its a bit un-personnal, but it still holds true; you dont know what she has under the hood, until you've driven her a few hundred miles.
Explanation: I wont know if she's the perfect person for me, no matter how I try to look at her and analyse her to death, unless I spend some time with her. And maybe she's not perfect, either; no one is. But maybe, with all her perfections and imperfections, she's the RIGHT one for me.
Food for thought
 TCZ7149
Joined: 9/26/2011
Msg: 7
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:34:09 AM
Before you go to that extreme you should really think about it. How will you feel after you make that jump? But, then again you may want to sample the product before investing to much time into the person. Too many variables in this kind of thing.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 8
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:35:18 AM
That was more or less what I started out here looking for, because I didn't want the responsilibity of a relationship. However, I was more or less open to relationship if it would for me at the time. For whatever reason, I only seemed to meet women who were looking for relationships, so ultimately, I ended up in a relationship despite being more interested in something like a FWB or FB arrangenent at the time. I coldn't find any women who were keen on that sort of arrangement, at least not any that I was attracted to and what a lot of women seem to be calling a relationship is what I'd have called a FWB or FB arrangement..


Or think it might be easier somehow ?

Personally, I think it would be easier for women. From what I've gathered from a few recent threads, what a lot of women want in a relationship seems to be less than what men who are looking for relationships expect, but more than men who are looking for casual sex want. I imagine you could find someone who would be happy with a relationship that's less than marriage oriented and more than an intimate encounter.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 9
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:35:39 AM
I was looking for 'Friends' when I was on here and dating. I did state that I was open to a serious, long-term relationship if things worked out but I wanted to met someone and get to know them as a friend first. I had NO desire to find a FWB. That wasn't what I was looking for nor something I would be comfortable with. I did meet a man who became a wonderful friend and we are getting married in May. Without the pressures of having 'to be the one', we were able to just get to know one another, be ourselves and let it happen.

Just relax and enjoy meeting new people. Contact men you find attractive and get to know them as friends. Don't put pressure on either of you to be anyone but who you are and see if you are a match.

Good luck!
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 10
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:39:58 AM
I agree, the sex is satisfying, but then you want more. You can't expect that with a person thats there for only sex. I tried asking out a guy once to dinner, after we had sex and he bolted out the door..lol.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 11
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:50:16 AM
Without the pressures of having 'to be the one', we were able to just get to know one another, be ourselves and let it happen.
Just relax and enjoy meeting new people. Contact men you find attractive and get to know them as friends. Don't put pressure on either of you to be anyone but who you are and see if you are a match.


IF everyone could just relax and put that fine advice into practice, there would likely be many more couples out there enjoying life, doing many things together without having to conform/label/keep up appearances for family/friends or social groups...

Most people just want to be themselves, NOT be pressured into trying to be what another may expect them to be...
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 12
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:12:36 PM
^^^^^ Nicely put, TALL-IQ2.

I found myself in a sort of FWB with a long-term that had ended, but then we were both lonely and said, what the heck. Of course it didn’t last long.

BUT I wouldn’t pursue a FWB. I don’t like being used and have no interest in using someone else.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 13
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:15:34 PM

Without the pressures of having 'to be the one', we were able to just get to know one another, be ourselves and let it happen.


Unfortunately this goes against the philosophy of 99% of the dating population. The infamous "Instant Chemistry" law completely rules the dating world. Women know in a few seconds if there will be a future with someone they meet. Most women are looking for "The One" and want to meet him by yesterday. There's no time to meet other people. Their marriage clock is ticking and getting louder by the second. And guys are looking for instant physical attraction.

As for the FWB issue, there have been numerous threads about women being a FWB, then after a while, they start to develop feelings for the friend, and want to take to the next level, which complicates things if the fvck buddy doesn't feel the same way. I don't know if women would be able to have emotionless sex with someone for any length of time.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:19:43 PM
I would never be interested in just having sex with a friend because I couldn't get it elsewhere at the moment. That's not to say that a casual relationship with someone I liked seeing wouldn't include sex, but just the old needed to get laid and you're available would not interest me. I'm sure there's a fine line there for some, but for me it's a very wide line. I can't even imagine getting aroused by someone that I didn't want to go on a date with.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 15
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 12:34:56 PM
No. Please disregard the following. I have to add extra stuff so that it will post.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 16
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:01:04 PM
FWBs are NO easier to find than a committed relationship. I know because I am open to such a relationship. Men either want benefits without the friendship or they fall in love with you but you don't feel the same.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 17
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:02:18 PM
I, personally, could not do it. I would end up with 'feelings'.
I just can't have sex with a woman, and not have feelings.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 18
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:08:52 PM
I did think about a few times...then the reality hit me. People (yes, even men) develop feelings. The thought that maybe I would sleep with someone a few times and possibly have him grow more fond of me than I grew fond for him, and having to then figure out a way to cut him loose without offending him, put me off. (I also put myself in the other shoes as well, and figured I would be hurt if I grew feelings and he insisted he did not want more...so I cant do that to someone if I wouldnt want it done to myself)
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 19
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:14:37 PM
When you go there with the preconceive notion that is not going to work, it is not going to work because your expectations are so high that the moment the guy does none thing from the long list of deal breakers, he is history. However, when you look for simple sexual tension and excitement you may be better off because you take all those requirements and throw them out the window and make your decision purely on a more animalistic, basic attraction.

The secret and what is difficult is to turn that FWB into something more, without demanding the trappings of what is expected of that "Keeper".

So my advice is to go out, get intimate because you want intimacy and if that person evolves into something more, let it evolve, without judgement.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 20
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:31:38 PM
… I've thought about simplifying things, and just looking for a FWB ("friends with benefits" - for those not familiar ). …have YOU ever gotten to that point ? Or think it might be easier somehow ?


I’m probably at that point now. Not actively looking for an FWB with any of my current female friends, so no, not seeking an FWB in that exact sense of the word. But I gather, OP that your ‘looking for a FWB’ might not have been in that sense either, but starting a similar relationship with someone new.

I’d be open to exploring an ongoing intimate relationship with a woman I like and trust, even if personal circumstances indicate an unlikelihood of permanent bliss. It’s uncharted territory for me – not something I’ve done since the term was invented. So I’m not predicting raging success or advocating FWB for others.

But I see it as a legitimate choice for mature adults who are emotionally responsible and can communicate their needs well. By ‘emotionally responsible‘, I mean someone who has a clear understanding of their emotional needs, and can live within their personal "level of emotional risk".

I’m not interested in a relationship with someone who’s not emotionally available. If someone needs a feeling of permanence, bond and belonging before they’ll open their hearts (fair enough), they wouldn’t be the match for me.

We needn’t be wedding-bound, or share everything or merge our lives. And I can imagine a closed-ended sort of commitment that we renegotiated every month or two, or at least a periodic ‘checking in’.

And I’m pretty sure monogamy would be part of the agreement. We’d probably have some discussion about whether we were still actively looking for something else.

There’s probaby a half-dozen other angles of approach on the issue, OP, and some have been asked here over time. “Must one cohabit to be in relationship?’ “Must the chemistry be white-hot to succeed?’ Must we share bank accounts?’ How important is family?’ “What if my kids don’t like him?’ ‘Should we share important interests?’ Is it OK to still go out with the girls?’ ‘Do you ever want to marry again?’

Questions of emotional intimacy are too abstract. Asking ‘how long must your next relationship be to be worth the candle’ threatens our illusions of permanence. But at least they all side-step the three-letter acronym that conjures up images of frat kids at closing time.

And then there’s the herpes of the heart…

( Gwendolyn) ‘they fall in love with you but you don't feel the same’, and (femaleconnection) ‘and possibly have him grow more fond of me than I grew fond for him’

…that you’ll bear up with personally if you must but are loathe to give anyone else.

And that one leaves me wondering if there’s an un-intimate way to make love, so that people don’t fall in love with you. There’s a good reason for the one-night-stands – you leave them laughing when you go and if you care, don't let them know….

Ok, I think I just talked myself out of it. Gawd-damn.
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 21
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:38:13 PM

I, personally, could not do it. I would end up with 'feelings'.
I just can't have sex with a woman, and not have feelings.


I couldn't have said it better myself; I'm the exact same way.

Even when I've had two or three women at the same time, I find myself saying things to them like, "I can't decide which of you I love more."

I guess some of us men just have to accept the fact that we're hopeless romantics.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 22
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:45:38 PM
Been to that point and FWB relationships aren't easier. Well, for me it turned complicated.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 23
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:45:55 PM
I think there's something inherently evil with that concept. At best it trains people to desensitize the art of making love to the point of being able to "do" most anyone for sexual release. How frikking charming is that?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 24
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:53:27 PM
My past FWB situations arose when we decided we wouldn't work as a LTR, but would be great as FWB for awhile - probably until one of us met someone we wanted to pursue for a LTR.

I don't think I've ever found anyone specifically interested in FWB from the start.
 lacalli
Joined: 3/17/2012
Msg: 25
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/23/2012 1:55:23 PM
Funny because you got a lot of stuff spewed from people's psyches. Your original post was thus:

Ok - I'll admit, sometimes, after meeting a few people without any of them turning into a "keeper" , I've thought about simplifying things, and just looking for a FWB ("friends with benefits" - for those not familiar ).

I've not actually done it though , as I really would like more .

But have YOU ever gotten to that point ? Or think it might be easier somehow ?

You weren't asking if a relationship could start out as an FWB and end up in marriage/family but rather that you had thought of trying it and you got all kinds of answers unrelated.
I admit that it's been such a long time since I had any real kind of feelings for anyone that it's pretty much a moot point-I feel nothing inside right now. Anyway for me the emotional has to come before the physical and relationships don't always end cleanly or neatly, sometimes they take processing. So I couldn't start with FWB but I could end that way.
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