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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Woman and relationships after giving birth      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 1
Woman and relationships after giving birthPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
In my scenerio, I have a girlfriend who, her and I just had a handsome baby boy in Dec. Now she tells me that she doesnt want to be in a relationship. But she loves me and will try. But its not because of someone else. She doesnt want to be in a relationship period. I really love her , and want to be with her and our son. Can anyone explain to me why she feels this way? She said she doesnt want any relationship status with anyone. Im just trying to figure her out.
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 2
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:31:57 PM
She says she doesnt know why or when she really started feeling this way. That she knows that she feels this way now. Im confused myself. Wondered if anyone ever had this happened to them before. Maybe its hormones, or whatever.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 3
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Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:44:49 PM
A woman can go through some weird-ass hormonal modes while pregnant and up to a couple of years after birth of a child. So I wouldn't take what she's saying as the absolute truth but for now, it is what she's needing. I good check up with a competent doctor is needed, but not all doctors take women seriously when they are in mood swings, etc., they like to treat women like psychotic idiots, sad but true, too many condescending doctors out there. Then again, maybe she's quite sane and together and just find that taking care of the baby is all she wants, all she needs right now. Taking care of an infant and the first couple of years is unbelievably time consuming and emotionally a roller coaster. Not all women go thorough it but there is a lot of truth to the last thing you need the first couple of years is someone wanting to have a relationship with you, it's just too much.

You'd have to work out with her what works best for you two. I'm am sorry this has happened. Please don't miss any time with your son over this, she may not want you as a boyfriend, but he needs you all the time as a father. You may want to talk to a lawyer and secure your rights. If your girlfriend is having problems handling her life, you may need to be the stronger parent. If she just doesn't want you past being a sperm donor, then you need to have solid legal rights set out so that you have the ability to be a good, hands-on father.
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 4
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Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:15:01 AM
(Maybe she just wanted someone to knock her up and pay child support? That sucks, sorry to hear this. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want me. I hate it how women can control how much we are in our kids lives. The courts will always give more rights to the mama. I would forget about her and concentrate on getting some custody of your child. F*ck her she doesn't want to be with you. She's not your girlfriend she is now your baby mama who doesn't want to be with you. You should join a dating website, wait you already did..)

I agree with this post. There are women who have children and honestly decide to end the relationship with men after they are pregnant. I was also thinking it could be the hormones...

At any rate, you have every right to be in your child's life...

I'm also a little confused. You joined the site in October 2011, yet in your original post you say your son was born this past December. Could it be your girlfriend found out you joined a dating site while she was 7 months pregnant and that's why she wants to end it?! Or do you mean your son was born Dec 2010?!
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 5
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 3:20:15 AM
op this doesn't sound right. Could be a little pp depression. I always question though if a woman just wants to leave. Rarely does a woman want to leave and there is not at least another guy who is a "friend". something doesnt' jive
 smilingrock
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 6
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 4:13:06 AM
WTF is going on here? Was this baby planned or just shot in the dark?

In any case there is something wrong with the mom. Maybe the baby is not yours or she is bipolar.
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 7
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:45:52 AM
Sounds like it could be PPD? Don't know for sure, but you have a shared responsibility now... which should be shared together if at all possible.

Get some counseling. Care for her... do everything you can to make her comfortable from making meals to drawing a bubble bath and giving her a massage etc. At the same time though... she needs to come to understand that it isn't ALL about her anymore.

I'd recommend reading the book " The resolution for men"

Congrats on your beautiful baby boy and best wishes to you both in raising him to be a good man.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 8
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:12:18 AM
Sometimes you hit a place in the road where you have to make a big decision. Bringing a child into this world is one of them. Maybe after some reflection she made a decision about you.

This is a crossroad for you too. This is an important time in your life.Do you want to try and salvage your relationship with your lady? Maybe this is your time to shine. Step it up if you don't want to lose her. Or do you not care and just want have a relationship with your son. Either way, don't let the time pass you by. It goes so fast.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 9
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:42:11 AM

She said she doesnt want any relationship status with anyone.


Per your profile apparently you don't either. You can use not single/not looking but you chose not to.


Im just trying to figure her out.


After reading your post, your profile and noting the date you joined I think most of us have you figured out. She probably does too.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 9:19:40 AM

She says she doesnt know why or when she really started feeling this way


It could be that on October 28th of last year,when you joined a dating site while she was in her last month of pregnacy with YOUR baby?????? Just guessin. Ya never phuck around with a Momma Bear,,,,ever.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 11
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 9:33:43 AM
Jeez, I'd be depressed and not wanting a relationship, too, if the man that knocked me up was trolling for women on a dating site, and his profile states he doesn't want kids.

Even though I was leaning towards PPD when I read the first post, I am now seriously doubting this is a problem that magically appeared once she gave birth.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/25/2012 10:25:41 AM
Lets see, your GF just gave birth in Dec, and yet you've been on here since the end of October, looking for "women" for "friends", with this in your profile:


I just moved here a few months back. And yet still havent met anyone to hang with. I like to go to the beach, park, walks, watch the sunset, ride my motorcycle.Im a really nice down to earth guy,who loves to spend time outside the house.


So, while your GF is sitting at home with *your* baby, you want to go "spend time outside the house" going to "the beach, park, walks", watching the sunset, motorcycle rides, with this female "friend" you're hoping to meet to "hang with"?

Cough, cough... I can't imagine why she doesn't want a relationship with you anymore.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 13
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:01:58 AM
Most times when a woman feels she is better off going it alone, even with a child, it is because something has shaken her-she see's you as actually bringing more issues and complications to the home and she would rather be alone than deal with all of that while she is supposed to be focussing on being a new Mom. I know I would shove anything that was inconsistant/not reliable out of my life pronto if I were in her shoes.

Having a man in your life to share a baby is awesome, so long as that man is actually helping and bearing some of the weight. Otherwsie, you are just making it harder for her and she wont want you around.

Add to this, the possibility of ppd...and you will find yourself alone and looking for more visitation to child.

Take a good look at how you are leading your life.
 smilingrock
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 14
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:34:15 AM

She just gave borth. Her primary responsibility is the son you share with her. Or, maybe she's sick of your nonsense and we don't all of the back story. Anyway, this is not a question you should ask us. I feel this is a pity cry. And why the hell are you on a dating site, anyway? Sheesh


Oops sorry wrong thread
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 15
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:42:41 PM
because i just updated my profile after she told me she didnt want to be in a relationship. I joined the site to meet new people and I started this profile in october, yes, but to only meet new people, not looking for a relationship. I get along with everyone. But its also good to have a woman's point of view and listen to them. THEY KNOW ALOT!
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 16
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:43:43 PM
It states i dont want kids, Myself taking that as i dont want anymore than what i have NOW! But it does say on my profile that i do have kids!
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 17
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:46:45 PM
you people read more into than what a simple statement is. ME meaning spend time outside the house means just that. Not being couped in. I do take walks with her and our son, we go to the park, we watch the sunsets etc etc, we eat meals togther....but there is also MY TIME, and HER TIME, i let her go out with her friends for a night out, Y cant i do the same?
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 18
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:57:38 PM
That is the only reason Im on the site, and i actually had another profile on here from years ago, but didnt remember the username or pw..But im only here to meet Friends, Woman or Males, She has more guy friends than girlfriends...its really human nature and modern times now that this is normal. But she doesnt want a relationship, but we do live together, and I support our son and take care of him just as much as she does. Of course when i say we live together still, i dont know how much longer that will last. Im just hoping this phase gets passed over. Shes not a money grubber, but after talking with a friend of hers, she said she's really been independant woman all her life. It wasnt planned that she got pregnant, but i told her i will always love her, and im willing to wait til she is ready for a relationship. But being friends having a beautiful son , I guess i cant complain, just as long as shes not out of my life forever!
 shiftingGears
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 19
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/26/2012 9:05:38 PM
How do u figure no maturity is shown? I do give a crap...thats y im asking, You think every guy is on here for one reason PU%%Y, but your wrong. Our Baby Boy is really happy. Her and I do get along, She just said she doesnt know why she feels this way...she does though. I can only stand and pray and hope that things can go back to normal. Im willing to wait til shes ready again. But the only reason im on here, is again to meet people in the area, She has friends here, because she was raised here, i met her when she lived in my town, but we decided to move back to her town to be closer to her family. She has her friends(mostly guys) but im trustworthy of her and i met them and they do come over once in awhile. But i need my "own" friends as well, she gets her night out with her friends, and i watch our son. WHen i go out, im not gone long, just enough to ride a few miles on my bike, but i am looking for a friend to hang out with, like she does.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 20
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/27/2012 8:31:11 AM
Oh sure, ALL the guys I know look for platonic friends on dating sites!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 21
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/28/2012 9:27:12 AM
Op, you have to show her with your actions, that her life is better with you in it, then how it could be if you were not there.

Actions speak way louder than words.

You being on a dating site is a bad action plan.

I know you say you need friends of your own, but your actions are not going to net you platonic friends. This action will only bring more drama into your life. Think about it-who from online, is going to find your situation amendable to making new friends? A new daddy with baby mamma issues is only going to attract people in unstable places in life. The stable ones with young children are at home with thier families.

Go to the library on 'reading with tots day'...or the local parks and try to make friends with the other dads or something, but please get off any dating site while you are trying to work out your relationship. Being here is just not an action that is going to help you in your relationship.

And, like it or not, it just looks bad!

That alone should be a concern for you. I would be embarrassed if my Dad was on here while living with my Mom. Think always, how your actions can affect your child. Peoples perceptions can hurt the ones you love. So dont do things that will cause a bad perception, and then complain about it after the fact.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/28/2012 10:31:24 AM
The first thing you should do is make sure the baby has your DNA. It's odd she would want to end the relationship right after the baby is born. Maybe she used someone else's sperm and she feels a bit guilty now, so she wants to set you free so she feels less guilty. And then there are women who have a bad case of baby rabies and use guys strictly as a sperm donor, and any guy will do. Then once the deed is done, the guy is kicked to the curb. That;s why there are women who have 6 or 7 kids with 6 or 7 different fathers. So if either scenario is the case, I don't blame you for having a profile on a dating site. But then you said "...she doesnt want a relationship, but we do live together, and I support our son and take care of him...". So that will eliminate 90% of the people who might otherwise be interested in you.
 northwoods57
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 23
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 3/28/2012 5:36:58 PM
post partum depression. make her feel desirable..grab her ass occasionally.
 Faust_7
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 24
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 4/21/2012 9:29:37 AM
She got what she wanted and she knows your gonna pay for her and the child for the rest of your life. What does she need you for anymore?
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 25
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History
Woman and relationships after giving birth
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:27:55 AM
It's probably a combination of some post-partum depression, which is VERY normal, and the fact that suddenly there's this demanding little human attached to her now who needs her attention 24 hours a day. The idea of being available to an adult human is just not what most new moms have the desire or mental energy for in the first few weeks or months. Plus, unless she's one of those genetic freaks, her old clothes don't fit, she feels fat, the house is a mess, she hasn't slept more than a couple hours at a pop for weeks, as well as had a shower that lasted more than two minutes before the baby started crying again, let alone been able to dry and style her hair. Put on make-up? Yeah, right.

If you are doing things like pointing at the calendar to remind her that six weeks is up now and the doctor said it's ok to have sex or asking when she's going to lose the baby weight or asking what she did all day instead of folding laundry and cooking dinner, then you should be taken out and shot. If you are on POF looking for dates, then you should be boiled in oil and staked out on an anthill at high noon.

Unfortunately, it's not all about you anymore. What you should do is take the baby for an hour or two so she can have some time for herself. Ask what you can do to help her out without expectations of what might be in it for you. Better yet, don't ask, look around and see what needs to be done and do it. If there are dishes in the sink, do them or load the dishwasher. If there is a pile of laundry on the couch, fold it and then PUT IT AWAY. Bring home dinner. You're not the studly boyfriend/ladies man anymore, you're a father, and she's the mother of your child. Her world is all about the baby now, join in and support her in that. When she sees you being an adorable daddy and has gotten some much needed rest and a good hot shower, she most likely will start returning to her old self. You might be surprised at how little effort it actually might take. Most of all, enjoy being a dad. :)
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