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 AUTHOR
 garethZenn
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 2
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well if you look for it elsewhere your chances of getting sex with her just went down by 100%

Give her time, perhaps there is a reason she doesn't want sex right now, perhaps she wants to be sure your the right one before commiting to that.

Not all women want sex right away, chalk it up to nerves or whatever but by no means look elsewhere for it if you have any semblance of decency about you and even remotly care for her.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:15:35 AM
And just to be completely clear, the direct answer to your question is:

Yes. You are completely wrong, if you thought that because your wife doesn't want sex, that it was therefore alright to go looking for a sex-only relationship elsewhere without talking to her about it.

At no time in a relationship such as marriage, is it alright for ONE partner to make a life-changing decision without mutual consultation, while expecting all the other agreements that constitute a marriage to remain in place. Marriage is both a socially, and a legally binding contract. Once you sign that contract, by going through the ceremony, or by living together the requisite number of years, or however you got it started, you have to abide by the rules within it, until such time as all parties involved agree to change those rules.
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 9
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no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:21:44 AM


hi all in a relationship that is great apart from sex she dont want sex am i wrong to look for just sex somewhere else , there got to be others on here with experience of that sort relationship would love to hear your comments
thanks


You are not leaving many specifics to work with but overall, you need to speak to her about this as it could be she wants sex but she can't or maybe you are not approaching her ...
You have to discuss this with her. If in fact she tells you she just does not want to have sex with you, and will not have sex with you, etc...

the next questions should be for you as a couple to decide what you want to do now.
There are many options.
 Tristle
Joined: 9/11/2010
Msg: 10
no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:23:19 AM
why would married people be online? I can understand married philanderers, but to say your married and be here??>? I guess some women like married men huh? both ways sleazy
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 14
no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:37:15 AM
Why is she not wanting to have sex with you?

Yes, I think it would be wrong to seek to have sex with someone else while still in that relationship.

What does she have to say about the idea?
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 16
no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:45:34 AM
I don't know OP. Is it wrong to lie and cheat? What does your wife say about this extrasexual affair? I always say whatever 2 grown adults are willing to agree to is none of my business, so it doesn't really matter what I think. If you are doing it behind her back than damn right it's wrong. If you are doing it with her consent, but it will still be painful for her, than again ....wrong!

If she doesn't give a chit what you do and your relationship has turned into a friends without benefits (FWOB), then as long as this is well communicated with anyone you get involved with, there shouldn't be a problem. I personally wouldn't want to be involved in any part of the triangle.

You haven't mentioned why she doesn't want to have sex with you. Have you considered that you may be the problem?

Igor and Peppermint- you 2 had very good responses as usual.
 RERE1026
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 17
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no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:48:36 AM
I agree as well. It is very wrong to make such a decision without involving your wife. Menopause can change her sex drive or maybe you need to be a bit more attentive. Honour your union.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 18
no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:59:31 AM

Yes. You are completely wrong, if you thought that because your wife doesn't want sex, that it was therefore alright to go looking for a sex-only relationship elsewhere without talking to her about it.


Spot on.

The key is to find out WHY she doesn't want to have sex. If it is because of her low libido, then as someone else suggested, she should seek medical help. However, some women "accept" what they perceive as a natural aging process and some even say that they are happy they lack sexual drive. I don't understand this attitude, but I have heard several women in their 50s and 60s say as much.

Maybe she doesn't find you a viable sex partner anymore--if you have been married a long time, the sex might lack excitement, or maybe you haven't taken care of yourself. Maybe there are deep-seated resentment issues that you do not see.

Bottom line: if you discuss it and she doesn't care of you dabble elsewhere, you just have to find a woman. If she doesn't want you to have sex with another woman and you do it anyway, if she finds out, it hits the fan.

What IS the most important aspect of your life? That's what you have to decide.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 31
no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:23:09 PM
Isn't the question kind of the same as a woman asking if it's "alright" to have a baby by going behind her guys back to get pregnant? The only difference is that you think if you can get away with it without a physical by-product, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Do you desire other things in life and steal, just because you'd like to have whatever it is? The sneaky dishonesty amounts to the same thing imo. Man up and discuss it, fix it or move on if it's an unbearable situation.
 hugehank2
Joined: 10/19/2007
Msg: 35
no sex
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:45:25 PM
I gave up after 8 years of asking "what's wrong?" and getting the same response over and over; "I don't know". While I'm waiting for an answer, I'm just letting things "happen" and am much happier for it.

If you've beat a dead horse asking her OP, then do what you feel you have to. There are PLENTY of wives out there facing the same dilemma from their spouses that you do, so maybe you can help each other out. Some people don't understand that if you take care of your mate, there is NO reason to stray. If they stray, it's your own fault for not meeting their needs.
Good luck.
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 40
no sex
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:43:34 AM
Would you be OK with your wife having sex with other men?
Didn't think so... So why is it ok for you?

End your marriage before you hurt her....
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 41
no sex
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:02:35 AM

hi all in a relationship that is great apart from sex she dont want sex am i wrong to look for just sex somewhere else , there got to be others on here with experience of that sort relationship would love to hear your comments
thanks

I don't know - call me crazy, but I think your time would be better spent taking remedial English, Spelling and Grammar courses rather than trolling for strange ass on the internet.

Just a thought.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 43
no sex
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:58:51 AM
Hey....that wasn't your wife that posted about her partner's breath awhile back . Was it?
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 45
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no sex
Posted: 3/26/2012 1:33:06 PM
Find out what her value system is. Many religious faiths do not believe in sex before marriage. If you cannot love her and wait, I suggest you be honest with her and leave the relationship and find someone who has your same belief system
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 46
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no sex
Posted: 3/26/2012 6:06:27 PM
As someone who honored my marriage vows through the sickness and health, the good and bad all the way to death do us part ... yes, even when I knew there would be no more sex ... I will NOT pat you on the shoulder and tell you it's okay to dishonor your wife by seeking "sex" elsewhere.

I hope your so-called "manhood" falls off so your wife doesn't have to bear the indignity of the cruelness you are willing to bring into her life.

Oh, and that goes for all three of you "fvuck seekers" who have posted your head up your azz whiney statements on this thread. Don't bring unhappiness to others just to satisfy your "needs"... either be married or get divorced ... NO excuses.

MrsF
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 49
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no sex
Posted: 3/26/2012 9:17:28 PM
The glib use of bible verses to justify being a dishonorable spouse is just sad.

You honor your vows because you made them to your spouse. If there was no intention of loyalty, love, caring and fidelity in those vows, you've made them a joke.

If you feel that there is a huge failing on the part of your spouse in honoring their vows to you, then address it directly, work on changing your situation, or leave the marriage with both of you maintaining dignity and respect towards each other.

A flesh and blood man, as you say, has the ability to do that.

Quick to judge...your opinion. Only women disagreeing with your position...unlikely.

I call it as I see it...and you put your lack of honor towards your vows to your spouse out there for it to be seen by everyone.

MrsF
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 50
no sex
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:31:09 PM
OP - its not about being wrong about looking for sex elsewhere...

you have a couple of questions you should ask yourself...

1- is your relationship not where it needs to be to the point where she's not really wanting to have sex with you (OR, she's just not all that INTO sex in general)

2- why would you stay with someone who you are somewhat sexually imcompatible with ???
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 51
no sex
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:31:36 PM
OP - its not about being wrong about looking for sex elsewhere...

you have a couple of questions you should ask yourself...

1- is your relationship not where it needs to be to the point where she's not really wanting to have sex with you (OR, she's just not all that INTO sex in general)

2- why would you stay with someone who you are somewhat sexually imcompatible with ???
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 56
no sex
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:47:51 AM

Wow...seems pretty simple about the cheater or not cheater thing....ever read the vows one says? Plain and simple...straight forward, no citing the bible so you can have sex with someone else and justify it by some dead person's writings....good grief, this is hilarious!

I know hey! I imagine these same people cheat like crazy prior to getting married or while in ltr's because they haven't yet made a "vow" - biblical or otherwise. Cheaters will cheat even if their partner is giving them sex on a daily basis and still try to find a reason to blame anyone but themselves for their actions. It's like leaving your keys in your car - it gives a car thief opportunity but it doesn't make the thief a thief. He's in charge of his own actions and makes the choice all by himself to do wrong by someone else.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 59
no sex
Posted: 3/27/2012 8:29:16 AM
No. It doesn't mean you are a cheater - this thread isn't about you. It means cheaters, liars, thieves tend to justify their actions and blame others. That you justify cheating in the way that you do certainly makes the potential to be there if you no longer have sex because you not only justify it but condone it for others who do it or contemplate doing it. It's far easier for the cheater to sneak around instead of having the intestinal fortitude to leave the dissatisfactory relationship. In my mind, that's the sign of a whimp, not a man, regardless of what he believes his manly "needs" to be.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 62
no sex
Posted: 3/27/2012 12:03:56 PM
I imagine these same people cheat like crazy prior to getting married or while in ltr's because they haven't yet made a "vow" - biblical or otherwise.


Try to connect the dots here. The above is what I stated. I was talking about people (not you) who figure it's alright to have sex outside the relationship because vows, in their mind, have been broken. This also is your personal view, 1ukn4u, being that you went so far as to quote a bible verse to attempt to bolster the justification. The natural conclusion then is that if there have been no vows made at all, there is nothing at all to stop a person of this mindset from cheating. In other words, there's no such thing as common decency or a conscience without said vows - biblical or otherwise. No sex, no spoken or written vows - cheat away.

You made the following statement:


I don't even know why you ladies are mad at this guy. I also don't know why you expect a man to be faithful when he isn't getting sex.


So this is your belief. A man should not be expected to be faithful when he isn't getting sex and women shouldn't be mad about it.

Then you further drew yourself into the equation by stating my belief is that you are a cheater because of it. You made the correlation it was applicable to you personally, not me. I have no idea if you are or not but there's no denying that it's a distinct possiblity, given your above statement, should you find yourself in the position of not being provided sex. You either believe what you said or you don't.

People, men and women both, generally stop having sex as a symptom of something gone wrong either inside the relationship itself or because of a myriad of other external factors, rather than the lack of sex being the cause of the problem. That too many people are too obtuse to put two and two together only serves to further compound the breakdown of a relationship and they tend to blame others instead of looking at the part they play in said breakdown.

"I have needs - if you don't have sex with me I'm going to get it elsewhere while I continue to stay with you for other selfish reasons" is the type of rationale that is below the mental acuity of a one cell organism - whether it's a man's m.o. or a woman's. In the case of this thread, it's a man contemplating the possibility and another lamely attempting to justify the rationale, no matter how much back peddling is attempted.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 69
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no sex
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:35:42 PM
Maybe she'll be fine with you having sex with others and keeping the other parts of the relationship together, who knows, have you asked her? Going behind her back is not cool.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 70
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no sex
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:17:46 PM
A great relationship?

You mean you have sat down and discussed the issue, and the two of you
have concluded you seeking sex outside the relationship is the best solution?

Nope?

Didn't think so.


So what you're really asking is..."Is cheating wrong?"

Yea.
 WrogermeWroger
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 81
no sex
Posted: 4/7/2012 4:33:26 PM
Get two girl friends - have the one that wants a relationship and no sex, and see the one that wants sex and no relationship....

Or dump the one with the issues and upgrade to a better one without the issues.

Simple.
 Flurr
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 91
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no sex
Posted: 4/8/2012 7:55:46 AM
Of course you're not wrong. You want sex. She doesn't. Don't give in, do whatever you want, you're clearly the only person that cares about what you want so do whatever you want.
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