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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Becoming extremely discouraged!      Home login  
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 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 1
Becoming extremely discouraged!Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
So I've been on this site on and off for about 8 months on and off and I have just become extremely discouraged that no real relationship can come out of this. I get a good amount of messages and message people I find attractive/interesting and usually get responses. I've gotten better at weeding out people who I think have ulterior motives so the dates I've been on more recently have been great. My problem is that I will go on great dates with these guys maybe even multiple dates and then all of a sudden they just lose interest or something stop texting or calling, the dates end. Its always very abrupt. The last guy I went on a date with our date lasted like 8 hours, we had so much fun joking around and it ended with kiss. He said we have to hang out again because he likes me and thinks he's going to like me a lot. He calls me the following two days and we talk for like an hour and decide we'll hang out again on my day off. Then the day before I text him to see how his day is and try to make a plan. No response. This is very hot to cold. I would just shrug it off if it didn't happen all the time with people I meet from this site. Believe me if I didn't feel that a date and I had a connection I would and have let them know. Maybe not right on the date but in a conversation later. Why do these guys seem to be so into me/ getting to know me and then all of a sudden just stop?! I don't bombard them with text messages or calls, I'm busy and most guys Im interested in are too. I don't expect them to do all the work either I'll shoot a call or text. Some of them deactivate their accounts after this or some are still active. I really want to text the recent guy and ask him why he stopped contact after being so interested but I have too much pride for that. He's still active on this site so maybe he just thinks he can find someone better? Is that just the nature of this site?? Should I just give up? I really feel like I have a lot to offer so I'm baffled and don't know if my confidence should be taking this beating of meeting these guys and just having them disappear. Are paid sites better than POF? I've had my friend recently meet her fiance on match.com. Sorry if this feels like a rant but I really am discouraged and seeking advice.
 lightbrownsuga2luv
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 2
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:11:41 PM
hmmmmmmmmmmm if you slept with them....that would be why.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 3
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:13:53 PM
Nope, did not sleep with any of these guys except for one I had dated for 3 months which ended with him breaking up with me in a text message. I don't move quite that fast. Like I said I'm looking for a real relationship.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 4
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:16:13 PM
He didn't break up with me right after I slept with him. I reread that and that's what it seemed like. We weren't working and I probably would have broke up with him but I just found the text message to be very disrespectful so I don't talk to him anymore. If we would have talked about it I would have been fine to be friends.
 SunnySkies67
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 5
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:16:23 PM
You are not alone, I feel the same way. The same thing has happened to me. Don't give up, there are good people out there. needle in a hay stack as they say. As far as other site's being better...i doubt it. I was on match and i ran into the same thing there. Give it time..I will :)
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 6
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:17:38 PM
hmmmmmmmmmmm if you slept with them....that would be why.


and if she didn't?

I'm sorry to hear that It's just the nature of the game. Maybe it would serve you some good to take a break from dating for a while. Dating is "supposed" to be fun but if it's causing this frustration and aggravation, then what's the point?

Of course no one knows why they're acting that way, they're not interested for whatever reason and people will say stuff because it "sounds" nice.

I can somewhat relate. I've met 15+ dudes from this site and either I'm not interested in them or they're not interested in me (only slept with 1 btw, so the quoted point is moot). I just decided to divert my time and attention to something more worthwhile and fulfilling.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:19:35 PM
It's not the nature of a given site, it's the nature of the people. Every venue out there where you can meet with people to try to get something going has it's own denizens and challenges.

My own short experience with Match was decidedly unpleasant, but some folks have luck there. Some folks have luck here.

Luck is a lot of it, I think. When you put some brain cells to it, you can see that each of us has pluses and minuses, characteristics, desires and things to offer, all of which have to align like tumblers in a complex lock, for us to find a solid, long term something. To have things work out, the person we want has to be available and looking where we are, at the same time as we are looking.

On the bright side, since this place is free, yo can always do this site AND another one that you pay for, if you want.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 8
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:22:40 PM
Okay 1) you're on a free dating site, you asked if pay sites are better? hard to say if you use pay sites you will find the same people on the free sites, so six of one , half dozen of another.

2) perhaps you should upgrade to men not looking to hang out, I hear someone that wants to hang out and I immediately think they are not looking for something long term, hanging out is a euphemism for hey lets see if we can have sex later, you're hot enough for sex but not as a relationship.

Take your time when meeting these guys, look for the clues " hanging out" " looking for friends" things like that.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 9
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:25:06 PM
I know its the nature of people but I have never had this happen so much then when I join a dating site. When I used to go to school and meet people IRL we'd actually date and get to know eachother not just give up. I feel like nobody gives people a chance. I understand chemistry and all of that and maybe I have been guilty of this as well but we can't always be looking for something better. Maybe I'll try match.com or maybe like someone mentioned take a break from dating since it has become somewhat of a stressor for me.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 10
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:27:22 PM
I don't message people who are looking for friends or hang out. Only those looking for a relationship/ dating. All of the people I meet have been seeking a relationship. I don't want a text message buddy.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 11
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:33:40 PM
That's not what I said Thatonegirl, I'm saying when a guy you've met and you're planning on seeing him again and he mentions I want hang out or we should hang out , that is when you kick him to the curb.

Second if a long term relationship is what you seek , then say so I took a peek at your profile and If I was a guy your age, I wouldn't think in a million years you are looking for a before, I would think this is a woman looking to meet guys and what happens ...happens.

If you're meeting people claiming they are seeking relationships and they dont seem to want one with you then its either they are lying, which could be the case or you're not giving off the vibe that you're looking for a relationship, or they dont want one with you .

There could be a myriad of reasons, start by really looking at the profile and picking up the clues.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:36:17 PM
It's pretty common, actually.

You might be just having a string of bad luck.

You might be revealing something that turns them off during one of your phone conversations, but we can't say for sure in here without actually hearing a transcript of the calls.

He might have had every intention of meeting you, but got an intro email from someone he thought was hotter and decided to pursue that instead. "Candy Store" syndrome. A big pitfall in online datine sites.

Who knows? Happens all the time online.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 13
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:36:53 PM
I think it's your age --20s are an experimental time, and the flaky online attitude.
Go to places you love, do things you love--you have to have more in common than good looks, to sustain interest.
Go where men have similar goals, lifestyle, likes.
And why bother being discouraged-you're young and have all the time in the world.
You have to stop taking it personally--just is a mismatch.
Sometimes a ltr only happens at 28 and above because you're seasoned and understand what you need more from a ltr.
All that said, dating stirs up a lot of feelings.
Just take your time to process your dates, get over flakes and disappointments.
I think it builds character so when something good happens, you won't take it for granted.
 chris_hanson_dateline_NBC
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 14
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:45:49 PM
I went to match when I first seperated. My account was compromised after a month and a refund was given. Best thing that couldve happened. No way can you compare this site to any other. This site, being FREE, has more volume on it. Ive been on here, on and off, for over a year now. Ive seen women come, go, then come back again,....the summer time volume on here is unreal. Enjoy
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 2:05:53 PM
That has nothing to do with pof or online dating. Thats just how it is to date.
 kataqueen
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 16
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 2:35:26 PM
Apologies if this is an old thread but I'm a recent so to speak. OneGodfater the prolem with this site, whether free or not, is that their matching system is faulty, I receive gazillion supposed matches every day and so often I get mail from guys who just don't fit some of my 'will not promise' requirements such as smoking and drinking habits, or minimum educational level. And often, people who send us mail don't bother really reading our profiles and/or checking out things we don't want to compromise with.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 17
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 2:45:36 PM
kateaqueen, so how is it the sites fault? when they send you a match its based on your interests, its not 100% full proof.

Nothing is 100% full proof, not even matchmaking companies, its still up to the individual to use discernment whether its online or in real life.
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 18
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 3:45:29 PM
Cos its a fish market so it could be that ppl get too easily distracted with other fish in the sea ....

For me, its just the opposite, I come across few fish on here that actually catch my attention ..
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 3:48:53 PM
Most of the dates you go on will not lead to long term love. Look at the online interaction as no different than meeting someone at a party or through a friend. If you view online as simply a new venue to meet people you will not be disappointed.
I think younger people today are far to dependent on texting to 'talk' to someone, if you discourage it from the beginning you will never be broken up with via text again. It is such a cowardly way to introduce yourself or communicate.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 3:53:40 PM
I have found that with the men from this site as soon as I genuinely show even one ounce of true interest, they back off. And I'm saying something as simple as me sending them a text before they text me after the last time we've talked.
I think people here have very short attention spans. Not everyone, but most. They want to keep their options open and when the next new pretty girl pops up in their search, the other are forgotten. As much as I would like to meet someone worthwhile from this site, I just have to think of it as entertainment or a learning experience.
 IronBelle
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 21
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 4:21:30 PM
Some people have really good luck here, some do not. I was called a liar earlier by some wench on here. She thinks I am making it all up when I say I have had nothing but horrible experiences. I have no reason to lie. LOL Why? On a place like this of all places?

I think it is just....what it is . Some people have met really great people ( for dating ). Some have made great friends ( now that, I have made ). So do not feel alone. I just feel on line doesn't work for me. Maybe it it my location, who knows....LOL

DO no give up unless like me you get sick of it. I am not discouraged, I just know when to take breaks and not bother with it. And who knows, maybe later on, someone may come along.

Be safe & good luck !!!!

And the men have the same BS women do on here. It is NOT just women who get the crap !!!!
 mountaingirl1980
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 22
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:13:01 PM
TWO YEARS here and only one relationship - really cared for him but knew from the beginning he was wrong for me. He just kinda stuck around for a while...

But yeah. Two years. TWO YEARS. I can't even get the men I find attractive to talk to me.
 ThatOneGirl005
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 23
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:13:24 PM
Thank you everyone for your advice. I mean I guess it just hurts to put yourself out there and be rejected. I am not by any means bashing this site I have met some awesome people that I remain friends with. I guess there's no way to analyze what I may be doing to get these results I guess its just the people I meet keeping their options open. I don't know I guess I'm different in that I like to give the people I'm interested a chance, instead of just seeing if I can find someone better. I do think that this happens more in the online dating scene. Its just hard for me to meet people IRL for whatever reason. I guess just continue with thicker skin! I do disagree with whoever said they have no obligation to continue talking I think that's extremely cowardly, I always say when I'm not interested not just ignore people. I guess I'm just too decent, or care about others not just myself. Maybe its bad luck who knows?
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 24
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:49:59 PM
Actually, if someone isn't feeling it 100% with you, it is better that they move along--and that does NOT mean they are looking for someone "better," it simply means they know that they need to find someone to whom they are more attached or with whom they feel a stronger connection--there is nothing wrong with YOU, but they have to make sure their needs are met--it wouldn't work for the long term, otherwise, and it would be cruel to stick with someone if you know it just isn't quite "there," even though that person is really nice and a lot of fun.

Really, the idea that people are looking for someone "better" is rampant around here, and the reality is that most people are just looking for someone who is a better MATCH for them. The fact that I am not "his cup of tea" is not about ME, it's about the kind of tea he likes. Does that make sense? You are you, and you will continue to be you--and until you find the guy who wants "you tea" and he is "the kind of tea you like," well, it will keep happening. That's why the dating part should be fun--and if it isn't, stop.

It's supposed to be fun because 99% of the time it isn't going to lead to more. But *most* people are not thinking about whether it is fun at the time; they are focusing on whether it is LEADING somewhere. It does not have to--10 dates with several different people can still be 10 fun times, and in the course of those 10 dates, you are going to learn about yourself and learn about others. You have nothing to lose, unless you think that 10 dates is a "waste of time" unless it "leads somewhere."

I think POF should really change its option from "looking for a relationship" to "open to a relationship." Not that it would keep people honest--but at least the language would stop supporting the idea that each person we meet is some type of candidate for the long haul. Most won't be--and so you might as well be prepared to have fun regardless.
 Radiculus12
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 25
Becoming extremely discouraged!
Posted: 3/25/2012 6:25:52 PM
I think this is the problem with dating someone you met online. No matter how well you guys hit it off, he is constantly looking for someone "better." It's an unending dating pyramid scheme. It is much rarer in real life to absolutely get along with someone only to have them vanish after 1-2 dates. Yet, in the online dating world, people post about this sort of stuff all the time.
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