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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Who is in the wrong? re Cat      Home login  
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 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 2
Who is in the wrong? re Cat Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Jesus christ, it's just a kitty cat.
But your boyfriend is jealous of the cat and that is UBER creepy. He is acting out.
Whether it's really another issue?? Doesn't even matter!
I'd have to get rid of him just based on principle.
Right after I told him to grow the fuk up.
Serious character flaw. Disturbing, actually. Seriously disturbing.



vvvvvvvvvv

my boyfriend is always making me feel so abnormal.

Another warning sign. How many were you needing?
Honestly, I'm beginning to become a lil' concerned about you, too......
How long has he been messing with your head?
You can't even see what complete ass he is. Yet it's SO obvious.
WHO IN THE HELL makes sexual comments about cats and women and is physically aggressive towards helpless pets?
Your blindness makes this a risk for you.... not to mention the poor cat.
 tampasmiles
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 4
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:52:17 AM
This sounds like more of a relationship problem than a cat problem...

If it wasn't the cat issue..it will be something else..if you plan on staying in this relationship with the bf...definitely...talk to him...and get this issue out on the table...it is more than the cat...you may want to get some counseling to figure out what is really going on...from what you said...it doesn't sound like it is about the cat at all...he is just using the cat as the brunt of his frustration....
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 8
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:57:41 AM
Sorry but your BF is really showing some disturbing qualities due to a cat! His jealousy is completely out of perspective here and I only hope you dont ever have kids with this man. If he cant control his temper with a cat, just imagine him with a small child. The part that bothers me is the physical contact with this animal, I could not deal with anyone that had no issue with laying their hands on an animal in anger, IMO it shows a serious character flaw.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 9
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:01:27 AM
Believe it or not but some guys can become jealous of pets receiving attention.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 10
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:06:34 AM

I don't know, but I admit to not trusting people who don't get on with animals myself.




I don't quite agree with not trusting people who don't get on with animals. Sometimes people just don't. But I would never trust someone who was cruel or hateful to animals.

I have no tolerance for that. I'd be keeping the cat and kicking the man out.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 12
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:09:00 AM
Jeez. How insecure is this man ? It's a very controlling and manipulative manner in which he tries to come between you and a cat who he feels is taking away some of the attention. Thank goodness there isn't a child in the house ! Personally I view thiss level of insecurity is a far bigger concern then the poor cat.

Think about that.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 17
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:30:24 AM

He has always been controlling and plays a lot of mind games with me. Always insecure too and thinks that I am seeing someone else or being sneeky.


Okay. So you are living with a man just a short while into your relationship (based on a previous poster's comment). He is controlling. He plays mind games. He is insecure. He doesn't trust you. He shows cruelty towards something which is no threat purely because you are fond of it.

And you remain with him for what reason ?

You need a serious upgrade because right now, you are accepting a bum deal.
 PutYouOnBlast
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 18
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:35:57 AM
Well, if he was saying how great it was to have a cat in the beginning and now he is pissed at you because there is one in the home, it is because he never figured you pick up a cat from the friggin' street. Animals like that need to be taken to the vet. You don't know what illness it has, if it has been 'fixed', or anything else for that matter.

While they may look okay, they may not be okay. You want to be a better owner? Take the cat to the vet and don't expect your boyfriend to pay for it.




He has always been controlling and plays a lot of mind games with me. Always insecure too and thinks that I am seeing someone else or being sneeky.

Why, for the love of St. Jude, are you with this man??? The problem is NOT the cat, it is you. Now that you have a companion (the cat), get rid of the bf. Anyone who stays with a problem bf cannot really complain much if they stay.



I know I sound pathetic, but I really am quite insecure and of low self-worth at the moment

I have been with this guy for two years. we have split up three times. Each time I have gone back because I have felt so empty and lonely and worthless. I sometimes convinced myself that some of the problems are mine and that is the reason he is this way with me..

***EDIT***
This is a major face palm moment.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 19
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:36:05 AM
OP,

You've got some red flags of jealousy and dominance here..see them?

BF needs to backoff. I visualize him hurting the cat in a fit of rage, should his temper explode, and the cats present.

You need to discuss this with him, but IMO..you need a new boyfriend.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 21
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:52:23 AM
Holy Crap Lady

What is it going to take for you to get some dignity? This man is pretty much spitting in your face and you just stand there asking for him to do it again...

You know that this isnt about the cat, you know that he has major issues, yet you still come in here and play the martyr all the while knowing that you will lick this guys boots to keep him around. Stop wasting peoples time, YOU are the problem here not him, is this cat gets hurt because this ass wipe is playing mind games with you, YOU will be to blame, while he may be the one who does the abuse, YOU are the one that keeps setting up the potential for it to happen, all while you are trying to play the victim here.

Frankly you piss me off, with your whining and complaining when you know that the only reason he is still in your life is because you cant find the guts to be alone.

 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22
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Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:52:25 AM
AGreed that not everyone is an animal lover but he sounds downright mean. Dump him!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:00:20 AM
This is just the tip of the iceberg!

An adult human who gets jealous when another living being needs help and attention, has serious issues. He WILL hurt you or the cat, and maybe seriously.

You have been shown who this man is-uncompassionate and unfeeling...controlling and manipulative. What else do you need to drop on your head to realise you are living with an evil person??

I dont accept you having low self esteem as an excuse. That little animal is counting on you to protect it, and you need to feel safe yourself in order to do that, so DO SOMETHING before it is too late. Tell your parents what he is doing, and if you dont feel strong enough to eject him, ask them to be there when you do. Lots of people will help you if they know he is acting this way towards an animal, as it is a common sign of being a sociopath.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 24
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:03:21 AM
Your boyfriend's a real JACK-HOLE, isn't he?

I'm not a cat lover either but I'm not a douche bag about it like your boyfriend.

Take a good look at the a*sshole you're with - if he acts like this toward a defenseless creature, then that's a huge RED FLAG as to his lack of compassion for other living things.

And lastly, reach down DEEP and pull your dignity back up to the surface. You've been with this loser for far too long - sounds as though you had to scrape the very bottom of the barrel in order to find this jerk.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 26
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:29:06 AM
@ cbm Regardless of whether the b/f has a right to feel slighted about the cat being invited into the home (and I think if you reread the OP and subsequent posts, the b/f was the one who wanted to keep the cat initially) the way he is treating the cat is not right.

Just because an animal's presence annoys you, doesn't give you the right to mistreat it.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 28
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:31:02 AM

Frankly you piss me off, with your whining and complaining when you know that the only reason he is still in your life is because you cant find the guts to be alone.


Ditto,Grizzelda!
Op,aren't you the one with the glorious clitORIOUS.
I really cant take anything you Post seriously
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 29
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:38:41 AM
This is a train wreck waiting to happen and you are driving the train. Get out of the driving seat because you are not qualified to steer.

The only person that can fix you, is you.

@ Pinky - Maybe it's a clitty cat ?
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 30
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:41:27 AM
i had a cat, he loved me to death....my husband hated the cat....one evening as i came home form food shopping, i found the cat in attack mode and my husband with a frying pan ready to plummel my cat.....who won? That cat!!!!! I still have the cat, husband is a distant memory
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 31
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:42:40 AM
OP, I've just read your profile and your dating history.

I'm confused. You've been with him for two years but you have an open profile on here looking for a relationship. Two weeks ago you posted about a man at your workplace that you think likes you and you are interested in. I guess this was during the three week break from your boyfriend of two years?

I'm joining the 'can't take you seriously' crew.

Oh I really need to stop looking at your posting history.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15071586.aspx#15071586

A boyfriend jealous of your cat
Posted: 2/26/2012 1:43:52 PM
Hi

Just wondering (not for me) if it's normal for your boyfriend to be jealous of the cat and say that you give the cat more love and attention than him (seriously).

He will also say he wants to lay down on the settee when the cat is at the end of it so that the cat has to move (if lying next to the girlfriend) and will just poke his feet near it to get it to move. He will do aggravating things to the cat to get it to go out and he gets really irritated if the girlfriend says "aww don't be cruel" and say "It's a friken cat for godsake". He has also suggested (as he has given up smoking weed for her) that she should give up her cat for him.

This is a serious question and please give me serious answers as to whether it is normal for someone's partner to feel threatened by a cat. He has even said (although he said this was in jest) that when she is cuddling the cat, she looks like she wants to have sex with it.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 33
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:48:18 AM
I agree if they were living together in a committed relationship then the bf should have been consulted about bringing the cat into the house.

What I am saying is that even if he is not happy about it he has no right to mistreat the animal.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 35
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:53:30 AM
DUMP HIM- animal abuse is heinous/illegal & if u don't have the spine to dump him-place the cat in a proper home w/o an abuser- the cat should be fixed, given shots, micro-chipped & seen by a vet annually for booster shots.

I volunteer in a no kill shelter & have adopted many cats from both hi-kill & no kill shelters. YOU are being irresponsible to the cat & yourself if you allow his ABUSE to go on.

Helpless creatures do not deserve to be treated this way. We are all made by the same creator...

if anyone in here thinks it's just a dumb animal, that's on you
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 36
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 6:54:37 AM
With all due respect, how desperate are you for a boyfriend anyway??? that you would date a man that has to be cruel to a little stray kitty. Take the cat and get the h$ll away from him. He sounds like a sick human being. Thank you for rescuing. Cats are awesome, some humans should learn to be so loving.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 41
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 7:42:55 AM
I have felt very strongly about this guy, that is why I am back giving it a try, time after time after time


You need to learn that feelings for someone are not a good reason to put up with BS.

Feelings and attraction are simply the first building block. Soon as you see behaviour that you would not accept or want in your life, you take the 'pain' of leaving the person. I can tell you, the pain of leaving someone you care for is FAR exceeded by the pain it will cause if you wait too long.

You have stated he makes you feel badly about many things. The cat is just a symbol of all that.

You then come back and say 'well, he hasnt actually hurt the cat'...so are you going to wait for that to happen? He has shown you he is NOT a compassionate human being. Do you have to wait until he actually does physical harm before you act?

People show you who they really are, you just have to be willing to see it and hear it.

If you had a younger sister or daughter and you knew they were dating a man who makes them feel the way you feel right now...would you advise them to stay and put up with this? Take the same advise you would give someone you love in the same situation.

Also ask this-if you were not in love with him, and you saw him treating someone the way he treats you, would you not think of him as an azzhole? The way YOU feel about him does not make him a good person. His own actions should make him a good person.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 43
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 7:47:31 AM

Does boyfriend get a say in what enters his home? Is whats important to him even a point of discussion? He lives there too.


No, he does not....he sleeps there. He has hinted she needs to buy a new bed, no longer gives a hand with anything he used to before they broke up, and she has said he makes her feel sneaky and as if she is being manipulated-and now wants rid of a pet he talked her into taking in. He is controlling her...and not even living there. All bad, bad signs for a happy future.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 44
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 7:48:43 AM
So he doesnt like the cat on the couch, so he doesnt want the cat cooing and nuzzling against him and pushes the cat away, he lives there too

It ain't that easy fella. You didn't put his behavior in the context of the situation as she described it. In other words, YOU MISSED THE REAL POINT ENTIRELY. This has *nothing* to do with "he lives there too".... And as we so often learn, posting history often reveals a more relevant spin on the story than what's available in the OP. Hard to believe you haven't figured that out yet.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 50
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History
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 8:18:44 AM
I don't date men who are cruel to animals. I think it shows a person's character, to see how they treat other beings & things. I'm not interested in having abusive people in my life.
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