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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?      Home login  
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 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Possible to find true love at any age......... but with accumulation of emotional baggage, weight, communicible diseases, lack of personal resources it becomes more difficult.

There are many looking for FWB everywhere not just dating sites. It's up to you to make your own choices.. good or bad, which will bring you closer to what you desire or further away.

Are you making the choices to bring you what you seek?

many women get tied up and spend a lot of time with mr wrong....... then complain they are not finding what they want !
Are you fit and your life in order? are you easy to know, avaialable ? should the right person come into the picture?

Best thing most women can do to expand their options is to get fit. Most men are attracted to a woman who is fit and attractive. Is your life a mess? chaos? ex or parents too involved? kids running your life? that makes it hard to find love.
Yes I believe true love can be found at any age.
 graytemplesandeyes
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 3
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:31:32 AM
Monica,

I think it depends on your definition of true love. If you are looking for a fairy tale kind of experience where you see each other and have all this wonderful chemistry and it depends and you date then court then marry and then live happily ever after, then no. I do think many if not most women view love that way, but it's not reality.

Half the profiles on the site that I read talk about having to have chemistry. But that chemistry lasts about two years. Loving is about making loving choices and loving choices are about mutual sacrifice.

If you're willing to really learn how to love, and find a guy who's willing to do the same thing, then it's a lot more possible at 40 than it was at 20, because your life experience will help you get it right.

There is a neat little easy read titled: The Five Love Languages. Under 200 pages. It's not a perfect book, but it has two themes that address exactly the question your asking. And the advice in the second post in this thread is very sound.

Understand what you want. Do what you need to do to make yourself who the love you seek would want, and then proceed with a plan that goes in that direction. If your dating or interaction with men on this site finds you mostly hearing from guys who only want FB or FWB, then quit talking to them and find some guys who have a little different perspective. I promise you, they are here.
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 4
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:36:15 AM
Monica,

Let's hope not. You're 40 years young and have at least 1/2 your life ahead of you. Don't look at your age as a detriment look at it as a benefit, you're "experienced".

Unfortunately we're on a free dating site which will attracted bottom feeders as you've described.

"Holy" alluded to what I would dilute to preparing ourself to getting back into the dating scene. 3 years ago I re-dedicated myself to being mentally and physically fit. My motivation wasn't solely or remotely for that matter about dating as much as it was to FEEL better, healthier and not dislike the person looking back at me in the mirror.

Mentally I went through therapy and physically I re-joined the local gym, changed my eating habits.

I have the highest hopes of finding a special person. And at 50 years young ;-) am still hopeful.

Don't let the lowlives get you down, keep plugging away.

G
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 6
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:41:27 AM
At age 40, you are not considered being over the hill, and can still find the so-called "true love". but you must look and see what kind of baggage you may carry. Having kids will not attract many younger men (or childless men) who wish to have a family. Being in school means that you may not have the earning potential (and have loans to pay back) so you might need to lean on the income of your future partner; who would have to be generous enough to do that (unless you are financially well off).

Your situation will tend to draw the bottom dwellers who assume you are a horny ex-housewife who they can bang easily. If that is the case then you should not have any problems meeting such pple.

You also have to contrast what "true love" means to you since you were previously married to someone who I presumed you loved at some point; and how that definition would change in process of meeting someone else.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 11
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 1:41:08 PM
So OP...you are saying that if you have a relationship with someone but yet not in love with them or maybe they you, that you are just f*ck buddies, or friends with benefits?

Can not two people enjoy each other, respect each other, care for each other, and work hard at being with each other, and not have fallen in love with each other? I personally think to many put to much emphasis on the "L" word, and not enough on all those other things that make and/or break a relationship.

In fact, many times when you must have the whole package, as you put it, there is less chance of it working because finding two people that fall in love with each other at the same time, and in the same way, is difficult at best and almost impossible at worst.

I am much more into enjoying the day, the adventure, the person, and take it one day at a time, and those today's will become many tomorrow's if you both relax and communicate with each other their wants, needs and desires, and not put all your marbles in that bag of so called "love".

cd..........
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 14
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:13:37 PM


I am in a FWB relationship right now...


your chances are slim when you are involved in these situations... they erode your ability to love and trust....
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 15
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 2:26:52 PM
I seldom see "FWB's" survive for any length of time because one usually ends up wanting more from the other, or falls out of the friend category and into the love category. Some do exist and survive if both understand it and talk about it often, and live a distance apart that will help keep it in line.

If dating in the same area, and seeing each other when you care to, the friendship that is connected to the benefit, will be almost impossible to control because you are right there, ready and able to make it more, and one usually does.

Now, if you just throw out that premise and enjoy each other as human beings that like to see each other, share things, adventures, and time together, but do not let the "L" word get involved, respect each other and care enough to be open about it........I see no reason why a good relationship can not exist.

cd...........
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 16
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 3:05:33 PM
i do not belive in love at all people ever ware just say it has no mean at all alot of guys just say it to try and get in ur pants me i never say i love you to any girl. to me lust is what people think is love then they get bord and move on. and to me as iam hit closer to 30 in my age i am realy thinking that hole date game is bs runing around trying to inpresss the ladys is a joke. the day i hit 30 and still ant married and have more kids is the day i give up on that part of my life and say what the hell iam 30 spent ten+ years looking for a wife ant found here by now then its to lat and its me time. oh also i think alot of woman want this fairy tell typ of bf our love thing when realty is a lot harser then they want to deal with
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 19
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 4:25:37 PM
Well ... my daughter just met her mate on POF.
It's been over a year and they have finally moved in together.

So everything is possible.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 20
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 4:34:42 PM
Ya gotta define "true love",,,then and only then can we answer. I find it amusing that people are giving examples of people being "together" for a year,,,or two and are telling us that it's "true love". I, personally, define it as something that is shown,felt, lived, in longer terms than years. Something like a decade or so, and if the feelings,expressions,emotions are all still there,,,than, well, yeah, MAYBE(I said "maybe") "true love" is possible.

Until the bumps and bruises are felt,and survived, the "love" word(that soooooooo many use fairly quickly) loses it's true meaning. To me, anyway.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 22
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 7:38:54 PM

i doubt, however, that it'll happen on a place like this. pof doesn't exactly seem to draw out the healthiest element.


Every time I hear this the thought that comes to mind is " if POF is full of scum bags, we all are here on POF, therefore we all must be scumbags. If that's the case, why is everyone complaining. We are perfect for each other. Of course it's everybody is a scumbag but me!

OP- As far as your question, does true love exist. You have children so I'm sure you know the answer to that. Is it possible at this age? IMO it's harder, but not impossible. As people mature we don't get swept off of our feet with something like a pretty face or a fancy car like we did when we were just kids. So harder is better (that's what she said).

Did you ever hear that story about Hagerstown having the most unattractive men in the State? I always wondered how they came up with that.
 Ocee
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 24
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:02:11 PM
I'd like to think our chances increase as we age.

Shouldn't we become more qualified choosers with experience?


I mean, I'm now much less concerned with my dates ankle jewerly,

a much more concerned with her fork stabbing proclivities.
 smilingrock
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 27
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/4/2012 2:08:12 AM
OP first I commend you for working on a nursing degree.

A lot of the guys that are available will find you as someone that is looking for a baby daddy and financial support. You ARE a 40 year old fulltime student with kids. Maybe once you graduate and gain employment that image will change. Good luck.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/4/2012 7:51:15 AM
It's not totally impossible, but a lot harder when you reach middle age because there are a lot more factors involved, unlike people who are in their twenties who are just starting out in the real world and usually start with nothing, and build a life together. It gets a lot more complicated when you want to start from scratch again in the second half of your life and forget about the first half. It's usually hard to sweep the first half of your life under the rug without having lingering dust balls floating around.
 vampyreshadow
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 33
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/6/2012 1:35:17 AM
I believe in love at any age, my grandma on my dads side got remarried 22 years ago, and was until this month happily married to him (this has nothing to do with him or her really, she got a head injury and went bonkers nuts, and is now threatening divorce) shes 91 now,

Actually I believe in genuine love, not everyones jaded view of it, because my parents still have it :) and no my dad isn't rich, and my mom isn't some perfect model type, My mom is a polio survivor with one leg shorter then the other, and my dad is an old hippy type, mechanic :P I don't think it is realistic to expect it, and expect it to come to you, I believe it is a goal worth working for :)
 RegularGuy98383
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 34
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/7/2012 1:34:32 AM
After 46 years in a crummy marriage to my Dad (who was a good Dad), my Mom divorced my Dad and found the love of her life at age 69. They were together for 12 great years and he treated my Mom wonderfully. Their relationship ended when he passed away when my Mom was 82. Two years later, when she was 84, she met another wonderful man and they were together for about 4 to 5 years until he passed away. He was about 92...... So, it is not unrealistic!
 Faust_7
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 36
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/20/2012 5:09:18 PM
You actually think a man want's a woman with kids? But besides that, use sex. That's how you get em and that's how you keep em.
 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 37
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/21/2012 4:17:22 AM
" If anyone tries to find love on this site, good luck to ya. Your chances are 1 in 1010. "

Actually, they are 1 one in 2012 : )
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 38
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Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:50:19 AM
It's not unrealistic to expect.
It just may take some time or hard work to make it happen, though.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 41
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/21/2012 3:26:06 PM
I think it would be a lot harder when you're older because people are set in their ways and accepting someone else in your life involves change, and the older you are, the more you resist change. People want to find true love, but not at the expense of a change in routine and life style. Like the saying goes: You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
 skarabians1
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 42
Is it unrealistic to expect to find 'true love' at my age?
Posted: 4/21/2012 5:28:12 PM
Message 64.....NICE
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