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Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 1
disillusioned with POF ???Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Ok, so I have been exchanging text's with a guy all week in anticipation of us meeting last night.

Had a million things in common, even felt that closeness with him and even had sleepless nights because of the optimism I was feeling.

So we meet...... and bang. Nothing, not a flicker, not a flutter absolutely nothing. Body language an demeanour are so much more important than the other stuff. Or are they ?? Am I being shallow. God I'm so confused now !!

Anyone had the same type of thing happen ?? Is POF just not for me....Any input would be much appreciated.
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 2
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:34:43 AM
This is why people need to meet first then worry about texting and e mails. So many get caught up in weird crap off the whole on line thing. Stop handing your number out. Meet men before they text you and see if you even want to be hearing from them. How do you feel close, sleepless nights not even knowing who is on the other side of the keyboard?

It is not being shallow, it is simply reality. People can and do say anything on here, in texts and e mails.

I can appreciate the excitement and hopes someone MIGHT be that right person. But to not have met yet? This is why so many meetings crash and burn. There has to be the face to face connection FIRST.
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 3
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disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:38:50 AM
i would have a guess that the experience you have just described has happenend to most people on here...

you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again... face to face contact is very different from online contact.. you build up a "fantasy" in your head from what the person on the other side of the pc/fone says, he may or may not be telling the whole truth, he may be colouring the truth, etc... but then, so could you be, and he may feel just as disappointed...
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 4
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:40:10 AM
I guess I wanna see if we have things in common first ? But yeah you have a point. Thanks !

A new approach is required maybe...
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 5
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:46:21 AM
you build up a "fantasy" in your head from what the person on the other side of the pc/fone says, he may or may not be telling the whole truth, he may be colouring the truth, etc... but then, so could you be, and he may feel just as disappointed...

Yep I built up a fantasy alright ! I dont think he was dishonest about anything tho. Just absolutely nothing like I imagined he would be ?

Meeting first is the way to go I think. I'm fairly new to all this. Last night was only my third date, I wont throw in the towel just yet !
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 6
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:52:09 AM
This happens to everyone who dates "online"...........over and over and over........again.
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 7
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:56:22 AM
Yep I built up a fantasy alright ! I dont think he was dishonest about anything tho. Just absolutely nothing like I imagined he would be ?

I think this has happened to nearly all of us,Op.
Years ago the guy id been emailing sounded absolutely wonderful via THE WRITTEN WORD.
He was very expressive,articulate,etc that i,too was so hopeful he'd be the same in person.
He had zip personality,was a crashing bore and i came away shaking my head believing he must've had
a "ghost writer" lol
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 8
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disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 6:41:19 AM
So far I have 2 women I was interested in agree to meet me for lunch, only to have them message me an hour before and say "Something came up" and not meet me. We never bothered to try again. I think people go into things with too many expectations. Let's face it, most people have an idea of thier "perfect" match and they always hope a blind date is it. Rather than just interact with that person and see what comes out.
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 9
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 6:43:44 AM
Happened to me on the first AND second meet up, but on the third things changed. The spark happened then, sometimes it takes time for your initial build up to arise, just remember that you will both me shy/nervous/have high expectations on the first date. taking the time to talk more and meet more helps
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 10
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 6:48:34 AM
I am giving POF a break as well as all other dating sites. I don't think online dating works unless you are exceptionally good looking. There are way to many men versus women.And most women on here are PICKY. I have messaged the ugliest women OR women I would not even look at twice on the street only for them to ignore my message too.
All these women claim to be looking for Mr. Right, how guys don't message them, the usual complaints women have about men while dating, yet they don't answer my email or just delete it right away. I send each woman a personalized email message. Not a cut and paste job form letter. I have invested quite a few hours in contacting potential partners.
In fact, I kept a tally of results just to track results.
Out of 93 messages sent:
68 were read and...that's it nothing more, no response
5 were read and deleted, some without even checking my profile
7 were unread and deleted,some without even checking my profile (I find this rude)
6 responded by saying they felt there was no match or they were not interested
2 that did respond only wrote one word replies to my attempts to initiate conversation. When I get one or two word replies all the time I feel I am wasting my time. So I move on.
1 messaged me and we were messaging and talking on the phone. But any attempt to set up a meeting was met with excuses. I ask twice. If the second attempt is unsuccessful,then I move on.
1 was an offer of prostitution "to have a good time"I told her to get lost, that's what craigslist is for.
1 woman messaged me and we got as far as talking on the phone then she INSULTS me by saying I look like a loser and how homely I am and fat get the picture. So after telling her off and blocking her, I move on.
1 woman messaged me and it seemed to be going well until I found out that if I did not respond to her within 15 minutes she would accuse me of cheating on her, mind you I had not even met this flake and the drama was starting already within a day. Delete, block and move on.
And finally this oldie but goodie. I get a response from one woman who looked nice. I found her attractive and her profile was short and basically uninformative but that I can look past, maybe she's shy writing about herself. Plus her picture (only one) looked dated. We messaged and chatted and I had a date! The big day came and...the whole puzzle came together. The picture looked dated because it was from 20 years prior. This woman was 500 lbs if she was an ounce. I am no lightweight either but this was just plain gross. Plus, she was sweating so bad it looked like she just ran a marathon as she walked. This woman was clearly suffering and needed medical attention not a date. PLUS the short time I did talk to her she tried hitting me up for money. That's when I had to ditch this one. I did an exit stage left before the date even went anywhere.
These are all true. The only responses or contacts I only get are from the flakes and losers. Otherwise nothing. I have stopped messaging people for a while and giving online dating a break. It does not work, at least for me. I will try again soon, but when my subscription is up I am not renewing,that's for sure.
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 11
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disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 6:57:50 AM
This is not an issue with POF but an issue with yourself. This has been said many times but some dont seem to get it. Texting is not the way to communicate with someone you do not know.

Don't be so quick to put yourself on a shelf. Dont let one bad experience ruin it for you. Take what you have learned from the experience and run with it.

I personally dont believe in anything but a brief coffee for a first meet. While waiting for said first meet(not first date), take the time to get to know each other via the phone or on video chat. I mean what if you had have met him and the flicker and flutter was there but he had a high pitched nasally womanly voice with a laugh like a hyena?
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 12
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 6:59:28 AM
OP have you ever done any hiring??? Lots of people look good on paper. In real life.... not so much.

The only thing you did wrong was let your expectations run away with you based on how perfect you thought he was for you, before you actually met. This is probably one of the more common mistakes people make in online dating. Yes of course body language and demeanor are important! So are table manners, the way someone dresses, how often they bathe, et cetera. You just don't get to find these things out about someone until you actually meet.

A profile and the first convos are just an introduction.... they're not actually a guarantee that everything is going to turn out the way you hoped just because you really liked the profile and then you liked emails and/or the phone conversations after that.

You found out you aren't really a good match? That is the purpose of dating. Mission accomplished. Next. :)
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 13
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 7:08:02 AM
The one thing I have learned when I do go meet somebody new, even if we have talked and have things in common and we seem so great via messages and phone-is to expect nothing. This way, you won't be disappointed if you meet and there is no "za za zoo" (quoted from sex and the city). Until you meet in person, just keep yourself in check. Remind yourself that he is just another guy.
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 14
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 8:31:24 AM
I have found the same thing. I usually send a few emails back and forth before arranging to meet someone. Sometimes we get on really well on line, exchanging banter and bits of info about ourselves. However, the actual meet is often a big disappointment. The spark is not there, or they have a strange manner, or an unusual, not very pleasant aroma! etc.
Often, there are embarrassing silences, whereas on line, the conversation flowed freely and I thought we would be able to talk about anything.
Meeting in person is the only way to really tell if things are going to go anywhere with this person.

I get disillusioned when I send initial messages to men and then don't get a reply. (When men send me a message I know how it must feel for them so I usually send a polite reply, even if I don't want to chat to them)..

You have to develop a thick skin when on line dating, and just move on if this happens.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 15
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disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 10:52:50 AM
POF is just a venue, a link-up tool, like any other. WHo uses it this week, and who uses it next wek, is what decides whether or not it's "right" for you at either time.

Look at it this way. Back in the pre-internet days, people went to social establishments to do the same things they do in online venues. In those days, would you blame the bar, when the guy you picked up there was a jerk? If you meet someone in a library, or at a park, is the State to blame for his being a poophead?

No matter where you go to seek people out, you will find a mix of folks there. When you meet them in person only, you still have to allow that jerk-wads can dress just as nice as honest to goodness Princes, and that slime-ball liars can have just as smooth a conversational patter as genuinely nice and wholesome people. Often better.

As some others have said, the old "know thyself" is always the place to start. If you are clear about what you want, and how you want it delivered, you are less likely to accept and sign for the wrong stuff.
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 16
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disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 11:12:40 AM
Igor FTW again!

Pof is just another avenue to meet someone.
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 17
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 11:49:16 AM
This is common for everyone I think.
Ive learned to send a few messages to see if you click, go to a phone call see if you click, then go on a date and see if you click. Dont take waste alot of time setting up the first date and make it short. You can always extend the date if you want. Meeting someone in person is the key, doesnt matter how many great messages,text's, and phone conversations you have had.
Joined: 3/24/2012
Msg: 18
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 3:37:42 PM
I have learn that some people are charismatic on line , and on the phone, the total opposite.
I have had only 3 phone conversation , no meet in person, 38 on block.
My first contact on phone, he talk for one straight hour, and all I said was, uh,huh, yes,, ok, uh huh, yes,, no, yes..
The second one, talk for 45 minutes all about Obama. Yes, the President of the USA for 45 minutes.
The third, his voice and I am not kidding or being cruel, he sounded EXCACTLY like Kermit the Frog, excactly.
We talk for 20 minutes.
Can't wait for my first meet IF it ever comes, I bet I will get some guy dress as a yellow chicken.!
And I have been here on POF for 14 days. OMG.
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 19
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 3:45:22 PM
ABSOLUTLY they are great online and email and phone then you go through all the junk to meet them and nothing , he doesn't want to look in stores or do anything i went all the way to charleston and he was going to show me around , he brought beer and sandwiches to eat in the car...? he drank and ate in the car ... we walked around and i like gallery's he said if you see something you like let me i say ok how about this gallery , he replies nah i don't like that's stuff you go ill wait out side REALLY!!! anyway needless to say i left emailed and we both agreed there is nothing there...he is selfish and i am about meeting someone , clicking enought to spend the weekend then nothing ...what is it they want? im so comfused and just stopped pof then got back on and am learning from the forum what is going on with people hope this helps your not alone...
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 20
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 3:46:00 PM

Use Skype for a general physical impression first. If there was no attraction, so be it. Just part of the dating game and you have to have thick skin for sure. Rarely is there instant chemistry both sides and having interests in common does not indicate that it will be there. You were projecting onto a stranger really and building up youir hopes. You are letting yourself in for disappointment. Just expect the worst and hope for the best. At least he was the height, weight etc that he said he was????? It is not about being shallow, we want what we want and that is it. You will go on many meets before you find anyone the least bit interesting from a dating site.

I wouldnt mention that you are not a needy nutjob, the words are there and it plants the seeds in a person's mind that you may be. Just delete anything negative is my advice.
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 21
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 3:49:20 PM
like i said ive had both and some how its not working so what i have decided is to let them contact and pursue me no more me going to meet them sucks that we are here on this site to begin with now we have to deal with the other crap no way....good luck..
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 22
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:47:11 PM
The next time don't build up any extreme expections. As a matter of fact, don't build up any at all.

You'll find yourself less disappointed.
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 23
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 6:15:58 PM

Anyone had the same type of thing happen ??

You must be new.

That happens allllllll the timmmme.

This is why you dont waste months chit chatting online. Chemistry is not something that is possible to assess online. (literally; it's impossible)

Sorry about your letdown
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 24
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disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 6:20:49 PM
It's funny, when you aren't in the midst of being badly disappointed, just how different some aspects of some people can be.

Some people "give great text," but can't manage a live verbal communication. Some are great at talking and walking and all that stuff, but kiss or hug as though they are made of wood. Some folks seem almost to be schizophrenic in how they relate to us, between their online personality, and their live one. Ya just never know.
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 25
disillusioned with POF ???
Posted: 4/8/2012 8:16:26 PM

Yep I built up a fantasy alright ! I dont think he was dishonest about anything tho. Just absolutely nothing like I imagined he would be ?
I think this has happened to nearly all of us,Op.

yeah, I keep fantasizing I will meet a sane man with a job, who is not 100 pounds heavier than he claims to be and four inches shorter than he claims to be and not married and not on drugs or high or...

I'm sorry, I seem to have a serious problem with being realistic don't I? *sob*

Seriously, sometimes people are just shy. Maybe he expresses himself better in writing. Maybe you were expecting too much and need to move slower. And didn't you talk on the phone first? I dunno.. I have never had any luck online... much more fun meeting the wrong people in person I think, at least you can have more laughs that way!
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