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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > How hard do you work on POF?      Home login  
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 1
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How hard do you work on POF?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I'm curious about this.
What are the numbers like on here?
Take an "average" man; how many "average" women would he typically need to text in order to get a reply?

I'm asking because I spent a good while the other day going through profiles, reading and thinking and then messaging about 15 women who'm I believed there was scope for a relationship with. One of them replied. I'm not too bothered - I believe that this site has to be taken in the context of a numbers game.

Is what happened to me typical? Should I prepare myself to spend an hour a day messaging and hope that from that I might get a few replies over a few weeks?

Or should I lower my effort levels and just copy and paste to as many women as I can find?
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 2
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/8/2012 2:40:53 PM
Don't use copy and paste. It's very easy to tell when you receive a message like that.

I imagine finding the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with is one of the most important things you'll ever do, so put in an appropriate amount of effort. You will find that if you lower your own standards in terms of careful selection and thoughtful messages, you will likely end up corresponding with or meeting women who aren't good matches.

Also, head over to the Profile Review forum.
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 3
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/8/2012 2:52:37 PM
If all you are wanting are responses then of course it's a numbers game. The more messages you send out, the chances of responses are higher but that still does not mean anything relationship wise. What good is it to just cut and paste a message to everyone in your area? Unless all you are doing is looking for a fling, then it is still less work to just hang out at a local night club and wait for the ugly lights to come on.
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 4
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/8/2012 2:54:03 PM
I was being mildly sarcastic about the copy and paste. That's based on a number of profiles that say "I won't reply to messages that say "Hi, how r u? or similar".
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 5
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/8/2012 2:56:33 PM
I assume that everyone wants a response eventually, otherwise they wouldn't be using a dating website.
The "numbers game" was meant in a positive way i.e.: stop being hung up over every rejection and carry on with the marketing exercise.
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 6
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/8/2012 3:15:05 PM
Hmmmm. 1:15 is not a great average but better than some. Some guys send msgs for a year with no responses. That is tenacity. When I started out I was not getting many replies, about like you 1:15. But after a few changes in my page and a lot lighter attitude twards this whole thing.... I'm doing much better.
Working hard at this doesn't seem the way to go, IMO. I'm still serious about it but in a different way now. Humor and actually talking to people I might want to be friends with should probably come first. Being too serious about it comes through in the keys here and sparks of desparation.

Numbers game... wow not sure any ladies want to be considered in this "game".
But as far as averages go, you're already doing better than some.
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 7
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/8/2012 4:09:04 PM
OK, thanks for your thoughts.

Numbers game for both parties. Nothing wrong with that concept is there?
I mean, I'm quite happy for a woman to not like me even if I appear on paper to meet their requirements, and vice versa.
Surely that's what dating sites are all about?
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 8
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:37:15 AM
Work?? If anything about this experience was "work", I wouldn't bother with it.

I doubt I get as many messages as the average woman does, but I've never had a problem getting them in general.

My advice? Be as "over the top" ridiculous as you can possibly be in your profile. Save all the info about "the real you" for when they message you.
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 9
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:31:20 PM
I respond to women who write in last sentence in profile ''any questions feel free to get back to me'' and yet i get no responses, is that working hard?
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 10
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/11/2012 2:48:44 PM
Since I have no desire to marry again, nor live with someone, I do not take this site as many seem to, nor do I put effort into making it something that is relationship bound. I have many that I know already, friends on here that I enjoy, and my real life experiences have me develop many things as both may want and meant to be.

In my opinion, to many on here let the fantasy of that white picket fence, marriage, and living happily ever after, take over their brain, body and life. I am much more realistic and pragmatic that it becomes the journey over the destination, and the adventures far outweigh the goals for one and only one relationship that will exist for the rest of my life.

Living for today, yet being understanding about tomorrow, is much more my reality, and I will enjoy those that enjoy me, and let the today's work into tomorrow's as meant to be.

Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 11
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/11/2012 5:03:14 PM
Hard enough that I have considered giving up my day job. (wink)

What are the numbers like on here?


Is what happened to me typical?

90%+ rejection? Yes.
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 12
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:36:48 PM
The problem for me is that I see so many potentials that I would love to message, but I don't because they say they want to have kids. I'm not going to waste my time if that's something you're not flexible on.

Second, I always make an effort to message something personal that's in someone's profile--but also short and sweet.

Third, from the lady's POV, spell-check and grammar go a long way for me. If someone's going to use a copy-and-paste approach, the least he could do is make sure it's perfectly written.

But to answer the question, I think maybe a handful of guys I've messaged (out of 50, say) have responded. Perhaps they're basing it solely on my pictures and not throwing in the personality too. *shrug*

These days, I've been unlucky so I've been trying to actually meet people in real life first. haha, what a concept for me!
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 13
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/12/2012 5:50:21 PM
Fall-blossom, you're adorable as hell. I'd message ya back if I were a guy and in ON. However, I do see your profile says "friends." So maybe that's why? I dunno.

I'm gonna keep messaging guys who I think are interesting, even if I don't think they'll reply--because you just never know.
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 14
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/13/2012 7:10:49 AM
I don't work hard to get messages. I almost never send out an initial message to a guy. Nearly all the men I communicate with on here have messaged me first. So having people make contact is the easy part. However, then the work begins. You have to not only weed out the bad ones, the weird ones, the stalker ones, the ones just looking for sex, but you have to try and make sure you don't dismiss one who has potential. At first I wouldn't answer the ones who sent those one line or one word messages like "Hi" "How are you." etc. But then I thought, well maybe theyre shy or perhaps they get tired of writing long messages only to never hear back from a woman, so if they had a nice profile, I started writing them back even if they just said Hello, how are you. However, the vast majority of those types of contacts actually do turn out to have nothing to say and the correspondences with them wind up being a series of one line messages back and forth until someone , usually me, loses interest.
Ive heard from hundreds of guys on here, but only a small amount have turned into dates, so women do have to put in effort on POF, just at a different stage .
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 15
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/14/2012 8:40:10 AM
Writing a decent custom first contact message and getting an OK % of replies is not hard work.

Finding someone worth messaging is a challenge. At least it is for me.

If they got advanced search to order by newest users properly, it would be easier.

If the new users feature didn't show parents and smokers for those who would not date someone who has kids or who smokes, it would be easier.

Real life is easier.
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 16
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/17/2012 10:28:48 AM
Most messages I get are copy/pastes, "hey how are you?" or totally pervy and so I am sadly forced to ignore 98% of all my incoming emails. If a decent looking guy with an education takes the time to write something thoughtful, however, I will reply and see where it goes. I would suggest you keep sending out quality messages and eventually you will get a response that goes somewhere. Sending cut/pastes seem faster and more convenient in the short run, but in the long run it will get you nowhere fast.
Joined: 12/22/2004
Msg: 17
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/18/2012 11:02:56 AM
On-Line dating (30+) is not a good place to meet a woman, it does not matter what site you use. I changed my profile up to a place where i was getting regular contacts, but mostly they were not my type or flakes... i.e. disappear b4 you even have a chance to find out about each other. If you can deal with rejection, talk, and don’t mind getting shot down you would have a lot better odds trying something in person. The mall, night clubs, volunteer work, etc..

I went on a date with a gal who said she would get hundreds of contacts on Match dot com in a given week. She was thin, kind of skanky looking in person but would probably be considered attractive by many men. She said she rarely read the emails she received.

I'm open to being corrected here but have not seen any evidence to the contrary, personally or reading other comments. Most women have a very hard time meeting someone in person, from On-line dating. OL dating is a good idea in theory but not in practice. Most men do not take women serious if they do not take care of their body’s and health so odds like 1 to 7, quickly become 1 to 20+ for someone you want to date.

I leave a profile up because in rare cases there are practical women who will take the time to get to know you in person. I rarely contact women on a dating site… too many games and flake-like attitudes for my taste.
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 18
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:35:48 AM
Right now? I am not even lifting a finger.
I've embraced my forum junkie status.
I guess I don't care anymore... which is sad, really.
It's such a pity my EX's can have an influence over if I want to search again or not. Really, we should not allow other people to damage us this way. Maybe I'll pick it up again in the future. Right now, I just am not in any shape to see anyone new.
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 19
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/22/2012 12:56:46 PM
Eh I rarely get messages or responses to my messages. I did and do put effort in to my profile, but I just sort of let it go on its own. Occasionally I will send messages to girls I find attractive with similar interests. Most times they do not respond.

Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 20
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:22:42 PM
Hmmm, medium hard :) I have sent plenty of messages to women and rarely get a response. Probably 1 out of 10 or 15. Of those most disappear fairly quickly. Although I have had one actually now write back two weeks after disappearing from our conversation.

Reflecting on this, I have had far more success with women that messaged me first. Probably 75% of the women I have actually met one or more times have messaged me first. Both the ladies I have had relationships with messaged me first. I have 4 pub/coffee first meetings coming up and 3 of those 4 initiated contact. Seems typical that most men get few responses to messages. I guess I have a decent profile so I tend to get 2 or 3 women contacting me every week.
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 21
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/30/2012 2:48:45 PM
Much harder than I think I should have to. (wink)

I wish there was a flirt button,

I use the "favorite" button and the "meet me" button as substitute flirts, as you have to get creative sometimes.

Not that I can tell whether it has really increased my success any.
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 22
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/30/2012 3:09:20 PM
This has turned into an interesting thread. Thanks for the honest answers.

I actually went out on a real life date courtesy of POF the other night. We weren't destined to be, but it was an interesting night out anyway.
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 23
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 4/30/2012 5:24:04 PM
I read the profile and then reply taking about what they said so they know I read their ad and mix in my own hello and share my commonalities with them.
I put a lot of thought into a reply %95 of the time.

I might get 1 reply in about every 75-100 messages sent out.
You also have to take in account the age bracket and where you live are big factors that determines your odds of a reply.
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 24
How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 5/1/2012 10:30:58 PM
I actually used to take this site somewhat serious at one point, but just gave up to be honest. This site has been a huge blow to my self esteem for the most part, when I can go out and just meet someone easier. So I changed my profile up put a silly picture, made my profile a little rediculous and honestly its like they all came out of the woodwork. Haven't met many people from here but the ones that I have weren't really worth the time anyway. I keep the profile up hoping that one day the one I'm looking for will come along.

Honestly based on my experience you have a better chance of meeting a woman away from this site, not trying to deter you maybe try some new photos a different profile write up etc..etc.. I haven't looked at yours so can't offer suggestions just giving you my opinions based on experience.

I used to try to jump through all the hoops women ask for on their profile, but honestly it really isn't worth it you could spend 10 minutes writing up a custom nice though out email only to click send to see it was deleted without even being read. If she's not willing to respond to my hello how are you, then she's shown me that "she" isn't willing to put any effort into getting to know you and doesn't deserve your time. I actually find it rediculous some of the things I've seen women put in their profiles put this word in your message so I know you read my thing etc..etc.. the list goes on and on. And almost all the women's profiles are the same, at least in my area.
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 25
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How hard do you work on POF?
Posted: 5/2/2012 4:07:27 PM
I must dash! Someone has mailed me on .
Maybe it's all related?
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > How hard do you work on POF?