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 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 2
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SwingingPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
How can a single person, be a "swinger"?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 3
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:30:17 AM
Well, the fact that a lot more people are more willing to have casual sex when not in a relationship than there were 30 years ago, that's still quite a bit different from sharing when in a relationship.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 4
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:37:35 AM
For some reason I have been "prewired" for strictly monogamous relationships. But to each his own, I am not going to pass judgment on anyone who enjoys that type of thing.

I would think that swinging is much better for a relationship than a couple "having" to sneak behind each others backs and finding sex.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 5:53:09 AM
I would challenge your notion that "people have become more liberal." In my observation, people as a group have neither become more liberal, nor more conservative. People have always been about the same in their behavior, though they have periodically gotten caught up in talking about things in a different way.

Back in college, I saw and heard tons of people claiming to have all sorts of open ideas about dealing with each other, sexually and otherwise. But the longer I watched, the more I found that 98% of the talk was wishful thinking.

Thus, if you want to have your lifestyle be more accepted by those around you, your only option is, to move somewhere that a larger number of like-minded people already live. That's true whether your "lifestyle" has to do with sexual practices, what you let grow in your yard, what kind of housing you like, what age of people you prefer, or anything else you can think of.

Stop complaining that you can't have your cake and eat it too, is my general attitude. Live your life as you wish, and accept the fact that no matter if you are the most unique person in the world, or the most like everyone else, you will always find people who wont like you because of it.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 6
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 6:04:45 AM
As open-minded as you claim to be, it's a lil' hard to understand why you aren't quite as open to the simple fact that your chosen lifestyle is anathema to the many people (including "liberals") who know that anything less than a monogamous, exclusively intimate relationship with another person is fundamentally detrimental to their own happiness and emotional health. I guess your open-mindedness is just a one-way street, with you standing at the end of it with your pants down around your knees.

"Liberal" does not equal "libertine".


With people becoming more liberal, I am still surprised at the negative connotations towards the lifestyle

So in other words, you think more people should see things your way because they're becoming more liberal, but you're still frustrated by the fact that you can't quite get as much WHATEVER as you'd like to get, from more people.

Meh on your pity post.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 8
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 7:51:33 AM
I've experienced it a few times. After a while I stopped mentioning that I'd done a lot of swinging because of it. Figure people just don't need to know. The last time was while working a construction job. I was working in the shop for a few days while my machine was being repaired. While chatting about this and that in the lunch room I made mention of the fact that I'd done some swinging. Nobody said anything at that point,but later in the shop I noticed some of the guys looking at me strangely,and later one of the mechanics told me a lot of the other guys had some very negative things to say about me. Apparently swinging is still considered rather taboo in some circles.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 12
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 9:02:09 AM

Single men can as much as girls and cples.


Not from what I have heard. Least not in this neck of the woods. More difficult for a single male to enter into this lifestyle...
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 15
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 9:35:21 AM
Capn, from what I have garnered over time, is that couples swing. Single women are much more welcome than males due to bisexuality on the part of the woman. I think for the couples, one wouldn't call it prostitution or cheating as they are both there and fully aware of what is going on and what the other is doing. Singles being there, be it male or female? Not cheating for sure and truly I wouldn't go as far as calling it prostitution. Just another type of lifestyle for some.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 16
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 9:43:48 AM
Capn America, have you ever gone to a club, paid an admission fee, and met someone you later had sex with? By your definition, you'd be a prostitute too as long as the other person also paid an admission fee. Or, if there's no admission fee, bought her a drink? That could be construed as payment if you really want to push the definition almost to absurdity.

I'd also say that your definition of cheating is wrong. If the woman's husband is present, she's not doing anything without his consent. And if she has his permission - whether or not he's there - it's not cheating. It's all consensual. You may not approve or may not want to do so yourself, but that's your choice.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 20
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 10:58:18 AM
People pay far more for memberships at country clubs, and no doubt some have hooked up after the 18th hole. LOL Whatever ... Even marriage could be considered "legalized" prostitution as you pay a license fee to get authorized to fvck!

Cheating is anything hidden from your partner because you know they'd disapprove, because they haven't or wouldn't give consent. You could go off for the night - or the week, for that matter! - with someone else and it wouldn't be cheating IF you have your partner's consent.

And of course, I'm sure even some swingers cheat, despite having the opportunity for sexual variety with consent most of the time. Like anyone, if there's a strong enough attraction, you could act without consent because you know you won't get it. However, I think it's less likely with swingers than with non-swingers who don't have the option of sexual adventure outside the relationship, so do so covertly. I know quite a few swingers, and have discussed their views on this a number of times.
 HappyRocker
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 22
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 1:04:45 PM
I'm a swinger ... could someone cut me down please?
 HappyRocker
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 24
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 1:15:30 PM
Cut me down NOT Burn me down .... If you're gonna be like that I'll just keep hanging around.
 ted61
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 26
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 1:53:20 PM
People, get a hold of your minds! Sex is a PHYSICAL act. It is a physical act that you do in response to an urge. Just like taking a dump. You have an urge to crap, you crap. You have an itch, you scratch . same thing. Do you attach some emotion to crapping? To scratching an itch?


If a man or woman was "kidnapped," tied down and had their genitals stimulated, they would climax, No matter how much they resisted or hated their captor. Some women who are raped, orgasam, and thus don't report the rape as they wrongly think they will be questioned about this. Or they are just embarressed by the fact that they did orgasam.

Everybody masturbates. Do you seriously think you have an "emotional" relationship with your hand or toy?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 29
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 2:28:37 PM
Capn, I think you may want to rephrase your comment just a bit! As worded, it sounds like you do CHOOSE to do this!!


I dont kneel down at work in front of my co-workers to blow my load because its an itch to scratch; its a CHOICE I make.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 30
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:11:25 PM

But, as far as I know, no one I know who is over 50 is currently swigning nor claims it to be a balm on their relationships, as much as I have heard on this thread.

I’m not over 50, but I know several swingers in my city that are. Not sure how active they are anymore, but they are out there.

And as for swinging clubs.. I know of 2. I’ve been to both, just not as a swinger. And guess what??? One is in Quebec. They just don’t call it a swingers club.


Why not call it like it is?
Swingers are,IMO,commitment phobic.

How did you come up with that brilliant piece of logic? Some might be, but that’s not limited to swingers alone. I know a lot of non-swingers that have a problem making a commitment to someone… I dated my share of them! The couples I mentioned above have been married to their spouses for a whole lot longer than many people I know, I’m talking 20-30+ years. To the same spouse. How is that construed as being a commitment phobe?

Swingers usually have a bad reputation and are treated very badly by those on the outside. I’m sure we’ve known people that are swingers, but didn’t know they WERE swingers.

It’s hard to define cheating so that we can unanimously agree on it. Some people view their spouse watching porn or masturbating as being cheating. Some feel if their spouse merely kisses someone on the cheek, that that is cheating. Some go the point of saying if their spouse even THINKS about being with someone else sexually, that is cheating. Frankly my definition works for me. If he’s not comfortable doing it in front of me, chances are he shouldn’t be doing it behind my back.

@Capn_America – I think the reason those relationships you mentioned where your friends tried swinging and it ended badly.. quite possibly they didn’t have a strong relationship to start with. Swinging is not for the faint-hearted. There has to be a strong relationship, good communication and an openness and trust between the two spouses. Swinging can’t save a failing marriage most of the time, just like having a baby won’t bring a couple closer together if the relationship is basically crumbling under their feet. It’s really no different than bringing in a third for a 3some, or having an open relationship or being polyamorous (those are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS that can overlap, but not always).

Oh.. and I giggled over your reaction to your parents having sex. I've never understood that reaction either. I figure if my parents are still getting it on at their age, there is at least some hope I will be too. My brother gets squicked out by it though.. which is fun to watch. Yes.. I am a sadist like that.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 31
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:22:19 PM
First off, I, personally, am not into the lifestyle, but I really don't care what consenting adults do for their personal pleasure.

What I'd like to point out is the fact that it does not seem like people on a whole are becoming more liberal, but rather the opposite. While liberal means basically live and let live, it seems that, again on a whole, views have become more polarized than liberal in the last decade. That applies to religion, politics, racism as well as personal lifestyle choices.

Guess it's a sign of the times and human nature, that the more unsure, volatile and less predictable everything around us humans is getting, the harder most people look for a certain (of course perceived) "stability" (which they do not find in themselves) in recalling and focusing on the so called "traditional" values.

But OP, don't let societal norms and the intolerance of narrow minded, non-liberals keep you away from enjoying your life. You are not breaking any laws and not harming anyone!!!
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 32
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Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:27:57 PM
Studies have shown that swinging couples have happier marriages than monogamous couples.

Swinging is not necessarily the same as free love where you take whatever you can get,, whenever you can get it, wherever you can get it.

Swingers can be committed within the parameters of their relationship and yes single men can be swingers.

My buddy told me his wife wanted a threesome and me to be #3 and thus began the most wonderful years of my life. We never went outside of the boundaries of the threesome. When I was involved it was always as a threesome, never a twosome. There was absolutely no jealousy or cause for jealousy, nothing was hidden or secret one from the others. No need to look outside of the threesome for variety - we had it No fear of STDs, we didn't play around outside of the threesome. It was basically about pleasing her and pleasing her was what pleased us two guys. MFM while not for everyone, was great for us.

It ended with his early accidental demise and I gave the oratory at his funeral. Did anyone else ever know or suspect what was going on? Definitely not. Discretion was the utmost imperative.

What I learned from her and them would make a great book, banned in Boston of course. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Monogamy is not a normal state for many species. The only thing more unnatural than monogamy would be celibacy.

I expect to be pilloried by those who for religious or cultural reason abhor even thinking about it. Would rather answer emails privately
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 37
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:38:42 PM
uugghh i have a friend who is older & not so ...appealing looking anymore who met a man on another site & they both swing...but they are older & both not exactly....appealing looking...I can imagine anyone that pays to go to a club then sees folks like them-ughhh refund time!!!

I also heard that a man can NOT get in UNLESS he has a woman w/ him...

Imagine going to a swing club & no one wants to swing w/ you...LMFAO...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 38
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:16:36 AM

Imagine going to a swing club & no one wants to swing w/ you...LMFAO...

I'd be more worried about going to one and finding no one I wanted to swing with. However, there is oine reason to go to one of those clubs. You can have sex with your partner in a really public venue without fear of getting arrested.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 39
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:06:06 AM
I'd like to add to your reply. If you alloud men to go to house parties, every man in the city would be there. In the lifestyle, women are more acceptable then men are for being bi. I have been in the lifestyle for a few years now, alone and with a partner. Yes this is not for everyone, we understand that. It's not about feelings or jealousy, its about good clean adult fun. Leave your troubles at the door and open your mind we say.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 40
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:13:03 AM
RE: @Capn_America – I think the reason those relationships you mentioned where your friends tried swinging and it ended badly.. quite possibly they didn’t have a strong relationship to start with. Swinging is not for the faint-hearted. There has to be a strong relationship, good communication and an openness and trust between the two spouses. Swinging can’t save a failing marriage most of the time, just like having a baby won’t bring a couple closer together if the relationship is basically crumbling under their feet. It’s really no different than bringing in a third for a 3some, or having an open relationship or being polyamorous (those are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS that can overlap, but not always).

Very well said. Both parties have to talk about the rules and boundaries and swinging is not a quick fix to an already rocky relationship, it will only complicate things. It's for people who trust their partners and can go into it with no feelings, it's only about sex and meeting like minded people. Some people just can't see them selves with the same sexual partner their whole lives.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 41
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:18:34 AM
Not everyone shares your same feelings. Sometimes it's the inner beauty that turns people on. Getting to know them and understanding who they are as a person sometimes far exceeds outer beauty. Just sayin.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 43
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 12:56:34 PM
ot everyone shares your same feelings. Sometimes it's the inner beauty that turns people on. Getting to know them and understanding who they are as a person sometimes far exceeds outer beauty. Just sayin.

In the post just above that, you said:

It's for people who trust their partners and can go into it with no feelings, it's only about sex and meeting like minded people.

If it's just about sex, why wouldn't I want to do it with the most (outwardly) attractive people?. It's the inner attraction that causes problems.

Some people just can't see them selves with the same sexual partner their whole lives.

I gave that a lot of thought before getting engaged, but although I could see myself with other sexual sexual partners, I couldn't see my fiancee with other sexual partners, so I just decided to take the better of the two options and embrace monogamy, since those options were mutually exclusive. I have no opposition to people who are open enough to do that, but i'm just not one of them. I don't have enough incentive to consider opening my mind that far in my own sex life and it's not something I'll ever have to worry about my fiancee bringing up.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 44
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Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 1:25:01 PM

Umm...because they can't seem to stick with ONE person and would have to
easily compartmentalize love and sex and to me,that's simply about being emotionally unhealthy.

Swingers are usually couples though. Couple=commitment. Also, there are a lot more people out there that have healthy sexual relationships with people other than the person they are married to. Polyamorous folk have happy, healthy, emotionally stable, committed relationships with more than one person. But they aren't necessarily swingers. The guys that cheated on me weren't swingers, but were definitely commitment phobes.


But again,I have a right to my opinion....unless the 'POF Police' turn on thier lights and pull me over.

Of course you are... I'm just trying to understand how you got to that point. That's what I do. I try to understand people so that I am better informed. What you said doesn't make any sense to me, so was only trying to figure it out. What you said implied that ALL swingers are commitment phobic and that doesn't mesh with my first hand experience is all.

Kind of like other topics where someone who doesn't fit into a nice neat tidy box for society's sake gets labelled with things that don't mesh with what I know. If it makes you feel better to do that, then by all means continue to do that.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 49
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Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 12:57:30 PM

You say that...and then this in your profile.Now I am very confused.


NO MARRIED WOMEN! I WILL NOT BE A PART OF YOUR INFIDELITY! GET A DIVORCE.
I AM A MAN OF HONOUR AND RESPECT SO PLEASE RESPECT THAT.


This one is a no brainer for me at least anyway. If you are married and your S.O. has no idea you are out having sex with others, that is cheating. If you "both" are in the lifestyle, then you "both" are aware of what the other is doing so I don't consider that to be cheating?
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