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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Blows hot and cold for unknown reason      Home login  
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 cj1957
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 1
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Blows hot and cold for unknown reasonPage 1 of 1    
Backstory....I went to a high school reunion and met a guy there, didn't know each other in school back looong ago. We friend each other on FB and he asks me out when he comes back to town (long haul trucker). He is actually moving a bit faster than I'm used to but in the last two weeks we've spoken on the phone every day and things are going fine. On Monday at lunch he called and said he was looking for jobs here in town, his 14 yo son lives in Canada but he only gets to see him once a month with his schedule.

Something happens Monday night....I think when he spoke to his son he may have started feeling guilty about wanting to move far away. It's like he slammed on the brakes on our budding friendship. He's definitely cooled towards me...my dilemma is he's coming into town tomorrow night and I'm kind of wary....I sure don't want to be his cross country booty call. What we were working towards before was a "relationship"....same hometown, same circle of friends, looking for the same thing etc.

I had offered to cook a pot roast dinner for him when he got here since he has to eat at fast food places on his route. He told me tonight "I know how you girls are, use a home cooked meal to get your hooks in a man"....color me insulted! I was just being nice and what a slap in the face that remark was. And I answered back "what is your problem? I'm not trying to get you to put a ring on it."

Okay guys...what happened here with the hot and cold sudden change?
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 2
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Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/12/2012 6:56:07 PM

I had offered to cook a pot roast dinner for him when he got here since he has to eat at fast food places on his route. He told me tonight "I know how you girls are, use a home cooked meal to get your hooks in a man"....color me insulted!


It's a joke - a stupid one, but a joke nonetheless. It was probably text or e-mail, right?


Backstory....I went to a high school reunion and met a guy there, didn't know each other in school back looong ago.


(confused) you DID NOT know him way back then?
 cj1957
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 3
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Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/12/2012 7:07:03 PM
Large class of '75 and we didn't know each other at school, met at the reunion and talked for two hours within a group.

No, the remark was on the phone. If it was kidding I think it was only semi kidding. This is the 2nd guy I've met in the last year that is full speed ahead, talking about the future, going way too fast and then its like they freak out. Last time I will fall for that. Both times I was the one telling the guys to go slow.

Yes, I will just play it cool when I see him but now I feel kind of guarded and won't be myself like I normally would. I was excited to meet someone in "real" life and not these online dating games....sigh.
 cj1957
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 4
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Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/12/2012 7:18:14 PM
Thanks I'll go check that out. I might have overreacted but that was one of a few things that have been adding up. Well, he could be feeling that way....and it could be mutual.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 5
Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/12/2012 7:42:01 PM

He told me tonight "I know how you girls are, use a home cooked meal to get your hooks in a man"..


This translates into:--> "I'm a rambling man, I'm not used to staying in one place too long, and I'm not going to get in a situation where I'll be tempted to do that!"
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 6
Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/12/2012 7:50:04 PM
I think you are correct.
He is attracted...but can't really move.

I suggest go ahead with the dinner,
but tell him you can't stay up too late.
so he will know to have his own accommodations.

And then just enjoy the dinner.
At a distance...you can't know how things are in a few dates.
But you can still move things along.

You move a pawn.
He moves a pawn.
Even the best can't checkmate on a first move.
 cj1957
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 7
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Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/13/2012 4:56:01 AM
I've gotten some really good input here and I appreciate it. Tonight's the night so we'll see how it goes.

We do talk and listen to each other. He told me there's no reason to stay in Montana (I'm in Texas) and his son is in Canada because he really doesn't get to see his son often. And being a trucker he can get a route from Texas to Canada. He did tell me he felt a little bad about his son and I told him he had to do what was right for him, that his 14 year old should come first. So that was all good.

The reality is with a trucker you don't see them that often anyway so I'm not sure it matters where they live as long as they get a route your way every few weeks or monthly. And honestly that may not be enough for me anyway. He was filling out job applications for Texas on Monday at lunch (not at my request) and was even thinking about getting a local trucking job. It's probably guilt over moving away from his son. And just so you guys know, I wasn't the one making up a relationship in my head...he was the one making those plans and I was saying let's take it as it comes. Like he was talking about how we could remodel my home (he's done that professionally), he wanted to take me to meet his family this weekend etc.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/13/2012 5:18:30 AM
Yeah, it sure sounds like standard "buyers remorse." Look that up too, while you are reading up on human behaviors.

When we are looking at the good stuff we hope to get from a situation, we all tend to let ourselves rush at the rewards without really thinking as deeply as we think we are. Then when we pause and reflect on the price tag, it can bring us up short and fast.

In relationships, especially someone who has been lonely for a while, seeing the chance to end the loneliness can look like a classic mirage in the desert to a thirsty traveler. We rush towards the possible relationship happily, until it occurs to us one day what we will have to give up about being alone, which we hadn't thought of until we were actually on the verge of committing. It can be as small a thing as changing the toilet paper roll, and remembering that our last mate drove us nuts about which way to put the roll on. Or we go to do our laundry, and realize that we might not be allowed to pick the time we want to do it in the future, and will have to start coordinating all sorts of small aspects of our lives with another being.

I know for me, that sort of thing is the biggest concern. It's making me be a lot more cautious about who I even consider contacting, after I get my divorce completed.
Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/13/2012 9:03:56 AM

http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/when-a-guy-withdraws/

this is facile game playing for college kids. its 'solution' is to try to manipulate the partner, rather that regulate one's own feelings.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 10
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Blows hot and cold for unknown reason
Posted: 4/13/2012 9:15:00 AM
Family is always first and foremost.....so heed that information and back off.

Now, in order to make sure that he knows that you have no plans on "hooking" him, order a pizza for dinner and then bid him good bye.

cd
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