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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Don't Get Responses Anymore      Home login  
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 1
Don't Get Responses AnymorePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've been using this website for a while and have contacted too many girls to count. I've had some success with this website, but nothing long-term as of yet. Anyway, when I contact someone on here, if it is someone that I am very interested in, I take my time and write a detailed, personalized message but, if it's someone I'm only slightly interested in, I might just write something real quick to them... maybe even copy and paste a general message. I figure, what is the point of taking up too much time if I'm unlikely to get any response and I'm not all that interested anyway. That's why I only put real effort into contacting girls that I'm really interested in. Anyway, I never used to get responses from more than a fraction of the girls I used to contact, but I got my fair share of responses. Now, though, I can not got anyone to respond to me. I don't recall making any major changes to my profile any time recently and I haven't changed the way I talk to girls when I contact them, but I've been having this problem for a while now. The percentage of responses slowed a lot over the past few months and, over the past month or so, I can not get a single response. What's going on?? Am I blacklisted or something?
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 2
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/15/2012 6:19:48 PM
Don't waste your time writing a detailed, personalized message because that translates " whole life story in one email". Write something of substance, but be direct and to the point.

Get over the paranoia, you have not been blacklisted.
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 3
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/15/2012 6:35:49 PM
@PutYouOnBlast... I was just playing about the blacklisted thing... and when I meant a personalized message, I mean something that's maybe about 5 sentences... definitely not a life story. lol.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/15/2012 7:18:33 PM
I would suggest that you chalk it up to the fact that aside from old guys like me, that there is a certain amount of turnover going on. New members are quite likely to also be different people than the ones who found you worthy of a response.

What you are assuming, is that all people are more or less alike, and that there is never a "clumping effect" going, wherein you will occasionally see a larger than previous number of pickier people show up.

Potential insight: when there's a rush of fresh members, it's usually in response to fresh advertising. When fresh advertising works, it's often because it was placed in a new venue, and thus a different kind of people have been seeing and responding to it by joining up.

After that, there will be the influence of current events, the economy, the seasons, and so forth.
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 5
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/15/2012 7:45:19 PM
Okay Sepaseven, I have two words for you ..More Pictures
another two words, Smile more

Try that.
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 6
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/15/2012 7:51:46 PM
@igorfrankensteen... That is a very interesting response. I understand what you're saying but, based on the large number of profiles that I view and girls that I contact, I don't belive that is it. I have not noticed any major difference in the overall cross-section of the membership that I have been viewing and contacting on the site recently. I generally stick to members within about 35 miles of me (no more than 70 miles), so it's not a location thing either. Those that I contact are still in the same geographic area, same age range, same cross-section of educational attainment, profession, lifestyle, etc..., so I don't think any of that is a factor. It is a very interesting hypothesis though and something I will be looking out for. What you do say may be true in that there may be much more competition from other males, which would explain why it seems like my profile now often doesn't even get viewed by those who I contact, whereas it was usually at least viewed before by those who I contacted. Maybe that's the problem... too many of these ***holes contacting these girls and distracting them. I guess there's nothing I can do about that though.
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 7
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:55:45 PM
Could it be that you used to count on a witty subject line, and now the subject line is changed to Hi? So you got to put that witty subject line on the first line of your email now. Also, the days are now longer and more people are meeting in the real world rather than this internet waste land.
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 8
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/16/2012 12:10:19 AM
I hate to state the obvious but online is pretty much about pics and something original, articulate, unique in the write up.
Pics--lone pic, not good. Not smiling=flat persona, troubled, dull...
Dressing nicely makes one more competitive since the average guy makes no effort.
Look at women or gay men --they at least put effort into how they look, have varied pics, and they get results.
Your stuff is vague--"educator"--put teacher, a bit on that.
Mixed race--elaborate a bit on that.
Do not be vague and too general, as it makes women indifferent vs relating to you.
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 9
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/16/2012 2:56:09 AM
Totally agree with message #9. Sometimes our contacts stall depending on the new fish who have come to market, and if someone is interested they will respond to your messages. Discouragement comes easily on a dating website but with a little faith you may find someone soon.
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 10
view profile
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/16/2012 6:23:11 PM
Women are getting pickier... and they're wise to form/mass emails.
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 11
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/16/2012 6:28:41 PM

Anyway, I never used to get responses from more than a fraction of the girls I used to contact, but I got my fair share of responses. Now, though, I can not got anyone to respond to me. I don't recall making any major changes to my profile any time recently and I haven't changed the way I talk to girls when I contact them, but I've been having this problem for a while now.

You are not the only one.

The percentage of responses slowed a lot over the past few months and, over the past month or so, I can not get a single response. What's going on??

In my experience, the women on this site, and most dating sites in general, have gotten increasingly pickier and more mis-trusting over the last 2 years , and therefore less active in responding, or initiating contact.

I have never had a picture on any dating site I have been on, and while there have always been some women who would not communicate with someone with no picture, it is a much bigger obstacle now than it ever used to be years ago.
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 12
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/16/2012 11:22:23 PM
Sometimes its just better to go out and meet people in the real world as they are more susceptible to being approached for conversation.

With the emerging of the internet phenomena known as online dating, people have developed a sense of security in being able to hide behind the website barrier and be able to easily filter between what they want and don't want. In addition, they become selective to reply to messages because so many messages are received. Although it is considered impolite, ignoring them is much easier than replying back with a message stating disinterest. It's nothing personal and you should treat it as a grain of salt.

Just remember that the amount of men on this site far surpasses the amount of women, which means the same person you have messaged has already received a plethora of messages prior to yours, and then some afterwards. I can imagine that it becomes a chore to sift through it all.
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 13
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/16/2012 11:25:04 PM
Be thankful that you are a male and don't need to go through hundreds of messages to find the right ones which appear interesting enough to deserve a reply.
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 14
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/18/2012 10:00:03 PM
And How is that worse than being male and having to go thru hundreds of profiles to find a few worth writing to, only to have those messages deleted unread?
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 15
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/19/2012 7:35:14 PM
Maybe the people have seen you on here for a number of years and wonder why you are still single after being here that long? They don't necessarily think you're a bad catch, they might think you're too picky or something.
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 16
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:09:32 PM
Thank you to all of you who replied. I'm going to take some advice on a few of the things you mentioned.
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/24/2012 6:38:00 PM
One thing I learned is you get more responses by spending two or three months on one dating site and then going to another than by spending all of your time on one site. Keep POF in a rotation of sites. You always get more responses in your first month or two on a site before it gets dull. But if you go to another site (while still keeping a profile here in case somebody is interested in you) and come back here in eight or nine months it will be fresh again. This strategy works for me.

Also, find a way to keep your messages and profile humorous. You don't have to be a comedian but women are more likely to respond when a message and profile is funny. Basically this site is for setting up a quick fifteen to thirty minute meet at a coffee shop or restaurant. All things being equal, a woman would rather spend those fifteen minutes with a guy she thinks will make her laugh.
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 18
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/26/2012 11:18:51 AM
Sepaseven, I'm getting the same results... or non results in either case with POF. Joined in the begining of this
year and haven't had any real responses. I've improved my profile and made a lot of changes to make it look
more attractive, uploaded several pics with me smiling, and I have messaged lots and lots of women. There have
been little or no profile views and as they say here women are getting too picky.

I'm a rather decent looking guy, or at least that's what they tell me and I'm happy with my physical condition, I'm not overweight and try to stay in shape. I've also messaged girls within 20 miles or even 35 but it's the
same thing. I also consider other aspects that you mention trying to contact only users with same lifestyles or similar interests, I always read their message filtering requirements and
keep the messages respectful.
I've even consulted some of my friends who know a lot about this stuff but no one has been able to give me a real answer so far or a solution.
Don't get angry at the competition sepaseven calling them ass holes, the same as you they may also be single and in need of a partner. The same as these muscular guys showing off their bodies in a mirror, I believe each person has his own stuff to attract the opposite sex.
Heck! I've seen short men, older men, ugly men, apparently unattractive men with incredibly beautiful girls.
And they weren't necesarily rich men. Some of them, had I seen them by themselves I would have thought
to myself : She's out of my league!"
Your own experience seeing these types of couples will support this.

But will we find her in one of these dating sites one day? By the looks of it so far...I doubt it. It's harder for a woman in real life, perhaps at your local coffee shop, supermarket or gas station to ignore you if you have the balls to go talk to her than here just sifting through the dozens of emails they recieve each day on these online dating sites.

I'm starting to realize dating sites are just too good to be true, for both men and women. They just can't deliver.

Totally agree with msg 15. It was quite an unwitty statement of being
lucky not having to go through hundreds
of messages as compared to not getting ANY responses at all.
A woman in that case would at least get a guy willing
to date her who perhaps is not extraordinare but
is decent. If you don't recieve any interests or
replies you get no options, no dates, NADA.

LOL msg 17: "Girls have to go about the Sisyphean task
of finding someone that is not a total creep..."
And also, for a beautiful or even reasonable type of
woman is a Sisyphean task to go through dozens of
messages recieved every day. Imagine in one month, if she's
a 9 or a 10!! That's close to the 1000 mark !
BTW, You sound as if you're insulting all the competition,
calling sh*t birds to other members is not only appear
disrespectful and condescending but you also seems you are a bit angry too

To message 18: I don't think that's the case. I joined
in february and uploaded a picture and everything and
I'm also having the same problem.

To Message 20: I think laughter is good to break the ice and
everything but overrated nevertheless.
it's good to be humorous and even sarcastic sometimes,
because we like to be around ppl who are like that.
And even most girls say they want to meet a funny guy and
what not but not sleep with them. In the end, that's not
what they want. Look at your average comedian guy, they're
not very known for being handsome or for pulling a lot of
stuff. Never listen
to what a woman says or thinks she wants in a man too
attentively. They don't even know what they want. With
all due respect to the ladies posting in here too. :P
But that's just talking from experience.

Back to the initial topic, most girls here won't even reply a HI
to you even when they're online in the chat room. So I don't
know what's really the deal.
I'm still trying out some new things here to see what happens but
I will most likely close my account if the results are the same.
Anyway, good luck to all you guys in the same situation!
Joined: 5/10/2010
Msg: 19
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Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/27/2012 9:51:51 AM
I've been on this site for a few years, not met up with any one yet. This is not a dating site, the profiles that are meant to have viewed me, and the ones that are meant to be my matches never respond, just plain ignorant.
Much better people in the forums.
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 20
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/29/2012 10:54:18 AM
I may be restating another post in this string, but people seem to basically bring their real world habits to the online dating. They're doing the same thing here that they do in public, disregarding people based on a quick review of an image and a few words, or looking for someone that they perceive has "it". Yes, I can understand a really bad picture can make you look like an idiot or spaced out, but if the picture is o.k., and you are not a jerk in your communications, it seems that some online conversations should get going, then of course a meeting. The ladies must be talking to someone in that mailbox full of responses. Why are they picking those men? We all have certain things we are attracted to, but those things aren't necessarily in these profiles. I think people need a new social place to connect where it's not a bar, meat-market, etc. We need a place where people really have conversations and get to know each other outside of work and some of the other places that offer the chance to get to know each other, but present other complications. I have had very few responses in online dating, so I think sepaseven8 has done relatively well and maybe it's just cyclical as others have suggested.
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 21
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/29/2012 11:18:09 AM
You've emailed everyone there is to email.

There is no one left.

Or else your just so much of a hunk the girls are too shy to respond.

Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 22
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 4/30/2012 9:13:54 PM
I have the same problem. I have written a multitude of messages to dozens of girls. I've done long,short,detailed and vague. I either get a profile view and nothing or one message back that leads nowhere. Not sure what to do.
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 23
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 5/6/2012 6:15:51 PM
I couldn't agree with you more moviemaniac83! I spend a ton of time looking at their profile and then asking them questions based on their discription but only rarely get a response... Those guys who do send really short or really crude messages should really learn some manners. Not only is it creating problems for them but it's creating problems for everybody.
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 24
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 5/7/2012 3:42:09 AM
Most people don't know what they want. Their attention and intellect are so limited that they're unable to make most decisions, the slightest of those extending a thanks for your e-mail. If you have been around long enough, you're likely to recede to the back of the queue as newer members get the benefit of being diminutively advertised until their free subscription fails them, too.
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 25
Don't Get Responses Anymore
Posted: 5/7/2012 5:53:54 PM
No one gets responses on here.
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