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 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 1
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Pushing for yahoo messenger.Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
So I take the initiative to e-mail someone who indicated he wanted to get to know me via the automated message. He responded very positively telling me how much he was interested in getting to know me and then bam he insists I take the time to download yahoo messenger so we can get to know each other better. The problem is I already indicated that I don’t use any type of messenger and prefer to get to know people through POF e-mail as we are doing right now and/or to meet in person.

If you were really interested in someone would you insist on a form of communication that makes the person you are interested in uncomfortable? Why even waste all that time talking about how to get to know each other instead of actually getting to know each by simply responding to my initiation?

I don’t like messengers because I like to have the freedom to really think about what I’m reading and responding and I’m not a fast typer. Is that so bad and unacceptable? Is the difference between e-mail and messenger that big? I just would like some feedback.

I just felt really pressured and also got some red flags on the wording as it sounded too demanding. If he just continued talking to me we would have already begun to get to know each other and in my imagination met in person ASAP.
 InMyOwnTime25
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 2
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:29:36 PM
I've had people who have tried to make me use skype instead of msn or facebook chat, but I prefer the other two.. as long as we can talk I don't get why someone would be insistent on a certain type of messenger.. it shows they might be controlling.
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 3
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:30:56 PM
You are right! You are free to select how to communicate with people. Do not let any man from here take that freedom from you.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 4
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:31:08 PM
A LOT of the guys who insist on Yahoo Messenger right away are scammers. That seems to be their preferred method of communication.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 5
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Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:39:53 PM
Oh wow. To hear these responses makes me feel so much better cause I noticed many of the scammers use the incorrect grammar. I remember how they say "I will like to get to you know better". I got red flags when he said "I will like you to take the time to download yahoo messenger." And his profile did not seem the type to make that error.
 DeerTaint
Joined: 4/3/2012
Msg: 6
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:41:50 PM
LOL it sounds like a male sex bot...or Borat. Very niiiice.
 notdating-forumsonly
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 7
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:42:35 PM
He didn't care to listen- simply delete him/ block him
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 8
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Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:46:27 PM
And he seemed so perfect. I am so (cursing) tired of this.
 optimismfirst
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 9
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:50:25 PM
he wants you on cam so you can give him a show.
if some one pushes that hard, they either want to flash you what they have
or ask you to do something.
 Vardøger
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 10
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:02:56 PM

I got red flags when he said "I will like you to take the time to download yahoo messenger."


Yep, it's a scammer.

I figured out my own little diabolical means of dealing with nigerian-esque scammers. When I start receiving emails with pictures of russian models, I start sending pictures of the african actors in the movie "the gods must be crazy", and claiming it is me.

fun stuff.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 11
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:45:42 PM
When I first started using the internet, I used to get a lot of men pushing me to use certain messengers. I learned, very quickly, not to accept their chats, or use the messengers they wanted me to use because a lot of them just want to cam flash me their junk. It's just rude and disrespectful.

Don't let any man dictate how you communicate with him....you comminicate the way that makes you the most comfortable. If these guys continue to push....delete and block them.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 12
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Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:59:07 PM
Advice to fellow guys.

The first priority in meeting the right woman is to make her feel comfortable and secure with you. Make her know you are genuine and respectful. You can 'wow' or impress her later but always be aware that she needs that 'easy' feeling before she gets to know you better.

This means communicating on her terms and meeting at a time and place of her liking. There's nothing wrong with suggesting a means of communicatioin but always add something like 'if you are comfortable with it'. Bottom line...always respect her concern over her safety, etc. The worse that can happen to us guys is we end up with the date from Hell...at least it makes a good story. In contrast, a woman can end up with some weird stalker, pervert or predator of some type.
 SilverLight
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 13
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/20/2012 10:22:37 PM
Sciencetreker...excellent post. We ARE more careful. It's in our nature. Men push us along, and it feels wrong. There is a reason for that.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 14
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Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 12:01:25 AM
I agree. I was very disappointed but I said no thanks immediately. Unfortunately, 15-20 years ago I would have either bargained or given in. It’s so important to use common sense and listen to your instincts.
 VB_Mermaid1974
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 15
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 8:21:27 AM

The first priority in meeting the right woman is to make her feel comfortable and secure with you. Make her know you are genuine and respectful. You can 'wow' or impress her later but always be aware that she needs that 'easy' feeling before she gets to know you better.

This means communicating on her terms and meeting at a time and place of her liking. There's nothing wrong with suggesting a means of communicatioin but always add something like 'if you are comfortable with it'. Bottom line...always respect her concern over her safety, etc. The worse that can happen to us guys is we end up with the date from Hell...at least it makes a good story. In contrast, a woman can end up with some weird stalker, pervert or predator of some type.



EXACTLY!!! I wish that more men would talk your advice Sciencetreker.
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 16
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 9:11:27 AM
Personally, I like to use YM right away. Seriously, I don't want the person to "think about what he's going to say" I think that messenger/videochat is a MUCH better indicator of what he is really like than en email.... though certainly not as good as an actual meetup.

I will very rarely exchange more than an email or two with someone before offering/requesting messenger. It just allows us to discover more quickly if we want to meet.

If someone does not want to use messenger or phone or skype then I start to think that there is something screwy with them as to why they they are reluctant to communicate in real time. I'm not saying that I want to sit glued to chat for hours on end... but 10 minutes on chat with interactive conversation can accomplish more than weeks of emailing back and forth.

Now the only exception is if someone does not want to IM, but they actually want to meet right away and their one or two emails and their profile have been impressive. If that's the case, then sure I'm flexible and will dispense with the IM and go right into a meetup because after all the POINT of all this is to actually MEET.

Also as for scammers using incorrect grammar, YES big red flag. I always take the time to find out where the person is from before jumping to the conclusion that they're a scammer. If he says he's foreign born then I'm OK with poor grammar, but if he's trying to pass himself off as American born, then It's a HUGE red flag.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 17
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:22:48 AM
OP: I discontinue the conversation once it reaches that point. If they can't be bothered to formulate well constructed sentences with polysyllabic words with care and patience, then they don't deserve your attention.

The onus is on you to reject them, for it is not your wish to converse with such people.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 18
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:24:52 AM

I figured out my own little diabolical means of dealing with nigerian-esque scammers. When I start receiving emails with pictures of russian models, I start sending pictures of the african actors in the movie "the gods must be crazy", and claiming it is me.


I bet the Moroccan men behind the scam...scream.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 19
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Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:31:06 AM
I've had people insist I download yahoo.
Then, when it is installed, they don't even chat. So yahoo just takes up space, takes forever to load up at the start and is generally a nuisance on the taskbar... just one more thing that bugs you during your day.

No more messengers for me.

I like composing emails.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 20
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:32:32 AM
I agree that IM or videochat is good to further scope out the guy and to "communicate in real time" as Serendipity said. But truly, after seeing the same pattern of scammers for 5 years on the pay sites, I see them using Yahoo Messenger almost exclusively. Ironically, people here say that the pay sites are for the more "serious" men, but personally, I have been contacted by more scammers and fakes from those sites than on PoF.

If the guy to whom you are chatting/emailing fits more than a few of the following, he may be a scammer:
- His photo is attractive (and also not his, of course)
- He's either divorced or widowed, and depending on the age group he's targeting, usually with 1 child around 12-13.
- He's originally from a country outside the US - they usually pick France, Ireland or Germany.
- He describes himself as self-employed or an entrepreneur, or says he has a good job, making from $75K on up.
- He wants to send you a lot of photos of his house, cars, etc. to "prove" his material wealth (and of course those pics are not his).
-He claims to be living in your city, town or region - but if you ask any specific questions, like "Oh, I see you live in X, what part of town do you live in?" he will ignore your questions, and then get mad. Any time you try to nail him down by asking specific questions about something he claims, he will ignore your questions, act all hurt ("don't you trust me?") or get mad.
-He uses very flowery, romantic language in his initial cut-and-pasted message to you - and then continues with the drippy puppies-and-rainbows stuff when he is talking to you. Apparently that works like a charm on some women, so these guys really go over the top, and they come on really strong right away, before they even know anything about you.
-He almost always says that he wants you to contact him on Yahoo because he's not renewing his membership on the paid site - or, on a free site, that he doesn't come here often and wants to be contacted outside of the site. Now, legit guys will also say that, but the scammers say it right up front, because they know that their profile will be deleted pretty soon when they are reported to the site.
- He is either traveling overseas on business, just got back from overseas, or is just getting ready to go.

I have found it rather amusing to play along when I am contacted by one of these bozos, to see how deep a hole they will dig for themselves in telling lies, and how fast they disappear when they realize I have busted them. When I am sure they are not legit (because I am getting the same story/messages/photos/ etc. as I have had before!), I will report them to the website while I'm chatting with them. In every case, their profiles are gone within 24 hours - unfortunately, they will soon be back with a new profile and targeting someone else.
 Vardøger
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 21
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 11:58:31 AM

I bet the Moroccan men behind the scam...scream.


Unsurprisingly, it does very little to dissuade them from continuing to try and contact me.

What I have found to work without a doubt, when I eventually tire of trying to read the accidental poetry between the lines of their gibberish, is to send them emails from other scammers.

I did that to one and received an email in return that said, "fvck you you stupid idiot."

I was, like, "aww, don't be mad because you're the worst scammer ever."

Seriously though, the confused over a coke bottle tribesman from the gods must be crazy has so many metaphorical meanings in this particular context.
 RT_2
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 22
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 12:46:13 PM
I agree with post #17.

It is good to take things from email to realtime conversation soon.

Endless emails are a waste of time.

Taking things away from this site should be a benefit to women who don't want the increase in attention from being "online now".

I would be suspicious of anyone who displays the OP's inability or unwillingness to respond in a timely manner.

The communication method should be comfortable for both people.

Yahoo has millions of legitimate, non perv users, for example ATT users.
 _SighNoMore_
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 23
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 1:04:50 PM
I agree. BBM, yahoo messenger, msn, facebook even texting, I have found are usually just a waste of time and lead to nothing but mindless dabble until you get get bored and stop speaking and then delete them. Telephone conversation or meeting is the way to go. If they cant speak to you on the phone then how are they going to speak to you in person? Thats what I think.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 24
Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 2:12:32 PM

I don’t like messengers because I like to have the freedom to really think about what I’m reading and responding and I’m not a fast typer.

The first part though -- you don't like talking on the phone? You need to plot out answers to things, etc? :) As far as not being a fast typer, you can just let them know... and let them know you're busy, too, so they won't be taken aback by delayed responses.

In the end, I think you're being too neurotic about it... seriously. Relax. It's communication. You don't need to plot & scheme about every little thing or worry about saying the wrong word combinations, etc.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 25
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Pushing for yahoo messenger.
Posted: 4/21/2012 11:12:23 PM

I discontinue the conversation once it reaches that point. If they can't be bothered to formulate well constructed sentences with polysyllabic words with care and patience, then they don't deserve your attention.
The onus is on you to reject them, for it is not your wish to converse with such people.

Absolutely and I have. There were only 2 e-mails. As soon as he shifted gears (with the messenger BS) and broke the flow of the conversation it was over for me. His English was excellent. At the same time I caught the “I will...” grammar slip that I have heard before from a million other fake profiles.

Laughing at Confident-Realist. Okaaay.
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