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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Single or Divorced      Home login  
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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Single or DivorcedPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
There are a fair number of people who have posted here, that it is intensely important to them, that you differentiate between "divorced" and "single." For them, how you feel isn't pertinent.

I understand myself, even though I'm still working towards my own first and last divorce, that it is significant, whether a person feels that their life is still based on how they relate to the one who came before or not. I am already done thinking about my ex, and I'm still only separated. Some long divorced people I know, still grind their teeth every time the subject of their marriage comes up.

Another consideration is, what left over obligations one has after divorce. Children yet to be raised are an obvious consideration, financial obligations are also.

All in all, since SOME people put up a fuss about a divorced person claiming to be single, but (so far) no one has complained the other way, I would say that it makes sense to cater to the people who are so intense about the single label being reserved for "never married" types.
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 4
Single or Divorced
Posted: 4/23/2012 1:12:37 PM
after you signed the divorce decree..your single now...So you have been single for 17
Single or Divorced
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:42:45 PM
Either you've been married or not...I agree with the others when they say it's black and white.

I'm curious though, why would checking off divorced even be a concern.,.it's a legal status not a state of mind...or is it?

Look at it from an alternative perspective:

Doesn't being divorced convey an ability and willingness to commit to a marriage with the intent of sharing your lifetime in the most intimate ways with someone. It may not always end there but I'm sure nobody goes into a marriage with the intent of divorce. Divorce is something that people understand happens for various reasons.

Whereas when you see a profile that lists single at my age (42) don't you wonder why??? Because, yes, I'm single and yes, I'm asked all the time how come I'm single...I've been asked if I'm sure I'm single...I've been asked if I have commitment issues...I've been asked why nobody wanted me...I've been asked what's wrong with me...I've been told I must be defective...and the best one...I've been told I must love to play hard since I'm still single...LMAO

It's ridiculous of course, but it happens...people's imaginations can be very creative at filling in the blanks when the question of why slinks in, regardless of which status legally applies...LOL

If it wasn't an outright lie, I might have checked off divorced...just to study if there is a difference in the approach.

that's my two cents... :)
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 12
Single or Divorced
Posted: 4/27/2012 4:51:57 AM
Court gives you a Divorce Decree and the divorced label - duh simple.

Some people come out psychologicaly and financialy damaged from a divorce. Other just go on to the next partner for companionship and/or sex. Divorce to me is like getting a key to the candy store.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 14
Single or Divorced
Posted: 4/30/2012 6:19:07 PM

I'm single.. never married.

if I had an ex husband i'd be divorced.

Black and white

Really???? How about common law. I have NEVER been married,though I was in a long term relationship with the mother of my child. I call her my ex,even though,again, NEVER been married.

Are we into the shades of grey yet??????
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 15
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Single or Divorced
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:35:42 AM
the way i look at it, if you have been married and still have minor children, then you are divorced.. once your children are no longer your financial responsibility you COULD put single if you so desire, although for me, it wouldnt make a blind bit of difference either way...

seperated however is a totally different matter...
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 17
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Single or Divorced
Posted: 5/1/2012 9:10:05 AM
Single here means never married.... not unattached.
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 19
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Single or Divorced
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:19:40 AM
No, single does not mean never married. I’ve been wondering about this cause it’s been 21 years since I’ve been divorced after a seven year marriage. No ties, no kids, nothing.

It was interesting reading this post but jeep1127girl and a few others are right. I did some research and in my state you are considered “single” once your divorce is finalized. However, you are in the process of a divorce during the waiting period. If you are in that period you would select divorced. After that it's up to your discretion.

I have no problem sharing my past with people but you are not labeled as divorced for the rest of your life (as in a "criminal record") once the state recognizes you as single. Here is one of many links supporting this argument:

“A divorce (also called "dissolution of marriage" or "dissolution of domestic partnership") ends your marriage or registered domestic partnership. After you are divorced, you will be single, “ (¶4).

Under the “Six-Month Waiting Period” it states:
“In California, you must wait six months before you can be single again.”

“That date is the date your divorce is effective, the date that you are single, and not one day before.”
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 23
Single or Divorced
Posted: 7/15/2012 11:16:45 AM
I agree if you were once married and then divorced then you are not single and people have a right to know the truth if they are going to date you or want even more, you are lieing if you say you are single once you are married you give up the status of ever being single again, and more for the fact you may have children with your ex husband/wife so be honest or remain "single' for good, well put VeeDub :)
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 24
Single or Divorced
Posted: 7/15/2012 11:18:27 AM
your right that is your oppion and you have a right to it but by law once married you are never single you are separated or divorced period
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 25
Single or Divorced
Posted: 7/15/2012 11:19:06 AM
amen sista i totally agree with you
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