Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > I have never been on a blind date!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
I have never been on a blind date!Page 1 of 1    
I stuggle to find the confidence in myself to think of spontanious conversation due to fear of rejection. I can not cope with the thought of someone not liking me, and I hate awkwardness! Is confidence everything?


Yes, the courage to take some risks and still initiate communication is everything, most guys have to do that constantly..

Soo, go out to your local social meetup groups and mingle with all of the other 20-somethings there, until you feel comfortable enough with some to actually make new friends..
Also work on yourself to become more the way you wish to be over the next year, then you will begin to gain more confidence and as you mature with experience you will be able to talk with new people and better handle your fear of rejection, like most everyone has to learn to do...
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 5
view profile
History
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/22/2012 11:37:06 AM
You could just start going on these dates.. the more you do the quicker you will get comfortable in these situations.
Have fun! :)
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 8
view profile
History
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/22/2012 1:50:46 PM

I can not cope with the thought of someone not liking me, and I hate awkwardness! Is confidence everything?


Welcome to life. Tough call - if you're too confident, it might turn off some guys that are feeling the same way as you, shy and awkward when meeting someone for the first time. I'll admit that if someone seems shy and timid on their first meet with me, then I think there's reasons for having a second date. And maybe a third.....to find out more! It really comes down to how comfortable you feel with that person, and whether or not you could see yourself opening up more and more, and becoming more comfortable over time - if the answer is yes, GOOD! That's dating - as much as people speak of instant attraction and everything just "clicks"....it's not how it works for a lot of us, it takes a few times to meet and figure out if this is someone we'd like to see more of - that's why it's called dating. Sometimes you know right away if you want/don't want to ever see the person again, but a lot of times you're unsure. You want them to tell you all the reasons why/why not you should see them again, but you're hesitant to do the same....now flip sides of the table at the restaurant and that's how they're feeling.
 TheCoolGreenMoss
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 9
view profile
History
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/22/2012 2:34:55 PM
Forget the pressure of a date... you drink coffee yes? (or will have a****ail, smoothie...etc).. Go meet one of these guys for a short in/out cup/drink.. No date.. could be a perfect stranger sitting next to you. Try that - arrange the date later.

Am guessing you're shy/hesitant not because you don't know them (after all, we are often around/interacting with people we don't know, every day) but rather because you think they might not like you..? Even more reason to have quick meet-n-greets and dates (if there's a match) later.

Give it a try - it works like a charm.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/22/2012 3:26:13 PM
I know those fears well, OP. The only reason I can function in the world now, is that I'm so damn old, that I no longer have that much potential future to imagine I'm losing.

But to directly address your conversational fears:

Practice on people who you are NOT trying to date. Talk to cashiers at the store, waiters and waitresses, strangers on the metro, whoever happens by. Start out by simply smiling and saying hi to people as you pass. Eventually, talking about nothing in particular, or small things that interest you, or why you have an umbrella on a bright sunny day, will be second nature to you.

I've found that there isn't much that can cushion the blow of rejection, other than having it done often enough that you no longer fear that it will cause your death. Maybe assume that your first ten meets will be practice runs would help.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Also, practice my favorite four letter word: "Oops!" I usually follow it with a short apology of some sort, and that seems to work when I do screw up a situation.

Oh, and one last thing, some guys find awkwardness and nervousness from the woman to actually be flattering. they might attribute it to their being SO attractive to you, that you can barely stay vertical. Which is also something many of them hope will change shortly.
 koolaid_007
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 13
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/23/2012 4:27:57 PM
I can only give you advice on my past experiences. and I am also very confident. But if you can go into the date with the mind set of not caring. Seriously its the best way to think in situations like these. Who cares if he does not like you. Just be you and do what you would normally do. Don't be someone you are really not. Think of it this way, what is the worst that will happen? lets see: Free food/dinner, free drinks (assuming he is going to pay? Don't know about these kids today) and the absolute worst thing that could happen is him not liking you. So if he doesn't then just move on. You cant dwell on things you have no control over. Either he will like you or not. Just my thoughts. Good Luck!!
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 14
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/23/2012 7:50:19 PM
OP, you have nothing to lose here. The worst thing that could happen is one person ( or both ) isn't interested and there isn't another date.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 15
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/26/2012 10:21:14 PM
what you are describing is insecurity. We all get rejected for something in life. At 23 you may have been sheltered; many have been; and when they have to handle life's hardships it makes them very anxious.

No one has died or even been injured or maimed by rejection. The worst think that he can say is no. Once you can be secure enough in yourself to handle possible rejection, then you will be whole enough to make a great partner. I hope things work out.
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 16
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/26/2012 10:38:55 PM
I'd say test the waters,it might be easier than you think.
And there's a pretty good chance,your date is just as nervous as you.
Once you get past the anxiety/anticipation factor,it should become more comfortable.
If the two of you have some chemistry GREAT...if not,no big deal.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 17
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/27/2012 11:31:37 AM
Are turning down dates or are you not getting dates? If you are turning down dates, stop that! If you are not getting dates, then this is a different issue. Which is it?
 Falcool
Joined: 5/29/2011
Msg: 18
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/28/2012 7:15:25 AM
One of my best dates was a blind double date. Helping a friend when I really didn't want to. Turns out we had a great time with top shelf conversation. Just jump in there and let nature do the rest.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 20
I have never been on a blind date!
Posted: 4/28/2012 9:54:51 AM
I can not cope with the thought of someone not liking me, and I hate awkwardness! Is confidence everything?


No matter who you are or what you look like, not everyone you meet will like you. Do you like everyone you meet? Of course not. It's not the end of the world.

As far as confidence goes, you've got to fake it 'til you make it. Confidence will come with age and experience. You're still very young---you've got plenty of time to perfect yourself. Good luck.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > I have never been on a blind date!