Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Fellow men, have you felt this way also??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hi G,

No way do I want kids. I let my 2 younger siblings have all of the Drama and Chaos in their lives. Yes, there have been some rewards for their Parenting, but in my Family, there are 2 spoiled brat Nieces, with severe Entitlement issues. To me, as I look back on my life now, it would not have been worth it for me.

One Sibling went thru a nasty Divorce, and has ongoing severe Visitation problems, due to other Complications and Legalities.

At the end of the day, it's your decision.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 3
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 1:36:23 PM
OP - ur 32 man - I didn't have my first children till I was 33. then we got divorced.. now they live with me..


someday I'll probably have some more kidos...



don't worry man you're a man , you can make babies forever...
 neck romancer
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 1:59:17 PM
Thats interesting.. what do you attribute the change in perspective to?

I Myself never wanted children so cant comment on this.
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 2:22:53 PM
iam 27 going on 28 i have one daughter shes 6 that fine i love her with all my heart and she number one but now iam way older i will never have any more kids iam to old to be chases babbys and dipper duty up all night cant sleep cant have a life no way will i have kids no way maby all change but idk i should have had kids when i younger and could keep up with them
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 3:03:19 PM
Please don't listen to the old tale that men can make babies forever, sperm gets old just like eggs and can be a problem with the child that results. That old tale needs to die.

I applaud people who don't have children if they don't want them. No baby should be born as unwanted or only kind of tolerated, etc., and while I'm not assuming all unplanned pregnancies are resulting in unwanted children, it's that children are not easy to raise and making mistakes can damage children badly, so if it's not a whole-hearted effort, it's a good idea to skip it.

I don't know why it would keep you from finding someone over any other deal-breaker between a couple, lots of women don't want to have children.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 3:16:00 PM
I've never been on the fence. I've always known even as a wee kid myself that parenthood is not for me and I don't envy those with kidlets either.
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 10
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 3:45:50 PM
I've go back and forth. It kind of depends on the friend and how shitty their family is. haha
 RERE1026
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 4:45:02 PM
Dear Grant, In the beginning, I really did not think a child in my circumstances or dreams was a good idea BUT the inevitible happened and I had a son. That was the BEST thing that ever happened in my life. He kept me going when everything in my life was becoming a challenge.....because you HAVE TO! He gave me unconditional love a child gives when things are not the way you wish. For me, he helped me through difficult times because as a mother, you have to do what you have to. I never thought having a child would give me such strength to grow. I can just tell you how it was for me.
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 10:04:59 PM
kids are evil you cant have a life with kids
 gigigrongbell
Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 13
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/22/2012 11:36:44 PM
I watched a woman on a talk show get blasted for not feeling it after the birth of her child. She said everyone around her was having babies. She didn't feel the desire to be a mother but felt it was the thing to do, being as all around her friends were having babies. She thought maybe once the baby was born she would feel differently. She didn't. She said, "it wasn't all it was cracked up to be." The audience gave a hiss of disapproval that she might even hint it was less than 'the best thing she'd ever done with her life.'
I have several friends (female) who chose not to have children and are now past the age where it's possible. They are happy with their choices and I say good for them. You shouldn't have children if you don't want them and no one should make you feel differently than you do. Besides, being the best auntie or uncle is pretty great for them.
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/23/2012 9:27:14 PM
maybe your perspective changed because you matured, observed, and realized that now you don't want children. many young couples do the baby thing because it is expected, they see it happening with their friends, etc. but they are not making the decision based on really knowing themselves. perhaps that is your case in the past and that is why you have changed perspectives.
kaylee
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/24/2012 5:37:16 PM
I never changed my mind about children. A NEVER will either. If I had my way I would have a hundred of em.(I'm serious here). The problem that I've always had was that there always seem to be the requirement that a woman had to involved somewhere along the lines.

Some people are not meant to be parents. Those that have "second thoughts" are probably some of them. There is no better gift that the love,mind and heart of child. Not one thing. Again,my opinion only.

Oh,for those that can't "wait" for their weekends "alone". Just imagine having 52 of them every year for the rest of your life. Still happy????
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 4/24/2012 7:59:15 PM
I love kids and want them in my life but I never wanted to have kids and raise them. It is great when other people want to have kids but I also respect people who choose not to have any. I can't stand being judged and labeled for not wanting to have kids although often I think the some of the ones who choose not to have them would make far better parents than some parents who have children for selfish or wrong reasons.
 YayForBeer
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 9:34:10 AM
OP - I couldn't agree with you more. I've never felt the need.

I will be thrilled to be an Uncle to my brother's kid(s) when he and his wife have them, and I think my Cousin's newborn girl is absolutely adorable.

But I have no desire to ever have children.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 12:27:45 PM
I thoroughly enjoyed being a dad...I still do in fact. My daughter is 27 and has turned out quite nicely... However I will not date a woman with minor children under the age of 17-18...In my experience they seem not to have the time to devote to a dating relationship... There's just too much to work around for my tastes.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 22
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/22/2012 3:04:28 PM
When I was 32, that was the time I considered having kids. It didn't happen and started losing the desire for it 4 or 5 years later. I understand exactly what you're saying, though for me, it apparently happened a little bit later than it is happening to you.

I guess I burnt my fatherly instincts by mentoring and tutoring 3 kids (15, 10 and 30) at different times on or after that. It was a very rewarding experience for me and, if you think you might enjoy doing that, I highly recommended. You make great friends in the process.
 newonthescene76
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 5/23/2012 4:56:02 AM
For me, I've only once ever felt like I wanted to have children and this was due to the man I was dating and not for a need to have children. It shocked the heck out of me because I had never considered having kids. So for me, it was really because of the love that I felt for this man and me wanting to create something with him. After we broke up I wasn't as militant about not having children, but I realized that if I was to have a child it would be because of my partner and not for an innate need to have children. Perhaps this is what you are experiencing.
 Jason022679
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 25
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:24:33 PM
Those guys that you envy for having kids are looking at you saying "what a lucky guy" for not having kids. Everyone who has kids always says it's the best thing that ever happened to them but is it the best thing that ever happened to the kid? In other words, divorced couples have torn apart a childs life. While they still may love them, they have also hurt them.

I don't have any kids but rather a nice house, truck, boat and all the free time I can handle. If I met the right girl and felt "we" could provide a loving household then sure, I wouldn't mind having kids. However, if I never have kids I'm ok with that as well. It's sad to see all the mistreated kids in Wal-Mart who will eventually grow up to rob me. Sad sad...
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:58:13 PM
I never wanted kids - it wasn't that I didn't like them or didn't want the crimp in my lifestyle as much as I didn't think I would be a good mum. I never got the hang of 'kid speak' and really envy those people who can naturally step into a kidsspace.

And then I had my Most Interesting Year - married, pregnant, divorced and gave birth within 12 months. Wowzer.

In the months where I was pregnant and alone, definitely not ever how I had planned how my life would go **grins** I laid awake at night worried about the awesome responsibility of launching a human being in the world. I really worried whether I going to be able to do this well. I really wanted to be a good parent, but sometimes you suck at something no matter how badly you want to do well at it... and I was afraid this would be one of those things. She wasn't even born yet and her parents had messed up her life. Great start, eh?

But yanno, in the moment she was born I felt my life's priorities effortlessly and instantaneously alter. It was the most extraordinary feeling. In that moment I "got" what love is. I "got" how my parents loved me. I don't think anyone can really get it until they have their kid. It's kinda like when you were learning how to ride a bike, no matter how well someone explained "balance" you didn't get it until the moment you experienced it. I used to worry about maybe resenting "giving up" stuff or the way my life would alter because I had a kid... all of it was absolutely nothing to give up, because my life was willingly transformed in the moment of her birth. That still blows me away.

She's off to university in 10 weeks. It sure doesn't feel like it's been a 20 year ride. Yeah, there's been some rough patches... I've laid awake nights worrying about how to handle something or how I can help her get out of her own way. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. It would seem somehow less significant. I have learned so much about life and love being her mum. I never did get the hang of kidspeak but we sure had fascinating conversations and I've done so many things I would never have done without her. Gosh, she is so different than I am it has been fascinating to see the world thru her eyes. I learned how to throw a ball, do the nine timestables with my fingers and fell in love all over again with hockey. **grins**

The best thing I have ever done in my life is be this extraordinary person's support. I have had successes in my life - climbed the corporate ladder, achieved what I set out to, travelled a bunch, but yanno, as important as I once thought all that was, the thing that really matters to me, the thing I am most proud of is being her mum. It was the toughest job I have ever done and absolutely no contest, the most fulfilling and rewarding.
 Brissy1985
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 29
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:18:19 AM
I defintely want kids one day. I don't know why, but I know I do for sure. I could be an idiot. lol
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/24/2012 8:43:56 AM
Do a google search for "childfree by choice." You'll find a lot of people that are in your same situation, and I would say that they're all pretty happy about their decisions.
 errant71
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 31
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:59:38 PM
Not everyone should have children some just do not have the same nurturing feelings


... or some may extend those same nurturing feelings to someone other than a child ...
 Rheostatic
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 32
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:04:48 PM
Just turned 30 and would LOVE to have kids. Of course, I need a date first...
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 7/22/2014 5:23:45 PM
I don't have any fields for them to plow.

In an ideal world, my princess is childless (and wants to remain that way).

I could be a step-dad, but there is nothing about being a biological father that appeals to me.
 dichoTommy
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Fellow men, have you felt this way also??
Posted: 7/23/2014 5:11:18 AM

I could be a step-dad, but there is nothing about being a biological father that appeals to me.

Aside from, I would imagine, those acts which can lead to procreation?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Fellow men, have you felt this way also??