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 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 2
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Longest Relationship.Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
"Do you value the length of previous relationships a person has had? "

I feel that if someone is in their mid 40's and beyond, and they have had one year or less in a relationship, Red BANNERS, not Flags, are waving.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 3
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:00:57 PM
I do look at it but it's not a deciding factor in anything.

For example, if someone in their 50's has their longest relationship details as 'less then a year' I would certainly wonder about how that happened.

I don't give a stuff what people evaluate me on ! LOL. They are either interested or they are not.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:10:26 PM
It's yet another of those things that might or might not have meaning, and even then, only in association with other things.

I first have to assume that the person filled it in accurately, of course. If someone my age, claims that their longest relationship was only 6 months, and the rest of the profile seems to indicate support for that, then I wouldn't expect them to also claim to be "looking for long term" anything. If they do, then I could suspect, at least, that they intentionally move from person to person.

If someone says their longest was measured in many years or decades, then I would have more confidence that they were also serious if they said they were seeking long term.

But as I said at the top, I always try to keep in mind that anyone might have a different idea than I do about what any of those designations mean, and that they might have misinterpreted it the day they filled it in.
 OzzGirl22
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 7
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:12:00 PM
I always looked at this and took it into consideration.

I think it depends on the age group.... but if they were around my age (48) and never been in a long term relationship it would raise a ref flag for me. I also took into consideration how long it had been since their divorce. If it was more that 10 years there was usually a good reason why they are still single....

Realistic? For me it was.
 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 8
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Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:15:22 PM
" Just trying to learn from other women's experiences--wish I had been this smart 3 years ago."

But now you are at least 3 years smarter : )

OP, mine nearly included Marriage. There apparently is no box for that combination.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 9
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:24:41 PM

I'm curious about your perceptions and opinions of the mighty mandatory profile tick box that is...Longest Relationship.

Do you value the length of previous relationships a person has had?

I'm more interested in the length of time that someone has been OUT of their last relationship.

Is it realistic to do that?

It's very likely realistic to many. What is "realistic" though? That's pretty subjective.

Is it a factor in your decision making processes?

If someone has never been married, I do want to know if they've lived long-term with someone in a relationship. I don't think I'd do well with someone who has never lived day to day, day in day out, with someone they were romantically/emotionally/mentally/physically attached to. We'd be of two different mind-sets on that note.

Are you happy being evaluated upon the length of past relationships yourself?

I don't really like being "evaluated" at all, but since it's common, I figure someone might as well judge me based upon the length of my past relationships. They're going to judge me for all sorts of other stuff, so might as well add this to the list. JMO
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 11
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:37:21 PM
I think if a guy is mature and he has not had a relationship over a year, red flags would be fluttering a bit.
It would be a factor if other things were also not right. He may have been in a monas tery or worse, gaol
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 13
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:45:10 PM

Do you value the length of previous relationships a person has had?


Actually, I am a contrarian on this. The shorter the better.


Is it realistic to do that?


Unless one is a mindreader, no, it's not realistic.
There are way too many variables that affect relationships, and so one would have to know at least some of the details to be able to pass reasonable or definitive judgment on who should have had what kind, and length of relationships at any given age.


Is it a factor in your decision making processes?


Not really.



Are you happy being evaluated upon the length of past relationships yourself?


No.
 Palejewel
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 15
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:52:19 PM
I gather you are asking this question as yours is extremely low?


Do you value the length of previous relationships a person has had?


Absolutely!
As a person ages, and they show a low length of time in relationship mode it puts forth a red flag.
Why couldn't they maintain a relationship?
What was the issue?
I'm only 29, so for me 3 years shows that I can maintain a relationship, and took a fair amount of my younger years to enjoy my freedom.


Is it realistic to do that?


Sure it is.


Is it a factor in your decision making processes?


Your darn right it is.


Are you happy being evaluated upon the length of past relationships yourself?


I am, but I am sure you're not.
It's likely biting you in the ass.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 18
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 2:59:12 PM



Actually, I am a contrarian on this. The shorter the better.

and


No.

May I ask why?


Over the years, I have heard way too many stories from women who were in long-term unhappy and'or abusive relationships. I think they would have been better served not to have been in those relationships at all, or to have terminated them long before they actually did. To quote one divorced woman I met once, "I was married for 30 years, and that was 25 years longer than I should have been."

Since new people don't know me, I prefer that they not assume things about me based on their own generalizations. Like I said, there are too many variables that affect relationships for one to make a reasonable and definitive judgment as to who should have had what kind and length of relationships without knowing at least some of the details.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 24
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 3:46:58 PM
Do you value the length of previous relationships a person has had?

Not really.

Is it realistic to do that?

Probably not.

Is it a factor in your decision making processes?

No, but it might have been a factor in my expectations. If a woman had never had a relationship lasting longer than a year, I might have expected her to be more difficult to get along with and not likely to be big on making committments, but that wouldn't have really been a negative, per se. It wouldn't have made me assume she wasn't capable of making a committment, either, so I wouldn't have ruled her out for any possibility. Doing so would have been no better than assuming someone was interested in committing just because her longest relationship was over 10 years.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 26
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 3:56:30 PM
I've never liked that box. Some people WILL dismiss you based on it and it really isn't fair. What does it mean, anyway? A number doesn't tell you anything.... there are people who have been in long term relationships that have been completely dysfunctional right from the beginning with all kinds of cheating and abuse going on... and they lasted 30 years.

On the other hand, putting a low number in that box might be a good way to weed out all the people who see red flags in everything....
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 29
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 4:06:14 PM
It is one factor. I am looking for a long term relationship, so if the lady is approaching or past 40 and her longest relationship is one year I would question whether she is able to commit. That will not necessarily be the determining factor, but it could tip the balance if other factors point to something short term.

And even though my 18 years is far shorter than either set of grandparents, my parents, or any of my three sisters, I have no problem being evaluated based upon length of past relationships.
 OutofControlMan
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 31
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 4:17:16 PM

I feel that if someone is in their mid 40's and beyond, and they have had one year or less in a relationship, Red BANNERS, not Flags, are waving.


and most would quite likely realize that, and can lie on that answer as easily as on any other...
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 35
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 4:39:02 PM
You're always going to be taking a risk with whoever it is... there's no way to minimize that. Someone who has never had a long-term relationship MAY be someone who can't commit... but you can't just assume that. And you can't assume someone's long term relationship was a good one and that they are good at commitment..(have learned how to earn love and trust and respect) as one other poster said.... how do YOU know what went on inside that relationship?

No-one is a guarantee and we can't arm ourselves against disappointment.
 PamiOakley
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 36
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 4:48:29 PM
I do look at the length of time and take it into consideration. However, on another thread related to this subject someone brought up "how long it's been SINCE they've been in a long-term relationship" could be more important. That struck a cord with me because while my longest relationship was 23 years, and my last marriage lasted almost 10, I have not been in a relationship that's lasted longer than 6 months since 2003!!!! Granted... there were quite a few years between then and now that I did not date, or seek out potential partners at all. But still, the suggestion made me think about the value of the question in the first place.
 Palejewel
Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 38
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 4:56:57 PM


I gather you are asking this question as yours is extremely low?


I'm asking because I'm curious about the way people think.


Well you're getting your answers.
Many who have low years on their profiles agree that it really makes no difference and should not be judged.
Then the ones who have time will tell you that it is of importance.
I believe it's obvious to figure out.



I'm only 29, so for me 3 years shows that I can maintain a relationship, and took a fair amount of my younger years to enjoy my freedom.


Why does three years in particular show that?


It shows I have no fear of commitment.
I don't walk/run when something doesn't suit me, I stay and try to find a solution.
May not have been the right man for me at the time, but I learned what it was like to be in a committed relationship.




I am, but I am sure you're not.
It's likely biting you in the ass.


Why are you sure about that?


I'm not, just an educated guess.
I think you have been asked this by some potential suitors, and this is why you are puzzling over it.
Otherwise, why would you care?
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 41
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 5:11:38 PM
msg 12............"guys have no interest in me"

With those curves of yours....?.......I find that very hard to believe.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 42
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:00:03 PM
""How long does it take the infatuation to fade from a relationship? One to three years, maybe?
And you can't be sure of your love until the infatuation fades, right?
What does this say about people who've only had short term relationships?"

It takes me a long, long time to get over someone... My last was a short term relationship that lasted less than a year... and by some people's standards wasn't long enough to deserve the title of "relationship" at all. Nevertheless it meant something to me.... and it took me a year and a half to get over it completely. Also, I stayed single until then... there's no jumping from one person to another for me regardless of the length of time I'm with someone. You can't assume short term relationships means someone has had "lots" of them or that they aren't capable of bonding with someone emotionally. We are all individuals and we are all different.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 44
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:04:50 PM
Overly judgemental people on here with unrealistic expectations again.

People who use poor judgment and make unwarranted inferences suffer from their own choices, so I'm not sure why you would care if people make poor judgments. In all likelyhood, a person who makes poor judgments about dating probably makes poor judgments in all walks of life and wouldn't be a good candidate for a partner, anyway. If you get passed over by someone for the way you answered that question, then assuming you answered it honestly, you ought to be happy the person overlooked you whether or nt the person was right or wrong in reasoning that you weren't a good bet. Stupidity is generally punished by repeated failure.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 45
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:09:05 PM
I don't read what other people answered. I don't even know what my answer is. The longest relationship isn't going to decide a personality
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 47
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 6:36:19 PM
I wouldn't automatically dismiss someone based on just this one question alone. Nevertheless, if he were in my age range and had never been married, or if he had his longest relationship listed as five years or less---coupled with listing his intent as "wants to date but nothing serious", then yes, the thought might cross my mind that he could possibly have some issues with commitment.

Depending on how attractive the rest of his profile seemed to me, I might investigate further---however, if I noticed too many inconsistencies in his profile or got the sense that he was being deceptive in any way, I would take a pass. No matter how ridiculous or intrusive the questions might seem, I think one should answer them honestly.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 51
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 7:47:08 PM
This is one of those questions that I don't think belongs on a profile. It's none of POF's business and it should be of no concern to anyone wishing to meet up. I can't think of a single woman I've dated that I knew how long her longest relationship was before our first date, or vice versa. Sure, it was discussed eventually, but only after we had already become close.
 wick61
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 52
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 8:11:41 PM
I think it depends on your age, and what you are looking for in a relation

I am 50, I am looking for a long term relation, and yes I do look at how long their longest relationship has been. Lets face it, if you are in your late 40's early 50's and your longest relation has been under 5 years, chances are there are issues going on, and long term isnt in your cards
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 53
Longest Relationship.
Posted: 4/23/2012 10:20:48 PM
""am 50, I am looking for a long term relation, and yes I do look at how long their longest relationship has been. Lets face it, if you are in your late 40's early 50's and your longest relation has been under 5 years, chances are there are issues going on, and long term isnt in your cards""

That "long-term-relationship" is equated with whats stable, healthy, and good, while "short-term-relationships" are equated with unstable, unhealthy, and bad is one of those myths that have been around so long no-one even thinks to question it. People nowadays mostly agree that it's okay to be single and never to marry, but it seems there's a condition to that, too...you still have to have had a least one long term relationship at some point in your life to be considered normal.

People in long term relationships don't have issues? They're all healthy and happy and successful? Not even close. Unhealthy, dysfunctional people regularly pair up and become unhealthy and dysfunctional together. How many people are really happy in their relationships? How much abuse is going on behind closed doors?....Half of all men and women are having AFFAIRS... or more than half... or whatever the statistics are...and it can and does go on for years... but still, you are not considered normal and healthy UNLESS you're in a long term relationship or are married. Then you get get credited for it automatically. I mean really, this antiquated notion should have died out with the dinosaurs.

If any of it were true, it would mean we would have all come from happy homes to boot...
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